Favouritism
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Glad to stumble upon this thread. I have the exact same issue as Angelight.
I used to be very friendly, visited in-laws every Sunday, and tried to chat till I saw the difference in treatment when both her fave son’s wife and I got pregnant at the same time. Now I just act cold when they visit and dun even bother to visit her unless necessary. Already told DH to tell his mom to stay with her fave son next time. I will only stay with my own parents coz they were the only ones who helped me look after my babies when i needed help. Where was she?
DS asked me yesterday who was my fave child. I told him matter-of-factly, the one who treats me the best will be my fave. I will never be like my MIL or my grandma who show favoritism to people who don’t even want to take care of them. Warped minds they have. -
UncleLim:
More favour is shown to the prodigal son/daughter.
This is oh so true! I wonder what's the reason... they are afraid that if they don't show that extra love, the prodigal child will leave them? So we the good children are taken for granted?
That's why I have changed my attitude and now show them the same bochap behaviour as the prodigal child. -
i try very hard to balance out between the two of them but sometimes it’s hard. the naughty one is worrying the obedient one is heartwarming. Now i understand what my mother means when she told me she will worry abt me no matter how old i am just because i am her child hahas.
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DD is more rebellious compared to DS and often lands herself in trouble or getting on my nerves. DH interprets this as me favoring DS more and is less tolerant of DD. It hurts me more when he makes such sweeping statements in front of the kids, which I find unfair to me, and which I fear would result in the kids having prejudice of me. Usually, I’d already be very stressed when trying to get DD to behave herself, and the unfair comments coming from DH would easily crumble me. After telling DH how I feel, he would try to hold himself back, but I don’t think it did anything to change his opinion of me. I would have to put in extra efforts to explain to the kids, together, and one to one, how I feel and why I did what I did…s-t-ress leh…
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Hi all
How do you deal with this issue? I oso love my son more than my daughter and i m so worried she will resent me… -
worried_mummy02:
Love is not just feelings, it's more about actions. If you consistently do your best for both children, they will understand that you love them both. What is best for each child is not always the same, and this is something you have to explain to your children, in ways they can understand, as they grow up.Hi all
How do you deal with this issue? I oso love my son more than my daughter and i m so worried she will resent me..
I have 2 very different girls. The older one has some learning needs, and I spent (and still spend) a lot more time watching over her, coaching and guiding. I have left my younger one to manage pretty much on her own, with much less supervision than her sister in Pr school, and virtually none after that. I have explained to my younger girl that her sister needs more of my attention in that way, and she understands. In fact, the older one probably wishes I wouldn't supervise her so strictly! On the other hand, I spend much more time listening to and talking to my younger one as she is chatty and we are interested in many of the same things, while my older one is quiet and likes to be left to do her own thing. But I still try to talk to her enough to get to know and understand her current interests. I don't think either thinks I love the other better, but they know I don't treat them the same. -
hi slmkhoo,
i’m facing the same situation as you.
older one is mature and able to cope well with his studies. when he entered sec 1, I felt I could leave him to plan own schedule…which he handled very well. my younger one has a learning disability and till now, she has problems coping with 7 subjects. my older one didn’t understand why his sister couldn’t understand concepts and required frequent revision…but he knows I am not bias towards her. after explaining her medical condition sans her absence, he helps me coach her for humanities subjects.
they are both my kids. discipline wise, I mete out the same punishment.
but both know I don’t play favouritism. -
worried_mummy02:
Worried_mummy02, I just saw in another thread that you are expecting your daughter soon? She’s not even born yet! How do you know you love your son more than her? Give her a chance!Hi all
How do you deal with this issue? I oso love my son more than my daughter and i m so worried she will resent me.. -
Attolia:
Attolia is right.
Worried_mummy02, I just saw in another thread that you are expecting your daughter soon? She’s not even born yet! How do you know you love your son more than her? Give her a chance!worried_mummy02:
Hi all
How do you deal with this issue? I oso love my son more than my daughter and i m so worried she will resent me..
On the other hand, worried_mummy may need to explore her feelings surrounding girls and being a girl. Perhaps worried_mummy did not have a good relationship with her own mother and therefore worries about being a mother to a girl herself? Self-awareness is the first step. Worried_mummy, my suggestion is to talk it over with a trusted friend, and it is likely that you will have to explore where these feelings come from. You can also look for positive models of mother-daughter relationships to emulate.
Perhaps slmkhoo and janet can also give some examples of how they interact with their daughters when young. -
my daughter came unexpectedly…although we didn’t avoid having #2.
son is born with cleft lip and palate, so I guess you understand my concerns when it was confirmed I will having #2.
I was bias towards my son because of his condition. when daughter arrived, we engaged a maid. my parents still continued to bring him out as usual (almost 5 years difference). maid was very hands on with daughter, bathed and fed her with expressed milk. we involved son in just about everything to make sure he didn’t feel left out.
my daughter may be petite but a real bully towards her older sibling and has her father tied around her pinky.
I mete out equal punishment.
I love them both…I am stricter with daughter but she understands.
don’t worry…mother-daughter bonding is easy to build.
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