Share your experience of first time meeting PILs
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Sun_2010, I'm a pragmatist. I am not going to lose sleep over matters like that. She is not going to change, and if I want to make an issue out of it, the only one who will be unhappy will be myself and the person caught in between will be DH. So, just work around it loh. Also cos DH is not close with his family so impact not so great.
DH 1st meeting with my family.
DH and I were co-workers so my parents have seen him before during a few of our gatherings, during x'mas, CNY and my granma's funeral. We were not dating each other then. Both of us were otherwise involved. Even during that time my parents commented that he looks like the Hkg actor, Wang Xi. I cannot see the resemblance though, well, maybe the beady eyes.
It was much later that somehow, dunno how, we kinda felt some sparks. I guess when I formally introduced him as my boyfriend, my parents heaved a huge sigh of relief. I think they were resigned to me either being a spinster or coming home one day with some rojak race guy telling them we are already married.
'This one, too independant', my Dad will comment, while shaking his head, 'scare all the guys away', he will sigh. So when they see this fella who cannot look anymore chinese, they literally welcome him with open arms.
DH on the other hand was pretty worried, cos mum is peranakan and dad is Teochew. He has heard how domineering a Nonya can be and how snobbish a teochew can be. But what he got was culinary heaven. Like MMM's DH, his waistline started expanding. And he blame me and my mum not only for his spare tyre but for killing his enjoyment of coffeeshop grade laksa, prawn noodles, Otak, etc. Nothing can compare to my mum's version. :love: -
Funz:
Gosh, you are so brave! If the same situation happened to me, I would have strike dh off immediately. If my parents objected strongly to my relationship, I would have given up too. Difficult relationships simply scare me off. I need blessings from immediate family members.MIL continued to just whisper to DH like I was invisible. She did not even look at me.
That set the tone of my relationship with my MIL.
Off topic. My relationship with MIL wasn't all smooth afterall. The trigger was I left my job to be SAHM. She felt extremely bitter that I 'snatched' her granddaughter away from her since I would be taking care of dd full time & she also felt slight injustice that I didn't share her son's burden in bringing home the bacon. She insisted I should return to work！
Got to endure nasty criticism & sarcastic remarks whenever I brought dd for visiting. Yes, I continued to visit her every week :stupid: Relationship only soured after dh and I were married so I couldn't strike him off that easily then and she's afterall his mum, 忍一时风平浪静
Fortunately, every cloud has a silver lining. A couple of years later, when more grandchildren arrived, she was too busy babysitting them to continue hating me
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sleepy:
I think PILs must learn to let go once their children got married. They must understand and accept that once married, the children's spouse should ideally be the most impt person in their children's life. Definitely not an easy thing to do, I know. I hope that when my turn comes, I can do what I preached.Off topic. My relationship with MIL wasn't all smooth afterall. The trigger was I left my job to be SAHM. She felt extremely bitter that I 'snatched' her granddaughter away from her since I would be taking care of dd full time & she also felt slight injustice that I didn't share her son's burden in bringing home the bacon. She insisted I should return to work！
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Actually in my \"fil scrutnising case\", I heard from bil subsequently that fil initally objected to our relationship because :
* I am not a graduate and he firmly subscribe to LKY's notion that a graduate must marry a graduate
* My teeth is not straight
There was a point I wanted to \"give up\" in the initial part of our relationship though I didn't know about these objections until we were married. :roll: Bil casually mentioned that to me during one of our outing.
In any case, I went on to do my degrees subsequently, also wore braces and got my crooked teeth straightened just before the wedding. Actually, alot of these were not done because of him. It just happened. Over the years, I think I've \"proven\" my value to my fil and our relationship is ok given that we stay under 1 roof.
Just a funny incident to share. The 1st time my youngest bil came to visit my pils. It was a little awkward and \"our 1st experience\" (haha as though we are there to scrutinise him too). My hubby trying to be friendly suggested watching \"Meet the parents\". I was like :!: imagine how nervous he must be still suggest that kind of show in moment like this. Both of us went to our bedroom and had a good laugh. -
markfch:
What about your experience? Generalizing a bit here, but I can imagine that meeting rich PILs can be a very stressful experience.
Hi markfch-kor,
I was about to reply to your post when I re-read your question and suddenly noticed \"RICH PILs\". :?
Urh...oh....why only rich PILs leh?
Cannot reply you liow!
How rich is rich?
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Funz:
MIL served tea, to FIL and DH but not me.
Hi Funz,
You have me for company. My MIL also will serve tea to my FIL & hubby but tells me to help myself. I can just hear her thoughts which must go something like this \"You are the DIL, don't tell me your MIL must serve you. You can go help yourself and by-the-way, you are actually suppose to be helping me serve the men.\"
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DesertWind:
Sorry DesertWind, pls share your experience too. I guessed I watched too many HK tv serials liao. The rich relatiives are always hard to get along with in those shows.markfch:
What about your experience? Generalizing a bit here, but I can imagine that meeting rich PILs can be a very stressful experience.
Hi markfch-kor,
I was about to reply to your post when I re-read your question and suddenly noticed \"RICH PILs\". :?
Urh...oh....why only rich PILs leh?
Cannot reply you liow!
How rich is rich?
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Sun_2010:
My MIL extracts revenge the other way around, she load my plate and when i protest , she says finish it, anyway there is excess food and it will be left over otherwise. Am I the eco friendly dustbin??? Sigh! :stupid:
Hi Sun_2010,
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
It was hilarious reading about this \"reverse revenge\" because my MIL did it to me too! When we first got married and were staying with her for about 6 months, she was pissed with me about something and she does the \"opposite\". She loaded my plate up with DOUBLE-PORTION of desert (even more than my FIL and hubby) and then asked very sweetly whether this was enough? Not enough please help myself somemore!
I picked up the negative vibes and was really :x :x :x .
She got her revenge and I hated her for it. Can still remember until today!
Should have dumped the whole thing into the dustbin straightaway!
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The FIRST time I met hubby’s parents, I wish I could leave immediately.
His mother has dual personality - demure and understanding in front of her 3 sons, but horns appear behind their back.
When then-boyfriend-now-hubby walked into the room, she told me to be gotta continue to work because it will be very stressful for her son to support me. Anyway, she didn’t know (doesn’t need to know) that hubby & I had agreement that I can quit working when we had kids.
Hubby still gave her the same amt every mth. -
markfch:
I think not only that, the spouse themselves need to place their partner 1st. If the spouse understands that, there is no way any PIL can interfere with their marriage.
I think PILs must learn to let go once their children got married. They must understand and accept that once married, the children's spouse should ideally be the most impt person in their children's life. Definitely not an easy thing to do, I know. I hope that when my turn comes, I can do what I preached.sleepy:
Off topic. My relationship with MIL wasn't all smooth afterall. The trigger was I left my job to be SAHM. She felt extremely bitter that I 'snatched' her granddaughter away from her since I would be taking care of dd full time & she also felt slight injustice that I didn't share her son's burden in bringing home the bacon. She insisted I should return to work！
That said, we also have to understand that both parties will still have our obligation towards our respective parents that we need to fulfill. Cannot totally disregard them just cos we have our own family now.
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