Am I a Bad Mommy?

[Chenonceau]

2ppaamm:

Come to think of it, if a student/child can come to me and innovate a new way to sweep the road (like using robots) and invent a toilet that cleans itself, then I think I would have become a successful teacher. Chinese saying, 三百六十行，行行出状元, has some truths in it. I have a student who did turn his father's garang guni business into a huge recycling company.

Ohhhhh! This reminds me of the time I tore up paper into bits and scattered them all over the room and then made my DS pick them up one by one. I needed some time to spend with DD and it was a good way to get him outta our hair.

He did that twice and I had 30 minutes of peace each time. The 3rd time, he came back after 5 minutes. He had, it turned out, figured out the use of the broom and the dust pan. :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[2ppaamm]

insider:

2ppaamm:

The situation in Singapore looks really quite grim from my point of view.

This is what has been on my mind all this while when I look at the way most of the people of our country are developing. It's really sad to see most younger generation, adults included, are equipped with hard knowledge but not many necessarily soft life skills.

The 'squared' people whom I always harp about...

The 'squared' people who can see only one way to do things with pathetic tunnel vision...

The 'squared' people whom I would avoid at all cost for my kids to turn up to be...

What happened to my country???

PS:
I have a contractor friend who is doing quite well in his business. His son currently is in the NS and he told me few days back that son will be going overseas for studies after his NS.

I asked, \"Pang, do you know whether your son know how to change a light bulb?\"

Pang replied, \"Emmm, I haven't noticed he ever changes once. Anyway, his mum will not allow him to climb the ladder to do such things. He may fall from the ladder.\"

I said, \"Wa, you are a contractor and you mean your son so big oredi still doesn't know how to change a light bulb?\"

Pang said, \"Not necessary to know wat. He doesn't need to know how to do that for his studies.\"

kekeke... So typical 'strawberry mentality'. All light bulbs in my house are under the care of my son. Not that I 'black heart'. He falls better than my husband or I fall!

You know, your story about Pang is the same I saw as well which saddens me. I remember 2 contractors who were in the exact same situation. Fathers slogged like mad and the late teen boys just sat in the truck, waited for fathers to work and then hand out pocket money, papas then bought food for them (didn't even bother buy food for poor father) and didn't lift a finger to help. So sad.

Like many in my generation, I didn't come from a rich family. When I was young, as young as 8 years old, I had to help in the stall, I remember my mom nearly chopped off my hand while I was getting change for a customer. To this day, I still have that nightmare about that incident.

It is because I went through really hard times trying to make ends meet for myself that I believe I became really strong and financially smart. I became good at maths as well, because we had to calculate change since really young, we became physically strong as I had to carry 24 kg (my own weight) of goods to sell every day. I became really good at bargaining and knew how to sweet talk aunties. I also became fluent in Malay, Hokkien and Cantonese. I could sew clothes because mum had no time and I had no money to buy, I could cook meals for myself and I could iron all my clothes since 7. Compared to my more affluent friends, I was much more 'able', because I was poorer. By the time I reached 15, I was giving tuition and earning close to $2K a month because I was choosy who I taught. I chose rich kids just a few years younger to teach, and I invest time to teach them baking, played badminton with them, and brought my charges to cut their hair! I knew how to build my own core competencies, and differentiate myself. All these, so that I could put myself through uni. Through all these, I managed to complete a terminal degree.

Often, I believe that it because we were less privileged than our peers that made us more matured and driven. No tuition, so we studied harder, no parents who could plan, so we had to plan myself how far we wanted to go with our own studies. I applied for my own scholarships, and earned enough to buy my own house and own car.

I worry for our next generation, and that's what I meant by 'soft'. Compared to us, our generation is soft, even the ones from the poorer families, whom I believe should actually have an edge. I am kinda sad for Singaporeans, yet, I know I cannot change much. My friend reminded me that people who try to help and change often die in the hands of those they wish to reform. A timely reminder. I told her I will try anyway.

[2ppaamm]

repeat post oops!

[Pangyx]

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.

Harold S.Hubert

[2ppaamm]

Exclusif:

No one was born to be a Good mummy, but all mummies are constantly learning to be good mummies. No one was born to be a Good teacher, but sad to say, not many teachers are learning to be good ones these days. Is MOE paying them too much?

Hm... I like your post! To some extent, I agree. There's no incentive to learn to be a good teacher, but lots of good incentives to be a good mummy. However, I think not all teachers are like that, just that there just too few good ones. Also, there are some bad mummies also, just that those are minorities.

I don't think MOE pays them too much. I think MOE pays teachers too little, and therefore there are too few good quality teachers. What happened to all our nice reserves raised from the expensive COEs, taxes, etc? Might be better to invest in good teachers, pay them well, even recruit experts from overseas. Aren't these better jobs than those created by the IRs? Unfortunately, the latter produces faster results that the government can boast of. Education is just too long a journey to take. Easier to just get the best human resources by giving out PRs or citizenships. If you can't raise them, buy them. Clever leaders.

[atutor2001]

Exclusif:

No one was born to be a Good mummy, but all mummies are constantly learning to be good mummies. No one was born to be a Good teacher, but sad to say, not many teachers are learning to be good ones these days. Is MOE paying them too much?

I think the school system coupled with many unreasonable parents are chasing away the good teachers. For example, when they are faced with problematic students, instead of getting help from the parents, principals or MOE, they get complaints and were black marked.

What we have left are mostly those who treat teaching as just another job to earn a pay. There is no motivation or passion in teaching. The KPI-linked pay structure adds to the evil. It becomes a motivation to these mercenaries to improve their KPIs, doing silly stuff and \"wayanging\" all the way, so as to be seen as being active and enthusiastic. In the process, useful resources are wasted, all at the expense of the students' education.

Sadly, this has become a vicious cycle. It gives a bad name to teaching and makes it even more difficult to attract the qualified and talented . It reinforced the myth that \"those who can't teach\". As a result, whenever something is wrong in the performance of the students, the fingers are pointed at the teachers.

I think the only way out is to start with the parents. Perhaps there should be courses to teach young parents on how to teach their pre-school toddlers on social behaviours, time management - in summary discipline. I have seen many parents forgiving their kids misbehaviour or laziness with the excuse that \"they are still young\". It is true that some kids will mature as they grow but unfortunately most don't and will have graduated into young notorious \"creature\" by primary school age. Over the years, I learnt and realised that kids must learn discipline from the moment they are born. Many will not agree but that is still my belief and I have been telling my kids to take note of that when they have their own children.

PS (just being in a crazy mood today )

[metz]

Hi Insider & Ksi,


It's very difficult not to 'scare' myself when reading the posts here. Both of you are very right as in I should assess more critically if those issues apply to my kids. Perhaps it’s because we were never in the rat race, that's why I am feeling apprehensive now that we'll be moving back to Singapore for good next year. No more escaping from reality…

智者无惧、
庸人自扰...

I'll definitely remember these eight meaningful words.

Thanks!

[metz]

Chenonceau:

That's what I thought too when we went away - that my kids would find the system too stressful when they came back. However, the hours of bonding and the many life lessons they absorbed as they went through their days like my shadows forged strong family relationships and engendered deep interests in many areas of knowledge. This actually makes them more resilient to stress. As for long hours at school, my kids aren't allowed to attend supplementary classes of any sort... so you see, parents can choose.

It's worth it to stay outside Singapore for a couple of years and know what it feels like to spend only 2 hours a day studying, and another 5 hours trying to find the swan's nest. Or try in vain to incubate a cracked robin's egg that the cat left on the floor after raiding the nest.

DD climbed all sorts of trees (she loves climbing)... to the point that DS' first drawing in school art class featured his sister in a tree. We fished for our table... to the point that DS eyed the pomfret I had bought for dinner back in Singapore and commented encouragingly \"Good job! Whoever caught that big fish did a good job!\"

I think it'll kinda sort itself out.

Hi Chenonceau,

You are the second mommy that I know who would fight for her child not to attend supplementary classes. But you ladies' acts have given me courage to put my kids' well being in the first place, even if I have to challenge the norm. :salute:

Life outside Singapore indeed is enjoyable. The robins are back again for feeding now that the weather is turning colder. And we are blessed to have an animal lover as our neighbour. My kids played with her dogs, hedgehog and we even watched little ducklings grow up into ducks! The kids go picking myrtilles in Summer, watch the leaves change colours in Autumn, skiing in Winter, and enjoy signs of new life in Spring. This is how my son described his time spent here – “Eat, drink and make merry!\".

Now that our return date is getting closer, I can't help but worry if my kids could fit comfortably into the system. Indeed, I hope those hours of bonding will see us through the difficult times. Quoting your words - I think it'll kinda sort itself out, I'm keeping my :xedfingers:.

PS: We spent more than a couple of years outside Sg. By next year, my son would have spent 2/3 of his time outside Sg. His Chinese really :slapshead: !

[metz]

2ppaamm:

It is not a lousy mom not to send a child to enrichment classes, or to deprive a kid of a rat race. It takes energy, drive, planning and a lot of patience to teach a 5 year old to prepare his own breakfast or vacuum the floor! Most of our Singaporean kids are too comfortable, spoilt or busy to do those 'trivial' but vital things. They have to study. For that, Chamonix, I :salute:

Thanks for the comforting words, 2ppaamm! Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm being \"bad\" to expect my kids help out at a young age. But I suppose having made a collective decision to have no external help, it's only fair everybody chips in to help out. I must confess - if anybody tells me that I should let my kids help out with the chores 4 years ago, I would go :yikes:. But now I believe we should have more trust in our little ones' capabilities.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. So, even though I know that enrichment classes aren't necessary, there's always this gnawing doubt that they might learn more if they had a chance to try out some classes. But I guess that's kiasuism at work.

[Sun_2010]

chamonix:

2ppaamm:

It is not a lousy mom not to send a child to enrichment classes, or to deprive a kid of a rat race. It takes energy, drive, planning and a lot of patience to teach a 5 year old to prepare his own breakfast or vacuum the floor! Most of our Singaporean kids are too comfortable, spoilt or busy to do those 'trivial' but vital things. They have to study. For that, Chamonix, I :salute:

Thanks for the comforting words, 2ppaamm! Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm being \"bad\" to expect my kids help out at a young age. But I suppose having made a collective decision to have no external help, it's only fair everybody chips in to help out. I must confess - if anybody tells me that I should let my kids help out with the chores 4 years ago, I would go :yikes:. But now I believe we should have more trust in our little ones' capabilities.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. So, even though I know that enrichment classes aren't necessary, there's always this gnawing doubt that they might learn more if they had a chance to try out some classes. But I guess that's kiasuism at work.

And here i am thinking I am a baaad mommy since i dont give enough chores to my kids. For someone, who would get her 18 month olds to measure and wash rice for cooking, I have been slacking - precisely for reasons ( ok excure) that 2ppaamm mentions '\"no time\".

Its pretty easy to bring the toddlersto help out - they are so eager to learn and so full of energy. Its when they become bigger that it becomes chore