In-law problems?

[janet88]

AdonciaTang:

I look forward to CNY too. I actually love it. But I just cant stand my SIL who loves to pour oil to the fire. During CNY, she will make sure everyone saw her daughter and praise her. But the moment someone says to my son, \"wah, so tall and good looking now ah\", she gets jealous immediately. I wish there is someone to knock some senses into her.

:siao:
I look forward to the fun and noise at MY grandmother's place. It is only once a year we get together...cousins and relatives.
Son just complained having to see paternal grandmother and answer her numerous '我是谁' questions again. Told him to full charge his mobile phone :censored:

[SarChar]

AdonciaTang:

I look forward to CNY too. I actually love it. But I just cant stand my SIL who loves to pour oil to the fire. During CNY, she will make sure everyone saw her daughter and praise her. But the moment someone says to my son, \"wah, so tall and good looking now ah\", she gets jealous immediately. I wish there is someone to knock some senses into her.

It is not difficult to know why people are jealous when you have prettier/more handsome looking children.

Once someone (not my SILs) told me DD2 at her 1 yr old party, looked like my MIL! Such a thoughtless remark, My MIL was almost 70 yrs old then!

Another person saw DD1 when she was a few months said \" when a baby is pretty as shie is now, more likely she will not be pretty when she is older.... \"

Hello, excuse me...do i know you well? :mad:

[Desserts]

FIFi, same here, psle won’t be history for the out laws. It will be a topic of discussion, and comparison with the San gu Liu po s children. Sianz…

If we don’t visit the San gu liu pors during CNy, it’ll be another fight with mil.
All the short trips are so ex now, we should have booked earlier

Sarchar, wow, your dh s family is so large, your mil nice?

[MMM]

SarChar:

I married a man with 5 brothers and 7 sisters. So I actually have 12 SILs and 1 MIL. CNY and Xmas are big gathering events plus MIL birthdays and Mother's Day. Other than that, we do not meet every weekend because it means a dinner for 50 people.


When I first dated DH, my mum was very concerned about his big family.

But after reading your stories, I realise I have been lucky that we have each other to depend on....someone to pay for MIL kitchen renovation $14K, we paid the fridge $1K+, someone else got her another new TV.....

Even a specialist visit at hospital had 3 sons and 2 daughters cramped in the room with my MIL. The doc was really amazed. But he didnt know there were 3 other sons and 5 daughters who didnt make it.

I learn early not to take offence of what my SILs said. Most are educated SAHM. When I had my 2nd daughter, a SIL asked me why another girl in the family...I went home and cried...It was much later that I realised that there was a straight 6 babies all girls born 1 after another. I was just a bit more sensitive.

Actually we all (everyone I hope) look forward to CNY. With 22 children between us, it is an event we look forward to every year!

Wow that is a big family

I am the only child but dh has 4 sisters. As pils are staying with us, we meet at least once a month. We actually look forward to those gatherings. During school hols, we would try to organise trips/ outings together. I suppose it shows that we are comfortable with each other. Fortunately my 4 sils are reasonable and easy going people. They very much \"mind their own business\".

My relationship with mil is normal. Though we live under the same roof, seldom communicate unless there is a need to... Mil appears to outsiders as \"easy going\" but ha... I don't think she is that easy going but nevertheless, I just kept that distance. Prefer to have a relationship that we still respect each other than hate each other.... I don't think I am the ideal dil as I probably don't talk to them that much but definitely not the unfilial type. My parents stayed over at our place when pils and us were away (diff hols) recently. Mum related that the 1st thing mil came home (even before settling down) was to check the fridge as though worried that my mum used up the ingredients??? I actually gave mum extra $ when they stayed over so she can do marketing, etc... I told mum before I was married that though mil seems easy going, I don't think she is. After this and other incidents, mum shared the same view but I told mum to ignore and don't be so sensitive.

Our old maids would share with mum that mil is quite a good actress. Mil will not do housework. When the kids are home with her, she left them 100% to the maid. The maid related to mum that as the kids were toddlers at that time and very active (my 1st two are only 1 year apart), she still has to cook, etc.... mil will not help to look after the kids while maid is cooking. But if she hear our footsteps, she will quickly get off her favorite reclining chair and then pretend to be minding the kids... probably showing to dh that she helps out.

We recently had some challenges with the new maid and it appeared that mil has been carrying tales to fil who ended up scolding the maid....fil is the loud type and super naggy (luckily not to me). dh commented to me that ...even my mum is so easy going cannot tahan... maid must have problem. I just said to him... your mum is easy going??? He said don't you think so? I just said I have no comments. He turned to our eldest child and asked the same. dd said don't think so but also don't want to elaborate. I rationalise with him though our new maid is not perfect but from housework perspective, she is very efficient. The objective of the maid is to help out with housework. From that perspective, she has met her objective. So all these conflicts doesn't warrant sending her back to agency. It is not easy to get a new maid especially one who can tahan fil's nagging. They used to complain about my old maid but now she is gone, they think she is good. Anyway there is no guarantee the next will be good. So dh ended up counselling maid and fil. Peace for now.... :xedfingers:

It was funny as one of my aunties (father's sister) helped us to rent out our old place. Through it, she came in contact with fil. Fil is a nice man but the way he speaks easily pissed people off maybe the suspicion tone.... But I feel that he is real. My auntie went back to tell another auntie that it's amazing that I can live under the same roof as fil... I think I need to count my blessings while fil will scold maid, dh and mil. He speaks to me politely. I heard from bil that he once objected my relationship with dh as I wasn't a graduate at that point but he gave in subsequently. I recalled that 2 years back, fil was hospitalised (he is the health conscious type and look like late 60's though he is hitting 80's), he had to undergo a ops. All of us rushed down. Probably 1st of such incident since I was married into the family. Privately I was tearing and felt really worried and sad. So yes, fil has a place in my heart. I feel that my dh is probably the key contributing factor for our amicable relationship.

Pils have 10 grandchildren (including ours). They are close since they meet at least once a month. I am fairly close to my nieces and nephews with eldest going to NS soon while the youngest still in preschool.

Being the only child, I feel that I now have extended family. My parents would also join us during outings etc.. so they are familiar with my sils.

[AdonciaTang]

SarChar:

AdonciaTang:

I look forward to CNY too. I actually love it. But I just cant stand my SIL who loves to pour oil to the fire. During CNY, she will make sure everyone saw her daughter and praise her. But the moment someone says to my son, \"wah, so tall and good looking now ah\", she gets jealous immediately. I wish there is someone to knock some senses into her.

It is not difficult to know why people are jealous when you have prettier/more handsome looking children.

Once someone (not my SILs) told me DD2 at her 1 yr old party, looked like my MIL! Such a thoughtless remark, My MIL was almost 70 yrs old then!

Another person saw DD1 when she was a few months said \" when a baby is pretty as shie is now, more likely she will not be pretty when she is older.... \"

Hello, excuse me...do i know you well? :mad:

Thats rude! I have heard of such remarks before too. I was totally pissed. They have no idea what they are talking.

[cherrygal]

I know I am the sensitive type and MIL/FIL/BIL are the insensitive type. So I avoid them at all costs and only visit during CNY. Even our reunion dinners are super quiet coz I don’t wish to invite trouble by starting any conversations. Super stressed about CNY already… haiz

[fifiyeo]

SarChar:

AdonciaTang:

I look forward to CNY too. I actually love it. But I just cant stand my SIL who loves to pour oil to the fire. During CNY, she will make sure everyone saw her daughter and praise her. But the moment someone says to my son, \"wah, so tall and good looking now ah\", she gets jealous immediately. I wish there is someone to knock some senses into her.

It is not difficult to know why people are jealous when you have prettier/more handsome looking children.

Once someone (not my SILs) told me DD2 at her 1 yr old party, looked like my MIL! Such a thoughtless remark, My MIL was almost 70 yrs old then!

Another person saw DD1 when she was a few months said \" when a baby is pretty as shie is now, more likely she will not be pretty when she is older.... \"

Hello, excuse me...do i know you well? :mad:

Hahaha, when my boy was born, everyone said so handsome eyes look like mommy's. MIL quickly cut in and said looks like hers!!! It happened many times. Her own MIL (my GMIL) said she was crazy, not even her baby how to look like her! :rotflmao:

[Desserts]

My sil, bil’s wife told my dd1 that she was an ugly baby and not as pretty as my sil wor! I told hb wah, she can even talk like that, so thick skin, ha! She win liao!

[AdonciaTang]

Desserts:

My sil, bil's wife told my dd1 that she was an ugly baby and not as pretty as my sil wor! I told hb wah, she can even talk like that, so thick skin, ha! She win liao!

LOL. Tell her ugly duckling becomes a swan after that!

[SarChar]

Desserts:

FIFi, same here, psle won't be history for the out laws. It will be a topic of discussion, and comparison with the San gu Liu po s children. Sianz..

If we don't visit the San gu liu pors during CNy, it'll be another fight with mil.
All the short trips are so ex now, we should have booked earlier

Sarchar, wow, your dh s family is so large, your mil nice?

My MIL is a pleasant woman. She is coming to 80 yrs old and is a very traditional lady. She has many rules at home...not to sit on the bed in your outside clothes, tang yuan (dumplings) is only for sons' families, daughters cannot eat etc.....

Only my husband can \"scold\" her. If she refuses to eat her medicine, it is my husband who would be called to scold her. I actually think she likes me. I am very lame with her. I think it brighten her days when we talk.

She has a favorite grandchild, not my girls. I tease MIL a lot about it and she would laugh about it. Its difficult to fight for her love in this big family. But I am ok with it. :imcool: