<![CDATA[What the children are saying about......]]>Under pressure


By CHUANG BING HAN

St Joseph's Institution student Jack Khoo, 14, has not watched television or played computer games in a while - he has too many school activities for that.

Tanjong Katong Girls' School student Sharifah Nur Asifah Helmi Alaunied, 14, officially finishes school before 2pm, but gets home after 7pm every day.

The Secondary 3 student then goes to bed around midnight, after catching up on her homework.

\"It's the competition period for my CCA now. There is training every day. On top of that, I miss that sometimes because I have to go for extra classes and tuition,\" she said.

It's the same story over and over, according to a 100-strong poll conducted by IN.

More than half of the respondents felt they did not have enough time for all their extra lessons, co-curricular activities, and homework.

The result is that students say they are stressed out. One in five students said they were very stressed, or extremely stressed out. Slightly more than half said that their stress was still manageable.

All the students surveyed said they felt stressed by their studies in one way or another.

The combination of homework, CCAs, and school activities is the toughest to handle, the respondents say. It is hard to say \"no\" when people need you, said Tanjong Katong Girls' School student Heng Hui Mei, who often emcees school events, and is part of the school's newsletter team and debating society.

\"When people approach me to help out, it shows that they trust me. And I just want to do my best, and prove that I'm reliable and trustworthy,\" the Secondary 3 student said.

Other than having too much to handle, parents and teachers were fingered as sources of stress as well.

About 30 per cent of students said they were stressed by their parents' expectations.

Crescent Girls' School student Qiu Fan Yuan, 14, said her parents keep pushing her for better grades.

\"It's as if they are never satisfied with my results,\" the Secondary 3 student said. \"And they push me to go for violin classes, when I don't really like them. I have to force myself to go.\"

Another 42 per cent said it was their teachers who stressed them. Among them were Christ Church Secondary School students Fayth Foo and Jolin Ng, both 15.

Their teachers are rushing to finish the syllabus, the Secondary 4 students said, and the girls are afraid of falling behind.

The schools, however, have a different perspective. The issue, they say, is not about how long students are in school, but whether they are gaining anything there.

\"The main thing is that the students have opportunities to grow and blossom,\" said Xinmin Secondary School principal Liew Wei Li. \"More activities can mean they have more opportunities to explore their talents.

\"If students were very free, wouldn't that mean they were not using the prime time of their lives adequately?\"

Counsellors say stress can be good or bad, depending on the level of stress and the individual.

\"Students are like rubber bands. And each rubber band is unique and has differing stretching capacity,\" said counsellor Joanne Fu.

\"Stress can help to stretch them and expand their potential. However, stress beyond what they can handle may break them and do more harm than good.\"

There is no clear yardstick or formula to differentiate between constructive and unhealthy stress, counsellors say.

\"We need to have an honest conversation with a student to know what they are feeling,\" Ms Fu said. But there are some signs that show when things are wrong, she said.

These include isolating oneself, moodiness, emotional outbursts, and can get as extreme as bingeing, self-multilation, and casual sexual relationships.

But not everyone who feels the heat is complaining about it.

\"I'm packed with all these activities, and it makes me frustrated at times,\" said Jack.

\"But the stress is good for me. It keeps me focused and I think I do better this way,\" the Secondary 3 student added.

\"In the long run, it's good for me. I don't want to just study, but to learn other things as well. That's why I picked up the guitar and hockey.\"

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/10161/what-the-children-are-saying-aboutRSS for NodeFri, 17 Apr 2026 10:05:23 GMTWed, 14 Apr 2010 17:14:08 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:32:34 GMT]]>

Blobbi:
http://www.racetonowhere.com/


This is a global issue. 😞
Even sadder right especially when we know it is a race to no where??? 😒

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161425https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161425Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:32:34 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:31:37 GMT]]>

Cheval:

Quite true. My in-laws parents care about only one thing: the kids' study. They do everything to 'save' their time, such that the kids spend more time on their study, which only makes things worse. For example, I insist the kids wash their white shoes by themselves. But my in-laws just do not listen to me, thinking they are helping the kids.
How much more BORING can life get for them? *sigh*

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161424https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161424Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:31:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:18:20 GMT]]>

westmom:
You know what is my wish...? It's for school to cater enough time for our kids to finish their whatever homework and revision by Friday and leave the weekends for parents to spend quality time to bond with our kids. Nowadays we hear a lot grievances about how kids EQ are so low or behaviour so \"ungracious\" when it comes to social aspects. I guess part of the reason is that parents are just not given enough time to cultivate such values especially during their growing teen years. It's a mad rush during school days and the weekend is spent catching up on their homework or projects. Family gathering events are often skipped as a result....Sigh...

Quite true. My in-laws parents care about only one thing: the kids' study. They do everything to 'save' their time, such that the kids spend more time on their study, which only makes things worse. For example, I insist the kids wash their white shoes by themselves. But my in-laws just do not listen to me, thinking they are helping the kids.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161332https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161332Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:18:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:51:14 GMT]]>

westmom:
You know what is my wish...? It's for school to cater enough time for our kids to finish their whatever homework and revision by Friday and leave the weekends for parents to spend quality time to bond with our kids. Nowadays we hear a lot grievances about how kids EQ are so low or behaviour so \"ungracious\" when it comes to social aspects. I guess part of the reason is that parents are just not given enough time to cultivate such values especially during their growing teen years. It's a mad rush during school days and the weekend is spent catching up on their homework or projects. Family gathering events are often skipped as a result....Sigh...

Good and valid point. :celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161308https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161308Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:51:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:41:32 GMT]]>

ks2me:
Firstly, the fact is there is really no such luxury of time...activities are quite packed for most children.


Secondly, book-worm kids typically are curious kids, they won't stop at books alone...but will explore other things if given the time like games etc......unstructured things.
You know what is my wish...? It's for school to cater enough time for our kids to finish their whatever homework and revision by Friday and leave the weekends for parents to spend quality time to bond with our kids. Nowadays we hear a lot grievances about how kids EQ are so low or behaviour so \"ungracious\" when it comes to social aspects. I guess part of the reason is that parents are just not given enough time to cultivate such values especially during their growing teen years. It's a mad rush during school days and the weekend is spent catching up on their homework or projects. Family gathering events are often skipped as a result....Sigh...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161303https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161303Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:41:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 11:24:48 GMT]]>http://www.racetonowhere.com/


This is a global issue. 😞

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161260https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161260Thu, 15 Apr 2010 11:24:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:08:44 GMT]]>

Cheval:
The point I wanted to get out of this example is not about scholarship and bond breaking etc., but how come someone who followed perfectly the current system does not know his own interest, except that becoming a (elite) bureaucrat is not what he wants?

ya i know, that's why i mentioned 'OT' ma...'Off Topic' πŸ˜‰ :oops:
maybe cos he knows that he cannot follow rules, that is why being a (elite) bureaucrat is out of his careerpath planning cos of the perceived rigidity in the system.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161179https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161179Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:08:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:04:14 GMT]]>

jedamum:
OT, but while i applaud his decision to turn down the offer due to the mismatch in career outlook, i do not concur with his argument that bond-breaking is acceptable. if you can't serve the bond, don't take the offer. these are all taxpayer's sweat money for you to serve SG and if you can afford it in the first place, give it up for the next deserving applicant who may need that tuition paid in order to fulfil their dreams.

The point I wanted to get out of this example is not about scholarship and bond breaking etc., but how come someone who followed perfectly the current system does not know his own interest, except that becoming a (elite) bureaucrat is not what he wants?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161168https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161168Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:04:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:55:48 GMT]]>

ks2me:
So is this supposed to be good or bad? :?

To me, it's bad.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161160https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161160Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:55:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:50:44 GMT]]>

Cheval:

Still another example, a boy who turned down a PSC scholarship. He explained very well why.
http://www.darkmirage.com/2009/11/17/why-i-did-not-accept-my-psc-scholarship-offer/
OT, but while i applaud his decision to turn down the offer due to the mismatch in career outlook, i do not concur with his argument that bond-breaking is acceptable. if you can't serve the bond, don't take the offer. these are all taxpayer's sweat money for you to serve SG and if you can afford it in the first place, give it up for the next deserving applicant who may need that tuition paid in order to fulfil their dreams.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161154https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161154Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:50:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:39:15 GMT]]>

Cheval:
The problem here is stress is observed even on the most brilliant students and they are so occupied that often they just follow mechanically and they have almost no time to think and take initiative and decide on their own. I think of 3 examples.

So is this supposed to be good or bad? :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161138https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161138Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:39:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:35:40 GMT]]>The problem here is stress is observed even on the most brilliant students and they are so occupied that often they just follow mechanically and they have almost no time to think and take initiative and decide on their own. I think of 3 examples.


One is Pan Zixiang, the best scorer in last year's 'A'-level. You may go thru his blog: 12thman.spaces.live.com
It is a good read for parents from various angles. I recommend it.

Another example is my friend's daughter. She was in RI Girls and got 7 A's and 1 B last year. She worked everyday late into night and was occupied the weekends as well. Note that my friend passed away 9 years ago and she basically relied on her own all the way from a neighborhood primary school. Her mother did not have to pay a single penny on tuition.

Still another example, a boy who turned down a PSC scholarship. He explained very well why.
http://www.darkmirage.com/2009/11/17/why-i-did-not-accept-my-psc-scholarship-offer/

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161135https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/161135Thu, 15 Apr 2010 08:35:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:56:55 GMT]]>

ks2me:
It's good to have alternatives but I suppose for the majority, they feel there is no alternative, only one way to arrive in Rome, funny when you mention Rome in your post..... :lol:

:lol: :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160861https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160861Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:56:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:41:14 GMT]]>

Funz:


But if not for compulsory CCAs or projects from school, these children may spend all their spare time reading instead of exploring other stuff. Again speaking from experience. πŸ˜›
Firstly, the fact is there is really no such luxury of time...activities are quite packed for most children.

Secondly, book-worm kids typically are curious kids, they won't stop at books alone...but will explore other things if given the time like games etc......unstructured things.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160851https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160851Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:41:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:35:24 GMT]]>

ks2me:
lovekidsverymuch:

[quote=\"ks2me\"]But free time is reading time for book-worm kids too... They are so deprived of time to read at times I feel....


But then r u sure when they r not doing school work are they reading etc i guess my kids will be just watching tv 😞

That is why I put \"book-worm\" kids....such kids you can be sure they will be chewing away on books whenever they get a chance.[/quote]True bookworms will find time to read no matter what. Go toilet do business read. At the bus stop read, on the bus read, waiting for food, read. Speaking from experience lah.

But if not for compulsory CCAs or projects from school, these children may spend all their spare time reading instead of exploring other stuff. Again speaking from experience. πŸ˜›

To a certain extent, I do agree with some parents here that I would rather my kids be occupied by school driven activities rather then left to their own devices. But as parents, we need to teach our children to prioritise and manage their time and know their limits.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160846https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160846Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:35:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:08:00 GMT]]>

lovekidsverymuch:
ks2me:

But free time is reading time for book-worm kids too... They are so deprived of time to read at times I feel....


But then r u sure when they r not doing school work are they reading etc i guess my kids will be just watching tv 😞

That is why I put \"book-worm\" kids....such kids you can be sure they will be chewing away on books whenever they get a chance.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160822https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160822Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:08:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:55:04 GMT]]>It's good to have alternatives but I suppose for the majority, they feel there is no alternative, only one way to arrive in Rome, funny when you mention Rome in your post..... :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160805https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160805Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:55:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:46:30 GMT]]>Quoted from the article:


\"I'm packed with all these activities, and it makes me frustrated at times,\" said Jack.

\"But the stress is good for me. It keeps me focused and I think I do better this way,\" the Secondary 3 student added.

\"In the long run, it's good for me. I don't want to just study, but to learn other things as well. That's why I picked up the guitar and hockey.\"

Now how do we grow kids like that?

I don't want to fight reality. Competition really is tough out there. At the height of my career (now quit liao), I worked through weekends. There was one time, I was snugly cocooned in my hotel room in Rome over the weekend, trying finish my report to beat a deadline (working on Asian deadline). I was exhilerated and happy!!!

I don't know pushing kids through multiple CCAs or through making near-perfect grades is the way to help them develop the spirit. Frankly, it's quite meaningless to do so, more so with CCA. The stories so many of you have shared about how you manage your current success without being star material in school speaks volumes.

Maybe we worry too much about creating the perfect conditions to elicit fighting spirit and hunger. Real life definitely has a better way of dishing it out than we or even the schools can. If this happens too early in life, the danger is burnout, which is the opposite of what we want.

I'm tempted to start my spiel about a nurturing encironment, blah blah. This is all true, but the practical application is really what Sleepy said - know when to stop. I'll inculcate in my son that where work is concerned, there is no success without effort. But he has to realize that the path mapped out by the mainstream is not the only path.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160789https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160789Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:46:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:41:21 GMT]]>But free time is reading time for book-worm kids too… They are so deprived of time to read at times I feel…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160778https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160778Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:41:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:32:38 GMT]]>Me too. I believe in keeping our kids occupied during weekdays or a portion of the holidays so that they would have less time or energy for other meaningless activities - like loitering around shopping malls or arcades.


Surprisingly, those schools in my neighbourhood seem to let the kids off pretty early from schools and I notice many of their students hanging around the malls.

The ironical thing is the so called good schools keeping their students till five or 6 pm each day with CCAs and other activities.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160767https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160767Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:32:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:14:22 GMT]]>not to the extend of stressing them out, but i prefer my kids to be busy with CCAs and school work than have too much time to loiter around in the mall…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160747https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160747Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:14:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:45:46 GMT]]>

sleepy:
Must learn how to say NO and don't deem walkaway (eg. quit CCA if it consume too much time) as a failure.


There's afterall only 24 hours a day.
If 'time management' is at the expense of your hours of sleep, time with family, time to breathe, your sanity....well, must know when is your breaking point & cut your losses
Yes, fully agree! πŸ˜„

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160724https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160724Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:45:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:44:16 GMT]]>

ks2me:
sleepy:

Must learn how to say NO and don't deem walkaway (eg. quit CCA if it consume too much time) as a failure.


There's afterall only 24 hours a day.
If 'time management' is at the expense of your hours of sleep, time with family, time to breathe, your sanity....well, must know when is your breaking point & cut your losses

I totally agree with you on saying \"No\" and time management but I also know that there are some schools that make 2 CCAs compulsory, I wonder what is the necessity to drive that.

When my dd doesn't know how to say NO or feel bad to say NO, I would try to convince her first. If this does not work, I would say NO for her. Everyone has their limit and different level of limit. If the kids are tied up with many activities to the extend they have not enough rest, something is wrong.

2 CCAs compulsory, I am strongly against it. To make it optional would be a better choice. Then parents can work out with their kids whether they can manage with 2 CCAs. Certain kids are involved with many other activities while some are not. I see no reason for compulsory 2 CCAs.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160722https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160722Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:44:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to What the children are saying about...... on Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:07:30 GMT]]>

sleepy:
Must learn how to say NO and don't deem walkaway (eg. quit CCA if it consume too much time) as a failure.


There's afterall only 24 hours a day.
If 'time management' is at the expense of your hours of sleep, time with family, time to breathe, your sanity....well, must know when is your breaking point & cut your losses
I totally agree with you on saying \"No\" and time management but I also know that there are some schools that make 2 CCAs compulsory, I wonder what is the necessity to drive that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160690https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/160690Thu, 15 Apr 2010 01:07:30 GMT