<![CDATA[Marital house issues]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125381\" time=\"1703238805\" user_id=\"30974:

I thought of that.. but how to manage three kids and a full time career? He has so much time with him and money, I may not even win custody of the kids..
This is my first post in this thread, actually I have discussed your case with my husband who had gone through the whole court proceedings of divorce with his ex wife in Singapore.

From a husband view, the main problem is : you are imposing your own principe and standard on your husband. Your husband has to fulfil what you expected him to do.

Frankly speaking, my two brothers are not working for their whole life and are leeching on my parents to support their financial needs, so far so good. My parents who are still alive willing to support and my brothers are happy to leech on my parents money. Both SIL are not working and they don't make any noise on it.

For your in law's house, my husband said the court most likely will not take into consideration. It is your husband's freedom whether to execute his right against his brother on the in law's house. If your husband does not want to execute his right on the in law house, you cannot do anything on it. It is not considered as an asset transfer because the in law house has never under your husband name before.

My husband has the following advice :-

1. Since your present HDB house is under a joint name with your husband, you should be able to get 50% from the sale of the house after separation even though you have never used your CPF money to pay for it. It is because you have contributed a lot to your family (give birth to 3 kids and support the kids education and daily expenses, etc). You can top up some CPF money and buy a resale four (4) rooms flat after separation with him.

2. For the kids, usually the courts will grant the custody to their mother because they are still in primary ages or to both parents so that you and your husband will have to take turn to take care of them. The court will decide how much monthly maintenance fee your husband has to pay you for supporting your kids. This is a court order and your husband must pay you every month.

You keep on angry with him and force him to fulfil what you want him to do.....is a waste of efforts.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/104593/marital-house-issuesRSS for NodeSat, 25 Apr 2026 00:23:04 GMTSun, 24 Dec 2023 15:21:42 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 24 Dec 2023 13:28:13 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125381\" time=\"1703238805\" user_id=\"30974:

I thought of that.. but how to manage three kids and a full time career? He has so much time with him and money, I may not even win custody of the kids..
It must be really tough to manage so much. When you have to face such a situation day in, day out, it is sometimes hard to step back and reassess. But you have to.

If he does not want to change after counselling, do you think you can live like this for another 5 years, 10 years?

Is it good enough for you that he stops accusing you of living off him but still does not get work?
Or does he have to go the whole nine yards for you to feel the marriage is no longer on the rocks?

If there is no more love, then it may not be worthwhile to invest any more of your life in this marriage. Kids will grow up one day and leave the nest. You should plan for yourself too if you believe you cannot count on him in future.

If you believe it is futile saving the marriage any more, then get serious about making plans about your future.

Handling work + kids + full time work WILL be tough at first. But don't let that fear be the reason for keeping you in a bad marriage that will fall apart sooner or later. Give yourself time to figure out a routine. Seek help from the whole village if you must.

Are you able to accept if the court grant custody of the children to your hubby?
Even if it is joint custody, have you considered how your children will feel if they no longer live with the father or the mother?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125511https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125511Sun, 24 Dec 2023 13:28:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 24 Dec 2023 07:25:05 GMT]]>Another way is to get him interested in finding a job and DOING SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE. He may even start by volunteering at some NGOs, SPCA, etc. Over a couple of years, if he is consistent and the organizations find him useful, they might start wanting to keep him and give him a proper job. Try to make it seem like he is the one that came out with the idea; it will go down easier that way.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125501https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125501Sun, 24 Dec 2023 07:25:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 10:20:01 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125381\" time=\"1703238805\" user_id=\"30974:

I thought of that.. but how to manage three kids and a full time career? He has so much time with him and money, I may not even win custody of the kids..
From what I can understand from your sharing, he is only a liability in your family(with little hope of changing his behaviour or thinking), then leaving him will only make your life better or at the very least stay the same.. can’t get worse.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125384https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125384Fri, 22 Dec 2023 10:20:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 10:13:33 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125381\" time=\"1703238805\" user_id=\"30974:

I thought of that.. but how to manage three kids and a full time career? He has so much time with him and money, I may not even win custody of the kids..
Is he helping to take care of the kids now? If so then he has some value in this relationship/family and you can just continue as it is if you cannot change things.

If he is not helping with taking care of the kids, then there is no difference even leaving him and having custody of the kids.

If court thinks he has better means to take care of the kids financially and emotionally, then you won’t have to manage 3 kids and a career.

Bottom line is, what do you stand to lose if you get out? And what do you stand to gain if you stay put?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125382https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125382Fri, 22 Dec 2023 10:13:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:53:25 GMT]]>I thought of that… but how to manage three kids and a full time career? He has so much time with him and money, I may not even win custody of the kids…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125381https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125381Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:53:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:39:55 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125379\" time=\"1703236663\" user_id=\"30974:

He wanted me to spend more time on kids, not happy that I worked long hours. I worked part time for a short while to take care of my kids. But I feel that coming back to full time career might be the right decision for me, though I would need to juggle three kids with no helper and also a full time job.
I think you know what’s the most practical path you should take. Little hope to change him, so best way forward for all maybe to get a divorce to reduce your long term liability and hopefully get some share of the inheritance or whatever that is left, if you are convinced that he is not adding any value financially or emotionally to you or the family.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125380https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125380Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:39:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:17:43 GMT]]>He wanted me to spend more time on kids, not happy that I worked long hours. I worked part time for a short while to take care of my kids. But I feel that coming back to full time career might be the right decision for me, though I would need to juggle three kids with no helper and also a full time job.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125379https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125379Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:17:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:05:31 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125377\" time=\"1703235194\" user_id=\"30974:

newbieks, you are right. He will still take me for granted regardless whether he gains more money from his side and still take advantage of me. Definitely his money will be finished one day, and it will not matter anymore whether it's divorce or not that time, as the court cannot do anything to him too. It seems like a dead end to me in the future ahead ! Oh dear....
I'm not clear what you want from him? Since you are already supporting yourself and your children, I would assume you don't expect to get anything from him? I think you can assume you will not get anything from him, but you might have a chance to get some share of your marital flat (ask a lawyer to advise you what is likely to be decided by the courts based on the your non-financial contributions). And also ask what is the likelihood that you will need to pay alimony if he has no money and no income.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125378https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125378Fri, 22 Dec 2023 09:05:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:53:14 GMT]]>newbieks, you are right. He will still take me for granted regardless whether he gains more money from his side and still take advantage of me. Definitely his money will be finished one day, and it will not matter anymore whether it’s divorce or not that time, as the court cannot do anything to him too. It seems like a dead end to me in the future ahead ! Oh dear…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125377https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125377Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:53:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:50:42 GMT]]>

newbieks\" post_id=\"2125375\" time=\"1703233099\" user_id=\"178749:

Say they sell off the parent's house and split proceeds and your hubby gets $0.5MM. How would that change the situation between you and your hubby?

Will it stop him from thinking/saying you are leeching on him? Or make him find or job? Or make him pay more towards his/your family?

If you think $1.7MM will run out one day, so will this additional X amount of $$.
I think the original poster is aware of this. If you notice, her main concerns are her husband's demands that she pay half of the cost of their marital flat, and her fear that she will have to support her husband when his money runs out. She says she bears the cost of the family expenses out of her earnings as well as caring for the family, while her husband does not. If it comes to a divorce, most courts will take that into account in the division of assets despite her not contributing to the purchase of the flat directly. For the support issue, I have no idea how it will go if they remain married.

It seems that they are scheduled to go for counselling, and maybe that will help, but if her husband still does not bring in an income, it's hard to see their financial situation improving. And hopefully a lawyer will shed light on the legal issues she has questions about.

I know that many of us ladies on KSP are in the same position as her husband, but with the full support of our spouses. However, is that a right that a spouse can assert if the other spouse does not agree to it? We are fortunate that our husbands are happy with the arrangement and willing to support the family now, and us in the future. I don't think we can assume that every couple has, or should have, that same agreement. And I think all of us would say that we contribute in terms of childcare and housekeeping even if we don't contribute financially.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125376https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125376Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:50:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:18:19 GMT]]>Say they sell off the parent’s house and split proceeds and your hubby gets $0.5MM. How would that change the situation between you and your hubby?


Will it stop him from thinking/saying you are leeching on him? Or make him find or job? Or make him pay more towards his/your family?

If you think $1.7MM will run out one day, so will this additional X amount of $$.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125375https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125375Fri, 22 Dec 2023 08:18:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 06:48:53 GMT]]>That’s why I’m very pissed off with his false accusation that I live off him. Other than providing the house by his father, I have been self reliant for my own expenses, my kids expensive tuition and enrichment fees, the groceries and daily expenses. He didn’t even give any. So unfair of him to say this… a lot of things to iron out with him when he goes for counselling.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125370https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125370Fri, 22 Dec 2023 06:48:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Fri, 22 Dec 2023 06:40:15 GMT]]>You are not “anybody”, you are the spouse.

Your in-laws and hubby don’t trust you with money? 20yrs of marriage you could have more or less guessed the reasons why bah… It’s not very nice if I probe too much here but it would be good if both of you can have a heart to heart talk with the facilitation of the marriage counsellor.

Anyway, you think he leeched on his parents but your hubby’s perception is that you live off him (eat his, use his, live his… his usual phrases). With the mutual contempt, how long is the marriage going to survive like that?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125365https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125365Fri, 22 Dec 2023 06:40:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Thu, 21 Dec 2023 15:41:09 GMT]]>His father gave him the money, perhaps told him never to trust anybody else, I don’t know the answer… Especially this is the only money for my husband’s survival of his remaining years, as he doesn’t want to work, has been leeching on his parents for the past 12 years…

Yes court ordered mandatory counselling, and he can’t run away from it…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125317https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125317Thu, 21 Dec 2023 15:41:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Thu, 21 Dec 2023 15:02:05 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2125314\" time=\"1703168102\" user_id=\"30974:

To him I'm an outsider, so I have never been involved in his finance planning at all.
What exactly happened that caused him to treat you as an outsider? Hard to advise as we also need to hear from your hubby’s side of the story.

Think there’s a lack of communication between the husb and wife, lack of trust in each other and no confidence with each other to look forward. You need to sit down with your hubby to try to communicate properly or seek a professional marriage counsellor’s help if you are still open to salvage the marriage.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125316https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125316Thu, 21 Dec 2023 15:02:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Thu, 21 Dec 2023 14:15:02 GMT]]>To him I’m an outsider, so I have never been involved in his finance planning at all.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125314https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125314Thu, 21 Dec 2023 14:15:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Thu, 21 Dec 2023 14:05:34 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2124907\" time=\"1702820697\" user_id=\"30974:

Dear Esteema, you are right. Now we are still comfortably living. But I always look far ahead. I worry in years to come, my family would be homeless instead if we need to sell our house to survive, though I'm holding a job. I just hope that we can see the kids through their education , have their own jobs and achieve independence, that will be one load off our shoulders first.
If you are worried about 20-30yrs later how you all could be homeless, why didn’t you and your husband had some arrangement earlier like put the 1.7m inheritance into a joint FD account?

After 5yrs, you are not sure how much the 1.7m is left, of cos you will feel insecure.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125312https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2125312Thu, 21 Dec 2023 14:05:34 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 13:44:57 GMT]]>Dear Esteema, you are right. Now we are still comfortably living. But I always look far ahead. I worry in years to come, my family would be homeless instead if we need to sell our house to survive, though I’m holding a job. I just hope that we can see the kids through their education , have their own jobs and achieve independence, that will be one load off our shoulders first.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124907https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124907Sun, 17 Dec 2023 13:44:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 13:32:15 GMT]]>Mathematica’s husband cannot keep the inheritance HDB as he is alr co-owner (unless she is only indicated as Occupier) of their matrimonial HDB home. So, I guess this is the reason why she expects the brother to use his inheritance of 1.7 million to either buyout her husband’s share or sell the parents’ home to encash to split btwn the brothers. This has to be done within HDB’s guidelines of timeframe.


I’m not sure Mathematica’s intent or concerns but based on her sharing thus far, it looks like she’s worried her hubby’s joblessness may exhaust even his part of the HDB proceeds fr encash ing his share of his parent’s’ HDB.

I see many problems arising whether she opts for joint-counselling or divorce. It’ll depend on the motivation of both couples & their willingness & hope to revive the spark in their marriage or their sense of responsibilities towards their young kids. Divorce will set a tough hurdle for her as according to her, the 3 children are still young & needs lots of care.

It’s best to think beyond the funds in cases of young children, unless you are in an abusive relationship, which you wld prefer the children not hv to witness. Nothing is ideal in a marriage & it takes alot of love & hardwork to hold & sustain a relationship thro old age, s’times giving more than receiving. The good position I see is that Mathematica is working & holding a job.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124906https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124906Sun, 17 Dec 2023 13:32:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 05:53:17 GMT]]>

lee_yl\" post_id=\"2124885\" time=\"1702779945\" user_id=\"17023:

5yrs ago when the two seniors passed away w/o a will, intestacy law would kicked in then as to who should inherit the flat (half to each son in this case).

However, I believe there should be some arrangements between the two brothers or even between the deceased parents and the unmarried sibling. Otherwise how can HDB allow someone staying inside the flat for 5 years long? If both brothers are not eligible to take over the flat, HDB would ask them to dispose it within 6 months of the parents’ passing on.

So either the unmarried sibling has already bought over the flat 5 years ago, then in this case, the sales proceeds would have gone back to the estate 5yrs. Or, after one parent passed away, the unmarried sibling become the Co-owner of the flat, which is a common tactic used by many old folks. And if the unmarried sibling is the co-owner, he will auto inherit the flat as the rightful owner once the other parent passed away.
Mathematica said a lawyer confirmed that her husband would inherit half the parents' flat as the parents died intestate. I don't know how quickly HDB acts on these things.

If the conditions LYL mentions have taken place, the case may be different. Mathematica, you should definitely consult a lawyer if you think your brother-in-law became joint owner of the flat after his parents' death, either because the surviving parent made him so, or your husband sold his share to his brother. The situation is different in that case. This is simply about inheritance of your parents-in-law's flat.

As for your fears about the future, I don't think any of us have the knowledge to help you. I would advise you to follow legal advice to protect yourself, or if you are not confident about your current lawyer's advice, then find another one.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124895https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124895Sun, 17 Dec 2023 05:53:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:57:43 GMT]]>My concern is also how long can my husband’s money last? He still has 30-40 years to live, when his money exhausted , what if he expects me to support him, using the marital house paid by his father as an excuse? He has no health insurance at all. We still have 3 schooling kids. I consulted my lawyer and she suggested post nuptial agreement. If it’s divorce, he will still pay alimony using his money,but the court cannot do anything if his money is exhausted years down the road.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124892https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124892Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:57:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:45:35 GMT]]>How can he be homeless when he can use 1.7million cash inheritance to buy himself a nice house? After selling the parents house , he gets more cash somemore? Both are in fifties already. My husband doesn’t want to work and we have 3 kids… really don’t understand my husband. The court orders him to go for mandatory counselling, and he can’t run away from it , like he used to at the family service center.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124891https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124891Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:45:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Marital house issues on Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:09:01 GMT]]>

Mathematica\" post_id=\"2124888\" time=\"1702781893\" user_id=\"30974:

My husband is taking over my late father in law's duties of paying for the household utilities including his brother's handphone bill some more. Perhaps what I assume is he allows his brother to stay inside, and his brother using part of the money inheritance to buy over half the house? But my brother in law has a job what... Don't understand the brothers
Pls go and see a professional Counsellor,

TOGETHER with your husband.

What we keep hearing, is only ONE side of your story.

Besides, from a parents heart, nobody want their children to be homeless, without a roof over their head. Hence, it is only normal that your brother in law continue to have a roof, over his head.
So,

WHY you insist that your brother in law should sell the house, become homeless ? Do you think this is what, your dead parents in law want? Come on. You yourself already said that they have helped u to pay your current 5 room hdb flat. Your parents in law indeed have been very kind to you. Ask yourself -

From the bottom of your heart -


Is this how you want to pay back the gratitude of your dead parents in law,

by denying their future generation (that is, your brother in law, a roof over his head ?

You yourself already have a safe roof, refuge over your own head. Why you want your bro in law to have no home ? Where is your conscience ?


Ask yourself this question -

You yourself have 3 children. Would you, as a parent, want your 3 kids to be homeless ?

We pose you this question, because you are a parent

Just as

Your dead parents-in-law were also ... parents too, same as you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124889https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2124889Sun, 17 Dec 2023 03:09:01 GMT