How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:55:00 GMT

atrecord — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:55:00 GMT

I have similar problem. My P3 nephew can talk all sorts of things, and even vulgar words, and (when we are around, say in my parents’ place) my bro and sis-in-law would only just gesture to him to stop it.

Me and DW never really reprimanded him when my bro and sil are around, as we do not want to overstep what we feel is their responsibility.

During CNY this year, we (both families and my parents) all went to my granny’s place. DD (P1) and DS (K1) both greeted my granny, but my nephew found it difficult to do so as he doesn’t visit my granny much. Despite much coaxing from everyone, he still didn’t. My bro used the carrot method and promised to being him to MacDonald if only he would greet my granny, but still failed… all this while, everyone - incl DD and DS - were watching.

when my dad tried to break the awkwardness and spoke to DS, DS actually kept quiet and ignored my dad - and i promptly chided him for it.

then when we finally left, my nephew heaved a sigh of relief and said Ka Na Sai as we walked towards the lift. DS one imitated him - fluently.

DW then scolded my nephew sharply for being so rude and such a bad influence for Di Di and Mei Mei. My bro and sil were quite far behind and didn’t witness the whole incident, but heard DW scolding my nephew…

my bro and sil were expectedly unhappy with DW for scolding their kid, but our stance is that it’s extremely difficult to give our kids a good upbringing while we’re both working, so we do not want our efforts to go to waste just because of the bad influence of someone they both look up to…

i’ve not seen my nephew since then, as he would avoid going to my parents’ place even when my bro, sil go there, as well as any family gatherings…

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Tue, 25 May 2010 07:47:24 GMT

Funz — Tue, 25 May 2010 07:47:24 GMT

DD tried the spitting thing once when she was about 2. She received a nice firm kuti from me on her cheek and a firm dun ever do that again and that was the end of her spitting.

DS heard my nephew saying wahlao one day and decided to test our reaction to him using that term. Both DH and I turned and asked him if he knows the meaning. He shrugs and I asked him what was he trying to convey when he used that term. He explained and I ask him if there is a better way to express himself, he came up with a few. We told him we prefer the alternatives that he gave us and hope not to hear the wah lao from him again.

DD was present then and we told the 2 of them that they will see and hear many things from many people. And if they do not understand what certain actions or certain words mean, then do not repeat them.

Now that DD and DS are 5 and 7yrs old, it is easier to explain certain things to them. When they were toddlers, it’s more challenging, but we learned to control our reactions cos the bigger the reaction, the more encouragement the child will get to repeat the ‘bad act’.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Tue, 25 May 2010 06:00:51 GMT

meeyah — Tue, 25 May 2010 06:00:51 GMT

EstherTan:
I think we can't avoid contact with bad habits/ manners that our own kids pick up from others (my girl has recently learnt to accumulate her saliva and spit that out). I think what we can do is constant reinforcement/ reminders to what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior (now I know how my own mother got so naggy ;p)

I am glad I'm not the only parent whose kid learn to spit. Let's motivate each other to be consistent and persistent to our kids to let them know that it is wrong to spit.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Tue, 25 May 2010 05:18:12 GMT

auntieM — Tue, 25 May 2010 05:18:12 GMT

Don’t think any teachers dare do it now… …

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Tue, 25 May 2010 04:38:05 GMT

EstherTan — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:38:05 GMT

[quote]
... The male teacher came over gave him many tight slaps on his face and scolded him. Ha,ha...my hubby said so many lefts and rights that he felt giddy after that. But, that did the trick and the message that those were bad words that one shouldn't say was stuck in his head forever, to the extend that he never, ever even wanted to mutter those bad words, even during army days where it was common to hear people say them all the time. [/quote]Just curious, how many parents on this forum would find this behavior acceptable (in our times) from a teacher? Whilst I'm for physical punishment when called for (THAT makes the lesson learnt unforgettable), I know many parents will make a lot of noise when their kids are punished via physical means.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Mon, 24 May 2010 09:11:41 GMT

sunflower — Mon, 24 May 2010 09:11:41 GMT

auntieM:
meeyah:
Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up...I ever asked her why don't you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones....She never answered me.

When my DS repeated the spitting and rolling eye, he kena 'red ang pow' and has never done it again up to now.. in my presence that is.

It a slap, but not those that send one flying against wall hor...

Juz me $0.02

My hubby shared with me before that when he was in primary school, he followed some boys and shouted some f* words during assembly to gain peer acceptance. Guess what! He didn't realise that a teacher was standing nearby and heard him. The male teacher came over gave him many tight slaps on his face and scolded him. Ha,ha...my hubby said so many lefts and rights that he felt giddy after that. But, that did the trick and the message that those were bad words that one shouldn't say was stuck in his head forever, to the extend that he never, ever even wanted to mutter those bad words, even during army days where it was common to hear people say them all the time.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Mon, 24 May 2010 08:15:47 GMT

heyhoe — Mon, 24 May 2010 08:15:47 GMT

I’d try to minimise contact.

On occassions that can’t be helped - when they questions why he can do it and they can’t. I would tell them that since we’re at their place, we need to be a good guests. I’d tell them to behave well and follow our family rules if they wish to stay on.

Otherwise, we will have to leave (with cooperation from hubby of course). Hope this helps.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Mon, 24 May 2010 07:12:18 GMT

Jennifer — Mon, 24 May 2010 07:12:18 GMT

Maybe try to reform the boy? It is better for everyone in the long term.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Mon, 24 May 2010 06:01:59 GMT

sleepy — Mon, 24 May 2010 06:01:59 GMT

on_plus_kiasu:
Thanks all,

Haiyah... Must really accept the fact.

I cannot influnence how other kids behave but I believe I can influence mine. Before my dd started childcare at 2yo, I had been telling her 'don't imitate your friends' behaviour or action'.
She's in primary school now and still obeying this motto diligently. Classmates eating junk food and spending all their recess money at the bookshop. She proudly declares she did not follow suite

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Mon, 24 May 2010 05:36:18 GMT

EstherTan — Mon, 24 May 2010 05:36:18 GMT

I think we can’t avoid contact with bad habits/ manners that our own kids pick up from others (my girl has recently learnt to accumulate her saliva and spit that out). I think what we can do is constant reinforcement/ reminders to what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior (now I know how my own mother got so naggy ;p)

auntieM - I think if you’ve even had to hit your nephew in front of his parents (with no reaction) then it’s very much a ‘reap what you sow’ for them when he grows up. I encountered this before with kids in public areas screaming loudly (for no apparent reason) or pushing other kids at public play areas. How I dealt with it was to tell my girl - THAT is not being a good boy/ girl. They do it does not mean you can do it. (If parents are louder, my volume gets even louder ;p). How about bringing things to distract your girls when you are at PIL, or to outright ban playing with him when things get rough/ vulgar? Of course, I think this needs to be explained to your girls before pulling them away, else you will have a tantrum on hand.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Thu, 20 May 2010 20:54:47 GMT

pinkapple — Thu, 20 May 2010 20:54:47 GMT

meeyah:
Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up...I ever asked her why don't you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones....She never answered me.

because there's no carrot. nor stick.

besides just telling, nagging, etc, I think parents need to discipline their kids when they do something undesirable/ unacceptable.
so what if they picked it up from some1? they're the ones who decide to follow the actions.

I applaud what auntieM did.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Thu, 20 May 2010 17:16:30 GMT

mocharita — Thu, 20 May 2010 17:16:30 GMT

meeyah:
Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up...I ever asked her why don't you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones....She never answered me.

:!: :!: :!:

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 06:02:26 GMT

on_plus_kiasu — Wed, 19 May 2010 06:02:26 GMT

Thanks all,

Haiyah... Must really accept the fact.

Both my family and my DH family say I very fierce one. All my naughty nieces or nephews have been :spank: by me. I'm very thick-skinned, not scared to shoot parents especially when they come over my house. But this nephew ah... :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: parents are more thick-skinned than me :frustrated. I :nunchuk: him infront of his parents and they didn't even bat an eye. Feel like :pokeeye: Relatives rarely invite their family to outings and all the other nieces and nephew avoid playing with him. Yes, he is that bad!

Okay, must accept fact that I am going to be a naggy mum. Repetition is the key to instilling good behaviour. I don't know what to expect when they go to CC this June.

:?: :?: :?:

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 05:32:59 GMT

auntieM — Wed, 19 May 2010 05:32:59 GMT

meeyah:
auntieM:

When my DS repeated the spitting and rolling eye, he kena 'red ang pow' and has never done it again up to now.. in my presence that is.

It a slap, but not those that send one flying against wall hor...

Juz me $0.02
Wow, I don't think I would ever dare to try that... Have not lay a finger on her yet. My gal is also very petty ji 4 chow 2.

One of the rare few times I just have to.. He spit at granny and made face :x

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 05:15:06 GMT

meeyah — Wed, 19 May 2010 05:15:06 GMT

auntieM:

When my DS repeated the spitting and rolling eye, he kena 'red ang pow' and has never done it again up to now.. in my presence that is.

It a slap, but not those that send one flying against wall hor...

Juz me $0.02

Wow, I don't think I would ever dare to try that... Have not lay a finger on her yet. My gal is also very petty ji 4 chow 2.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 05:03:31 GMT

auntieM — Wed, 19 May 2010 05:03:31 GMT

meeyah:
Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up...I ever asked her why don't you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones....She never answered me.

When my DS repeated the spitting and rolling eye, he kena 'red ang pow' and has never done it again up to now.. in my presence that is.

It a slap, but not those that send one flying against wall hor...

Juz me $0.02

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 04:56:23 GMT

auntieM — Wed, 19 May 2010 04:56:23 GMT

My nephew was using ‘f*’ word with my boy when he was younger too…

I don’t scold him, I just repeat what he told my son loudly and take my boy away…
Avoid contact and nag nag nag away…bo bian

:x

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 03:23:29 GMT

meeyah — Wed, 19 May 2010 03:23:29 GMT

Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up…I ever asked her why don’t you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones…She never answered me.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 02:49:09 GMT

Blobbi — Wed, 19 May 2010 02:49:09 GMT

tankee:
Perhaps that's how parents become so naggy.

Think you just described me . Got so many more years to go some more .

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 02:17:44 GMT

hquek — Wed, 19 May 2010 02:17:44 GMT

tankee:

The same thing will happen over and over again when your DDs go to Childcare \\ Kindergarten and Primary School. From time to time, kids will mimic each other's rowdy behaviour for fun.

True true. I'm constantly telling my son what his friend say is not right/not correct etc. Can die....I don't know why his best friend must be the resident Beng with a few older Brothers....can pengz.

tankee:
To me, constant reminders & explanations what is desirable behaviour and what is not, are necessary. Perhaps that's how parents become so naggy.

Yup yup. theoretically if they know this is undesired behaviour, they may not want to exhibit such if they want pp to like them. I think for girls easier...for boys, like mine, they will imitate just to irritate the hell out of me.

Reply to How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids on Wed, 19 May 2010 02:10:25 GMT

tankee — Wed, 19 May 2010 02:10:25 GMT

Here's the BAD news

The same thing will happen over and over again when your DDs go to Childcare \\ Kindergarten and Primary School. From time to time, kids will mimic each other's rowdy behaviour for fun.

To me, constant reminders & explanations what is desirable behaviour and what is not, are necessary. Perhaps that's how parents become so naggy.