I treat my 50+yo friends the same as my 20+yo friends, with respect, willingness to be proven wrong, and openness to new ideas.

I think it’s great if my friends’ kids (or my kids’ friends) like to hang around us. I recently found myself in the unusual situation of arranging two dinner dates with my friend and her daughter — both had texted me separately to catch up!

Just to share another thought: Sometimes these “aunty/uncle” labels will dictate the relationships that form!

For a family friend, we were asked by our elders to call her “aunty” although she’s just several years older than us.

As a result, her kids started to call us “brother/sister.” We ended up being much closer to the kids, since we were on the same “tier”

That’s very true. My husband and I have refused the aunty/uncle title in specific instances. We feel that younger people should be recognised as adults once they reach that age and stage. Older people should not expect to be followed or obeyed simply because of their age. It can be a bit awkward when these young people’s parents are our friends, and often insist on the titles (then we don’t make a fuss). But we let the young people know that we don’t mind that they drop the titles if they feel comfortable to (it can be quite a challenge for them at first, and some simply can’t do it!). It makes for better intergenerational friendships. And I don’t feel that they lose any respect for us.

For a family friend, we were asked by our elders to call her “aunty” although she’s just several years older than us.

As a result, her kids started to call us “brother/sister.” We ended up being much closer to the kids, since we were on the same “tier”

@thebottomsupblog

Same here. I’m fine if my kids’ friends call me “aunty,” but i feel awkward when someone older than me calls me that 🤭 Once at the wet market, I saw a guy (probably mid-30s) queuing in front of me who got upset when the elderly stall auntie called him “uncle.” He even told her not to call him that. When it was my turn, the stall auntie almost called me “auntie” too, then quickly switched to “xiao mei” I guess she didn’t want to risk upsetting another customer!

There’s a cultural difference here, I guess. In China (where I lived for several years), it’s quite common to address women of perceived higher status as “ayi” even if they are younger, but reasonably mature. So a 50-yr-old shopkeeper would address a customer as “ayi” even if the customer is about 30-40 yrs old (but probably not if only a 20-yr-old). In more traditional Asian cultures, addressing someone as elder is respectful, not insulting (that’s more western). I found it strange too, but got used to it.

Same here. I’m fine if my kids’ friends call me “aunty,” but i feel awkward when someone older than me calls me that 🤭 Once at the wet market, I saw a guy (probably mid-30s) queuing in front of me who got upset when the elderly stall auntie called him “uncle.” He even told her not to call him that. When it was my turn, the stall auntie almost called me “auntie” too, then quickly switched to “xiao mei” I guess she didn’t want to risk upsetting another customer!

As for my own experience, I got used to kids calling me “aunty” when I married into my husband’s family as he is the youngest sibling and I suddenly found myself an aunt! I was first addressed as “da jie” by another adult (a young lady in her 20s) when I was around 40, which gave me quite a shock. I’m now hardened to it. Also, while living overseas, I had a lot of friends from other Asian countries where respectful terms of address are still in use among adults. I found that Koreans almost always need to figure out everyone’s relative age right at the beginning of an acquaintanceship because their language requires them to use the correct honorifics! They don’t use them when speaking English, but they still tended to want to know how old I am.

I probably told you this before (offline) — I had a rather posh classmate in sec school, and when her mom gave us a ride, we addressed her as “aunty” and were coldly told to call her “Mrs X” instead. That memory stuck with me!

I guess I’m also in the retail front line too, and when you hear “auntie” multiple times a day, it becomes alright.
I feel I’ve earned my stripes, hahaha!