Molest by someone you know

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:25:03 GMT

peh-boo — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:25:03 GMT

kaka:
Even if we take a forgive and forget stance, it is important to give him a warning. He needs to know it should not happen again, to anyone. He needs to understand the trauma it could cause to other people.

easier to forgive then forget lah.
being a scholar with so much knowledge in his brain surely he knows the consequences n trauma u mentioned mah - just deliberately doing it disregarding feelings n emotions lor.
and is he the only one or just a tip of mountain?
theres a saying: the unknown is more dangerous than the known.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:19:57 GMT

northernstar — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:19:57 GMT

kaka:
Even if we take a forgive and forget stance, it is important to give him a warning. He needs to know it should not happen again, to anyone. He needs to understand the trauma it could cause to other people.

if the man is a sicko, do you think he will heed ur warning or cares? maybe we should let God or law punish him..

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:13:37 GMT

kaka — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:13:37 GMT

Even if we take a forgive and forget stance, it is important to give him a warning. He needs to know it should not happen again, to anyone. He needs to understand the trauma it could cause to other people.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Mon, 13 Dec 2010 02:08:44 GMT

peh-boo — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 02:08:44 GMT

recently there's this guy arrested for childporn n supposedly still teaching in our very own local school while his case is still pending.

wat u all think? wat if ur own kid happens to be in his class? u feel safe or wat?
good to talk it out in public? :?

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Fri, 10 Dec 2010 09:04:37 GMT

peh-boo — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 09:04:37 GMT

good for all of us to come out n share our own experiences of sexual offences, be it molest or rape or other sick stuff.

we’re a loving couple, new to this forum, but we both had our fair share of such disgusting experiences too.
we dun hide from each other but talk it out so that we are more aware of such things happening around us, even in our homes where we think are the safest place.
as the saying goes: the most dangerous place maybe the safest place, n the safest place may be the most dangerous place.
if anyone too shy to share such things in public can pm us - private n confidential assured.
ofcoz we will share with u ours too.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:44:26 GMT

mumma_bear — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:44:26 GMT

I’m sorry you’re going through such a traumatizing experience. It’s either you keep silent about it or tell your friend about it. Whether you do either of the two, your friendship still gets affected since the scumbag has a connection to both of you. If you wouldn’t want to cause so much trouble with your friend’s family, stay away from them in the meantime.But I suggest you tell your friend so that she would at least know why you’re staying away from them. It’s up to your friend if she confronts her BIL about it…That bastard should at least be warned before doing that again to you. If he does it again, don’t hesitate to talk to the authorities already. I hope all goes well in the end.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Sat, 29 May 2010 06:56:25 GMT

skirtdressnsuch — Sat, 29 May 2010 06:56:25 GMT

my line o=would be...........kick him where he hurts!!!!

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Fri, 28 May 2010 09:51:30 GMT

corneyAmber — Fri, 28 May 2010 09:51:30 GMT

hmmm...I don't know whether he would stop harassing you since he got away scotfree.

So even if you do not pursue the case now, perhaps for an attractive person like you, it might be useful to get a zapper and put yr bag. So if he attacks again and if you do not wish to create too much commotion, at least you get to zap him before he can advance further. Kicking him hard at the unmentionable will create too much attention. Sorry guys, call me mean but I am pragmatic.....

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Fri, 28 May 2010 09:22:56 GMT

autumnbronze — Fri, 28 May 2010 09:22:56 GMT

insider:

I decided to let the matter rest, without telling my husband or my best friend. But should there be a second time, that scum will get the ‘black’ (gangsters’) and ‘white’ (legal) retaliation from me!

Falling back to the preaching of:

面对它,接受它,处理它,放下它

Thanks everyone once again!

Hi insider,

I am sorry that what shd have been a joyus occasion for you was marred by this traumatic incident caused by a, to quote some others, scumbag.

Yes, I do agree with E-Ladybird that the longer you drag this matter, the weaker your case will be.

But then I noticed that you have arrived at a resolution. So my wish for you now is that I hope you will be able to regain some measure of peace and move on ....

All the best ..... :celebrate:

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Thu, 27 May 2010 06:53:10 GMT

Gooby — Thu, 27 May 2010 06:53:10 GMT

insider:
ZacK:
Hi insider,

Sorry to read abt your experience and indignity that you were subject to.

Thanks all for the ‘consolations’. As I can’t really share this embarrassing sticky matter with many others who know me, I can only sort of vent it here and hope to hear from external parties.

What Zack and others advised are sound about thrashing thing out with him though chances are he will deny and ended up in a words-against-words kind of situation. Anyway, I think the integrity I built through the years would make my words more credible than his. To really arrange for a confrontation would need more strong men to be around as his physique is really not something to take it lightly in the event that he goes crazy and starts to act irrationally. After what he had done, I take him as someone who is psychologically imbalanced and so cannot treat him like what I would treat a normal person (whom I can predict with logic).

My friend is going for her 3 weeks honeymoon this weekend and I will be taking this period of time to consider about the matter. It is difficult to swallow as said but am really weighing whether it is worth to destroy a family (in most likelihood the moment I spill the beans) and make the two old folks sad and feel shameful about their son-in-law just because I want very much to settle the score.

Off track, I am thinking of whether he had ever molested my best friend before and maybe my best friend has also kept quiet about it and whether he also ever molested his own daughter who is currently 14? This man set me into wild imagination as in my eyes, he is as bad as a beast…

Hi Insider, it is good that you managed to come to terms with yourself so quickly. But something that you mentioned bugs me.

Seems to me that this man is definitely not simple and is a wolf clad in a sheepskin that preys on women. What happens if he really does the same to his daughter and the poor girl is currently suffering in silence? I can't

We keep hearing news of father raping their daughter over and over again. Now, even boys are not safe as well.

Could there be a reason why you have to encounter this? So that his wrong-doings can be exposed and the little girl will be saved from his father's wrong-doings? We as adults already feel taken aback by such acts. What more to say for a young girl?

I was also molested before during during my younger days at 'Swing Singapore', peeped at in public toilets, buses and MRT. Once on the MRT, a 40 plus man purposely used his elbow to poked at my right breast before alighting quickly from the train. I just sat there angry and upset. As I grew up now, I vowed to myself that I WILL DEFINITELY not let these predators off so easily.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Thu, 27 May 2010 05:15:31 GMT

ZacK — Thu, 27 May 2010 05:15:31 GMT

insider:

After looking at the happy photos, I decided to let the matter rest, without telling my husband or my best friend. But should there be a second time, that scum will get the ‘black’ (gangsters’) and ‘white’ (legal) retaliation from me!

Glad that you have managed to sort out what you are feeling... Sometimes along the way, we are faced with \"imperfections\" that spoil our experience, but once we have the end (of what we hope to see or achieve) objective in mind... All these \"imperfections\" will then be less of an issue.

I have been faced with difficult situations as well, but once we sit down to think exactly what we hope to achieve, then these \"set backs\" become sur-mountable that we are able to move on.

I can understand why you choose to keep this to yourself... However if there is a chance to see the scum again during any gatherings... I will give him a stern warning privately that I am willing to let the incident pass, but should he ever try to do anything funny, he better be prepared to face the full consequences. This is so that he knows that you will not suffer in silence and be trifled with.

Cheers :celebrate:

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Thu, 27 May 2010 05:07:34 GMT

hquek — Thu, 27 May 2010 05:07:34 GMT

hi insider,

My personal thoughts are that leaving this to days after that scumbag can make a lot of claims - he was drunk, you made the first move. A lot of he said, she said…end up things will only get too messy.

Glad you have come to peace with yourself - and also on a course of action should that idiot strike again.

I very bad to say this…but I believe in karma!

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Thu, 27 May 2010 02:24:25 GMT

cmm — Thu, 27 May 2010 02:24:25 GMT

Wise insider, you have the answer of what you should do right in your heart. We are all here to support you. Do what you need to do so you will look back on this incident with no regrets.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Thu, 27 May 2010 00:53:38 GMT

ZacK — Thu, 27 May 2010 00:53:38 GMT

insider:
It is difficult to swallow as said but am really weighing whether it is worth to destroy a family (in most likelihood the moment I spill the beans) and make the two old folks sad and feel shameful about their son-in-law just because I want very much to settle the score.

Dear insider,

Whatever your decision, pls be sure you can be at peace with yourself... Do not let this incident leave a \"thorn\" in your heart

:celebrate:

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 26 May 2010 17:39:51 GMT

Eagle-Ladybird — Wed, 26 May 2010 17:39:51 GMT

insider:
PS: I will never meet him alone. Though an ex body builder, he is still as fit as in the past. His arms are muscular and I think is three to four times of my tiny one. He can crush me anytime (and my husband if want to fight him also will be no match. His kind need my gangster brother type to deal with him).

Insider, this world is won not by brawn but by brain (great if you have both). So don't be intimidated by the \"muscles\". All he needs is to touch you 1 simple hair, you can land him in \"hot soup\". And to think of whacking him from behind or any other \"gangterish\" way, is foolish. This is not Johor. The law is against the one who throws the first punch.

You have witnesses, and many of your friends were there, and they can testify. Speak to your lawyer so that you know where you stand. File a police report and get your lawyers ready to pounce. Go for the neck, and draw the blood. His family is collateral damage, and is just too bad !

You cannot accomodate everybody's well being. The longer you drag, the weaker the case against the scumback.

Pardon my language.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 26 May 2010 08:25:32 GMT

Funz — Wed, 26 May 2010 08:25:32 GMT

Strange but when such things happen to women, somehow, the first thing we do is see if we are the ones at fault in the first place. If in the first place we did not have the intention to attract such attention, it will never be our fault, regardless of how we dress.

If in your shoes, I will not avoid the gatherings and the company of those I consider as being as close as family just becos of this jerk. And I will find an opportunity to let him know that I remember what he did and I am letting that incident rest, for now, on account of the relationship that I have with the family. However if I so much as hear that he is up to any nonsense be it with me or with any other women, that is when the gloves will come off and the one who stands to lose the most is him. So the best thing he can do to salvage the whole situation is to make himself scarce whenever I am around to visit.

I will also let my hubby know what had happened. And for him to have faith and trust in me that I can handle the situation myself. The last thing I need is some neanderthal reaction from him.

Well that will be me if caught in such a situation. But all these are hypothetical. For all I know, given my hot headed nature, I might be screaming bloody murder right there & then instead of being so cool and collected.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 26 May 2010 08:01:13 GMT

daisyt — Wed, 26 May 2010 08:01:13 GMT

insider:

....
What Zack and others advised are sound about thrashing thing out with him though chances are he will deny and ended up in a words-against-words kind of situation. Anyway, I think the integrity I built through the years would make my words more credible than his. To really arrange for a confrontation would need more strong men to be around as his physique is really not something to take it lightly in the event that he goes crazy and starts to act irrationally. After what he had done, I take him as someone who is psychologically imbalanced and so cannot treat him like what I would treat a normal person (whom I can predict with logic).

My friend is going for her 3 weeks honeymoon this weekend and I will be taking this period of time to consider about the matter. It is difficult to swallow as said but am really weighing whether it is worth to destroy a family (in most likelihood the moment I spill the beans) and make the two old folks sad and feel shameful about their son-in-law just because I want very much to settle the score.

.....

hi insider, sorry to hear about this and hope you are feeling better now.

I remember watching a HK drama, the mum told her daughter, \"You don't live in an island alone. When doing certain things, you have to put a consideration on others.\" Of course, you have done that, if not, like you mentioned, you would have made a big fuess big on that night. I don't think what you have done is a sign of weakness. Even if you have decided to leave the matter rest (3 weeks later), its also not a sign of weakness. I agree with your consideration about destroying a family and thinking for the two old folks. My opinion is you still have to talk to your hubby and children on this matter, then try to keep a distance with him from now onwards. If no choice, have to face each other or happen to bump, give him a cold shoulder, treat him transparent.

JMHO

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 26 May 2010 05:40:18 GMT

ZacK — Wed, 26 May 2010 05:40:18 GMT

Hi insider,

Sorry to read abt your experience and indignity that you were subject to.

I think you were very level headed in not blowing up the matter during the wedding, you had certainly placed the needs of your friend (in not wanting to ruin her wedding) over yours and you should be lauded for that.

For me, I will not condone such practices be it from a man or woman, as what right do they have to \"intrude\" into others space and take what they do not have. I agree with what most have said here and if it happened to me, I would do the following:

- Have a chat with best friend and hear what are her concerns etc before planning my move.
- Ideally it should result in a meeting involving the man and his wife, me and my spouse and neutral party/ies.
- Main intention would be to bring his misdeeds to light. We are not the parties at fault, he thru his own actions brought this upon himself. He has no one to blame except himself.
- I would be able to acept a sincere apology from the man and move on from there. This is assuming he admits his mistake and ask for forgiveness.
- Should also be prepared that the meeting may turn ugly in that he may deny or even accuse that he was being \"seduced\" etc, so should know how to react in these situations. Would I be able to accept it if the meeting does not have any outcome other than we have brought this matter to the attention of his wife?
- Worst case would be it would create a rift between the two families.
- Ideally, I will leave the old folks out of this matter. However must also be prepared that friend's sister may bring this to their attention. So this may or may not affect the relationship with the old folks.

Sorry that I may have just rattled on... But trying to put myself in your shoes and seeing the factors for consideration. Ultimately, you need to be at peace with yourself on the actions that will be taken.

Btm line... Will not suffer in silence. How the man and his wife ends up? Depends on how he admits or continues to deny his actions... If he is wise, he shd admit and then ask his wife for forgiveness and then move on if possible... For all you know, the man's wife also knows of his philandering ways... :stupid:

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Wed, 26 May 2010 00:32:48 GMT

Andaiz — Wed, 26 May 2010 00:32:48 GMT

Insider, I feel how you feel…and the memories of the BF wedding’s going to be tainted.

I agree with Chief and the rest that you need to confront him. Perhaps not directly first but his BAD behaviour needs to be highlighted. It is not tolerable and if he gets off scot free this time, he would victimize other women in other situations! :x :x :x scum!

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 25 May 2010 16:07:00 GMT

ChiefKiasu — Tue, 25 May 2010 16:07:00 GMT

insider:
It's sort of like a 'judgment call'. If I want to settle this matter squarely with him, I risk ruining my best friend's sister's family. My best friend definitely also will not swallow it and will inform her parents and then things will get messy.

Sick man put me in this kind of spot and I am still thinking whether next CNY want to go visit my best friend's parents as usual. Her parents are also in their 70s and I will feel very buay kum buan if I cannot visit them coz of don't want to meet him. Will play with timing of visit for next CNY instead of every year have a fixed day of all visiting together...

You do not risk ruining your best friend's sister's family. The guy had RISKED ruining HIS own family for doing what he did. You are NOT the one at fault for what happened, or what might happen. Chances are, you are not the only one whom he has attacked. If he thinks he can get away scot free, he will only do it again. At least talk to your friend and see if you can work out something together.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 25 May 2010 15:49:43 GMT

verykiasu2010 — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:49:43 GMT

ChiefKiasu:
verykiasu2010:
since the wedding is over and would not make any scene for your friend

now is to bait him do the same and whack him with evidence, then go to the police
It is ill-advised to \"bait him\" in order to get evidence because he can always argue in court that he was set up (which would be true the 2nd time around), which will then put into question your original case against him.

If you are certain that he was not drunk and the whole incident was premeditated, go talk to your best friend and ask HER what she would do if she was in your situation. Take her views into consideration as you plan your action against him. Do NOT initiate any contact with him, and never meet him alone.

cheif u are right

i was not thinking ..... is bad to bait, i take back what i said

please don't bait, though can feel what insider feels ....

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 25 May 2010 15:47:10 GMT

ChiefKiasu — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:47:10 GMT

verykiasu2010:
since the wedding is over and would not make any scene for your friend

now is to bait him do the same and whack him with evidence, then go to the police

It is ill-advised to \"bait him\" in order to get evidence because he can always argue in court that he was set up (which would be true the 2nd time around), which will then put into question your original case against him.

If you are certain that he was not drunk and the whole incident was premeditated, go talk to your best friend and ask HER what she would do if she was in your situation. Take her views into consideration as you plan your action against him. Do NOT initiate any contact with him, and never meet him alone.

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 25 May 2010 15:34:53 GMT

verykiasu2010 — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:34:53 GMT

since the wedding is over and would not make any scene for your friend

now is to bait him do the same and whack him with evidence, then go to the police

Reply to Molest by someone you know on Tue, 25 May 2010 15:29:27 GMT

EstherTan — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:29:27 GMT

Break his b*lls! :x

Okok, jokes aside, I think you should talk to your husband about this. I’m not sure how close you are to your BFF’s sister, but from what he has done there is no respect for his wife (imagine if this happens on a regular basis?) and her family. I’m not sure if he was drunk, but that is still not a valid excuse for such behavior.

Would you consider confronting him about it when you see him later? (with your husband/ close friends around). I think a simple - ‘please show some respect for others, especially yourself and your WIFE’ is hopefully enough to provide a deterrent for him. This incident was no accident. He made a verbal and indecent proposal. He should answer for it.

I honestly don’t think it’s because he thought you were ‘easy’ (you certainly do not sound like that in your posts!), but he might have assumed you WOULD keep quiet for fear of spoiling the relationship with your BFF.

FYI - I was molested on a Friday night (at around 10+pm) on the way home by an Indian riding a bicycle. He reached out and groped me my left breast as he casually cycled past. I was 22 yo, wearing a white sports polo tshirt and jeans. I shouted and tried to chase, but he rode away too fast. Till this day (and that’s more than 5 years), I regretted not doing something more about it. I did not even tell my husband about this incident. Some times there is no need for females to have to ‘provoke’ certain males visually by behaving in a flirtatious manner or being scantily clad. You just need to be equipped with the female organs for them to want to approach you.

[Disclaimer - I hope this does not turn into a flame-fest with the many male readers jumping in to accuse me of stereotyping ;p]

Chin up!!!