phtthp:

Form of property, as a pledge ?


You mean can pledge your HDB flat or condo or landed, as a collateral to MINDEF, to promise to come back serve NS, later ?

Estéema:

MKS,


Thank you for appreciating. I write knowing it's exposing myself, but I feel more impt to share this coz many parents gets overly anxious (by postings of PSLE & DSA threads every year. I can imagine the worries they go thro & I do ustand them, but I write to encourage a firm grasp (when in lower Pri up till P5 depending on your child's temperament) but one that can prep themselves to slowly let go.

Your beautiful butterflies need space & yr willingness to let it go, before they can perform their beautiful job of pollinating this beautiful life of ours.

Firstly, my sharing possibly come fr my own personal experience with depression & life expectations & maybe coz I'm 老了 hv some salt to share.

Secondly, yes to both your guesses. I've received help when I totally collapsed after my mum passed on. Possibly drained out by the numerous A&E trips, the home caring & juggling very hard to please my young lady boss then & running btwn hospital visits (being late returning fr those lunch hour visits to be reprimanded & penalized during my Appraisals labeled as a poor, uncooperative performer). I cldnt qualify for a maid to care for mum when I was at work then based on the rules then & almost dropped my mum when I was home alone cleaning her fr bedsores.

God was good, he sent many different angels (some friends, some strangers) to appeal to MOM for special approvals, and those who appealed to my young boss that I didn't ask for my mum to be hospitalized but I did work hard to catch up on my work & all cld witness then, before my GM stepped in.

God was good, I didn't hv stroke going through every stroke of tough life, but I had a very kind Christian psychiatrist to journey with me slowly back to human life & meaning.

Then with a thankful heart, I willed to share others' journey. I took up a counseling degree and learnt more to strengthen myself & ustand techniques in listening to those loosing the will to live with hope to lighten their load & pain, so they can feel the hope to wanna stand up & move on. Want to just be a friend to those who need that one hand to extend to them.

Our society s'times moves too fast & we forget to cheer those behind us, so that together we hv a community of strong spirit to move together with hope, with joy & with great strength - The Human Spirit of resilience.

Point is, I cannot be meeting all who needs a frd, but in sharing this, I hope u ladies can be kind partners in recognizing those who are down & needs uplifting. Just be an affirmative frd. Let those who're down spill out their angst & just be warm & listen with \"I'm hearing you\", I u'stand what you're going thro\" - w/o judgement or offering solution. They need to see the solution in your warm frdship & yr strong shoulders.

So sorry arh, I'm long-winded old bag, but I've my own conviction.

Estéema:

janet88:

the boy has completed his A levels overseas, back to serve NS.

we don't know what happened, although I do agree the mum should bring the boy to see a psychologist and counsel both.

Good to know he's completed 'A' levels & serving NS now.

How did he venture to do 'A' levels overseas before completing NS? Parents paid bond for him to go!

janet88:

phtthp:

All the more, the mom should bring her son to see a counsellor, to open up his heart, talk him out, straighten out his thoughts, his thinking. There is a rift between them, because the son in a way blamed his mom, for pushing him into the IP school, through DSA. That's why he won't talk to his mother. All the more, in this type of situation, they need a 3rd party to step in, counsel both mother and son.

the boy has completed his A levels overseas, back to serve NS.

we don't know what happened, although I do agree the mum should bring the boy to see a psychologist and counsel both.

laughingcat:

Estee, you are not long winded lah. :hugs: I have always listen to your experiences so as to prep myself in advance. So do share more from time to time. Or do remind parents from time to time. :please:

phtthp:

All the more, the mom should bring her son to see a counsellor, to open up his heart, talk him out, straighten out his thoughts, his thinking. There is a rift between them, because the son in a way blamed his mom, for pushing him into the IP school, through DSA. That's why he won't talk to his mother. All the more, in this type of situation, they need a 3rd party to step in, counsel both mother and son.

Estéema:

Usually depression don't just appear & hit like a lightning bolt.


It's possibly been happening over time, that a child has been struggling & disinterest with studies. As parents, I'm always mindful to do major training, coaching, persuading or cajoling ... when child is young, 'maleable' like sponges. After they've grown into their tweens & teens, I must gradually step back, intervene only with \"just my opinion, you don't hv to take it all, ...\" but \"know the consequences\" and \"bear the responsibilities\".

If they come to me, I'll listen. Really must LISTEN & zip my mouth owise they'll feel we're not listening = caring ; and they'll shut fr all we say or share our gems as \"old crass\", \"rubbish\", \"par se\" not their time. They'll go to their frds more as bible truths, if they've frds. But will be bottled up kids, if they don't hv anyone to turn to. So, neglecting studies, not handing up work, not paying attention, hand in undone essays, sullen expression during Orals, etc are all attempts to exert their cries for help & understanding.

For us parents, s'times when we tried too hard to exert the right ways for our kids, what is overly done may backfire to our child's detriment. When we don't listen enuf, and see our kids not adopting our advices as they used to be as a Pri sch child, we build up frustrations. These all might hv culminated in her depression coming full blown when the results was not ideal.

Depression is a build up & if too many complications had entwined, then professional help is seriously required to walk through every inner conflicts. S'times, our internal defense mechanisms pushes the 'ugly truth' back fr our presence admission. Until some profession listens & help us unravel & we see what was happening & find our journey out of the tunnel. Professional help is not there to tell us to walk straight into sunlight. They're there to prompt us where we can walk towards & to receive us coming thro into the sunshine.

I've been thro one very major depression after my mum passed (built-up was over a few years of hospital care, home care & nursing home care & drained out). Then one short post-natal & a recent built-up of family & extended family issues. Thankful in a way, after the 1st major depression, the subsequent ones I managed to recognize depression coming on when it rears its awlful head & try to resolve by moving towards either acceptance, rejecting & moving away fr the source returning only later when a possible solution emerge.

Truth is, as parents we must manage FIRST our expectations according to our child's tempo of ability & then help our child adjust their internal expectations & give full support. We shld not force our kids if they're in distress with both studies & growing up (physical & emotional changes, needs and acceptance amongst their peers). Pace with them, be their friend. Only when they're able to pick up YOUR tempo, then u help them pick up if they do desire to catch up with lost time. Owise, leave it to their decision & hold them to their responsibility. Can't force IMHO.

Estéema:

Usually depression don't just appear & hit like a lightning bolt.


It's possibly been happening over time, that a child has been struggling & disinterest with studies. As parents, I'm always mindful to do major training, coaching, persuading or cajoling ... when child is young, 'maleable' like sponges. After they've grown into their tweens & teens, I must gradually step back, intervene only with \"just my opinion, you don't hv to take it all, ...\" but \"know the consequences\" and \"bear the responsibilities\".

If they come to me, I'll listen. Really must LISTEN & zip my mouth owise they'll feel we're not listening = caring ; and they'll shut fr all we say or share our gems as \"old crass\", \"rubbish\", \"par se\" not their time. They'll go to their frds more as bible truths, if they've frds. But will be bottled up kids, if they don't hv anyone to turn to. So, neglecting studies, not handing up work, not paying attention, hand in undone essays, sullen expression during Orals, etc are all attempts to exert their cries for help & understanding.

For us parents, s'times when we tried too hard to exert the right ways for our kids, what is overly done may backfire to our child's detriment. When we don't listen enuf, and see our kids not adopting our advices as they used to be as a Pri sch child, we build up frustrations. These all might hv culminated in her depression coming full blown when the results was not ideal.

Depression is a build up & if too many complications had entwined, then professional help is seriously required to walk through every inner conflicts. S'times, our internal defense mechanisms pushes the 'ugly truth' back fr our presence admission. Until some profession listens & help us unravel & we see what was happening & find our journey out of the tunnel. Professional help is not there to tell us to walk straight into sunlight. They're there to prompt us where we can walk towards & to receive us coming thro into the sunshine.

I've been thro one very major depression after my mum passed (built-up was over a few years of hospital care, home care & nursing home care & drained out). Then one short post-natal & a recent built-up of family & extended family issues. Thankful in a way, after the 1st major depression, the subsequent ones I managed to recognize depression coming on when it rears its awlful head & try to resolve by moving towards either acceptance, rejecting & moving away fr the source returning only later when a possible solution emerge.

Truth is, as parents we must manage FIRST our expectations according to our child's tempo of ability & then help our child adjust their internal expectations & give full support. We shld not force our kids if they're in distress with both studies & growing up (physical & emotional changes, needs and acceptance amongst their peers). Pace with them, be their friend. Only when they're able to pick up YOUR tempo, then u help them pick up if they do desire to catch up with lost time. Owise, leave it to their decision & hold them to their responsibility. Can't force IMHO.

janet88:

there isn't any O level class.
the principal asked to see the parents because he simply refused to study.
the mum had depression but she didn't bring the boy to see a psychologist. there was a rift between them for a while.

janet88:

phtthp:

When the rubber band inside him snapped & he lost meaning & purpose in studies, did his mom bring him to see a school counsellor, talk to him, counsel him, drop 3rd foreign language since so packed ?

Did they also see their Principal, seek help to transfer him to an O-level class ?

there isn't any O level class.
the principal asked to see the parents because he simply refused to study.
the mum had depression but she didn't bring the boy to see a psychologist. there was a rift between them for a while.

phtthp:

When the rubber band inside him snapped & he lost meaning & purpose in studies, did his mom bring him to see a school counsellor, talk to him, counsel him, drop 3rd foreign language since so packed ?

Did they also see their Principal, seek help to transfer him to an O-level class ?

janet88:

honestly, how many parents will believe the child's feel? even then, psle being a nation-wide exam, the scores will be moderated.

after the psle result was released, the parent wanted to turn down the CO and go to another school. so the child was miserable in the IP school and packed with subjects/projects as well as having foreign language at another place after a long day in school. eventually the rubber band in him snapped.

phtthp:

After PSLE was over, the child would have known whether had done well, or not.

If the child tell parents had done well, parents can still turn down the CO, enter by T-score to the school which he wanted. There is still a buffer period of time, before made final decision to exercise (accept) CO, or reject.

janet88:

the problem arose because the parent was worried her child will not do well enough to enter a good enough school and goes all the way to try for DSA in every possible school.

after confirming the position, turned out the PSLE result was 27X but the child cannot go to any other school. IP syllabus is very demanding and the child couldn't cope with the tight deadlines and couldn't find tutors. so he got demoralised and fed up studying.

phtthp:

As such, when a DSA offer or Waitlist come knocking at your door, one have to consider cautiously : whether or not to accept, by honestly, truthfully examining one's own child regular studying habits, learning attitude, aptitude, character, behavior, ability to take stress, minus away all the \"glamorous\" tuition service provider.

janet88:

if there are kids who don't make it in IP school which do not have O level track, where can these kids continue there studies?

.zeit:

Parents must sit down and discuss / strategise with child to see which route is the best to take to arrive at Rome. Don't follow the herd blindly, just because 2nd aunty's child is taking that route.

Take janet's ds for instance. Understand he did extremely well this year in poly. If he continues to maintain the same GPA or attain higher like 4.0, he can strut into Imperial College Engg course, just like an A level grad. Can even try applying for Harvard or MIT if he gets 4.0 plus a solid holistic portfolio (community work, etc). I kid you not.

The best thing is a poly grad (like NUSHers) can siam GP, PW (lower probability to score A/B if in lower-tier JC it seems) and H2 hybrid subjects (which must now include 1 humans). I do not know if poly students need to sit for H1 MT or not. But more importantly, they just focus on technical / vocational subjects and skip all GCE TYS.