Children need to know that their parents care for them.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Sat, 09 Oct 2010 08:10:09 GMT

carlashton09 — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 08:10:09 GMT

Hi everybody, my name is Carl Ashton and I have been a professional martial instructor for 6 years. I noticed that a lot of parents have many concerns before bringing their kids to a martial art/karate class. I am trying very hard to put together a report to address any issues or questions that parents have about getting there kids involved in martial arts. If you would like to help me, please fill out this one question survey http://tinyurl.com/karate4kids . I would be very grateful for your help. Thank you!!

Carl Ashton
http://members.flycatchergenerator.com/takesurvey.php?nid=62

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:01:15 GMT

peterch — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:01:15 GMT

I didn't have that kind of memories...... as my parents were too busy

But I don't want my kids share the same experience, so I tried my best to accompany my DS and DD while they are doing their homework or studying for exam. :imanangel:

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 27 Jul 2010 18:32:03 GMT

notabox — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 18:32:03 GMT

Well, I am touched. This is a mother's love and dedication towards her child, we shouldn't judge.

If your child happens to be a really sleepyhead, will you actually let him miss school or his exam just so he will learn a lesson?

I was one sleepyhead when young and my dm, everyday without fail, would have to wake me many times before I will get my butt off the bed. Did I need her to wake me up on my wedding day? No.

I guess you may call it retribution because everyday now, I have to nag long and hard before my ds1 will get out of bed in the morning. It makes me realise how much my dm must have loved me. This gives me the strength to do the same for my ds1 and one day, he will look back and know how much I love him.

Will I have to wake him on his wedding day?

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Fri, 23 Jul 2010 17:46:54 GMT

Luvkid — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 17:46:54 GMT

Andaiz:
THis is an article on Diva (http://divaasia.com/article/9956) by \"Dedicated\"

Let me know what you think of it...

Sound touching to me. But seems to be over protective/overdoing. I am still doing most of them for DS, but i would hope to let go when he grows older. I can't be there for him all the time to check on minor thing like stationeries. Broken pencil..... I am letting go thing slowly.... He has to remember stuff like replenish his pocket money daily(since i give his pocket money weekly), soak his socks/ uniform (in years to come, i am making him to wash & iron them)all the minor daily things to do. He ought to be independent.

Coaching him with his school work is the only one i can't bring myself to let go.... not at the time being, will only let go until i can't manage his syllabes

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:22:57 GMT

mummyjoyce — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:22:57 GMT

Our parents are less expose to the world (no internet and less travelling during their times) and thus cannot really contribute much in our homework, discussion, even advice us on the course to take in uni. I dont blame them as their key focus was to get enough $ for the family so that all the children can have a better life.

However the parents of today is different, we are so much better and smarter in term of knowledge so we can give more pointers in term of school works and discussions. However we must remember to handoff whenever possible so that they can have the freedom to think and do stuffs on their own. The children of today make less mistakes then us and I am concern in this space. Mistakes make us learnt and appreciare things better in life.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:09:56 GMT

autumnbronze — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:09:56 GMT

Andaiz:
THis is an article on Diva (http://divaasia.com/article/9956) by \"Dedicated\"

Let me know what you think of it...

I REMEMBER doing most of my school tasks and assignments by myself while in school. My parents ensured that I had the basic necessities like food, clothing and books. As for my education, they helped by sitting with me as I studied into the wee hours of the morning.

I remember dad used to wake up at 3am to keep me company as I studied because he was worried that I would doze off. He did not want any mishap to occur – we used kerosene lamps then.

Dad would flip through the papers and mum would iron the clothes. This made me feel that my parents were watching over me and I understood that they cared for me.

I did not depend too much on them, knowing that they, too, had to toil hard.

After that first call, I have to double check at short intervals to ensure he does not fall asleep again. During the exams, I only take 40 winks. What if he wakes up late for his paper – I would never forgive myself.

Whatever it is that I have to do, at the end of the day, I find that all these sacrifices pay off because my sons have performed well.

They are aware of our presence, even though we might be absent. This truly builds their confidence and character. In a way it complements spending quality time together.

I believe that if parents continue to make sacrifices for their children, they will reap the fruits and their children will, in future, carry on the legacy.

They will not feel depressed or neglected; they know they have the scope for expression, they have a role model to follow, and a shoulder to cry on. They will not feel desperate or confused.

Therefore, it is important that parents accompany their children all the way. It should not be regarded as pampering because this guidance will go a long way towards helping them achieve their goals and aspirations in life.

I thank my parents for what they’ve done for me, and I know my children, too, will appreciate me.

My ILs were somewhat like that with their first born - my DH. Though I admit that he learnt to be independent ie living on his own while studying overseas etc ... a little later in life, what I can say is that his parents' sacrifice paid off big time. He is one of the most giving, caring, affectionate, loving people that I know of (of course he has his flaws too, don't we all :D). When I first met him when he was 20, one of the things that attracted me to him was his high dose of confidence (not to be mistaken for arrogance, in fact he is the sort that believes that \"I can do it\" and not give up easily), the way he carried himself and the sense of stability he exuded at that age. He is also very filial towards his parents. He has a close relationship with them and drops by their place for a few mins to chat with them, telling them abt his day etc ... whenever he can. He also speaks with them on the phone at least twice a day everyday. I attribute all that to his parents' upbringing.

They do not depend on him at all, but always accomodate him if he needs to depend on them, even now.

His parents have always put their children's needs above their own, to the point of disadvantaging themselves. His mom has zero social life and sometimes look haggard compared to her siblings. But it has worked out very well, and in a certain ironic way, to their advantage.

I personally subscribe to my IL's way of bringing up their kids, though of course certain changes/adjustments have been made ummmm like for example if my DS is always running late for sch, I would not help him put on his shoes and feed him so that he can make it for the sch bus on time. He has to learn the hard way that he needs to wake up earlier

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 05:03:56 GMT

daisyt — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 05:03:56 GMT

\"Wrapping books, waking them up to study at the oddest hours. I even go to the extent of waking my son, who is studying abroad – via the phone.\" - I cannot accept any of these for teens and after teens time. If one alarm clock is not enough, make it two and three and four. If worry about getting back to sleep again, adjust all the alarm clocks with time intervals. If the soft alarm clock won't work, buy the traditional bell type.

Maybe she also need to give her son a call to wake him up for his wedding? Then wake him up, its time to feed his baby milk at night. :lol:

This remind me of the recent litter bug commercial on TV. The mum feels, she has failed, even the son is very succesful in study.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 04:31:15 GMT

Funz — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 04:31:15 GMT

If my kids, in Secondary school, still need me to label their books for them, I have failed.

If they, in University, still need me to wrap their books for them and wake them up at odd hours to study for their exams, I HAVE FAILED big time.

Seriously, at some point, we as parents have to let go.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:42:46 GMT

tamarind — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:42:46 GMT

[quote]
Therefore, it is important that parents accompany their children all the way.[/quote]What does all the way mean ? When the kids get married, go to their house to cook, clean, wash and take care of grandchildren ? Work for the kids until the day the parents die ? This reminds me too much of \"The Giving Tree\" by Shel Silverstein.

If we really care for the kids, we should teach them the important skills that will enable them to be independent, from as young as possible.

I don't help my P1 girl with her school work at all. Does that mean that I don't care about her ? The fact is that I have already taught her all the necessary skills to work independently.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:41:58 GMT

Andaiz — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:41:58 GMT

Yep, really true that support and mollycoddling are TWO very distinct things. Sometimes, self feeding of the ego for the parent may just not allow the child to mature!

No wonder we are nurturing weepie willows instead of sturdy bushels :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:23:45 GMT

Sun_2010 — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:23:45 GMT

Agree .

Support is essential, but should we not be teaching self reliance too?

RRMummy:

I think even by upper primary, I would expect my children to be able to wake themselves up. If there was an exam then the more they should have the responsibilities to themselves to wake up and get ready

Unfortunately DD sleeps like a log. Make that a LOG. What will being a night owl, waking at 6 is like waking at mid night. Some days she pleads for a wet tissue to wipe her face , so that she can wake up. Like me she needs her beauty sleep - around 8 hrs which is more than most P6ers get ,believe me...

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:16:09 GMT

RRMummy — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:16:09 GMT

I also agree with all of you. I think this goes beyond the 'support' appropriate for a growing/grown-up child.

The support the writer's parents gave, I :salute:.. but whatever support the writer gave his sons especially during uni days, I won't do it for my kids... seems more like over-reliance to me.. not healthy at all.. how to build their character and confidence like that :?

I think even by upper primary, I would expect my children to be able to wake themselves up. If there was an exam then the more they should have the responsibilities to themselves to wake up and get ready... :roll: err.. but believe it or not, my colleague just told me the other day that her son ask her to wake him up in the morning to make sure he is not late for his conference call... this son is 31 y.o.!!! :faint:

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:00:02 GMT

markfch — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:00:02 GMT

Andaiz:

I even go to the extent of waking my son, who is studying abroad – via the phone.

After that first call, I have to double check at short intervals to ensure he does not fall asleep again. During the exams, I only take 40 winks. What if he wakes up late for his paper – I would never forgive myself.

I know to each his/her own, but this is just too extreme. Agree with what Blobbi, jedamum & ksi are saying. I'm willing to do certain things for ds, such as PV and what not, but I draw a line somewhere.

I would rather ds be less smart (never thought I'll ever say this) but more hardy and independent.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:48:32 GMT

corneyAmber — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:48:32 GMT

Agree with Blobbi, this article sounds like the writer is trying to justify to self that all the sacrifices made for the children are worthwhile.

On the contrary, I feel while the children may do well academically, they are otherwise handicapped in living.

Not every child has the luxury of their parents accompanying them until the uni days, would such children be worser off? I don’t think so.

I would have considered my parenting fail if my child still cannot wake up on her own for important events in her life by late teens.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:39:16 GMT

jedamum — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:39:16 GMT

Making sacrifices and giving support are different issues.

Some parents go all out to to attend to the needs of their offsprings to the extend of disadvantaging themselves. Some parents give support to their children based on what they can offer. What is more important is if the parents had taught their children to appreciate what they have and not take these acts for granted even though the love is unconditional.
MHO.

Reply to Children need to know that their parents care for them. on Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:10:17 GMT

Blobbi — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:10:17 GMT

Urb, sounds vunderbar, Andaiz. But this thing about waking the son up with a phone call is too much to stomach.

My humble two cents - I’d say the kid has truly grown up if he’s independent, can make his own living without someone tying his shoelaces etc (I almost want to say I’m exaggerating but maybe not), and can contribute to society. The good grades are nice of course. But maturity and self sufficiency can’t be shortchanged. These are crucial for self esteem and self confidence - I’d never take that opportunity away from my kid! The writer’s parents are supportive but not a crutch that the writer seems to have become …