<![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]>Hi all,


have something to share - and also a reflection for many of us.


Author’s short note: If U’re in a relationship, married or none, read this. U’ll know why at the end.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband…

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


By Stephanie Halmilton

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/13272/marriageRSS for NodeWed, 06 May 2026 08:10:32 GMTFri, 20 Aug 2010 03:18:15 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Sat, 09 Oct 2010 16:46:41 GMT]]>

jedamum:
am interested too! but how to ensure that the VCR 'tape' is not mouldy?

The mould can be cleaned first prior to conversion.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273445https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273445Sat, 09 Oct 2010 16:46:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 01:47:25 GMT]]>Hi


I had the same marriage concept as carebear 😄

As for multi-task, we women are much more better than man 😉
That's what I have been telling my hubby. Always doing one thing at a time.

I can cook brown rice for milk, boil water, clean up the water bottles, etc at the same time while he can't.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272504https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272504Fri, 08 Oct 2010 01:47:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 00:11:15 GMT]]>

carebear:
Oops, forgot about driving part.

I don't suggest that we multiple task while driving, like the men!
It's dangerous.
I mean most women can multi task, eg buy groceries while picking kids up, shopping while kids go for tuition.
One thing I cannot multi task is while watching my TV programme :oops:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272441https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272441Fri, 08 Oct 2010 00:11:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Thu, 07 Oct 2010 11:45:50 GMT]]>

jedamum:
carebear:



Heee....women can multi- task most of the time. Men are more focussed on what they are doing.

sure or not? 😐
whenever i drive, i have to place my two hands on the steering wheel and keep my eyes on the road condition; whenever my dh drives, he can use one hand, drink water, see traffic, and look at other minor stuff happening by the roadside aka

http://postimage.org/image/14dv3p738/

Oops, forgot about driving part.
I don't suggest that we multiple task while driving, like the men!
It's dangerous.
I mean most women can multi task, eg buy groceries while picking kids up, shopping while kids go for tuition.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272318https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/272318Thu, 07 Oct 2010 11:45:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 06 Oct 2010 23:57:26 GMT]]>

jedamum:
carebear:



Heee....women can multi- task most of the time. Men are more focussed on what they are doing.

sure or not? 😐
whenever i drive, i have to place my two hands on the steering wheel and keep my eyes on the road condition; whenever my dh drives, he can use one hand, drink water, see traffic, and look at other minor stuff happening by the roadside aka

http://postimage.org/image/14dv3p738/

When I drive I can talk to DH but he can't. He has to concentrate lol.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271676https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271676Wed, 06 Oct 2010 23:57:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 06 Oct 2010 14:07:02 GMT]]>

carebear:


Heee....women can multi- task most of the time. Men are more focussed on what they are doing.
sure or not? 😐
whenever i drive, i have to place my two hands on the steering wheel and keep my eyes on the road condition; whenever my dh drives, he can use one hand, drink water, see traffic, and look at other minor stuff happening by the roadside aka

http://postimage.org/image/14dv3p738/

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271577https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271577Wed, 06 Oct 2010 14:07:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 06 Oct 2010 13:52:45 GMT]]>

KS_me:
MMM:

:offtopic:


But I managed to convert our wedding and ROM day video from VCR to DVD. I laid my hands on it yesterday evening.

We spent the entire evening with the kiddos watching the 1.5 hours video and it was really great. Seeing ourselves in younger and slimmer days. The oaths that we took, the things we did, the people who attended our wedding, etc... it was just great :love:

Err... off Topic... how did you conver? able to share??

am interested too! but how to ensure that the VCR 'tape' is not mouldy?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271566https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271566Wed, 06 Oct 2010 13:52:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 06 Oct 2010 13:41:32 GMT]]>

MMM:
:offtopic:


But I managed to convert our wedding and ROM day video from VCR to DVD. I laid my hands on it yesterday evening.

We spent the entire evening with the kiddos watching the 1.5 hours video and it was really great. Seeing ourselves in younger and slimmer days. The oaths that we took, the things we did, the people who attended our wedding, etc... it was just great :love:
Err... off Topic... how did you conver? able to share??

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271556https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271556Wed, 06 Oct 2010 13:41:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 06 Oct 2010 05:52:51 GMT]]>

happysheltie:
what is marriage? marriage is tiring. marriage is about sacrificing and compromising. marriage is not about changing others. but why do men expect women to be different?


If a marriage is tiring, and you have to constantly sacrifice and compromise, then don't get married.
No, we should not change after marriage.
Most people change for the worse after marriage, or their true colours come out after marriage.
So be yourself during courtship days, do nothing extra to impress the other party.
happysheltie:
if you have children, you can't break a marriage. one has to continue pretending nothing happen and go on becos of children. we can't choose our own life any more. whatever we do is to show and do for others. we have no more dignity. if one to choose to break up, fingers will be pointing at you. but why has it always be one sided? why when problem arise, the other party will keep saying will try to make it better. if you don't give him chance, he and others will say you are unfair, you are not giving him chance. how many chances are we suppose to give? how long do we have to endure? by giving one too many chances, nothing will improve. we will be immune towards it. by giving him chances to say \"will try\", it's become a habitual to use it after quarrel. if one try, I'm sure the same issue will not happen again. if one say for the sake of saying, definately the same problem will keep coming back.
If the marriage is irreparable, even with children, sometimes it is better to go separate ways.
happysheltie:
Am I asking for too much for spouse to understand your needs and expectation after 10 yrs together?

why can't a man reads woman's mind after so long?

why a man can only focus one thing at a time? why woman is like an octopus having so many hands?

After 10 years of marriage, your spouse should have fully understood your needs and expectations.
A man can't read a woman's mind cos the woman does not want him to find out what she is thinking!
So telepathy is the best, provided you have the signal to do that.

Heee....women can multi- task most of the time. Men are more focussed on what they are doing.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271229https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/271229Wed, 06 Oct 2010 05:52:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Tue, 05 Oct 2010 03:42:35 GMT]]>what is marriage? marriage is tiring. marriage is about sacrificing and compromising. marriage is not about changing others. but why do men expect women to be different?


if you have children, you can’t break a marriage. one has to continue pretending nothing happen and go on becos of children. we can’t choose our own life any more. whatever we do is to show and do for others. we have no more dignity. if one to choose to break up, fingers will be pointing at you. but why has it always be one sided? why when problem arise, the other party will keep saying will try to make it better. if you don’t give him chance, he and others will say you are unfair, you are not giving him chance. how many chances are we suppose to give? how long do we have to endure? by giving one too many chances, nothing will improve. we will be immune towards it. by giving him chances to say "will try", it’s become a habitual to use it after quarrel. if one try, I’m sure the same issue will not happen again. if one say for the sake of saying, definately the same problem will keep coming back.

Am I asking for too much for spouse to understand your needs and expectation after 10 yrs together?

why can’t a man reads woman’s mind after so long?

why a man can only focus one thing at a time? why woman is like an octopus having so many hands?

after all these years of marriage, now I fully understand why there is homosexual relationship. think it’s better for a homosexual relationship to avoid having differences in opposite sex.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/270338https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/270338Tue, 05 Oct 2010 03:42:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:57:47 GMT]]>

3Boys:
carebear:

In my 15 years of marriage, I don't think we have quarreled more than 10 times. We don't say things to hurt each other. We say things to sort things out constructively and I would try to discuss things when we are calm. Some people say this is not good as we treat each other cordially and we are not frank with each other. But I think people say hurtful things they do not mean when when they are angry, so I restrain myself when I am angry. Don't know whether it is healthy?


If you have no issues, why create one? Words once spoken, cannot be taken back, so restraint is certainly the order of the day in a marriage.

3boys .... 😄 good one !

Hubby also practice this Mantra in our marriage .................
Because Woman are endowed with a very very long memory.........

So all Mar..sian be a-ware 😉 😉 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/269931https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/269931Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:57:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 04 Oct 2010 06:26:07 GMT]]>

carebear:
In my 15 years of marriage, I don't think we have quarreled more than 10 times. We don't say things to hurt each other. We say things to sort things out constructively and I would try to discuss things when we are calm. Some people say this is not good as we treat each other cordially and we are not frank with each other. But I think people say hurtful things they do not mean when when they are angry, so I restrain myself when I am angry. Don't know whether it is healthy?

If you have no issues, why create one? Words once spoken, cannot be taken back, so restraint is certainly the order of the day in a marriage.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/269812https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/269812Mon, 04 Oct 2010 06:26:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Fri, 01 Oct 2010 07:55:27 GMT]]>Hi there…

I somehow feels that you n ur hubby is really doing a good thing…
Sometimes less talk and less vocal also can go a long way.
1 needs to be a good listener and the other a good talker…For my case none of us is a good listener…so most of the time, we talk at the same time…lol
Im proud of you being able to practised self restraint in ur marriage… Thumbs up for the both of u…
Should give a tip or two…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/268921https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/268921Fri, 01 Oct 2010 07:55:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 27 Sep 2010 08:17:04 GMT]]>sometimes I feels that only when we die than we can find out if there is really people who appreciate and treasure us. that is the only time when you will miss someone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/266731https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/266731Mon, 27 Sep 2010 08:17:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Fri, 10 Sep 2010 02:41:07 GMT]]>I think it is only possible if both parties have great respect for each other. DH is quite bad tempered. But somehow with me, he is very gentle and seldom gets angry. Even if angry, he does not say verbally, but I know from his actions and discuss with him. Before we got married, I was the one who would start arguments and DH would try and accommodate without quarreling, so over time, i may have been influenced by his way of handling things.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/258084https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/258084Fri, 10 Sep 2010 02:41:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:26:40 GMT]]>

carebear:
In my 15 years of marriage, I don't think we have quarreled more than 10 times. We don't say things to hurt each other. We say things to sort things out constructively and I would try to discuss things when we are calm. Some people say this is not good as we treat each other cordially and we are not frank with each other. But I think people say hurtful things they do not mean when when they are angry, so I restrain myself when I am angry. Don't know whether it is healthy?

Carebear,

this is appreciation for each other differences - that is what make a marriage work wonder

well done :imcool: :imcool:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/258031https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/258031Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:26:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Wed, 08 Sep 2010 02:28:25 GMT]]>

carebear:
In my 15 years of marriage, I don't think we have quarreled more than 10 times. We don't say things to hurt each other. We say things to sort things out constructively and I would try to discuss things when we are calm. Some people say this is not good as we treat each other cordially and we are not frank with each other. But I think people say hurtful things they do not mean when when they are angry, so I restrain myself when I am angry. Don't know whether it is healthy?

Hi carebear,
Lucky you :celebrate:
I think it's great the two of you exercise such self-restraint and good behaviour towards each other.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/256642https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/256642Wed, 08 Sep 2010 02:28:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:05:28 GMT]]>In my 15 years of marriage, I don’t think we have quarreled more than 10 times. We don’t say things to hurt each other. We say things to sort things out constructively and I would try to discuss things when we are calm. Some people say this is not good as we treat each other cordially and we are not frank with each other. But I think people say hurtful things they do not mean when when they are angry, so I restrain myself when I am angry. Don’t know whether it is healthy?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/256515https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/256515Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:05:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:37:36 GMT]]>:offtopic:


But I managed to convert our wedding and ROM day video from VCR to DVD. I laid my hands on it yesterday evening.

We spent the entire evening with the kiddos watching the 1.5 hours video and it was really great. Seeing ourselves in younger and slimmer days. The oaths that we took, the things we did, the people who attended our wedding, etc... it was just great :love:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255751https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255751Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:37:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:23:36 GMT]]>My friend’s husband died suddenly of a heart attack last year. It’s hard to believe it happened, but my friend suffered a great deal. Her husband was retrenched and he was doing a degree then…as such the kids spent a lot of time with him in the last 2-3 years.


So, whenever I am unhappy with my hubby, I tahan as much as I can and treasure him for what he is. There are times of course when we quarrel but then after it is over, forget and move on.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255738https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255738Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:23:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:13:32 GMT]]>Very touching and brought tears to my eyes…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255723https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255723Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:13:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Mon, 06 Sep 2010 04:04:57 GMT]]>Yes, our fellow friend ZacK posted it up in another thread

the exact excerpt last year. Greenies, do merge with the
original one from ZacK if you know where to find it.

Tks in advance. :salute:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255676https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255676Mon, 06 Sep 2010 04:04:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Sun, 05 Sep 2010 15:10:25 GMT]]>It’s really touching, and really good to wake some couples & always look back why they are together in the first place.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255432https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255432Sun, 05 Sep 2010 15:10:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to MARRIAGE on Sun, 05 Sep 2010 13:32:45 GMT]]>A very touching read indeed… .

It was put up couple months back in one of the KSP threads… …

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255402https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/255402Sun, 05 Sep 2010 13:32:45 GMT