<![CDATA[Mutilating self when stressed out]]>Hi mommies and daddies,


My friend and I went for breakfast a few days ago. My friend is a mommy of 2 children, one of which is a 15-year-old dd. My friend told me that her dd has been stressing out over Secondary school life and has been poking herself with pencil lead and sometimes even chewing on her arm. She told me she saw a whole row of bite marks on her left arm and when she tried to find out the root of the problem, her daughter would not respond and sometimes even locks herself up in her room and would not come out.

I want to help my friend but I don't know how to. I tried suggesting to her to keep her company and chat with her but she told me she had tried that but received negative response.

Does anyone know how to help her?
Thanks in advance for your feedback. :?:

😄 Ellen

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/13284/mutilating-self-when-stressed-outRSS for NodeFri, 24 Apr 2026 00:02:12 GMTFri, 20 Aug 2010 07:04:05 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 02:55:38 GMT]]>Good point.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731825https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731825Wed, 09 Nov 2016 02:55:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Sat, 15 Oct 2016 07:22:43 GMT]]>I only read the last two pages. I think it’s important to help the boy. Self-mutilation can be due to many reasons. It can deteriorate for some individuals. For some, it is indeed a passing phase.


If you do know the parents, it is better to inform them directly. or you can ask other classmates’ parents for contact details.
hopefully, the teacher will keep tabs on the boy.

School-based counsellors may not know how to handle, depending on their first degree and previous work experience.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1726261https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1726261Sat, 15 Oct 2016 07:22:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Thu, 13 Oct 2016 04:24:10 GMT]]>Thanks for the additional input, slmkhoo and cherrygal! I am really guessing in the blind here since I have never met this boy but he is definitely not a loner. I will drop a discrete line to the teacher. maybe the kids are too busy acting world-weary though mum here has some very blunt words for them.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725831https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725831Thu, 13 Oct 2016 04:24:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Thu, 13 Oct 2016 01:42:04 GMT]]>Had a guy friend who did that to himself a long time ago… I saw the many fine cuts on his legs (thigh area) when he wore bermudas one day. The prude in me expressed shock, and I asked him why he did that. He casually said it was experimentation. He was a jovial chap and we chatted frequently.


No dark family past. He was popular, had loving parents, was close to his elder sis and also very active at church. Last heard, he is married with kids now. Guess it can be just a phase?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725776https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725776Thu, 13 Oct 2016 01:42:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Thu, 13 Oct 2016 00:37:19 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Thanks folks! I understand adult concerns.


What I am not understanding is why it seems to be a non-issue among a group of 12 year olds. I had classmates who did this in secondary school, and while It was underground, there was an understanding that it was not quite right. I am wondering if it is now, as Sun mentioned, viewed as a normal and perfectly acceptable coping mechanism.

maybe not that common, but is it considered \"acceptable\" by their peers?
I asked my daughter (JC1) and she says they don't consider such self-harm acceptable. They know of a few girls who are doing this (not in her class, just 2nd/3rd-hand gossip) but also feel powerless to do anything. Not sure if there are those who think it's acceptable - maybe they are hardened by too much exposure?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725753https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725753Thu, 13 Oct 2016 00:37:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Thu, 13 Oct 2016 00:29:20 GMT]]>Thanks folks! I understand adult concerns.


What I am not understanding is why it seems to be a non-issue among a group of 12 year olds. I had classmates who did this in secondary school, and while It was underground, there was an understanding that it was not quite right. I am wondering if it is now, as Sun mentioned, viewed as a normal and perfectly acceptable coping mechanism.

maybe not that common, but is it considered "acceptable" by their peers?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725751https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725751Thu, 13 Oct 2016 00:29:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 11:18:45 GMT]]>If only one can KPO at the appropriate moment, perhap can save lives

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725698https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725698Wed, 12 Oct 2016 11:18:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 10:54:59 GMT]]>

Sun_2010:
ammonite:

Thanks for the link. Ds was very matter-of-fact about it, and it came up in a very casual conversation. The boy told the others that it was a way to counter sadness or stress. Ds said quite a few of them had seen the scars, they were all used to it, it was no big deal, no one would dream of telling the teacher.


No stories from other kids?

Sigh! Worries me as a parent. And the fact that he thinks it is a normal way to combat stress/pain. And has been doing this for quite a while.

Can you discreetly inform the teacher, maybe face to face? The boy needs intervention.

Yeah agree to tell the teacher as the parents may not be aware of it. If I m the parent, I would be grateful for it to be brought into lights..need intervention.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725696https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725696Wed, 12 Oct 2016 10:54:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 08:24:46 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Thanks for the link. Ds was very matter-of-fact about it, and it came up in a very casual conversation. The boy told the others that it was a way to counter sadness or stress. Ds said quite a few of them had seen the scars, they were all used to it, it was no big deal, no one would dream of telling the teacher.


No stories from other kids?
Sigh! Worries me as a parent. And the fact that he thinks it is a normal way to combat stress/pain. And has been doing this for quite a while.

Can you discreetly inform the teacher, maybe face to face? The boy needs intervention.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725676https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725676Wed, 12 Oct 2016 08:24:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 07:49:59 GMT]]>Yeah, I did have friends who hurt themselves physically. Some did it out of bravado, others to seek attention from their parents who were going thru a divorce.

1. Cigarette butt scars all over (neglected by rich parents)
2. Cut wrist (parents divorcing)
3. Swallowed panadols (parents divorcing)
4. Punched glass cabinet and cut arm (parents divorcing; GEP)
5. Mental breakdown due to stress - 1 warded in IMH

All from today’s IP schools. Middle- to upper-class families.

(1)- (4) : They are married with kids now, thanks to divine intervention.
(5) : Discharged but lost touch. I remember going down with 2 classmates to the old TTSH psychiatric ward@Mandalay to pray for her.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725668https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725668Wed, 12 Oct 2016 07:49:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 07:30:27 GMT]]>I know of a neighbour P5 kid who get stressed up before oral and composition exam. Once he get stressed up, he will throw things around and damage furniture etc. We can hear all the knocking from our unit. I do not know if this is precursor to something more destructive in time to come. After he blow over, he will be back to his normal self.


He takes it on his parents but not in front of outsider.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725665https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725665Wed, 12 Oct 2016 07:30:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:54:17 GMT]]>Thanks for the link. Ds was very matter-of-fact about it, and it came up in a very casual conversation. The boy told the others that it was a way to counter sadness or stress. Ds said quite a few of them had seen the scars, they were all used to it, it was no big deal, no one would dream of telling the teacher.


No stories from other kids?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725659https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725659Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:54:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:31:15 GMT]]>http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/picking-up-the-pieces-losing-a-loved-one-to-suicide/3196922.html

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725653https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725653Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:31:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:16:02 GMT]]>

ammonite:
I am curious as to how common this is among kids these days

Maybe not that common? At least none among my kids' circle of friends.
Unintentional paper cut is already so painful leh :nailbite:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725646https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725646Wed, 12 Oct 2016 06:16:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:56:57 GMT]]>:scared:

dun scare me leh...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725639https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725639Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:56:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:39:27 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Not my child. I just want to get a sense of teenage perspective. (I am old now!! Sob!!)

I don't understand too and that is why professional advice/help will be required.
I love myself and why would I hurt myself.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725633https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725633Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:39:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:30:28 GMT]]>Not my child. I just want to get a sense of teenage perspective. (I am old now!! Sob!!)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725631https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725631Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:30:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:29:30 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Reviving this old thread - I am curious as to how common this is among kids these days and how they view it.

Ds1 has a classmate doing so. Apparently it is common knowledge and no one in class sees anything wrong with it.
Seek professional help/assistance asap.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725630https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725630Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:29:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:24:19 GMT]]>Reviving this old thread - I am curious as to how common this is among kids these days and how they view it.

Ds1 has a classmate doing so. Apparently it is common knowledge and no one in class sees anything wrong with it.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725629https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1725629Wed, 12 Oct 2016 05:24:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:18:03 GMT]]>alert the school counselor as well so they can watch over her in school too. alert her classmates subtly so they may offer her concern when she looks stressed or out of sorts. at the same time, tell your friend to not get herself sick with worry. she needs to be strong for her girl. all the best to you and your friend. 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/668954https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/668954Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:18:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Tue, 15 Nov 2011 08:09:28 GMT]]>I read this somewhere that they cut/self mutilated themselves because, seeing red liquid out of their vein provides a sense of "real life living" and releasing their frustrations out of them. As soon as they see the blood flowing out, they will be at their own peace and well, stop the bleeding themselves.


So whenever, they feel frustrated or what, they will slash themselves over and over again. Personally, I work with teenagers, especially, in their late teens and early twenties. I have personally interviewed them before and these are the reasons why they re-slash themselves during their "darkest moments"
Some are due to relationship problems, some due to stress, some due to family problems.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/635798https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/635798Tue, 15 Nov 2011 08:09:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Fri, 14 Oct 2011 16:10:09 GMT]]>This is obviously distressing. Clearly the child does not know how to manage her emotions and expressing them in maladaptive ways. First, speak to the child to find out the problems, usually the initial few probs may be superficial ones, probe further and you might find underlying causes. Life skills must be taught explicitly, these youngsters don’t have the experience to cope with the obstacles in their lives and hence they need us.


Before sending them off to the counsellor, get the child to consent to it first and explain to her why she needs to seek professional help but always be there for her and keep guiding & teaching those life skills. I often use Chicken Soup/Readers Digest articles about youths/children facing seemingly insurmontable situations to challenge my children to think of what they would do in similar scenarios. Exposing children to a variety of such situations can help them process and reflect about their own strengths and coping skills.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/610853https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/610853Fri, 14 Oct 2011 16:10:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:40:47 GMT]]>My friends’ marriage was on the rocks. They could not stop fighting at home. They decided to divorce because their daughter reacted with extensive self-mutilation. The girl said she did it because feeling the pain of the cuts helped her forget the pain in her heart.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/608242https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/608242Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:40:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Mutilating self when stressed out on Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:54:10 GMT]]>

Sun_2010:

This is such a comprehensive list.
Maybe this post should be posted under Health as a separate topic ??

Hellooo...Mods/Monitors,
err dont know the protocol but do look in here 🙏

Good idea!

Done!

:celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/245597https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/245597Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:54:10 GMT