<![CDATA[Temper Tantrums]]>I’m at a loss. My demure 2.5 yr old daughter decided to start whining and fake crying. It has never happened before, and we suspect she learnt it from this really whiny kid at child care.


In any case, please advise how to handle this? My other two kids never had this "battle of wills". We are at a loss how to handle and stop her fake cry.

First: Something triggers her. it’s usually something quite valid.
Second: We soothe her, settled the issue.
Third: She starts her "I don’t want" chant. on and on.

We tried the cane. She didn’t stop.
We tried the quiet corner. She didn’t stop.
We tried ignoring her. She didn’t stop.

The record is half an hour.

Please help. It gets quite embarassing too in public. help…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/13329/temper-tantrumsRSS for NodeMon, 20 Apr 2026 02:47:28 GMTSun, 22 Aug 2010 16:35:58 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 19 Oct 2010 09:08:16 GMT]]>

jedamum:
i am more stubborn than my kids. the more they insist on wanting the toy, the more i will not buy for them on the spot if they throw a tantrum (maybe i'll go back to buy some other day) cos i cannot afford to 'lose' to them. i will glow in my own little victory and ignore their cries. fortunately when it comes to toys, my boys are sensible. we don't buy toys for them without planning. i also do not let my ds2 choose toys freely; i will take a few and get him to select. even for ds1, we set a budget and will also assess his choice before buying. usually when we go to the store, i will have my mind make up if i am going to buy anything or not. if it is something good that we chance upon, i will offer to buy before he asked for it.

High-five! I do the same for my son. I have to be the \"boss\", cannot crumble and give in to a tantrum. I also give my son a budget when it is time for him to choose a toy for his birthday or Christmas. He would run around the toy shop, grabbing toys and coming back to me for approval. If the item was too expensive, he would go round the shop again. Very funny to see him do that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278755https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278755Tue, 19 Oct 2010 09:08:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 19 Oct 2010 03:12:24 GMT]]>

KSmom8:
HoSayLiao:

[quote]Another thing that works for me is a system to reward and take away of privileges.


U should be expecting your child to behave well because he want u to be happy and proud not because he is going to be rewarded.

Expecting the young child to behave well because he wants you to be happy and proud is the ideal. However, I feel that this depends very much on the temperament and maturity of the child and perhaps the relationship between parent and child.

I don't ever remember my DS1 ever throwing a tantrum when he was young... seriously! He's more quiet and more willing to listen to reason compared to DS2, and I can sense that he wants to behave well cos he wants mommy to be happy - he's very close to me. Now as he is older, we also adopt a system of rewards for good deeds and take away his privileges when he is undeserving of them.

My DS2 however often throws tantrums... the cry till he vomits, wails and screams lying on the floor type... He does not listen to reason. 😢 I have to resort to the \"ignore and wait till he's tired from crying\" method before I can even try to reason and talk to him. He's not as close to me as DS1 but lately our relationship has become closer. 😉

Last Sunday, DS2 created a small scene at the toy section of the departmental store. I found DH sitting hopelessly beside him as DS2 sat screaming and insisting that he wanted to bring home about almost all the toys. Told DH to let him choose 2 toys earlier. Somehow, after speaking calmly and repeatedly to DS2, I finally succeeded in getting him to choose only 2 toys!!! Hippee! It took almost 10 minutes but no major tantrum in public, phew! This led me to think that maybe having a closer relationship with the child helped and maybe ... DS2 listened cos he just wanted to make mommy happy? :lol:[/quote]If caught in your situation, it will be no toys, not even the pre-agreed 2 toys.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278491https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278491Tue, 19 Oct 2010 03:12:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 19 Oct 2010 02:52:45 GMT]]>

KSmom8:

Last Sunday, DS2 created a small scene at the toy section of the departmental store. I found DH sitting hopelessly beside him as DS2 sat screaming and insisting that he wanted to bring home about almost all the toys. Told DH to let him choose 2 toys earlier. Somehow, after speaking calmly and repeatedly to DS2, I finally succeeded in getting him to choose only 2 toys!!! Hippee! It took almost 10 minutes but no major tantrum in public, phew! This led me to think that maybe having a closer relationship with the child helped and maybe ... DS2 listened cos he just wanted to make mommy happy? :lol:
lolz KSmom8,
i am more stubborn than my kids. the more they insist on wanting the toy, the more i will not buy for them on the spot if they throw a tantrum (maybe i'll go back to buy some other day) cos i cannot afford to 'lose' to them. i will glow in my own little victory and ignore their cries.
fortunately when it comes to toys, my boys are sensible. we don't buy toys for them without planning. i also do not let my ds2 choose toys freely; i will take a few and get him to select. even for ds1, we set a budget and will also assess his choice before buying. usually when we go to the store, i will have my mind make up if i am going to buy anything or not. if it is something good that we chance upon, i will offer to buy before he asked for it. the other day, my ds2 told me that he does not need to buy toys cos we have toys at home already. :love:
my dh is more fierce than me. i will never find him helpless when my boy throw tantrum. if ds2 is to throw tantrum, i will probably find him over the tantrum already and crying/sobbing loudly cos he kena scolded upside down by daddy. :politebleah:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278471https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278471Tue, 19 Oct 2010 02:52:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:15:30 GMT]]>

HoSayLiao:
Hi jedamum


When I was growing up, the 2 methods are commonly used. Trust me, they will work. Every now and then, I would see children of my age locked out of the house. Almost every night, I can hear parents screaming and children cry from the next block, not the next door. I still remember that usually, the Indian father is the harshest caner. Hahaha!! The good old days indeed!!!
In the past, kids can be disciplined in those 2 methods you mentioned as most families had more than 4 kids, some even 10. Kids were not so precious. If you run wild, no one bothers. My female friend's sis was killed by a truck as the parents expected my friend to watch her. They were just 6yo and 2yo respectively. Well, her parents still had 4 other sons.

Nowadays, we only have one or two kids, three is even considered many. With the influence of the mass media and internet, kids mature much faster and think they can be independent with money in their pockets. If we were to lock them outside, they would think we don't want them around so what's there to stop them from running away from home?

There are also more sexual predators and human traffickers around now so it is to our own disadvantage if we shut our kids outside or abandon them in public places during an outburst. It is still better and safer to discipline within our 4 walls. The world is no longer a safe place.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278364https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278364Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:15:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:13:01 GMT]]>

HoSayLiao:
[quote]Another thing that works for me is a system to reward and take away of privileges.

U should be expecting your child to behave well because he want u to be happy and proud not because he is going to be rewarded.[/quote]Expecting the young child to behave well because he wants you to be happy and proud is the ideal. However, I feel that this depends very much on the temperament and maturity of the child and perhaps the relationship between parent and child.

I don't ever remember my DS1 ever throwing a tantrum when he was young... seriously! He's more quiet and more willing to listen to reason compared to DS2, and I can sense that he wants to behave well cos he wants mommy to be happy - he's very close to me. Now as he is older, we also adopt a system of rewards for good deeds and take away his privileges when he is undeserving of them.

My DS2 however often throws tantrums... the cry till he vomits, wails and screams lying on the floor type... He does not listen to reason. 😢 I have to resort to the \"ignore and wait till he's tired from crying\" method before I can even try to reason and talk to him. He's not as close to me as DS1 but lately our relationship has become closer. 😉

Last Sunday, DS2 created a small scene at the toy section of the departmental store. I found DH sitting hopelessly beside him as DS2 sat screaming and insisting that he wanted to bring home about almost all the toys. Told DH to let him choose 2 toys earlier. Somehow, after speaking calmly and repeatedly to DS2, I finally succeeded in getting him to choose only 2 toys!!! Hippee! It took almost 10 minutes but no major tantrum in public, phew! This led me to think that maybe having a closer relationship with the child helped and maybe ... DS2 listened cos he just wanted to make mommy happy? :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278362https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278362Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:13:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:40:47 GMT]]>[quote]Another thing that works for me is a system to reward and take away of privileges. [/quote]
During my times, there is no rewards for behaving well, only punishment for behaving badly. Of course, we need to talk to the child, telling him/her the reason for behaving well.

My mother tell me only one reason why we need to behave. She will says, \"Father went out to work very hard to make a living so children must behave well to make parents happy.\"

U should be expecting your child to behave well because he want u to be happy and proud not because he is going to be rewarded.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278351https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278351Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:40:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:17:03 GMT]]>IMHO any methods for disciplining kids shd not put the kids in a potentially dangerous situation…like losing the kid and exposing the kid to the dangers outside at night.


being tough on the kid does need to be use at times though. I do the ignore and walk off thing too. but I was only pretending to walk off still keeping an eye on him. Thankfully after the the terrible 2-3 phase he hardly throw tantrums in public.

At home, if Ds throws starts to throw a tantrum he will usually be ignored or scolded/reasoned with. If he throw things or want to beat any one because of the tantrum, he will need to go to the naughty corner. If he still do not behave in the naughty corner he will get additional time and if he still refuse to behave, being beaten.

Another thing that works for me is a system to reward and take away of privileges. For us he got a card which I draw smiley faces as a reward when he is very good or did his work very well. He get to play animal kaiser (this can be replace with anything the kid like alot) when he earns 7 smiley faces. So when he is being extremely notty, I will threaten to cancel one of his hard earn smiley faces. So far, works pretty well.

The punishment need to be explained and supplemented by stories and examples on the right way to behave + ways to get the kid to feel good when he behave.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278345https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278345Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:17:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:03:40 GMT]]>Hi jedamum


When I was growing up, the 2 methods are commonly used. Trust me, they will work. Every now and then, I would see children of my age locked out of the house. Almost every night, I can hear parents screaming and children cry from the next block, not the next door. I still remember that usually, the Indian father is the harshest caner. Hahaha!! The good old days indeed!!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278333https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278333Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:03:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:51:31 GMT]]>

HoSayLiao:
After reading many posts here, it seems parents have problems with children throwing tantrums, especially in public. During my times, we dun have such problems.


Throwing tantrums in public

My parents will ignore me, walk away and make sure I can't find them and they themselves cannot find me.

Throwing tantrums at home

Chase the child out of the house, close the doors, no dinner and stay out until next morning.

Follow these 2 methods. Let me know if they don't work.
hi,
do you have children of your own?
if so, have you tried the above methods? your wife or even your parents agreed to such methods of punishment? grandparents use different yardstick in the upbringing of their children and their grandchildren....

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278326https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278326Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:51:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:41:22 GMT]]>After reading many posts here, it seems parents have problems with children throwing tantrums, especially in public. During my times, we dun have such problems.


Throwing tantrums in public

My parents will ignore me, walk away and make sure I can’t find them and they themselves cannot find me.

Throwing tantrums at home

Chase the child out of the house, close the doors, no dinner and stay out until next morning.

Follow these 2 methods. Let me know if they don’t work.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278322https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/278322Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:41:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Thu, 14 Oct 2010 09:08:37 GMT]]>This is the 'terrible two' stage. The best is ignorance and occasionally use the cane. :spank:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/276528https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/276528Thu, 14 Oct 2010 09:08:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:20:06 GMT]]>The point when u said he will hesitate when take a candy and eat, I think he is quite a thinker…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275729https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275729Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:20:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:19:58 GMT]]>The point when u said he will hesitate when take a candy and eat, I think he is quite a thinker…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275728https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275728Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:19:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Wed, 13 Oct 2010 07:30:55 GMT]]>:lol: not that he's sensible...he's just very scared of me... I look like a monster when I get angry.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275692https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275692Wed, 13 Oct 2010 07:30:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:45:10 GMT]]>Wow, your boy is quite sensible.


I have tried both ways u mentioned. Maybe he is still young. When I use cane, and when he knows that Im serious, sometimes he will be afraid, but after 5 mins, back to square one. Unless, I cane. When I cane, I cane really hard. And he will stop after that. Prior to that, nothing can stop him from being mischievous.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275207https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/275207Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:45:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 12 Oct 2010 07:11:42 GMT]]>Hi smurf,

My son is very stubborn and wants his way most times. But he has met his match in me. I am the only one in the whole family that he’s afraid of. The grandparents spoil him, my DH gives in to avoid trouble… but I don’t let it go. So it’s impt that kids are afraid of someone.

Each time he whines and threatens to cry, I break the momentum by telling him to wash his face. He always obliges and though his mood is still bad, he restrains his tears. Sometimes, he will sit on the floor at home and stamp his foot. I usually dare him to roll on the floor. He will stop. He has never dared to throw tantrums in public so far.

I adopt reverse psychology on him sometimes and it works very well. He asks for sweets, I tell him he is coughing but he threatens to cry if not given. I show him the "give up" face, then tell him you want to eat you eat, coz it’s his health. Why bother? And he hesitates to take the sweet.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274968https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274968Tue, 12 Oct 2010 07:11:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:52:29 GMT]]>

smurf:
My boy not afraid of the caning sound... :lol:


In fact, he smile or laugh at the sound... :roll:
If he's not afraid of the cane, then perhaps you need to use the deprivation method or the positive discipline method. The positive way is harder but I try to use it.

Negative: If you don't do your homework, you don't watch TV. (Deprivation)
Positive: You can watch TV after you do the homework. (Reward)

Many times, it's how we say it. We need to learn what pushes our kids' buttons. I find my son acts on it if I use the positive method.

Also, the cane won't instil fear if the parent doesn't look serious when disciplining. I have seen some mothers laugh while waving the cane like a magic wand, trying to discipline. That just makes the kid think it's fun to do the wrong thing.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274944https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274944Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:52:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Tue, 12 Oct 2010 01:39:01 GMT]]>My boy not afraid of the caning sound... :lol:


In fact, he smile or laugh at the sound... :roll:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274633https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274633Tue, 12 Oct 2010 01:39:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 11 Oct 2010 23:33:40 GMT]]>

cherrygal:


If you can't bring yourself to cane hard, then don't cane. By caning softly, you are just letting the child know the cane ain't that scary after all. Try my \"scary noise\" method instead. 😉
Hi cherrygal

Ya...this sounds a gd idea to me...haha will try this method the next time she thro tantrum.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274576https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274576Mon, 11 Oct 2010 23:33:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Mon, 11 Oct 2010 23:26:35 GMT]]>

smurf:
What I do is just ignore. If still dun listen, I grab him and drag him to go. I'm very hard when it comes to discipline...cos I know he can cry for hrs, he can just whine and whine and whine. Until something or someone distract him. It is very frustrating. Because the occurrence is very frequent, one day, he can throw tantrum more than 10 times, and some are just very minor issue. And he can cry for nothing! I mean really nothing lor. Dun give him chocolate, he cry, dun give him cold drink, he cry. He can cry at the slightest thing. Now, when he cry, I just ignore him.


I'm hoping that one day, he will learn. 🙏 🙏 : 🙏
Hi smurf

My DD is also like that...can cry for nothing and throw her temper for few times a day. I usually ignore her but she will get worse...cry and shout louder and louder. I usually step in if her crying did not stop after half an hour...that's also the time which I've cool down and will not scold or punish her during anger. Got once, I even scare her by telling her that I'll let her eat chilli if she don't stop. I took the bottle chilli and pretend that I going to pour into her mouth (of course just pretend as my heart is not that 'hard'). It really works and in fact, she did not throw temper for the rest of the day. In fact, her crying reduced.

It's really taxing me emotionally to deal with her crying and tantrum. She's really an angel when she's good...haha but bring out the devil in her when she throw tantrum...really scary.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274572https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/274572Mon, 11 Oct 2010 23:26:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:34:44 GMT]]>

dimsum:
Balloon sticks are good for caning as they don't leave marks.

Last time, when I couldn't find the cane, I used his toy golf stick to make the scary noise on the sofa.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273776https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273776Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:34:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:40:15 GMT]]>Balloon sticks are good for caning as they don’t leave marks.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273698https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273698Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:40:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:18:18 GMT]]>Can never find the cane whenever I want to use it. My kids have a talent of spotting its hiding place and convert it into a boomerang. After destroying a handful of canes, I switch to hanger, plenty in their wardrobe :evil:


I don't wack them for homework. Punishment reserved entirely for misbehaviour. After giving them 5 chances, their quota is up and they must accept consequences. Usually I asked them to turn their back towards me so that I won't accidentally hit other places. I aim accurately at their chubby backsides or fat fat thighs. More meat at those places. Plastic hangers from Ikea works like a dream. Sufficient pain for a brief moment and doesn't leave any cane mark or bruises.

I don't allow hubby to cane or smack them. He needs a pair a new glasses because his aim is always off. Even if his intent is to smack the upper arm but because his palm is so big, my dd ended up with a red patch on her chest too :x Hence he is only allowed to use the cane on the door, sofa or furniture. Sometimes he raises his voice a little or pinch them gently. Cannot leave bruises or else mean mummy will turn into mean wife.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273692https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273692Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:18:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Temper Tantrums on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:13:59 GMT]]>double post

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273691https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/273691Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:13:59 GMT