How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back?

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:56:19 GMT

gumiho — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:56:19 GMT

Currently, I am also facing the same situation.

Worst part is the gossiper is a Manager.

Any ideas how to deal with this cunning sly fox ?

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:15:44 GMT

cherrygal — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:15:44 GMT

I will ignore and stop befriending her if she’s just a friend.

If she’s a colleague, I will ask her what I did to warrant the gossip. I’ll let her know that I have spies everywhere telling me things. She better be careful with her words.

If she’s a relative, then better to be straight and upfront. What type of gossip? If it’s things like me being unfaithful, then I better confront and dispel the rumours. If it’s minute things like "her hair is so ugly, oh look at her lousy dress sense…" then I will thank her for giving me so much attention and tell her to mind her own business. It all depends.

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Sun, 10 Oct 2010 03:58:38 GMT

DesertWind — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 03:58:38 GMT

Hi loner,

I will choose to \"confront\" via an indirect way. Because I don't think choice #1 acting blur and continue the friendship is the answer especially when you know they are gossiping behind your back.

So the relationships you mention:

1. Your sister - I will ask my mother/family members what has been spoken?
2. Your close friend - I will ask other friends did this friend talk/gossip & about what?
3. Your neighbour - same here, either hint generally that you know about it or loudly protest that you \"hate gossipers\" hope they get the message.
4. Your MIL - hmm....I MUST KNOW what the problem/issue is about and then I will try to clear up any misunderstandings or explain myself. Not direct confrontation but will try to bring up my answers or tell a story from my own point of view - like in answering an invisible question. Hope this will kill it...!

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Sat, 09 Oct 2010 00:59:46 GMT

mrswongtuition — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 00:59:46 GMT

Before I confront, I will gather ‘evidence’.

Did that once and that person say she never gossip about me.
Then once I took out all the evidence, she started crying and say all sorts of nonsense. Her hubs was there and I told him that there’s no point in remaining as friends when your wife can’t watch her own behaviour.

I had 2 voice recordings and a few MSN chatlogs as ‘evidence’.
Provided to me by someone else in the group who was not happy that that person gossip about me (cos it also meant she gossiped about her).

So after the confrontation, the men are still on ok terms, they will go out for drink. But when we need to meet up with that person, we just choose our words carefully and don’t let her have any info to gossip about.
My hubs also does not talk much when meeting her hubs. Only listen to him ‘shu ku’.

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 14:52:05 GMT

jedamum — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 14:52:05 GMT

loner:
How should u behave if u know of someone who has been going around gossiping about u behind yr back?

A) Ignore and pretend nothing has happen and continue befriending her
B) Confront her
C) Keep a distance from her and hopefully she will get the msg.
D) others

PS. What if that someone happened to b yr sister/close friend/next door neighbour?

i am either very blessed or very ignorant (or highly likely very anti-social, right buds? ), cos i have not personally come across any of such. highly likely cos personally, i don't have any close friend to begin with (my dh is my closest friend indeed, then my ds1. lolz. i live in a pigeon hole/well...whatever you call it). if there is, i will not confront the gossip monger; i will first assess what damage the gossip will lead to; if it leads to nothing but entertainment to others, i just let it be cos genuine friends will seek to clarify with me and i can't be bothered with those out for entertainment only; if it leads to my promotion or something similar, i will clarify it with my boss instead of the gossip monger.
so is that a \"D\"?

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 12:10:25 GMT

Angelight — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 12:10:25 GMT

maisy:
Depends on who is the \"someone\".

I am (usually) non-confrontational. So, if the someone is a \"friend or acquaintance\", i will keep a distance. Afterall, people who gossip behind your back can't be regarded as \"friends\" so stop loss, stop the friendship!

If the someone is MIL, this is tricky. Worse when it comes to MIL+SIL (deadly concoction!!!)
I guess the best way to avoid friction with ILs is still to stomach their nonsense & maintain a distance. No point confronting & souring relations further. Hubby will be caught in-between & in the longer term, this will strain the marriage. And no way am I gonna allow my ILs to sow \"discord\" in my marriage!

Agree with Maisy. I'm a victim of MIL's slander and gossip too. No point confronting the MIL. She would deny anyway. Since I cannot stop her mouth from uttering 'rubbish' or 'poison', I have to change the way I would react to her gossip so that it won't affect me too much. Yeah, not easy. I'm still learning.

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:42:08 GMT

maisy — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:42:08 GMT

Depends on who is the "someone".

I am (usually) non-confrontational. So, if the someone is a "friend or acquaintance", i will keep a distance. Afterall, people who gossip behind your back can’t be regarded as "friends" so stop loss, stop the friendship!

If the someone is MIL, this is tricky. Worse when it comes to MIL+SIL (deadly concoction!!!)
I guess the best way to avoid friction with ILs is still to stomach their nonsense & maintain a distance. No point confronting & souring relations further. Hubby will be caught in-between & in the longer term, this will strain the marriage. And no way am I gonna allow my ILs to sow "discord" in my marriage!

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:19:16 GMT

snowman.022851697 — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:19:16 GMT

I will ignore, but if it offends or reveals secrets i’ll choose (b), and when i do that, it’s not really the dude’s best day…

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:11:31 GMT

loner — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:11:31 GMT

I personally prefers to practice (A) initially but if that fella gets overboard I will choose (C).

Not that I'm a coward but more like experiences tells me that too many times the culprit will deny and there is nothing much u can do... This is especially true if she is \"supposingly\" :roll: yr close one

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:54:21 GMT

buds — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:54:21 GMT

24by7mum:
In short, never let anyone control how you feel. You and you alone have control over your life!

Feelings are one thing... how we deal with it is another.
The tricky thing about marriage is we're not just marrying
the fella... it is also about the union of two families. It will
always be a sensitive issue, especially if the husband is
utterly close to the family.... he will take offence that u
claim his family is the one carrying tales.

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:48:16 GMT

daisyt — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:48:16 GMT

buds:
loner:
PS. What if that someone happened to b yr sister/close friend/next door neighbour?

Err... mother in laws included anot har? :lol:

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! :rotflmao:

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:27:04 GMT

24by7mum — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:27:04 GMT

loner:
buds:
[quote=\"loner\"]PS. What if that someone happened to b yr sister/close friend/next door neighbour?

Err... mother in laws included anot har? :lol:

Of course lah! Mine not just deny but instead go round the \"whole world\" to tell relatives that I \"bully\" old woman :x[/quote]Well, if it is your MIL, it may be best to confront her once and for all with your FIL and husband present if you are concerned with what other people think about you. Or if you don't care, just let her ramble till people start to wonder if she is talking sense. In short, never let anyone control how you feel. You and you alone have control over your life!

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:55:08 GMT

loner — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:55:08 GMT

buds:
loner:
PS. What if that someone happened to b yr sister/close friend/next door neighbour?

Err... mother in laws included anot har? :lol:

Of course lah! Mine not just deny but instead go round the \"whole world\" to tell relatives that I \"bully\" old woman :x

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:49:16 GMT

buds — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:49:16 GMT

loner:
PS. What if that someone happened to b yr sister/close friend/next door neighbour?

Err... mother in laws included anot har? :lol:

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:45:58 GMT

loner — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:45:58 GMT

mrswongtuition:
I normally chose B.

& I did just that recently to a close friend cum neighbour.
2 faced monster who tried to dig info fm me to gossip.

What if she denies and acts like a poor lamb going around claiming u have accused her :stupid:

Reply to How do u treat the person who gossip about U behind yr back? on Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:39:08 GMT

mrswongtuition — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:39:08 GMT

I normally chose B.

& I did just that recently to a close friend cum neighbour.
2 faced monster who tried to dig info fm me to gossip.