Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son?

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:03:52 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:03:52 GMT

e3nity:
daddybear:
I am a single parent too. I think the primary problem is finding someone that will accept you as a packaged deal. That is difficult. It is one thing to risk your own emotions and well being but to ask your child to do the same... not so easy. I have been separated for 3 years and met some people. Ultimately issues in regards to my child led me to call it quits. I don't ever want my son to feel that he is a burden to me.

Ultimately, i asked myself whether its more impt to be a good parent or have a companion. The choice for me was easy. Besides, there are no guarantees in life... couples can break up at any point in time. So why not just concentrate on the child and when they are older, I am sure there will be opportunities for one if you still inclined.
daddybear,
i agree with u.. being a single parent we face this same problem.. the 1+1 issue.. u believe you've made a right choice to set ur child priority..

I second that, e3nity!

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:33:34 GMT

e3nity — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:33:34 GMT

daddybear:
I am a single parent too. I think the primary problem is finding someone that will accept you as a packaged deal. That is difficult. It is one thing to risk your own emotions and well being but to ask your child to do the same... not so easy. I have been separated for 3 years and met some people. Ultimately issues in regards to my child led me to call it quits. I don't ever want my son to feel that he is a burden to me.

Ultimately, i asked myself whether its more impt to be a good parent or have a companion. The choice for me was easy. Besides, there are no guarantees in life... couples can break up at any point in time. So why not just concentrate on the child and when they are older, I am sure there will be opportunities for one if you still inclined.

daddybear,
i agree with u.. being a single parent we face this same problem.. the 1+1 issue.. u believe you've made a right choice to set ur child priority..

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:40:17 GMT

daddybear — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:40:17 GMT

I am a single parent too. I think the primary problem is finding someone that will accept you as a packaged deal. That is difficult. It is one thing to risk your own emotions and well being but to ask your child to do the same… not so easy. I have been separated for 3 years and met some people. Ultimately issues in regards to my child led me to call it quits. I don’t ever want my son to feel that he is a burden to me.

Ultimately, i asked myself whether its more impt to be a good parent or have a companion. The choice for me was easy. Besides, there are no guarantees in life… couples can break up at any point in time. So why not just concentrate on the child and when they are older, I am sure there will be opportunities for one if you still inclined.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:53:41 GMT

samuelarnold — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:53:41 GMT

Ask your child about the new relation. i mean ask him are you need a new dad. and also find he will be adjust with a new member.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:04:26 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:04:26 GMT

swebber:
You're right its really a personal decision that you should make. First of course i suggest that you should start by being honest with your kid, after all, it not a uncommon thing having a single parent nowadays and it better that he knows since he is already in the stage where he would start asking a lot of things, lying would only make him hate you in the end. Secondly, if you feel that you are doing just fine without a partner then maybe you'd just be messing it up when you force yourself to get one just cause of peer pressure. As long as you know you are doing the right thing for you child, giving him enough love and support, then you should be ok.

hi swebber,

i just read your post today as life was pretty hectic the past many weeks.

thank u & everyone here so much for all the views/opinions/advice that u guys have shared.

being here, i feel lyk i do hv frenz to turn to, for advice & help, whenever i need, even though we do not know each other personally....

love,
liz

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Sat, 26 Feb 2011 09:17:35 GMT

swebber — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 09:17:35 GMT

You’re right its really a personal decision that you should make. First of course i suggest that you should start by being honest with your kid, after all, it not a uncommon thing having a single parent nowadays and it better that he knows since he is already in the stage where he would start asking a lot of things, lying would only make him hate you in the end. Secondly, if you feel that you are doing just fine without a partner then maybe you’d just be messing it up when you force yourself to get one just cause of peer pressure. As long as you know you are doing the right thing for you child, giving him enough love and support, then you should be ok.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Wed, 23 Feb 2011 01:06:23 GMT

e3nity — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 01:06:23 GMT

Liz_Ryan:
Yea indeed, e3nity, thanx for e comfort

Cheers!

No worries Liz.. Single parents juz got to set their priority right.. I'm not a wonderful mom.. At a stage i din set it right.. But i'm grateful that i've done the right thing. So Cheers.. Lets pray for the better in our own kids..

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Wed, 23 Feb 2011 01:01:27 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 01:01:27 GMT

e3nity:

Hi LOLMum

I hope my life story will help Liz alittle.. and thanks.. i'm glad that everything is fine with my child..

Yea indeed, e3nity, thanx for e comfort

Cheers!

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Wed, 23 Feb 2011 00:58:44 GMT

e3nity — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 00:58:44 GMT

LOLMum:
dear e3nity,

God bless you and your son. it is very good of you to put your son first instead of the new man in your life. the child is the most vulnerable person in any relationship. he is too young, helpless to fend for himself.

am very happy to hear life is turning good for you both and hope you will continue to be strong for any situations.

God bless you both.

Hi LOLMum

I hope my life story will help Liz alittle.. and thanks.. i'm glad that everything is fine with my child..

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:14:49 GMT

LOLMum — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:14:49 GMT

dear e3nity,

God bless you and your son. it is very good of you to put your son first instead of the new man in your life. the child is the most vulnerable person in any relationship. he is too young, helpless to fend for himself.

am very happy to hear life is turning good for you both and hope you will continue to be strong for any situations.

God bless you both.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:44:14 GMT

e3nity — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:44:14 GMT

Liz_Ryan:
As a young girl, I used to have a dream. A dream that I would get married at the age of 23, start having children at the age of 24… Wanted to have 4 kids, stop giving birth at the age of 30… and never did I believe premarital sex.

I never had any puppy-love during school days, first had a boyfriend at the age of 19. We were together for 4 years, and nothing intimate happened between us. In the same year I met my 2nd boyfriend, I was 23 then. We started living together when I was 25, we loved being with each other but still kept a respectful distance. Finally we really got close after 2 years.

And at the age of 29, I kinda gave up hope as he had never initiated marriage. But I wanted to fulfill my dream to be a mom. So I got pregnant. When my son turned 2, I began to think of our future and thought I could not carry on cohabiting for the rest of my life, so decided to call our relationship off. It was a painful decision for a while.

My boy is already 6 years old now. All this while I have been giving him the impression that his dad has gone to work but will not be coming back.

I am struggling, but doing fine bringing him up on my own. I know bringing up a kid is never going to be easy but it is my responsibility and I have grown to enjoy it.

But friends are telling me I would need a companion no matter what. I am confused. I am so used to being alone, taking care of my son. I am not sure if I ever would have the space for another man in my life. Even if I would, would the man and my son ever accept one another?

I am seeking opinion from those out there, be it you are married, single or divorced…..

Merely opinions, after all it would be me who’ll be leading my life with my son……

Hi Liz

I'm going thru my divorce now. Thank god! Finally.. I've been seperated for the past 4 yrs. Thru out the 4 yrs, my ex had nv visited DS once not to say maintenace. Well but we struggled thru. In the inital stage when we were seperated, i had totally nothing in my bank. The bank even send me a letter to inform me that if i don't deposit $500 in the bank, they will close my account. I looked for a sales job. It was very tough but fortunately my mom helped me thru. Eventually i enrolled DS to childcare and life moved on since then. I've a job and income was very stable but its not enough. I went to further my studies and now i'm holding a quite good income and a good post in the office.

During this 4 years, i've been in 2 relationship but it didn't work out. Man gives reason like they can't accept my DS n wants me to give up my DS to be with them. Well of coz i didn't. My friends ask if i feel lonely coz there is no companionship/partner support cause i'm just 26. I told them no. I want the best out of my child's life and mine. If there is gona b a man in my life he got to love my everything.

Over the years i see how my child grow. To me, its not a must to have a man in my life. I can still support my child. I agree sometimes with the absence of a father the child may not be coping well. However, with the help of HELP FSC for single parents and child, both of us are mentally and emotionally fine.

My child is my everything. That is my option. You have the rights to decide what is right for you. If there happen to be a man who appear, do make sure he love ur child more than u.. This will prevent child abuse by step father.

May god bless you!

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Sun, 21 Nov 2010 10:45:45 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 10:45:45 GMT

buds:

In my case, i suppose it worked out for me.... ya know.... that 2nd
chance.... for him to work on it..... when initially i was hell bent and
broken.

Let us pray that it will indeed work out till the end.....

You deserve that much, I believe

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 09:02:13 GMT

24hr-mum — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 09:02:13 GMT

maybe the topic for this thread shd be changed to "is it necessary to have a daddy in the family"?

is daddy just a ‘banker’ to supply the cash to feed the family?

i used to tease my hubby as just being the 'banker, chauffeur (to drive kids around to places) and the buffer (to buffer me agst my mil)."

nowadays working mums who drive and who earn a lot are becoming the banker and chauffeur.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 08:54:33 GMT

24hr-mum — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 08:54:33 GMT

i used to think that the feeling of love must be present at all times of being in a relationship, so i thot my other half who basically is the type that lacks romance, isnt as loving as i thot he used to be prior marriage. but as years of marriage passes by, i begin to realise that men who are the simple down to earth type ie who doesnt know how to sweet talk but are men who will go out and work to support their family and kids, and basically who wont leave their wife n kids to fend for themselves, are truly men who show their love, cos they fulfill their responsibility as a man, father n husband.

so my post that marriage is for life "till death do us apart", "love = responsibility (not just passionate feeling)" stems not just from what the bible teaches abt marriage, but also, i hope men (if any) who read this post can understand their role, plus women who are still seeking love, can look for, ie look for men who have a strong of responsibility and task commitment in anything they do - and whenever they get involved with a woman, esp where kids are involved - basically to see their wife n kids thru.

my own father was practically absent and died early in my childhood. so i didnt know what i miss. and never knew what having a father is like. i used to envy classmates whose hv fathers who eat dinner wif them. if i did hv a good father, maybe my life would be different.

just to share personal opinion, modern youngsters may see marriage as unnecessary or even ‘bad’ cos it ties up a couple "forever". but if a man is willing to give a woman the status of being his (one n only one) wife, it shows something right?

and MM Lee is certainly a man of his words. which couple doesnt quarrel at times? certainly there are ups and downs but a man who can stand by his wife thru thick n thin is certainly a man who shows his love in action, translated into responsibility.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:56:14 GMT

buds — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:56:14 GMT

24hr-mum:
for a responsible man should view marriage as something to last 'till death do us apart'

My hubs is the pinnacle of the word responsible.
I thought being responsible he would view marriage
as something like you said... till death do us part............
but hey, all human beings have flaws & hidden weaknesses.

Then, it comes to a point of \"how\" and \"whether the man wants
to make it work. Some just heck care and give it all up... a few others
may wake up their idea and knock themselves out of their fantasies &
nonsense to make sure they keep it together.... for real.... the 2nd time
around.... for that 2nd chance to prove that all this while, they WERE the
responsible people everyone thought him to be.

Liz_Ryan:
personally, i feel this \"till death do us part\" thingy is just a figure of speech, it makes a good reading line.....

but to imply in our lives?... i don't think so....

yea, of coz we'd do our best to keep a relationship, but at times when it's a one-sided affair, it'll be tiring....

I hafta agree with ya on this, girl. :snuggles:

Hugs coming your way... :hugs:

You stay sane, happy and strong....
not just for sweet Ryan but also for yourself. :love:

Liz_Ryan:
with, deep down in my heart, he'll always be there........

In my case, i suppose it worked out for me.... ya know.... that 2nd
chance.... for him to work on it..... when initially i was hell bent and
broken. Like you Liz_Ryan, when my girls even ask... i just tell them,
i won't have you girls without your daddy.

They ask. They're kids. Kids are curious by nature. But what i want is
for them to have happy & positive impressions of daddy esp since i'm
giving it another shot with what energy i have left...

At least for now... :politebleah:

Well... we can't tell the future, no? :lol:

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:43:25 GMT

buds — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:43:25 GMT

24hr-mum:
basically its a perception what marriage means.

What we perceive and idealize may not always turn out the way we want it to be...

And sadly for some cases where one party is all out with the drive to
make things work, it still doesn't...... too much work and all the
perceptions forgotten....... all the promises broken............

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:29:24 GMT

buds — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:29:24 GMT

24hr-mum:
i recall that MM Lee ever said something like the westerners marry the woman they love; the Chinese love the woman they marry. he tries to do both. just food for thought.

Deep kinda food here that requires careful and detailed preparation uh,
24hr-mum? But i like. Thanks for sharing his quote with us!

Not something easy to do...
I mean, do both leh...

Only one that loves the spouse passionately would be able to achieve
both and in this instance, we can see that from the man himself... MM
Lee. :salute:

Love for country and love for family goes all the way... it's amazing how
he does it.

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:06:34 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:06:34 GMT

mslin:
sayang goes to you, dear..

all mum just want to give their best to their children.. i remembered my late mum used to say \"eat the fish meat and just leave the fish bone for me as i love to eat\".. tho we never eat up her share of fish meat but its the thot of mum thats always in my mind..

i m sure God has a plan for you.. be strong..

thank u, sweetz! God bless..........

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:03:16 GMT

mslin — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:03:16 GMT

sayang goes to you, dear..

all mum just want to give their best to their children.. i remembered my late mum used to say \"eat the fish meat and just leave the fish bone for me as i love to eat\".. tho we never eat up her share of fish meat but its the thot of mum thats always in my mind..

i m sure God has a plan for you.. be strong..

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:54:40 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:54:40 GMT

mslin:
hmm.. i kinda of angry when he just left and did not do any help in caring his son.. :x

you are a great mum.. pround of you..

but shld he comes back again, will you take him back?

honestly, i have no more love for him already....

but if he ever comes back some day and is really sincere about it, i shall accept him, for the sake of my boy

who knows, i might even start loving him again?

i believe all mums are great, dear.... i grew up without a mom, she passed away when i was 5....

if not for her photos, i can bearly remember how she looked......

but without even knowing her, i believe she was a great woman... i have loved her till today, without me even remembering much about her......

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:49:46 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:49:46 GMT

24hr-mum:
love is not just a feeling. its an action (that speaks).

action = responsibility, whether or not the feelings are still there.

hi 24hr-mum, i respect your opinion......... though that of yours differs so much from mine.....

to me, from the feelings i have, i put to action

but if the feelings are not there, & i need extra effort to put into action, & it's not appreciated, i'd feel lyk i'm fighting a losing battle.... really really tiring.......

but whoever you are, from the way u lay things, like how u believe a marriage should last forever, & how married couples should be together 'till death do us part', the man who marries you is indeed the luckiest man in the world......

Cheers!

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:44:53 GMT

mslin — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:44:53 GMT

hmm… i kinda of angry when he just left and did not do any help in caring his son… :x

you are a great mum… pround of you…

but shld he comes back again, will you take him back?

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:40:39 GMT

Liz_Ryan — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:40:39 GMT

mslin:
i m sure.. children is always a angel in mum's eyes..

after the father left, did he give you any help in financial tho you are able to provide everything yourself?

nope....

but it's ok........ it's tough, really.... but am coping.....

i'm basically a simple person, not really into expensive stuff or whatsoever...

wat i earn is enough for his expenses.....

and what i'm doing for my son, i feel happy.....

Reply to Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son? on Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:27:47 GMT

24hr-mum — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 06:27:47 GMT

love is not just a feeling. its an action (that speaks).

action = responsibility, whether or not the feelings are still there.

i recall that MM Lee ever said something like the westerners marry the woman they love; the Chinese love the woman they marry. he tries to do both.

just food for thought.