<![CDATA[Do you resent your husband spending money on his family?]]>Regardless of how bad or nice the in-laws are, do you resent him spending money on them? Well, it may not be a request from them but rather the husband want to or doesn't mind paying for the expenses.


DH's mum and siblings live in other countries. We always have them staying with us whenever they are in town. DH doesn't mind paying for any expenses incurred by his mum (be it medical or pleasure) even if there is a common fund pool to pay for these expenses. He would sometimes pay for some expenses incurred by his siblings. Not 4 digits amount of course.

Occassionally, he would buy things for his siblings, nieces and nephews.
I never ask him how much he give to his mum monthly, birthday or cny angpows for his family.

I have never had an issue with him spending $ on his family and I don't know why and I don't think I should.

Maybe because I am spending his $ on my family as well. :lol: :lol: :lol:

What about you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/15407/do-you-resent-your-husband-spending-money-on-his-familyRSS for NodeSat, 18 Apr 2026 09:27:44 GMTMon, 01 Nov 2010 16:45:39 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Tue, 03 Dec 2019 13:21:07 GMT]]>why shuld u be mad?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1951307https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1951307Tue, 03 Dec 2019 13:21:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Tue, 26 Nov 2019 12:58:59 GMT]]>His family is my family either, so it’s fair that he spends his money on them.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1949778https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1949778Tue, 26 Nov 2019 12:58:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Tue, 26 Nov 2019 12:58:46 GMT]]>His family is my family either, so it’s fair that he spends his money on them.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1949777https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1949777Tue, 26 Nov 2019 12:58:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:03:52 GMT]]>i don’t mind at all, i think spend $$ on family better than spend $$ elsewhere.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/609152https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/609152Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:03:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:13:46 GMT]]>Nope, I don’t mind at all.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/599285https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/599285Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:13:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Thu, 25 Aug 2011 05:21:49 GMT]]>This is monkey see monkey do

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/565238https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/565238Thu, 25 Aug 2011 05:21:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Thu, 25 Aug 2011 05:05:36 GMT]]>

mummy of 2:
pinky:

[quote=\"mummy of 2\"]Yes, from seeing SIL's behavior, I'm conscious of the need to teach my kids not to depend on us financially and also to think of others.


yes I remind my son now and then on the virtue of spending within your means and save for a rainy day.

Pity sil didn't learn this.[/quote]worse, her kids also pick up the bad habit - daughter now shop online for almost everything and son recently mention about getting a car even though both are still schooling - I am speechless 'shake head' :rant:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/565207https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/565207Thu, 25 Aug 2011 05:05:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:42:26 GMT]]>

pinky:
mummy of 2:

Yes, from seeing SIL's behavior, I'm conscious of the need to teach my kids not to depend on us financially and also to think of others.


yes I remind my son now and then on the virtue of spending within your means and save for a rainy day.

Pity sil didn't learn this.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/564844https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/564844Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:42:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:15:17 GMT]]>

mummy of 2:
Yes, from seeing SIL's behavior, I'm conscious of the need to teach my kids not to depend on us financially and also to think of others.

yes I remind my son now and then on the virtue of spending within your means and save for a rainy day.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/564769https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/564769Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:15:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 08:20:51 GMT]]>Yes, from seeing SIL’s behavior, I’m conscious of the need to teach my kids not to depend on us financially and also to think of others.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563743https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563743Wed, 24 Aug 2011 08:20:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:59:19 GMT]]>haizz, all the non-thinking SILs. Curious. They are someone’s daughter/sister - surely can’t be as unfeeling as that?


I have kids of my own, am presently keeping in mind that they don’t become parasites to me or each other when they get bigger. Well, then again, I am not rich enough for them to feed off. 😛

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563697https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563697Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:59:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:49:30 GMT]]>Hi LOLMum!

My DH always give money to his siblings.Our poor situation he need to give money to them but for his own family he think twice or thrice or many times.For my family no need to give,but I like to give to my mum.Recently, my mum had an surgery then we sent money to her.
I don’t mind if they use the money for nessecity,but they spent for luxury life but we didn’t have luxury life.Now we stopped to send.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563680https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563680Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:49:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:38:35 GMT]]>

hquek:
You can't voice out directly to them but if shit happens, you will have to clear up.

You couldn't have summed it up better!

DH also can't be too straight-talking with ils, in case we hurt their feelings or give the impression that we no longer want to support them. Really :frustrated:

DH also thinks that the matter is resolved now that he has made it clear what is expected of sil. However I reserve my judgement on this till the issue is settled.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563648https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563648Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:38:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:59:24 GMT]]>Hi mummy of 2, jia you. it’s really not an easy place to be. You can’t voice out directly to them but if shit happens, you will have to clear up.


All the best!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563543https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563543Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:59:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:18:35 GMT]]>I dare not say upfront that i object to my sil’s request. All communication is thru DH. He does know that there can be unexpected medical cost which can be extremely high especially if it’s over a long period of time. Anyway DH and I have done whatever we can. Now it all depends on whether sil has 良心.


Just can’t help venting cos really mad but have to pretend otherwise.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563456https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563456Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:18:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:18:26 GMT]]>I dare not say upfront that i object to my sil’s request. All communication is thru DH. He does know that there can be unexpected medical cost which can be extremely high especially if it’s over a long period of time. Anyway DH and I have done whatever we can. Now it all depends on whether sil has 良心.


Just can’t help venting cos really but have to pretend otherwise.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563455https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563455Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:18:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:05:46 GMT]]>Not sure what your situation is like.


But usually I will employ scare tactics - how expensive things are these days (medical, foods etc) with real life stories of friends/friends’ friends and $x is really very little to live on; and scary stories about how old pp are abandoned after they sell their flats and the children abscond with the money or totally ignore the parents.

My parents had entertained thoughts of selling their flat in the past, but luckily me & siblings usually tell them to drop the idea and ‘guai guai’ take whatever rental money they can month by month.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563430https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563430Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:05:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:59:00 GMT]]>Hquek I totally agree with you. But like you said I’m only the dil. I have no say. Even DH can’t tell his parents what to do with the flat cos it’s afterall their flat. Actually I have no issue with ils selling their flat to sil and I think it’s reasonable even if they give her some slight discount but to ask to buy at a small fraction of the market price. I think that’s really shameless. To do so knowing that her parents will try to accommodate, I really don’t know what to say.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563418https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563418Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:59:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:50:46 GMT]]>At least DH opposes this, it’s a bit hard for you to intervene becos you’re the DIL only. I would say that this nest egg should be kept as it is becos it’s a constant source of income. once sold, this income will cease. Gold mountain/silver mountain, if it doesn’t produce money, it’ll be depleted eventually.


I would advocate to my parents and MIL alike. Keep your mountain to get constant money. No point selling it and then what is one going to do with that money in the bank. Money in the bank will depreciate, money kept in form of the house may (in SG case so far, WILL) appreciate.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563410https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563410Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:50:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:41:23 GMT]]>Yup am really mad with her becos of this. DH has spoken to her about the need to be fair to their parents so that they can continue to be financially independent. Of cos if they need our support if the nest egg is depleted eventually, we will do our best. However it’s another issue altogether if they decide to give away their asset for less than it’s worth to their daughter. Then she should be the one to provide the additional support. Really mad and still have to be civil to her becos ils don’t she’s taking unfair advantage of them. Frankly I would think it’s ok if she say she has to stop giving ils allowance when she becomes sahm. To "rob" them of their sole asset is totally selfish. In the past few years I have been unhappy with her over other issues also related to her being self-centered but this is really the limit!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563399https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563399Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:41:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:28:51 GMT]]>

mummy of 2:
Exactly! They currently staying with us and renting out the flat for nice pocket money. She thinks it's alright to buy the flat from them at less than half the market value.

Hi mummy of 2, yr SIL is very smart. She knew tat nowadays the prices of flat seemed soaring up without any limit, she maybe using this opportunity n also taking advantage of yr IL's kindness, to pocket any profit of selling the flat in future which she got it for half the market value.

Yr hb should intervene this matter since yr il r staying with u.

My Il hv intended to sell their flat to my SIL at market value but my SIL rejected their offer. Then my il sold their flat to one of their friend at a price slightly above valuation. The money fr their flat will act as 养老金.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563383https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563383Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:28:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:28:38 GMT]]>

mummy of 2:
Exactly! They currently staying with us and renting out the flat for nice pocket money. She thinks it's alright to buy the flat from them at less than half the market value.

That is so selfish of her!! I will not tolerate all these nonsenses! I dont mind if I am a billionaire but all are working for a living. Cannot stand people who keep receiving and do things that benefit themselves only! :mad:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563381https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563381Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:28:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:05:10 GMT]]>

Funz:
I don't mind paying for meals with ILs. Actually I prefer eating out and paying for meals then to have MIL cooking any meals. :roll:


Had a lunch date with DH and in the middle a lunch DH receive an SMS from the bank stating that there is a withdrawal of $15K from his joint account with his mum. He called his mum and she told him she is taking the money out to invest in some shares. He asked her what shares she was not able to give any details. And in the course of the conversation she asked DH for more mthly allowance as she intends to invest more.

After the call, DH lost all appetite. He said give them a few thousand a month still not enough. Here and there the father will call and ask him to get him a new handphone or a computer, the mother will also call ask him to get her an iPod nano or something else. Along the way they mention that they like something and he will feel guilty or generous (I dun know which lah) and decide to buy for them.

I told DH, us, as in me and his children should be his priority. As it is, I am not asking him for a single cent and am paying a fair share of the hsehold and kids' expenses. He must learn to say no to his parents and start to seriously contribute more for our retirement and the kids education. Told him by hook or by crook, our kids will have to have a Uni education. If they cannot make it to a local Uni we must be prepared to send them abroad. That will need money. My aim is to see them through at least a basic degree, if possible, more. If he does not agree, then we need to go back to the drawing board and work out what our goals are for our kids' education. If he is in agreement with me, then he gotta stop giving so much to his parents. If they are really very old and infirmed then yah, more money will be needed to support them that we should be ready to fork out that money but not when they are still well and capable of earning their own keep.
Hi Funz, hv u consider to take control of the household financial? Alternatively u could ask yr hb for monthly allowance n help him to save up without his knowledge. as such, he may not hv excess money for his parents.

A few thousand in a month, tat is more than sufficient for a household expenditure.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563349https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563349Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:05:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Do you resent your husband spending money on his family? on Wed, 24 Aug 2011 04:54:52 GMT]]>At first DH thought it’s between his parents and sister. Just leave it to them. Little does he realize that it would mean us subsidizing his sister to be SAHM should his parents run out of money in future.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563331https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/563331Wed, 24 Aug 2011 04:54:52 GMT