<![CDATA[How much should I give my parents?]]>Hi everyone…


Just hope to get a sampling of views here… a bit unsure of what to do…

Situation is this. I am a FTWM with a 3 year old, and a baby on the way.

My parents (both retired and requiring partial financial support from me) have been helping with my 3 year old. Since I started work, I have been giving my dad $300 and my mum $400.

The disparity is because my dad has a small pension (below $1k) and he pays all the bills. my mum has been a sahm for a long time, and basically has little savings, but pays for nothing (i.e. none of the household bills).

Ever since they started helping to look after my 3 yr old, I started giving them $400 and $500 respectively. And I also give my mum extra to cover her lunch everyday (since if she weren’t helping to look after my kid, my dad will cover her lunch expenses). And I pay for their dinners when we buy back.

So when my second kid comes next year, I intend to give them $500 and $600 respectively. first kid will go to school so they don’t have to look after two the whole day. Is this too little?

I was trying to think of it this way. Most people give their parents a total of $500 monthly if they don’t help with looking after any grandchildren? I guess that is assuming that their parents can support themselves and the money is mainly a token sum. Of course there are those model children who give their mothers like $1000 a month (usually the father is deceased or doesn’t need the money).

So if I had to hire a maid / nanny / put my kid(s) in childcare, I would have to pay at least $500 - $1000+ more monthly, on top of the without-helping-with-grandchilden obligatory $700 I used to give them. So should I be giving my parents what I would otherwise give to a nanny to make it ‘fair’ to them? Or is it ok to give them only $100 more for each kid they help with since they started from a relatively high ‘base’?

Although from my mum’s perspective $500 + meals provided might seem meagre, from my perspective, giving $900 to my parents plus at least $300 in terms of meals = $1200 already. And increasing this to $1400 when number 2 comes out is quite a lot, not to mention the bills and mortgage payments that I’m already committed to at the same time.

What do folks here think? Should I really be giving them more or is this reasonable?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/16655/how-much-should-i-give-my-parentsRSS for NodeSun, 26 Apr 2026 00:25:20 GMTWed, 01 Dec 2010 07:57:12 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Thu, 07 Mar 2024 10:42:22 GMT]]>With today skyrocketing rent and living cost, I think we should set aside some money for personal savings, and some for parents contribution. We need to prepare ourselves for "rainy days". Of course, we can contribute more to parents by working part-time job or something like that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2130425https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2130425Thu, 07 Mar 2024 10:42:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 20 Sep 2023 09:57:39 GMT]]>

ammemma\" post_id=\"2119146\" time=\"1694864960\" user_id=\"202886:

Your ability to give should be based on your own financial stability. You should never give more than you can reasonably afford without causing financial strain on yourself/family. Compute all your family's needs first then set aside savings. If you have spare cash then you can give it to your parents 🙂
Agree. Compute your budget first and if you have spare money, can give it to your parents/other family members. Should not be a problem as long as u prioritize your current family's needs first 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119303https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119303Wed, 20 Sep 2023 09:57:39 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Sat, 16 Sep 2023 11:49:20 GMT]]>Your ability to give should be based on your own financial stability. You should never give more than you can reasonably afford without causing financial strain on yourself/family. Compute all your family's needs first then set aside savings. If you have spare cash then you can give it to your parents 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119146https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119146Sat, 16 Sep 2023 11:49:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Fri, 15 Sep 2023 14:22:58 GMT]]>I think that all parents need help when we are financially independent, I don’t give my parents money, but I buy everything they need and give them expensive gifts

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119110https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2119110Fri, 15 Sep 2023 14:22:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Mon, 29 May 2023 15:49:02 GMT]]>How much do you want to give? How much can you give? I think 15-20% of your salary will be a good gauge.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109911https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109911Mon, 29 May 2023 15:49:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 03:24:16 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2109401\" time=\"1684895316\" user_id=\"2358:

So are u of the view that the parents are not understanding or the parents are imposing a sense of responsibility (ie if sabbatical is a conscious decision, then this allowance should hv been factored into that decision making).
Different ppl hv different thinking I guess. Eg my mom, she will not expect me to give her fixed allowance if I m not working.

From the person taking sabbatical leave..this person may have a certain sense of responsibility..maybe so long as everything no change, I can then go find my own purpose (probably followed by.. you all don't bother me, maybe?)..something like that to me.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109409https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109409Wed, 24 May 2023 03:24:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 02:28:36 GMT]]>

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2109392\" time=\"1684893050\" user_id=\"43981:

For the sabbatical leave case and parents are working/have enough savings..I guess when bring it up during the usual chit chat session, usually the parents will tell the kid don't need to give during the period ba..
So are u of the view that the parents are not understanding or the parents are imposing a sense of responsibility (ie if sabbatical is a conscious decision, then this allowance should hv been factored into that decision making).

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109401https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109401Wed, 24 May 2023 02:28:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 02:27:30 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"2109390\" time=\"1684890857\" user_id=\"2358:

Not sure about the allowance thing. So I know of someone who have kids and liabilities and when the person took a break from work , the allowance to parents still persist even though parents do not hv a need for the money. Person was drawing down on savings for the sabbatical to support the family plus give allowance. So should the person be resentful? Should the parent be more understanding?
I think it will vary depending on the family. In my family (with my parents, and now with my own kids), I would look at the totality of the needs - of the individual, of the parents, etc - then decide on what seems fair all round. It could mean that the kids don't give any allowance to the parents (I have never given any allowance to my parents as they have always refused). Or it could be that the kids still give the same or a smaller amount. If parents feel entitled to the same allowance despite the child being in greater need, I think it speaks rather poorly of the family relationship. And not giving a monetary allowance doesn't necessarily mean that the child is neglecting the parents - the child may still visit, run errands, check up on parents, celebrate events (just not lavishly if finances are tight), etc.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109400https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109400Wed, 24 May 2023 02:27:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 01:50:50 GMT]]>For the sabbatical leave case and parents are working/have enough savings…I guess when bring it up during the usual chit chat session, usually the parents will tell the kid don’t need to give during the period ba…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109392https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109392Wed, 24 May 2023 01:50:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 01:14:17 GMT]]>Not sure about the allowance thing. So I know of someone who have kids and liabilities and when the person took a break from work , the allowance to parents still persist even though parents do not hv a need for the money. Person was drawing down on savings for the sabbatical to support the family plus give allowance. So should the person be resentful? Should the parent be more understanding?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109390https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109390Wed, 24 May 2023 01:14:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Wed, 24 May 2023 00:07:03 GMT]]>

lee_yl\" post_id=\"2109376\" time=\"1684852870\" user_id=\"17023:

Not clear if the author still stays with her parents.
If one can afford to buy a nice handbag or shoes after starting work, but still need your parents to buy your shampoo or food etc., is this not considered leeching off her aged parents?

Btw, why is this even newsworthy to be published in CNA. Nothing to report nowadays?

The writer said she probably would give more if her parents didn’t demand for 15% of her take-home pay when she started working. She then contrasted with how her in-laws didn’t demand for a monthly allowance from her husband and the husband was appreciative to pay for some (restaurants) bills here and there. Did she not realize the irony that because her in-laws didn’t ask for anything from them, they as a couple conveniently forgot (or act blur) to give them any monthly allowance. So it’s just wishful thinking on her part that she imagine she would give more if her parents never insist that she give a monthly allowance. 😂
The relationship between the writer and her parents was obviously not in a very good state to start with, otherwise this wouldn't have become such and issue in the family. With goodwill and good communication, expectations would have been made known, and differences in opinions would have been smoothed out.

But it wasn't a news report, it was a commentary piece. So it has done what it set out to do - she wrote what she thought and felt, and it has generated discussion.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109386https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109386Wed, 24 May 2023 00:07:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 14:41:10 GMT]]>

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2109348\" time=\"1684820811\" user_id=\"43981:

Esp when still living with parents, can explain to them. Lunch outside they need pay $ also. Eat at home need buy ingredients. Look around those foreigners colleagues they need to pay rental some more.
Not clear if the author still stays with her parents.
If one can afford to buy a nice handbag or shoes after starting work, but still need your parents to buy your shampoo or food etc., is this not considered leeching off her aged parents?

Btw, why is this even newsworthy to be published in CNA. Nothing to report nowadays?

The writer said she probably would give more if her parents didn’t demand for 15% of her take-home pay when she started working. She then contrasted with how her in-laws didn’t demand for a monthly allowance from her husband and the husband was appreciative to pay for some (restaurants) bills here and there. Did she not realize the irony that because her in-laws didn’t ask for anything from them, they as a couple conveniently forgot (or act blur) to give them any monthly allowance. So it’s just wishful thinking on her part that she imagine she would give more if her parents never insist that she give a monthly allowance. 😂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109376https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109376Tue, 23 May 2023 14:41:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 05:46:51 GMT]]>Esp when still living with parents, can explain to them. Lunch outside they need pay $ also. Eat at home need buy ingredients. Look around those foreigners colleagues they need to pay rental some more.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109348https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109348Tue, 23 May 2023 05:46:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 05:11:01 GMT]]>Kids shld give some $$ to their parents when they started working esp they are still living with their parents.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109344https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109344Tue, 23 May 2023 05:11:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 04:41:57 GMT]]>

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2109315\" time=\"1684795913\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2109315 time=1684795913 user_id=53606]
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/young-working-adults-parents-allowance-money-personal-finance-3472696?cid=internal_sharetool_iphone_23052023_cna[/quote]
I read from page 1 of this interesting thread. Wa, some parents can ask for up to 70% of kid’s pay as monthly allowance, that’s a lot!

I wonder if friends and relatives know who this writer Dawn Cher’s parents are and how would her parents react/feel, should a relative forward the above article to them. It is so embarrassing!! If my daughter were to bitch about me and my hub on CNA about us asking for 15% of her pay as monthly allowance as we aren’t like a cleaner or beggar type to begin with. Aiyo, so painful like cut your meat, then don’t give lor. I rather my kids don’t give than bitch about me on CNA. :scared:

Anyway, I do give both my parents a small allowance each, as a token of my appreciation, likewise for my siblings too. Both my parents are not poor and they are on the old civil servants pension scheme actually. And I would require my children to do the same too.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109341https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109341Tue, 23 May 2023 04:41:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 04:32:38 GMT]]>

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2109329\" time=\"1684809794\" user_id=\"43981:

Maybe discuss see what amt is comfortable for both parties ba.
That should certainly be part of the discussion. I guess how the parents see it (which not was not clear in the article) and how it is expressed will affect the child's reaction - was it to repay the parents for the past, or pay a share of household expenses for the parents' sake? Certainly, the demand coming as a surprise to the child was likely to be upsetting, and the parents should have anticipated that.

For us, we told our kids ahead of time that we wanted them to contribute something to household expenses, not because we needed it, but as part of their growing up. Living costs money, and contributing to the household is part of \"adulting\". We also passed expenses that are rightfully theirs to them - insurance premiums, mobile phone bills, travel expenses, etc. We suggested 10% of take home pay, and neither girl had any objections. If they had, we could have considered a smaller amount. We have not suggested any regular sum as \"repayment\" or as a sign of filial piety - for that, I would rather they suggest it at a point when they earn more, and they see that we need their support. We've actually told them we don't expect regular support anytime soon.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109339https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109339Tue, 23 May 2023 04:32:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 02:43:14 GMT]]>Maybe discuss see what amt is comfortable for both parties ba.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109329https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109329Tue, 23 May 2023 02:43:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 02:32:18 GMT]]>In a way, our kids are fortunate, as in our culture, our kids are not expected to move out and be on their own the moment they hit 18yrs old or complete their studies. They live with us until they get married or, if they remain single, when they decide they can afford to move out on their own. I do not think that it is unreasonable for the children to contribute something to the household regardless of whether the parents need it or not. When they move out and live on their own, maybe the contribution can be lower.


Parents also need to be reasonable about what they expect from the children. The amount given should not be like a fixed amount or % and it should go up or down depending on their earnings and stages in life.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109328https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109328Tue, 23 May 2023 02:32:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 02:16:47 GMT]]>I do not think I will need DD’s or DS’s financial contribution when they start working. However, I do expect them to contribute something to the household on a monthly basis. That is part and parcel of managing their finances. What we do with their contribution, be it save it, or invest it, we shall decide later. That was how my parents taught us. When you are gainfully employed, you contribute to the household, it started with $100 then as our income grew, we automatically increased the amount and when Dad retired, we increased our contribution further. Each of us contribute based on our financial capabilities. Mum and Dad never needed our money so whatever monies that we contributed to mum and dad came back to us eventually. When we bought our 1st homes, we each received money from our parents. Enough to pay for a decent renovation. And that made setting up our 1st home a lot easier. Who knows, if we had not been giving all that money to our parents, we would most likely spend that amount and when the time comes for big ticket items, we will not have that amount saved.


When I knew DH, he did not have the habit of giving his parents money on a monthly basis. His parents will constantly be asking him for money. And each time his parents ask him for money he gets upset or stressed as that amount is not planned for. I suggested to him to start giving his parents some money on a monthly basis. That way, he can plan to set aside that amount. If he doesn’t want to give monthly and prefer to give when the need arises, then he can plan and set aside a monthly amount and draw from that when required. I told him, personally, I will just give them some on a monthly basis and put aside a bit more for when needed. I think no parents will feel good having to keep asking their kids for money and the last thing you want is for them to get loans, legal or illegal when we can pitch in. When DH started giving them monthly allowances the told them that was what he can afford to contribute. From then, the incidents of them asking for money reduced and relations improved, especially between DH and FIL.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109327https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109327Tue, 23 May 2023 02:16:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 02:14:49 GMT]]>The author didn’t take allowance since 18yo…could it be that she has been working part time + own sponsored studies…then came out to work on 1st formal job, parents demand for allowance? If yes…then will be quite a shock too as she needs to pay for study loan.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109326https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109326Tue, 23 May 2023 02:14:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 02:08:57 GMT]]>Probably if both sides opened up and talk will be better? Sometimes we just dont know what other side’s issues/thinking.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109324https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109324Tue, 23 May 2023 02:08:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 01:30:54 GMT]]>What I sensed from the article is that demand breeds resentment. It is better for the child to give willingly from what they feel they can afford. This article speaks from the child’s perspective, which we as parents need to see also.


Sometimes I observe Asian parents demand so much from our kids (whether grades or filial allowance), whereas we may treat our pet dogs & cats with so much more unconditional love (no demands). Why ah?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109323https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109323Tue, 23 May 2023 01:30:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 01:22:55 GMT]]>

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2109319\" time=\"1684800292\" user_id=\"43981:

Didnt read 100% of the article. Not sure if daughter tell the parents that she doesnt have enough after given them a fixed %. Maybe parents can take but give back by buying her working clothes/shoes/bags, pack lunch for her to bring to office, help top up mrt card etc if they know their dd don't have enough..

Oh..I don't give fixed allowance to my dds then can I ask for fixed allowance from dds next time?

Give only when I know they need cash, I keep smaller notes in envelope (changed at bank) for them to take, there is cash around the places at home like most ppl but they don't conveniently take it somehow.. always calculate how much cash both have combined whenever want to buy small gifts for us..I top up ezlink card for buying food/drinks in school & pack food for them.
I think it boils down to relationship, and expressing thoughts more regularly and ahead of time. I think part of the problem for the writer was that the demand from parents was not only unexpected, but it was couched as a demand. And she didn't feel that they needed it!

Every family will have its own dynamics and expectations, and children should be made aware of these as they grow up. Also, children should be given opportunities to express their opinions and differing opinions should be discussed.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109321https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109321Tue, 23 May 2023 01:22:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How much should I give my parents? on Tue, 23 May 2023 00:04:52 GMT]]>Didnt read 100% of the article. Not sure if daughter tell the parents that she doesnt have enough after given them a fixed %. Maybe parents can take but give back by buying her working clothes/shoes/bags, pack lunch for her to bring to office, help top up mrt card etc if they know their dd don’t have enough…


Oh…I don’t give fixed allowance to my dds then can I ask for fixed allowance from dds next time?

Give only when I know they need cash, I keep smaller notes in envelope (changed at bank) for them to take, there is cash around the places at home like most ppl but they don’t conveniently take it somehow… always calculate how much cash both have combined whenever want to buy small gifts for us…I top up ezlink card for buying food/drinks in school & pack food for them.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109319https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2109319Tue, 23 May 2023 00:04:52 GMT