findingjoy:

Hi everyone, thought this might be useful for some of you


1) Be Positive and Provide Positive Feedback

It is important to replace external and monetary rewards with positive encouraging verbal responses. Do not get into the habit of rewarding your child for good grades. That is merely a short term gain and does not encourage your child to study in the long run. Moreover, there is plenty of scientific research to show that reward systems are ineffective in the long run. When you stop rewarding your child with monetary rewards (ie: toys, gadgets, candies etc), your child will lose the extrinsic motivation to study and may even not want to study anymore.

As such, the motivation to study should always be intrinsic. Give positive verbal feedback that focus on the behavior which you want to promote or encourage. Some positive comments include:

\"You have followed your revision timetable closely and have completed your revision for today. I’m proud of you for being such a diligent and responsible child.”

\"Your handwriting is neat and tidy. All your letters are right between the lines and they’re big enough for your teacher to read. I’m happy that you have put in effort to write well.”

“It’s great that you have completed your homework all by yourself! I know some questions were not easy to solve, but I noticed that you tried your best to solve them. You are a hardworking and determined child. Most importantly, you stayed focused and did not give up.”

Therefore, it is important to get into the habit of encouraging your child with kind positive words.

2) Establish A Study Routine

Your child needs to plan a study timetable and once the study timetable has been set, stick to it. It may take a few days, or even weeks, for your child to get used to it and your child may even protest, but as a parent, you will need to be firm and encourage your child to stick to it. A study schedule is useless if it is not carried out; a study routine is crucial. In order for your child to excel well in his/her studies, a regular study or revision routine is necessary.

As the saying goes, “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

(credits to http://www.pslerevision.com/blog-study-articles)

blissful mummy:

Chenonceau:

Here is another good nugget...


Research in psychology has examined 2 different types of mindsets
(1) the entity theorist
(2) the incremental theorist

The entity theorist believes that intelligence and personality are fixed and unchangeable. If you're lazy, then you're lazy. If you're dumb, then you're dumb. There is nothing anyone can do to change your PATTERN. The incremental theorist believes that intelligence and personality are malleable.

Entity theorists are susceptible to learned helplessness because they may feel that circumstances are outside their control (i.e. there’s nothing that could have been done to make things better), thus they may give up easily. As a result, they may simply avoid situations or activites that they perceive to be challenging (perhaps through procrastination, absenteeism, etc.). Alternatively, they may purposely choose extremely difficult tasks so that they have an excuse for failure. This whole chunk is copied from the following link - http://www.learning-theories.com/self-t ... dweck.html.

Mommies who are entity theorists will adopt a fatalistic attitude towards their children, and too easily give up on attempts to mould them. Mommies who are incremental theorists will problem solve until they find a way to reach their children. I am very persistent. I killed 28 pots of rosemary plants before I figured out how to grow rosemary properly.

I have been trying for years to figure out why my DD has the tendancy to criticise herself in terms for which I would slap anybody else if they used it on her. I prayed, and I read, and I dialogued. To no avail. I just could not stop her from putting herself down. It's amazing that a girl with her stellar track record has such harsh words for herself. But I am an incremental theorist. I believe any behavior can be changed. I just need to problem solve and find out how... or get God to do it.

I think 8 years of persistence paid off last night.

Hi, I am sorry that this is rather lengthy but may I seek your advice here on what I can do for my son?

I had purchased your book 2 years ago and using your techniques, I had successfully helped my son (he was starting P4 then) go from 70s to 90s for his EL and Science and his SA2 results in P4 had been great. But starting P5, his grades dropped and during the PTM with his teacher in P5, she advised me that I need to extend his attention span by increasing the duration that I was coaching him so I reduced his play time drastically (and stopped using the original Study Process as it included intervals of playtime (he loves to play Lego and other simiar toys which requires him to construct objects based on imagination, and he is not allowed to play computer games) to reward him when he mastered a concept well.

Nonetheless, the change in technique did not help him and he continued to fare badly till his recent SA2 in P6 where he scored 50s - 60s for all his subjects, despite my coaching, and the fact that he has tuition classes (for C and Math) and private (one-to-one) tuition for Math and Science. The strange thing is that he is able to complete his Math problems independently at home with his tutor or me (he can score full marks for paper 1, Math, and get most of the sums in Paper 2 correct), and we are expecting him to score at least in the 80s range if not better. Similarly, for other subjects except CL which he has been weak in (usually at the 50s - 60s range).

I am very worried about him. I had just met his form teacher (teaches him EL) and his Math/Science teacher during the PTM where they highlighted that he often spaced out in class and while he is an obedient student, and it is obvious from his exam papers for Math and Science that he knows the answers, he is very careless and they suggested that he might be burnt out as I set him quite a bit of work at home. They mentioned that it appears as if when he is in class, he had done so much work at work that even during exams, it is just another paper to him and there is no end to work so he does not focus to do well. They find it a concern too, that he chooses to go off to the library to read during recess everyday (with a couple of his like-minded friends) rather than to play. He has been a bookworm ever since he was a preschooler, as my family (including his maternal grandparents) all love to read so that is something he is used to.

When I chat with him (we have a wonderful relationship and he is very close to me), he has a \"don't care\" attitude and \"I am only working hard for you, mummy, but I don't think going to a good secondary school is really that important as there are other ways to attain success in life\". I am at my wits' end, as his PSLE is mere months away and I need him to correct his attitude quickly.

I am wondering if you might help advise me what I could do at this stage to motivate him to do well for his PSLE as he apparently knows what he needs to know for most of his subjects but could not be bothered to be careful in his answers during exams.

Thanks so much!!! (from a very desperate mum)

Chenonceau:

Here is another good nugget...


Research in psychology has examined 2 different types of mindsets
(1) the entity theorist
(2) the incremental theorist

The entity theorist believes that intelligence and personality are fixed and unchangeable. If you're lazy, then you're lazy. If you're dumb, then you're dumb. There is nothing anyone can do to change your PATTERN. The incremental theorist believes that intelligence and personality are malleable.

Entity theorists are susceptible to learned helplessness because they may feel that circumstances are outside their control (i.e. there’s nothing that could have been done to make things better), thus they may give up easily. As a result, they may simply avoid situations or activites that they perceive to be challenging (perhaps through procrastination, absenteeism, etc.). Alternatively, they may purposely choose extremely difficult tasks so that they have an excuse for failure. This whole chunk is copied from the following link - http://www.learning-theories.com/self-t ... dweck.html.

Mommies who are entity theorists will adopt a fatalistic attitude towards their children, and too easily give up on attempts to mould them. Mommies who are incremental theorists will problem solve until they find a way to reach their children. I am very persistent. I killed 28 pots of rosemary plants before I figured out how to grow rosemary properly.

I have been trying for years to figure out why my DD has the tendancy to criticise herself in terms for which I would slap anybody else if they used it on her. I prayed, and I read, and I dialogued. To no avail. I just could not stop her from putting herself down. It's amazing that a girl with her stellar track record has such harsh words for herself. But I am an incremental theorist. I believe any behavior can be changed. I just need to problem solve and find out how... or get God to do it.

I think 8 years of persistence paid off last night.

findingjoy:

Hi everyone, thought this might be useful for some of you


1) Be Positive and Provide Positive Feedback

It is important to replace external and monetary rewards with positive encouraging verbal responses. Do not get into the habit of rewarding your child for good grades. That is merely a short term gain and does not encourage your child to study in the long run. Moreover, there is plenty of scientific research to show that reward systems are ineffective in the long run. When you stop rewarding your child with monetary rewards (ie: toys, gadgets, candies etc), your child will lose the extrinsic motivation to study and may even not want to study anymore.

As such, the motivation to study should always be intrinsic. Give positive verbal feedback that focus on the behavior which you want to promote or encourage. Some positive comments include:

\"You have followed your revision timetable closely and have completed your revision for today. I’m proud of you for being such a diligent and responsible child.”

\"Your handwriting is neat and tidy. All your letters are right between the lines and they’re big enough for your teacher to read. I’m happy that you have put in effort to write well.”

“It’s great that you have completed your homework all by yourself! I know some questions were not easy to solve, but I noticed that you tried your best to solve them. You are a hardworking and determined child. Most importantly, you stayed focused and did not give up.”

Therefore, it is important to get into the habit of encouraging your child with kind positive words.

2) Establish A Study Routine

Your child needs to plan a study timetable and once the study timetable has been set, stick to it. It may take a few days, or even weeks, for your child to get used to it and your child may even protest, but as a parent, you will need to be firm and encourage your child to stick to it. A study schedule is useless if it is not carried out; a study routine is crucial. In order for your child to excel well in his/her studies, a regular study or revision routine is necessary.

As the saying goes, “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

(credits to http://www.pslerevision.com/blog-study-articles)

marmalade:

How to motivate kids who is afraid of making mistakes ?


My DD is now 3 years + turning 4 this year and she is learning how to write numbers and alphabets in school. I bought 1 colourful activity book where one will get a sticker after finishing the activity. However for those activity that requires one to write numbers (for example counting number of girls who is dancing), she refuses to write herself and wants me to hold her hand to write even though she knows the answer.

she is also the same in school as her teachers feedback to me.

I was thinking if she is overly dependent because she wants attention but when her brother is not around she is also the same.

and if she is supposed to write '3', she just purposely write '1' and then either says she don't know or she wants you to hold her hand. Then she kept asking, \" is it ok if i write wrongly?\" and then refuse to write.
i concluded that she is afraid of making mistakes and reassured her is ok and even give her a star or sticker thereafter to encourage her. but most of the time she just refuses or just change topic to skip to the next activity.

Any parent with similar situation ? How do you cope with such behaviour?

marmalade:

Thanks slmkhoo.

Yes, i gave lots of praise and encouragement and also attention.

what i meant by coax would mean the following actions (not necessary in order or combination of some or just one of it, all depending on the situation and her response):
1. ask her why is she behaving in this manner and says firmly that we don't condone such behaviour in the house- go stand at naughty corner (but usually this will backfire)
2. mention she is going 4 and is a big girl also a big sister to her younger brother
3. imitate her behaviour and ask her if she also like mummy to behave in this similar manner to her
4. ask her to show the activity to daddy or anyone in the house, giving the 'wow' effect to it
5. sharing analogies using the characters in the stories that we read to her
6. change subject and ask her something that she likes and return thereafter
7. change activity and get her to do something that she likes and return thereafter

for the above, they are all done in a supportive, caring/enthusiastic tone.
scenario can be an activity or her own request.

any parent to share if you have more ideas how to cope ?

:frustrated:

marmalade:

Thanks cse1217.


i must go eat more \"patient pills\" (taking into consideration my temper is way better than my dh) cos sometimes I get very :mad: inside but i still have to try all kinds of ways to coax her when she whines etc. Even my mum cannot take her nonsense.

I will definitely share my experiences with her (video as evidence !!) when she grows up... can't imagine her reaction next time. haa...

marmalade:

Yes, she enjoys reading but she tends to skip the words and listen to what daddy or mummy is reading. I recognise that she is more of a auditory learner so sometimes i tried to highlight the words in a fun way while reading to her. We played games with her so she just learn along the way.


I guess i will just follow her request as long as she is learning. i don't worry much on academics but more of her personality which i think would be a stumbling block in her future learning. I would prefer my kids to be more resilient and confident apart from just studies.

marmalade:

How to motivate kids who is afraid of making mistakes ?


My DD is now 3 years + turning 4 this year and she is learning how to write numbers and alphabets in school. I bought 1 colourful activity book where one will get a sticker after finishing the activity. However for those activity that requires one to write numbers (for example counting number of girls who is dancing), she refuses to write herself and wants me to hold her hand to write even though she knows the answer.

she is also the same in school as her teachers feedback to me.

I was thinking if she is overly dependent because she wants attention but when her brother is not around she is also the same.

and if she is supposed to write '3', she just purposely write '1' and then either says she don't know or she wants you to hold her hand. Then she kept asking, \" is it ok if i write wrongly?\" and then refuse to write.
i concluded that she is afraid of making mistakes and reassured her is ok and even give her a star or sticker thereafter to encourage her. but most of the time she just refuses or just change topic to skip to the next activity.

Any parent with similar situation ? How do you cope with such behaviour?

slmkhoo:

Why not forget about academic work for now since she is so young, and just spend time reading & talking to her and playing with her. That may be the thing that helps.

PIS:

Somehow, my son is lacking of motivation in academic learning while my daughter is always keen to learn more. They are totally different while both my wife and myself are all doers and set by examples.


Both of us concluded that girls are probably quicker in learning.