In-law problems?

[tutormum]

yanyan:

Hi, juz wanna ask the Podders here..any of ur dh are super close to their sis? My ils are ok but during early stage of our marriage life, my sil sometimes wouls sow discord between my ils and me.. End up whenever i visited them with dd, i am like being treated transparent.. Fine, i accepted tat & i work hard to improve our r/s so as not to mk my hb wei nan..


Now is slightly better.. But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa..but whenever i ask wat they chat abt..my hb would refuse to tell me anything.. I feel uncomfortable lo.. But wat else can i do?

Am i being over sensitive?

No matter what, as DIL we are always the outcast unless can manage to get into PIL 'good shoes'. I expected that from day one but the surprise was from my SIL (DH eldest sis) and SIL3 (DH bro's wife) and not MIL. The rest of SIL still reasonable. MIL tried to be fair to all though could see that somehow somewhere that couldn't be done. SIL3 was the favourite DIL cos of her tongue - very sweet and knows how to innocently back stab you to PIL. Her DH felt bad and apologized to my DH when he realised that his DW was very mean with her remarks. He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her 'low education' tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. DH was very close with his family and never seems to listen between the words so I was always the one :mad: :mad: :mad: He always said that I was too sensitive so much so that there's nothing for me to say. :faint: Our agreement was if there's any celebrations etc in his family, the gifts, ang pows etc would be from him. Same applies to me for my family side. Only CNY ang pows are from me cos incoming ones will be kept by me unless those given specifically for DH. Of course if I wanted to give any gifts to any members of his family, that will be entirely up to me.

[yanyan]

tutormum:

No matter what, as DIL we are always the outcast unless can manage to get into PIL 'good shoes'. I expected that from day one but the surprise was from my SIL (DH eldest sis) and SIL3 (DH bro's wife) and not MIL. The rest of SIL still reasonable. MIL tried to be fair to all though could see that somehow somewhere that couldn't be done. SIL3 was the favourite DIL cos of her tongue - very sweet and knows how to innocently back stab you to PIL. Her DH felt bad and apologized to my DH when he realised that his DW was very mean with her remarks. He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her 'low education' tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. DH was very close with his family and never seems to listen between the words so I was always the one :mad: :mad: :mad: He always said that I was too sensitive so much so that there's nothing for me to say. :faint: Our agreement was if there's any celebrations etc in his family, the gifts, ang pows etc would be from him. Same applies to me for my family side. Only CNY ang pows are from me cos incoming ones will be kept by me unless those given specifically for DH. Of course if I wanted to give any gifts to any members of his family, that will be entirely up to me.

I only need to handle 1 sil and i am already learning to breath very deeply..i cant imagine if i have to deal with more sils...my IL only have 2 children..1 is DH and the other is his sis.. and i have to admit that my ILs are pretty ok with me IF the sil didnt inject any poisonous injections of me...

But same practice applies to me as well... Any stuff/pressie/ang pao for DH's side of family is entertained by him...any for my side is i will handle.. BUT ang paos to my dd given by his side are kept by me and to be deposited into dd's bank account..

[racoon12]

He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her ‘low education’ tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. [/quote]



Hey… that is the reason i got from my DH and other SIL when we had an argument but until today my that ‘problematic’ SIL still unable to keep her mouth zipped… haiz… still thinking that her way of doing thing is superior than others.

[janet88]

racoon12:

He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character.

Hey... that is the reason i got from my DH and other SIL when we had an argument but until today my that 'problematic' SIL still unable to keep her mouth zipped... haiz.... still thinking that her way of doing thing is superior than others.[/quote]

SIL can't clam up and acts filial...couldn't resist saying something scarcastic to hubby :evil: . Fly 20+ hours back to 'REMIND' her mother not to leave her out of the share of the flat. Cheapskate angmoh husband of hers...supposedly a dentist with many patients.
I feel that it has nothing to do with her low education but more like poor upbringing.

[buds]

janet_lee88:

yanyan:

Now is slightly better.. But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa..but whenever i ask wat they chat abt..my hb would refuse to tell me anything.. I feel uncomfortable lo.. But wat else can i do?


Am i being over sensitive?

My hubby is close to his sister...even accepting her damn rudeness :mad:
If your hubby doesn't want to tell you anything regarding their chat, then don't ask...ignorance is bliss.

Yanyan, your hubs is close with his sis still not too bad when they whisper whisper in your presence.. mine close to his mommy leh. I have loooonngg ignored the uncomfortable emotion just like janet_lee88 says.. ignorance is bliss.
They say... Say no evil... See no evil... Hear no evil...http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/facebook-smileys.html

Most of the time, even if you do get to know (what the whispers were abt) it either affects your mood through the day or week... or it may inflict feelings that may not be so healthy towards hubby. At first the sensitivity will be brushed often but after a while of training, hope you won't fret your pretty self over it. :hugs: It won't be worth it.

Janet_lee88.. i agree that they can be soo close that they ignore and give in to bloody nonsense attitude. I find because they don't make a stand and condone, they will show some more. :roll:

[jessrav]

Mine is a nightmare.it will take pages for me to pen it down.In short, a totally nightmarish experience.and I have to "report" to her house every once a week just for kids to play.if not hubby will have a war with me as he values close family ties. Yep,we are oth very different with our values…not that I am not close to my family.we have different styles in bringing up the kids, which is very stressful.

[janet88]

buds:

if you do get to know (what the whispers were abt) it either affects your mood through the day or week... or it may inflict feelings that may not be so healthy towards hubby. At first the sensitivity will be brushed often but after a while of training, hope you won't fret your pretty self over it. :hugs: It won't be worth it.


Janet_lee88.. i agree that they can be soo close that they ignore and give in to bloody nonsense attitude. I find because they don't make a stand and condone, they will show some more. :roll:

Honestly, why bother to know what they are so talking ? It's better NOT knowing bcos like what buds mentioned, it affects our moods for the day or even the whole week. Forget it...let them yak or whisper all they want...not worth it.
So long as SHE doesn't get in my way or my life.

[racoon12]

janet_lee88:

buds:

if you do get to know (what the whispers were abt) it either affects your mood through the day or week... or it may inflict feelings that may not be so healthy towards hubby. At first the sensitivity will be brushed often but after a while of training, hope you won't fret your pretty self over it. :hugs: It won't be worth it.


Janet_lee88.. i agree that they can be soo close that they ignore and give in to bloody nonsense attitude. I find because they don't make a stand and condone, they will show some more. :roll:

Honestly, why bother to know what they are so talking ? It's better NOT knowing bcos like what buds mentioned, it affects our moods for the day or even the whole week. Forget it...let them yak or whisper all they want...not worth it.
So long as SHE doesn't get in my way or my life.

Hear no EVIL, see no EVIL... Although sometimes I am curious what are their conversation is, but most of the time not knowing will be a blessing for me... they might nt appreciate my side of sharing n comment thou cos they tot they noe every single thing. As long as they leave me alone I will be more than happy.

[janet88]

Don’t find out what is going on in hubby’s conversations with his sister…it will drive you nuts and spoil your mood. Honestly, it’s so true that ignorance is BLISS.


Before his sister came back, she told him she wanted to get books to coach her angmoh son in basic Chinese. My hubby asked me if I had any. Told him sweetly, ‘All given away…younger one already in P2. Who wants them ?’

Actually deep down I am very pissed…I thought he wants to be secretive with the sister…why ask for things ? Although he is the one who paid for the books, I am the one who spent hours in Popular combing through suitable books. Why should I make it convenient for her ?

[racoon12]

janet_lee88:

Don't find out what is going on in hubby's conversations with his sister...it will drive you nuts and spoil your mood. Honestly, it's so true that ignorance is BLISS.


Before his sister came back, she told him she wanted to get books to coach her angmoh son in basic Chinese. My hubby asked me if I had any. Told him sweetly, 'All given away...younger one already in P2. Who wants them ?'

Actually deep down I am very pissed...I thought he wants to be secretive with the sister...why ask for things ? Although he is the one who paid for the books, I am the one who spent hours in Popular combing through suitable books. Why should I make it convenient for her ?

Janet... i like your eloquently tai chi style....