I ask myself why do I want to push so hard?

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 08 Jun 2011 21:56:26 GMT

smartmummy — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 21:56:26 GMT

tisha:
mistychances:
thank you champion my son#1 is in P5.

I've already talked to him many times. Now, I'm giving up. His SA1 is coming and I really do not intend to do anything with him anymore.

I mean, it is his choice. I tell myself that no matter how much I do, as long as he does not want it, there is nothing else I can do.

Last year, he was above average for Eng, Math. For chinese, average. For Science, I was so upset with him during revision, I decided to let him be, that is stopped revision for Science and true enough he did way below par although pass.

I was hoping that he'll learn his lesson from his Sc paper last year. That in order to do well, you need to put in effort. But it seems like it does not help at all.

I know he wants to do well. But he does not want to put in effort. And I know kids being kids, they need a little nudge here and there. But frankly
I'm not a saint and I strongly believe that if you don't help yourself, no one can help you.

Just hope that for this SA1, he'll be lucky enough to scrape thru.
mistychances,
All I can say is, I completely empathise with you.
You might find some tips here which could help you move on...
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20569

Thanks Tisha
I went to the link that you suggested.Very good.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Fri, 20 May 2011 06:28:17 GMT

eureka — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:28:17 GMT

matrix0405:
eureka:
I feel comforted after reading the posts here and knowing that I am not alone. I am also having trouble with my DS who is in P5. His results are not too bad, but my problem is his attitude. He does not havdone.

I feel like a broken record reminding and pushing him to do his homework daily. The thing is, I am not pushing for good grades, but more for an improved attitude. I believe his grades will improve when he has the right attitude. All these are getting to me. I am losing my temper a lot more. :x I am not sure if he is showing signs of ADHD, or is he just being \"a kid\".

From the many better.
If you suspect he got ADHD, do consider to get him 'tested', early intervention can help him. Otherwise it may manifest into other behaviour: anti-social, bully, lazy, don like to study (because low attention span) etc.

Thanks matrix0405.
I have raised it to the form teacher and she has agreed to get the school counsellor to have an informal assessment with my DS. Still waiting for the arrangement.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 11 May 2011 09:43:04 GMT

matrix0405 — Wed, 11 May 2011 09:43:04 GMT

eureka:
I feel comforted after reading the posts here and knowing that I am not alone. I am also having trouble with my DS who is in P5. His results are not too bad, but my problem is his attitude. He does not havdone.

I feel like a broken record reminding and pushing him to do his homework daily. The thing is, I am not pushing for good grades, but more for an improved attitude. I believe his grades will improve when he has the right attitude. All these are getting to me. I am losing my temper a lot more. :x I am not sure if he is showing signs of ADHD, or is he just being \"a kid\".

From the many better.

If you suspect he got ADHD, do consider to get him 'tested', early intervention can help him. Otherwise it may manifest into other behaviour: anti-social, bully, lazy, don like to study (because low attention span) etc.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Tue, 03 May 2011 07:05:36 GMT

eureka — Tue, 03 May 2011 07:05:36 GMT

I feel comforted after reading the posts here and knowing that I am not alone. I am also having trouble with my DS who is in P5. His results are not too bad, but my problem is his attitude. He does not have the drive, gets distracted very easily and needs a lot of reminders to get a job done. He is also very disorganised and tend to misplace things. His problem was manageable until P4, when I started getting complaints from teachers about poor quality work and homework not done.

I feel like a broken record reminding and pushing him to do his homework daily. The thing is, I am not pushing for good grades, but more for an improved attitude. I believe his grades will improve when he has the right attitude. All these are getting to me. I am losing my temper a lot more. :x I am not sure if he is showing signs of ADHD, or is he just being "a kid".

From the many encouraging words posted in this forum, I want to believe that he needs his time to grow up and think for himself. I will, on the other hand, try to control myself and not lose my temper too often. Hope things will get better.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 18:10:31 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 18:10:31 GMT

They each have their strengths... my girls' teachers i mean. :love:

Not entirely excellent as in without fault lar... however, as parents we
need to know which battles to fight. But having said that, they are
definitely fantastic, hence going back to this post title... cos they are that
good, i don't need to push so hard... cos ideally the role of the teachers
are indeed to inspire children to try work towards their potentials... so the
parents don't have to work so hard or rather don't have to work at all. :snuggles:

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:52:06 GMT

smurf — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:52:06 GMT

Met good teachers before but haven't met excellent teachers as good as your gals ones who would go all out to help the kids.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:47:10 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:47:10 GMT

Got lar. Think positive k?

My girls have been so blessed with aplenty. :please:

Some more just normal neighbourhood school.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:43:52 GMT

smurf — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:43:52 GMT

Not many good teachers around...if got plenty good teachers, many forummers wouldn't be so stress over this method Liao...

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:41:39 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:41:39 GMT

Then let good teachers work the magic of the Teach

Less Learn More method in primary schools.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:37:25 GMT

smurf — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:37:25 GMT

What if the child is in primary sch already? :?

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:34:34 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:34:34 GMT

smurf:
喂 Buds ah, u have the upper hand lah, u r a trained teacher leh, not many parents can teach their kids mah...

Then parents can choose to send to a preschool with more holistic
programme, right? If of course, the price is right.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:30:47 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:30:47 GMT

insider:
If I were her mum, I will train her life surviving skills coz she looks like one who will be conned easily if during her teenage years, someone sweet talk her into doing 'bad' things, she will agree. My training will not be so much on academic coz I think there's a max that her brain power can go in this area...

I can relate to where you're coming from for i have similar experiences
with a few of my students before too. Building on confidence and
familiarity will hopefully boost more that's embedded in her
and the foundation you worked with her on a pace she
can better cope with will be absorbed better.

While it takes a knowledgable educator to know and understand..
to be able to help one with such concerns... i do find that with parents
it is a different ball game altogether esp where expectations are concerned.

It sometimes comes as a case where educators cannot work with the
parents actually and not the child in mention. Unless the parents realize
the concern at hand and break that barrier, not only the child's esteem will
suffer but the suffering (academically & emotionally) may even be prolonged.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:23:53 GMT

smurf — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:23:53 GMT

喂 Buds ah, u have the upper hand lah, u r a trained teacher leh, not many parents can teach their kids mah…

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:14:16 GMT

buds — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:14:16 GMT

deminc:
kaka:
We have moved from third world to first world country, our education standards naturally raises.

Erm, excuse me, first world countries feel we are teaching too much too young. The international schools do not push so hard at 6 years old. My neighbour's son was just doing the alphabet at 6 when he went to the Australian International School. HOWEVER, their students DO learn, but through other means.

Yes, indeed they do.

deminc:
I know, I know. The ratio is not there. The calibre is not there. And our education system still does have its strengths. But it's NOT holistic, it's not going at the right pace. Instead of speeding up what is taught, they should broaden the curriculum. For eg, why can't primary one learn science through hands on activities? Why can't they learn history through traditional tales, outings to the museum etc? These are doable, enriches their lives, broaden their mind.

Uhmmm.. but they can. :idea:

Both my girls did this with the Montessori Methodology.

Both my girls ARE doing all these in their primary school(s)..
Cos we changed school once.

We have a holistic programme in place buuuuuttt seems from
the much shared feedback that not every one from the teaching
pool either has the chops to do it correctly and cohesively or that
they don't care to do/follow the programme at all.

In my opinion it IS doable! :idea: In fact, my Montessorian students
(my girls included ) have all benefitted from such holistic learning
since preschool years and the fact that both my girls are still doing them...
just shows the programme is definitely doable. I cannot thank their teachers
enough.. :love:

deminc:
I do not want to compare with China and Korea. Unless you want to compare the suicide rates and the number of hours Korean students spend in their studies. It's insane.

That's how insane textbook-blackboard-learning can do to children..
Mug.. Mug.. Mug..

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:07:59 GMT

hotspurs — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:07:59 GMT

I read this thread with great interest, drawing comfort that i am not alone in my plight. Someone wrote its more impt to instill the correct attitude rather than aim for top grades and I can’t agree with it more, although living up to it is another matter.

My daughter is in lower primary, to her she doesn’t understand the importance of studying and exams. She is super forgetful and ability to focus is also very poor. But she is quite intelligent and understands swiftly things taught to her…only to forget it 5 minutes later. she is also not exam-smart and careless in attempting test questions etc.
Almost everynight, I will end up shouting at her and sometimes, regretably hitting her. My wife will then argue with me over this. I always promise not to repeat it but still do and my blood pressure is inching up of late. Recently, I broke down in front of my wife and girl (not buckets of tears la) to their shock because I was very saddened by my daughter’s nonchalant attitude. Sometimes I think it has got to do with our expectations. My girl is intelligent and I have witnessed flashes of brilliance by her which is why I cannot accept that she is not performing up to expectation. Over time, I am trying to accept that she may not be academically inclined…but this is very tough, not easy for me to let go. I wish I can be like some parents here who can just stop supervising their children since they are not responsive/ interested but I can’t bear to walk away from her and the vicious cycle repeates itself again. I try my very best to think along the lines - if she is not academically inclined, at least ensure that she understands the need to consistently put in her best effort.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:04:33 GMT

cnimed — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:04:33 GMT

kaka:
We have moved from third world to first world country, our education standards naturally raises.

Erm, excuse me, first world countries feel we are teaching too much too young. The international schools do not push so hard at 6 years old. My neighbour's son was just doing the alphabet at 6 when he went to the Australian International School. HOWEVER, their students DO learn, but through other means. It's a broader curriculum with more aesthetics and by trained teachers. ie Art is by a proper art teacher, not a teacher who gives out printed sheets for them to color for one hour. Music is by a classically trained music teacher with real instrument, not a teacher who clap hands and get the children to sing along for half an hour.

I know, I know. The ratio is not there. The calibre is not there. And our education system still does have its strengths. But it's NOT holistic, it's not going at the right pace. Instead of speeding up what is taught, they should broaden the curriculum. For eg, why can't primary one learn science through hands on activities? Why can't they learn history through traditional tales, outings to the museum etc? These are doable, enriches their lives, broaden their mind.

I do not want to compare with China and Korea. Unless you want to compare the suicide rates and the number of hours Korean students spend in their studies. It's insane.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 08:23:47 GMT

kaka — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 08:23:47 GMT

We have moved from third world to first world country, our education standards naturally raises. Gone were the time majority of our parents were illiterate or had little education. Enter the new generation of KS parents true to the culture of Singapore, I think the situation will just get more and more difficult for our children. If there is any consolation, the children in China and Korea are even more stressed.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:34:42 GMT

cnimed — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:34:42 GMT

I wonder how much standards have changed since our time though. I really don’t think I was asked to do as much work in P1 as my son is doing now. I don’t remember having to do journal writing, and certainly no maths modelling during my time. My PSLE score of over 260 is an antique compared to today’s time. Perhaps my 260 then, will be a 230 today?? Or even less! Just like the olden days "sports car" will just be a sputtering model compared to today’s average cars.

I am not sure if the current syllabus is really beneficial for children. I suspect that making them do more and harder things at an earlier age will not necessarily mean better understanding and learning at the end of 6 years.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:46:48 GMT

Funz — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:46:48 GMT

Ahhh… therein lies my pressure button.

There is the national average T-score, and there is my family T-score. Get what I mean.

And yah Tamarind, it is interesting looking back at my own report card. P1, P2 all in the 90s or even full marks. Then suddenly P3 mid year, major crash, almost failed math and chinese but year end exam again up in the 90s. Found that interesting and was trying to think back, of course cannot remember much, only thing that I can remember was that was the year my younger sis was born. After 9yrs of being the baby of the family I am suddenly no longer the youngest and mummy seem to be tired and busy all the time. So I pin it down to adjustment issues. And can you imagine, even scoring in the 90s most of the time, I was still not in the top class, so that means, the rest of my cohort in that school were scoring mostly full marks.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:28:48 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:28:48 GMT

Pen88n:
I think we have been exposed to too much of the high PSLE T-scores in the newspaper to think this is like norm. To be exact, 200 is the passing mark (it is not like 50 the passing mark for each subject). 200 T-score is the mean - if you score exactly at the average mark of the cohort for every subject, you will get 200 in total. Anything above 200 means your child is already above average! We sometimes forget that there is another group which is below this average, and of course, this group is quieter and so we are less aware of those scoring in this range.

In my kids' primary school, more than 50% of the students scored around 200 So that is the norm.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:24:45 GMT

Pen88n — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:24:45 GMT

I think we have been exposed to too much of the high PSLE T-scores in the newspaper to think this is like norm. To be exact, 200 is not the passing mark (it is not like 50 the passing mark for each subject). 200 T-score is the mean - if you score exactly at the average mark of the cohort for every subject, you will get 200 in total. Anything above 200 means your child is already above average! We sometimes forget that there is another group which is below this average, and of course, this group is quieter and so we are less aware of those scoring in this range.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:19:40 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:19:40 GMT

Recently I looked through my own primary school report book, pleasantly surprised that I scored 100 marks in my PSLE maths prelim, and also did very well for other subjects. I have forgotten about this. I only remember that I got into the top class in the top girl’s secondary school and the top PSLE scholar of the year was in my class. The best part is that, I don’t remember doing any assessment books, and I don’t remember studying for many hours a day, and I am definitely not gifted. I remember my mother nagging me, but she never put any stress on me to get high marks, and she never had to cane me to study. My brother did much better than me academically.

My mother is a great role model to me.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:54:58 GMT

Funz — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:54:58 GMT

230 is not what I am targetting at. 230 is the break point. Well along the way things may change since it is still another 4yrs to PSLE.

I mentioned, there is a benchmark. One that is rather high in my opinion, one that everyone around me keep saying is attainable. Or rather to them that is what an average kid should be getting. Which makes me feel that if DD does not attain that or something close to that, it will be my failure.

Right now, DD seem to be doing ok, coming home with full marks or 1 or 2 short of full marks for her tests. Still above average. But it's only P2, honeymoon period. I am not doing much to push or guide. No pre-teaching, not much coaching but a lot of constant reminders to complete homework and learn her spelling and tingxie.

The lazy mummy in me want to just let her cope on her own, whatever the result may be. The KS mummy in me want her to go that extra mile. At the end of the day, I guess, I have to make sure that whatever the route I take, I have to make sure that it is for HER and not for ME. Not easy sometimes.

Reply to I ask myself why do I want to push so hard? on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:40:34 GMT

Funz — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:40:34 GMT

insider:
Funz:
I feel that there has been a benchmark set in my family, DH feels that too. At P2, it is still too early to tell if DD has the same calibre as my niece and nephew but for now, we are hoping to work towards that. Along the way, I have to keep reminding myself, it is ok if DD does not achieve that kind of grades. But sometimes it can get difficult.

Funz,

If i remember correctly your daughter is a witty and lively girl full of spirit.

Can try to push her a little but don't kill her natural character (sometimes in a process of 'pushing' toward the more formal academic goals, we kill the original strengths of a child).

from the description of your girl i read from other posts seems to me that she will make a good PR person next time!

Haha. Yah DD is a lively, witty, spirited girl. And yes, she needs some pushing or she will give you sub-standard work.

PR person, hmmm... yah. She is ultra friendly and everyone is her friend. Only problem is she can never remember their names. :lol:

I guess I keep telling myself that it is ok. There is more to life then exams and grades. But to be very very honest, I think I will have a hard time accepting it if DD were to end up with a PSLE aggregate that is below 230.