<![CDATA[Cellphone and the kids]]>This was a letter to TODAY ppr last Friday.


I kinda can identify with this parent. The moment I put down my phone when I reached home at the end of the day, my boy will pick it up and start checking his FB and whatever nonsense. It's alot more convenient since it doesn't require booting, very portable and handy.

Now that most basic phones are smart phones, I can imagine him tapping away the whole day in school, at home or whereever there's connectivity (assume no 3G card given to him) if he is ever given one.

Do you struggle with this too?
[quote]The day I confiscated my 12-year-old's handphone

by Foo Chin Peng 04:46 AM Apr 15, 2011

My daughter got her mobile phone when she was aged 12. It was mainly so that I could coordinate picking her and her younger brother up from school, especially when I got tied up in meetings, work or traffic. If I could not make it I could text them to use public transport to go home.

The phone came with a prepaid card so we could control the charges. For many parents this is their main worry. The first massive phone bill is always a shock, and is followed by an interrogation session and the start of monitoring their child's phone habits.

In my case, I began to note my daughter's mobile phone habits after she started Secondary 1 - a stage which, these days, seems to signal the growing use of social networking applications. She would be holding onto her mobile phone every second of the day, even when she went to the bathroom.

While doing her schoolwork, her phone would be close by and she would check it every few minutes. (One friend said at bedtime, her daughter pulls the blanket over her head and taps away on her phone.)

At first, I merely reminded my daughter about the responsible use of the mobile phone and how it could affect her studies. Then, we had several discussions. And subsequently, she was threatened with the removal of her privileges if she did not start controlling her usage.

All this went in one ear and out the other. Just for the record, my daughter is usually not a difficult child to deal with - she is an above-average student and relatively disciplined.

By the second term in Secondary 1, I grew curious and concerned enough to secretly check her phone. Lo and behold there were more text messages than I expected, and they were coming in at unexpected hours of the day - in the early morning and during school hours. It suddenly dawned on me that she had been in the bathroom for longer and longer periods in the morning.

School rules usually prohibit students from using their phones during school hours. I am not sure how effective this is. It could be that the children easily outwit their teachers on the use of these new gadgets.

As I write this, it has been more than three weeks since her dad and I confiscated our daughter's mobile phone. The verbal exchange with her was decidedly dramatic - tempers flew and tears flowed. The atmosphere at home was deathly for several days.

We have managed to work out an arrangement to pick her up from school without using the mobile phone. It took some sacrifices on her part and mine. At this juncture, I am contemplating giving her back her phone privileges, but am trying to decide on the rules and, more importantly, whether she has learnt her lesson.

If I have my way, the mobile phone would be turned on and used only at designated times. This rule will only work, however, if both parties agree to it. Is her attachment to her mobile phone some kind of addiction? Am I fighting a losing battle?

After discussing with my spouse and cousin, I believe we are doing the right thing. Now I am hoping, in sharing my experience with all parents, that perhaps I can get some advice. (I'm sure I will also get complaints, including from teens.) My tip for those of you considering getting your child a mobile phone: It might be a good idea to set out the rules first. [/quote]

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/21417/cellphone-and-the-kidsRSS for NodeSun, 19 Apr 2026 11:30:55 GMTTue, 19 Apr 2011 01:50:27 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Sat, 30 Apr 2011 00:35:50 GMT]]>There are many subjects/modules in JC/Poly/university that requires the computer, that is why it is not possible to keep computers away from kids.


In fact, my kids start to learn how to use the computer in primary school since they are in P1.

I think parents should teach their kids that besides computer games, facebook, etc, there are so many more interesting and useful things that can be done using the computer.

For example, I taught my girl to setup her blogshop to encourage her to be an entrepreneur, and she is so excited with that.

I also think that it is good for kids to learn to write computer programs, it is a very useful skill.

Actually, we can do a lot of interesting things with the computer even without the internet.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/410279https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/410279Sat, 30 Apr 2011 00:35:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:09:18 GMT]]>

tamarind:
Can parents keep computers away from kids until they graduate from university ? :roll:

no because of 3 main reasons

1) the world is going digital. do you want your children to graduate from university / poly / ITE not knowing any computer skills? how are they going to survive in the future then?
2) i think thats the easy way out.. as parents your responsibility is to educate, not to remove. what will happen when your child graduates from university? are you still going to follow them around reminding them of everything? if your gonna say \"i wont let you have access to the computer because you will get educated\" isn't that presuming that your child will be addicted? do you have any trust in your child then?
3) look, everybody is saying that teenagers of the current generation are rebellious, idealistic etc etc etc.. (i admit that i'm one of them too) ... so if you keep them away? how long are you going to keep it away from them? they'll find a way around eventually, unless you want to be another \"Amy Chua\"...

personally thats my candid 2 cents... i speak what i think out from my mind; content not filtered. i feel like writing a blog post on my personal blog http://www.catonamug.com/blog/sbs7502z.php about this to let the whole world know from our own perspective, not the one sided views of the parents, but i dont have the time at the moment 😞

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/409289https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/409289Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:09:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Sun, 24 Apr 2011 04:55:03 GMT]]>I have the same problem now. My DS ask me for a iphone though he is only in P1 now.. I dun think there is a need for him to owe one but he is pestering me daily lately... What to do huh? :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/406578https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/406578Sun, 24 Apr 2011 04:55:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:24:32 GMT]]>I gave DD a handphone at a very young age, way before she went to Pri 1. A very simple phone without any internet or wifi access, so that she could call us in case of emergencies and sms us when she had to convey an urgent message... yes, she started smsing when she was in kindy. 😉


Till now, she doesn't abuse, or simply sms eventhough she has unlimited sms from the student plan... but I expect her to be using it more frequently once she reaches Pri 5 and Pri 6.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404351https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404351Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:24:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:22:17 GMT]]>

Nebbermind:
even as adults, it not easy to control...how very often we r on the internet during working hrs!! :oops:

Ha ha....remember not to let the kids find out about this part :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404346https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404346Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:22:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:21:00 GMT]]>

tamarind:
Can parents keep computers away from kids until they graduate from university ? :roll:

Ermm, I don't think it's possible, especially in this technological age, where everything is online.

At Pri 3, kids are already tasked to do powerpoint presentation, do online spelling, conduct research both English and Mandarin, respond to class blogs etc. How not to have a computer at home? But what we can do as parents is that we should never let the kids have access to computers in their own room. The computer or notebook must be left in an open area where parents can watch what they are doing. My neighbour deliberately left the computer in the hall, so that everytime the kids access the internet, they can see it, so no hanky panky or access of \"authorised\" sites. 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404344https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404344Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:21:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:08:00 GMT]]>even as adults, it not easy to control...how very often we r on the internet during working hrs!! :oops:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404326https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404326Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:08:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:17:31 GMT]]>

Nebbermind:
for me, the control of both 'owning' and access was easy in pr school. comes sec school, the challenges is 10x greater. The cane is no longer a solution and they r also more daring in chagllenging the 'system'.


😢
Yes, challenges on \"control and access\" is magnified 10x greater once the child moves on to sec school. it is like suddenly, the dynamics just change overnight. come sec sch, it is really not practical for the child to have no handphone and prohibit fb accounts. for my ds their CCA has a fb account for which the teacher in charge will post notices in the fb. their seniors will also tend to send urgent messages about meetings etc via handphones...the key is building discipline, clear ground rules and not let the child anyhow roam online.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404181https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404181Wed, 20 Apr 2011 05:17:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:14:53 GMT]]>for me, the control of both 'owning' and access was easy in pr school. comes sec school, the challenges is 10x greater. The cane is no longer a solution and they r also more daring in chagllenging the 'system'.


😢

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404123https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/404123Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:14:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:13:07 GMT]]>

Jade:
From my experience grounds rules must b set up front n must b enforced.


I think prob is that we parents r too busy being working parents n overlooked this. Nowadays, the rule is handphone must b surrendered at the dining table before going to study in the room. No touching handphone until study time over. This has since become a habit. This also eliminates the irritating habit of listening to music when studying in the room.
My son is not allowed to surf net without permission...no music when studying either. Possible to enforce when he is in primary school.
No yakking on the handphone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403997https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403997Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:13:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:08:07 GMT]]>My primary school kids dont have FB accouts either. They play some FB games on weekends at my mum’s using her account. Computer access is also restricted to weekends only for my kids. That’s enough for me since they’re only in primary school. Only exception is when they have online assignments from school / need to do research but no games on weekdays.


They don’t have personal phones either. We do have a spare phone with a prepaid card and I pass it to whichever child is out for training or who I might perhaps be late picking from wherever they are. They don’t bring the phone to school tho so if they need to call from there, it’s either the public phone or general office. So far so good 😃 No need to monitor usage much or fight phone/computer battles.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403988https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403988Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:08:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:51:40 GMT]]>

Jade:
... nowadays w ccas having their own facebooks etc it is hard n not practical not to allow kids especially sec sch kids from accessing online. JMHO.

I banned my children from FB, for the simple reason that the T&C for FB states that they have to be of certain age (can't remember what age was that), so I told them if they are caught with FC accounts before satisfying the age rule, then they would have lied during the registration process, and lying = 1 stroke of cane.

If it is an initiative by the school, I would request to see the communication from school / teacher before relenting.

Truth is, they are too young (under 12) and will need constant eyeballing over their accounts to ensure that information are secured, etc.. So I rather they do it later, and who knows, maybe by then FB is alreaded outdated.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403944https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403944Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:51:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:42:26 GMT]]>avoid using the phone while in bed, esp if charging it the same time.


the battery gets hot when charging and in use…if covered by body or pillow and lacks ventilation, may blow up or just catch fire…though some think it’s an urban myth, I’m not taking chances!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403923https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403923Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:42:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:29:26 GMT]]>I also had the constant battle w ds over the discriminate use of handphone. I think many of them get carried away n SMS whole day. Handphone literally glued to the hand. Even sleeping also use handphone to listen to music. From my experience grounds rules must b set up front n must b enforced. There were so many dramas between me n my ds over the phone, I wonder why shd I give him handphone in the first place. Phone was confiscated many times by me but somehow he managed to redeem himself n get the phone back. Then we get into routine n forgets about ground rules n what not until somethings happen or when I suddenly realise that he again glued to his phone. I think prob is that we parents r too busy being working parents n overlooked this. Nowadays, the rule is handphone must b surrendered at the dining table before going to study in the room. No touching handphone until study time over. This has since become a habit. This also eliminates the irritating habit of listening to music when studying in the room. But nowadays w ccas having their own facebooks etc it is hard n not practical not to allow kids especially sec sch kids from accessing online. JMHO.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403500https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403500Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:29:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:30:47 GMT]]>

Nebbermind:
having considered \"...Save up your own money to buy the things you want\", I decided that it's not such a good idea for me.


You see, when we buy, say, a phone and pass it to the child for a given purpose, we can exercise the option of removing this privilege when we find there's certain abuse of trust.

But if he is the actual owner, then it's more difficult to take it away.

here, I talking about lower sec children...do u think your child is ready to 'manage' their lives? Mine is not....definitely not! 😢

QUICK quick, must find solution!! How to undo \"Save up your own money to buy the things you want\" You are right, if given by us, we can take away the privilege....once he's the rightful owner harder liao.....

Probably have to set some rules first cos' mine probably not ready to 'manage' his life yet esp. any electronic gadgets......

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403440https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403440Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:30:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:12:02 GMT]]>having considered \"...Save up your own money to buy the things you want\", I decided that it's not such a good idea for me.


You see, when we buy, say, a phone and pass it to the child for a given purpose, we can exercise the option of removing this privilege when we find there's certain abuse of trust.

But if he is the actual owner, then it's more difficult to take it away.

here, I talking about lower sec children...do u think your child is ready to 'manage' their lives? Mine is not....definitely not! 😢

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403424https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403424Tue, 19 Apr 2011 09:12:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 08:45:52 GMT]]>

cwc:
...Save up your own money to buy the things you want\" :roll:

Ha ... gotcha !!!!

If my DD does that, then she will probably have to pay for her own phone bills as well, because we (daddy and mummy) will only pay the amount for the prepaid phone card, anything in excess will out of their own pocket money.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403389https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403389Tue, 19 Apr 2011 08:45:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 07:19:36 GMT]]>

tamarind:
Can parents keep computers away from kids until they graduate from university ? :roll:

Ha ha....wonder will my DS will run away from home by P6 if I dun allow him a computer/phone.
He has been a good boy and did not pester us when we rejected his request for iPhone. But he's now bringing food from home for recess almost daily so that he can save up his allowance. By then hard to reject liao......cos' in the past, we have been advocating \"Save up your own money to buy the things you want\" :roll:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403317https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403317Tue, 19 Apr 2011 07:19:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 07:13:19 GMT]]>Can parents keep computers away from kids until they graduate from university ? :roll:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403313https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403313Tue, 19 Apr 2011 07:13:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:37:15 GMT]]>well, I know of someone in HCI who graduated 1~2 yrs ago who spent 6 yrs there without a laptop!!!


:celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403285https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403285Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:37:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:27:59 GMT]]>Parents should complain to the principal if the school allows kids to connect to WIFI without any control. At homes and schools, WIFI should always be password protected and kids should never be allowed free access.


As for wireless@SG, it is not difficult to control, just don’t let your kids spend too much time at shopping malls, etc.

Even if kids don’t have a mobile phone, they will need a laptop to do their work in secondary school right ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403273https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/403273Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:27:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:23:53 GMT]]>there’s wifi in some sec school but I’m not sure if they r blocked from accessing other website.

then again, wireless@SG may be available depending on location.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402966https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402966Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:23:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:18:58 GMT]]>A reply by a teenage on 18 April 2011

[quote]Better ways than to spy on your child

Letter from Charles Tan 04:46 AM Apr 18, 2011


I REFER to the letter \"The day I confiscated my 12-year-old's handphone\" (April 14) by Foo Chin Peng. Having been in a similar situation, I can empathise with her daughter and would like to offer some insight from the perspective of a teenager.

I got my first mobile phone in primary school. Similar to the reasons cited by the author, it was meant for my parents to stay in contact with me while I went for co-curricular activities and to coordinate pick-ups.

However, like Ms Foo's daughter, I often used the phone to SMS friends, even during school hours. This was even as my parents and the school reminded me not to do so. Like the author, my parents secretly checked my phone, suspicious as they were of the text messages I was receiving. Like all protective parents they were afraid, I felt, that I was up to some \"hanky-panky\". I was not.

I only realised what transpired every night as I slept when they suddenly reprimanded me one morning regarding a SMS sent to a friend about certain family grouses. They were angry that I had \"exposed dirty laundry\", although I was adamant that I knew what I was doing and had not jeopardised our family. The phone was also confiscated for a while.

The situation was resolved in the end, but I felt that my privacy had been invaded, and some confidence in my parents was eroded, especially as they could not trust that I was an intelligent boy. Over the years, my parents have come to that realisation and no longer engage in such clandestine activities. I am grateful.

Thus, I would warn parents against confiscation and checking the child's mobile activities on the sly - at least do it with the child's knowledge. I understand that parents want to protect their children, but there are better ways to do so.

I believe parents should emphasise to their children the dangers of engaging with strangers. Excessive mobile usage can be throttled by perhaps purchasing less feature-rich handsets.

I know friends who busted their limits on their first phone bill and I actually suggest that parents let their children do so. This should be followed by a warning and punishment in the form of deducting the excess charges from the child's allowance, which would inculcate a sense of ownership of the costs.[/quote]

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402958https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402958Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:18:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Cellphone and the kids on Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:16:14 GMT]]>never had a problem until dd got an iphone. it is like her shadow.


i make her use the house phone to call her friends and if her friends call her on the cellphone while she’s home, they have to switch to the house phone.

but dd use the cellphone for listening to music and that stupid "tiwtter" thingy most of the time. with friends, it is skype, msn etc.

but i do get upset when she uses the phone for the above when we are spending time together.

took her phone away once and 2 mini drama queens popped up (mum and daughter dearest) on stage. mama queen won.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402953https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/402953Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:16:14 GMT