Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays?

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 02:44:19 GMT

mummy of 2 — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 02:44:19 GMT

Hi Rita Spunk

I'm thinking along the same line as you ie work-part-time or stop working when DS starts school. Only thing is mine will be in P1 in 2 years time

I think it's easy to start a business but making money from it is a different story. I hope that my boss will agree to let me work part-time and reduce the workload accordingly. I have tried part-time before and it was so not worth it. I was doing 70-80% of the work with 50% pay. I lost a lot of weight then.

So this part-time thingy, you may not be getting the good deal you are hoping for.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 02:35:36 GMT

Rita Spunk — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 02:35:36 GMT

My daughter is starting primary 1 next year, and I, too, am thinking about either stopping work or going part time (mainly to supplement income, not because I love work so much). I have hubby hybrid type 3+5 (loves his work) + "6" (also wants wife to continue to work coz he admires working women + likes additional income for savings).

Most of all I will miss the income when I stop work, I think. Just the freedom to not worry about whether we can afford holidays etc. Secondly, I also worry it would be difficult to "rejoin" workforce later and reporting to my juniors now. BUT, I still think it’s important to "be there" for the kids coz I have seen several dysfunctional kids/families… and how difficult it is to ‘repair’, and maybe sometimes it’s a lost cause. A friend of mine said, just remember to benchmark your decisions by what you want your eulogy to be about when you bite the dust. My plan is to ask boss for part-time after bonus next year as plan A, failing which plan B is to stop completely. Anyone out there with good advice on starting your own business?

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:50:40 GMT

optimistforum — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:50:40 GMT

I thought I would offer my work-life balance perspective.

5.30am - DS2 (4 yrs 5 months) runs into our bed, and demands that I (his Papa) get him some milk whilst he hugs his still asleep mummy.

6.45am - wake up DS1 (6 years 5 months), who is slow and disorganised. I try and get him to eat cereal in the kitchen, before his mummy and brother come down. I may let him watch TV in the kitchen.

6.50am, Mummy showers, and dresses.

7am, mummy comes down. DS2 is still in bed, and swearing at us, because mummy has left him.

7.15am, DS1 finishes breakfast, then brushes teeth, changes to school uniform, and tries to make his bed.

7am to 7.30am, I make sandwiches for wife and DS2 (he hates canteen food).

7.30am, DS2 comes down, still hurling volleys of abuse at us. Wife leaves to go to work, at a hospital, 45 miles away.

7.35am, DS1 writes all his tables up to 12-times tables. I try to get him to do in 15 mins, takes him 25 mins.

7.45 DS2 finishes bits and bobs of his breakfast, and brushes his teeth. He then puts on his uniform.

7.45am, to 8.10am, I eat, wash, and put on my work clothes.

8.10am, we leave home to travel to school, 11 miles away in the next town. As we drive we speak on a safe and efficient mobile phone system, in the car, to talk with my wife, and we do this for 20 mins.

I give both boys verbal exercies to do in the car, and I reward them with sweets.

Fortunately, my father, the boys' grandfather leaves 200 yards from the school. We pick him up, twice a week, and I drop them off at the school gate. The other 3 days a week, I have dispensation from work to come in late, when I take boys to school.

3.30pm, school finishes and boys enter afterschool club (at the school).

4.30pm Wife (mummy) finishes work and travels to school to pick up boys.

5.15 to 5.30pm - wife picks up boys from afterschool club.

6pm, wife and boys come home. Wife cooks, boys play, and I arrive home.
6.30pm - we all eat dinner, and then kids play. I wash the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Yes!!! I actually wash them before putting them in the dishwasher. :?

6.30pm to 7.30pm, boys watch TV and we may sit with them. They play with the Wii too.

7.30pm boys brush their teeth, unwillingly!!!, mummy then reads with DS2, and I read with DS1.

8.30pm, I finish with DS1, and do some exercises in maths, and english, and we end by playing noughts and crosses. Mummy is in bed with DS2, says goodnight, and then goes to sleep with DS1 for about 20 mins.

I then make cups of team for wife and myself, which we imbibe whilst watching TV in bed. I shower at 10pm to 10.30pm, and we carry on watching TV and talking till about midnight.

Midnight to 1am....zzzzzzz

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:12:06 GMT

foreverj — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:12:06 GMT

MMM:
It's so true so it all voice down to personal choice. In my ex-company, they always talk about personal choices. So even if you are moving up slower than your peers, if it's your personal choice, you live with it. But it was such a competitive environment where you think you can live with peers overtaking you and potentially becoming your boss? :? So people just have to push themselves to continue moving.

My hubby was like... why don't you try to target director level. I was like for that few k more in salary, I've so much more stress and responsibility. Is it worth it???? Can me lack of ambition, I dun mind. :dowan:

actually it wil not end at the director level. after u hit director, then it wil be y not go for the MD level etc etc. no end to it for sure. n yes, after leaving the professional firm i was in just 3 years ago, i m definitely calling my some of my juniors bosses if i go back. so also paiseh to consider gg back right?

MMM:
I am happy with what I am and also importantly, I can spend time with the kids to coach them.

something very dear to my heart too. i ask my dd if i can go back to work. she said no if mama not at home, then who cook dinner for me? who bathe me? who read storybook for me? see la, girls know how to melt mama's heart :love:

MMM:
A woman's job is not easy. In fact, I think it's more demanding than a man. On top of our job demand (which we face the same challenges as man), by nature, we are also entasked with more responsibilities for the kids. The moment we reaches home, my hubby can happily plonked himself infront of computer to surf the net. But I need to ensure that kids do their homework, study, etc.... When kids don't do well in school, I feel that it sort of reflect on me. :lol: it's just that kind of feeling.

definitely dear. i told my dh years back that if one day i become a partner of the firm and yet my dd didn't turn out well due to our neglect, i dun think the position would have counted for anything. i would have regretted not bringing up my dd well, imparted her the values my parents gave me, guiding her in our faith etc. not to say i expect my dd to be flawless next time, but more of the fact that i know i have done my part as a parent. :love:

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:45:26 GMT

en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:45:26 GMT

Talking about job rotation, this year has been such a terrible year. With the rest of the world talking about economy crisis late last year, the company adopts a precautionary approach even though the company is experiencing tremendous growth. No head counts yet the amount of work is horrendous. The senior just get loaded with more & more work until I didnt even know which day is it.

The boss is nice enough allowing us to work from home if there is any emergency. But I dont feel comfortable taking too much advantage of the flexibility that has been given. Flexible work arrangement means I have the means to work from home, like smart phone, note book and access to company system. But the draw back is that, there is no fine line drawn between personal and work time. The phone rang during weekends, urgent stuff, need to be monitored on Friday night up to the wee hour of Saturday.

The time I spend with my kids this year is really minimize. My poor motherless kids.

The situation is better now. I hope I should be able to spend at least 2-3 hours nightly reading, helping them with their school work this coming 2010.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:20:33 GMT

MMM — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:20:33 GMT

foreverj:
it seems society's expectations and demands of a working mum is no different from that of a man's. ie. need to position yourself, fight politics etc to stay relevant and employable in the market. all these on top of one of the most important priorities of a mother - the children.

anyway, so far the very successful women i've seen and known are either single or married but basically left the children to be brought up by other people. think the kids largely turn out ok just that may not be that close to parents. call me a selfish mum but i feel very impt for my dd to be close to me :love:

It's so true so it all voice down to personal choice. In my ex-company, they always talk about personal choices. So even if you are moving up slower than your peers, if it's your personal choice, you live with it. But it was such a competitive environment where you think you can live with peers overtaking you and potentially becoming your boss? :? So people just have to push themselves to continue moving.

My hubby was like... why don't you try to target director level. I was like for that few k more in salary, I've so much more stress and responsibility. Is it worth it???? Can me lack of ambition, I dun mind. :dowan:

I am happy with what I am and also importantly, I can spend time with the kids to coach them.

A woman's job is not easy. In fact, I think it's more demanding than a man. On top of our job demand (which we face the same challenges as man), by nature, we are also entasked with more responsibilities for the kids. The moment we reaches home, my hubby can happily plonked himself infront of computer to surf the net. But I need to ensure that kids do their homework, study, etc.... When kids don't do well in school, I feel that it sort of reflect on me. :lol: it's just that kind of feeling.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:54:07 GMT

tamarind — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:54:07 GMT

sleepy:

Tamarind
My hubby type 2. Not 50% housework though. Maybe 15 - 20 %.
He irons his own clothes, mop the floor & ad hoc tougher tasks like clean windows. Cook one meal once a week. On the account he brings home the bacon, cannot bully him too much :lol:

Thanks for sharing

Personally, I cannot manage without a maid, unless hubby does 50% or more of the house work.

Actually many full time working mommies are not being fair to themselves. If both wife and hubby are working full time, why is it that hubby can come home and shake leg, while wife has to do most of the house work ?

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:18:13 GMT

foreverj — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:18:13 GMT

MMM:
I spoke to the hdhunter who placed me in this role and she was like... 1st few years is really the contribution time and 5 yrs is the max you should stay in a role. I am still buying time and I told myself ok.... I will be easy with myself and give myself 2 more years in this role before I decide that I must rotate out and do something else. I know that if I move out of this role, I might not find something so ideal in terms of the colleagues, environment and the work life balance..... Maybe I need to think out of the box.

is there a possibility for u to identify a niche for yourself in the firm, since it sounds like quite a family friendly place. alternatively try sticking to your bosses who wil also likely do rotation? of course it means u must really be \"tight\" with them

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:07:44 GMT

foreverj — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:07:44 GMT

wow yet another eye-opening thought! yup, there's no guarantee that mums like mmm who found good jobs with flexible work arrangements can stay in their roles. it seems society's expectations and demands of a working mum is no different from that of a man's. ie. need to position yourself, fight politics etc to stay relevant and employable in the market. all these on top of one of the most important priorities of a mother - the children.

anyway, so far the very successful women i've seen and known are either single or married but basically left the children to be brought up by other people. think the kids largely turn out ok just that may not be that close to parents. call me a selfish mum but i feel very impt for my dd to be close to me :love:

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:30:45 GMT

MMM — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:30:45 GMT

I worked for a company that enables us to adopt flexible work plan. But I guess it's also a question of your bosses and your nature of role.

I'm in this company for coming to 3 years. In fact, I felt so comfortable that I lost count. I enjoy my current role because it gives me lots of work life balance. I am able to work from home from time to time and my bosses understand that. The key thing here is trust and the ability to perform regardless your physical work location. Both of my bosses are based in other countries. This enable me to work from home during the time the kids have their SA so that I can help to manage them. It's just so flexible.

In my profession, it's advisable for us to do a job rotation. Frankly.... I am hesitating to do so and I am only in my mid 30's. But for some of the roles, I've done that in my earlier career life with other companies so it's like I feel that I've done that and it's on my resume. I've come to a stage in my career life that I am happy with what I am doing and earning and I am just happy so I don't mind staying at where i am. But there is always the fear that with the constant changing business environment, doing the same stuff for many years might not be advisable. It does not look good on the resume as it might signal a message to future potential companies that you've become so comfortable that you cannot adapt to new environment. This is what happened to my boss who stayed in the same company for 20 years. When he got retrenched, some potential employers view him that way. Also, with the current business situation, none of us is guaranteed life time employment even if we are keen to stay on in the same company. I've given myself 15 years more to work hard (till the time I pay off the housing loans).

I spoke to the hdhunter who placed me in this role and she was like... 1st few years is really the contribution time and 5 yrs is the max you should stay in a role. I am still buying time and I told myself ok.... I will be easy with myself and give myself 2 more years in this role before I decide that I must rotate out and do something else. I know that if I move out of this role, I might not find something so ideal in terms of the colleagues, environment and the work life balance..... Maybe I need to think out of the box.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:10:18 GMT

Piggymum — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:10:18 GMT

Hello all...thanks for sharing.

For me, quitting is quite impossible. I won't feel secure that DH would be the sole bread winner.

I have requested to work 3 or 4 days week (with pay cut) but not approved Recruiters also said in Singapore, not many employers are willing to have staff (esp mid mgt & above) work part-time. When I check my kind of positions from overseas website, can easily see part-time position available.

Both DH & my work are quite hectic. Yes, I agree that having a maid is a must in order to let us have the chance to spend time with kids. My kids usually don't want to sleep earlier (10:30pm)...they want to talk, play, want me to read books with them and unwillingly go to bed at 11pm and still want to talk...eventually fall asleep before mid-night. So poor thing....
Sigh...

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:46:02 GMT

pineapple tarts — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:46:02 GMT

I am a FTWM. I have 2 kids, younger one going to P1 next year. My maid can get along very well with the kids thou her housework & cooking so-so only. I have dinner with my kids everyday. That is the time where we talk about any rubbish under the sun. 8:30p.m until 9:30p.m. check homework, wallet & revision. Before sleep at 10p.m, each child read 1-2 pages chinese and english storybook aloud for me to listen. After that, I check my maid's work, talk to her b4 she goes to sleep. Finally I can go bath & watch news at 11p.m. Where is DH huh???? He is either at work or in front of the computer lor.... Weekend no work for all (except maid ), time to chill out & visit parents.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:03:24 GMT

sleepy — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:03:24 GMT

MdmKS:
For SAHM with 2 or more children, do you actually have domestic helper while that release you to have more time teaching your children? I feel if there is no helper how do you do all by yourself at home? Or do your DH still help up while you are not working or expect you to bao-ga-liao ?

I am a SAHM with 2 kids. Never had a maid. Since the arrival of kids, I learnt to be less of a perfectionist. Cannot expect everything to be sparkling clean or spotless. When they were much younger, we had a part time cleaner.
Kids will do simple tasks like change their bedsheets, fold their clothes & keep in wardrobe. However, their room is perpectually messy. I go haywire whenever I see a messy room. Told my kids even if they don't tidy up, the least they can do is don't mess up

Tamarind
My hubby type 2. Not 50% housework though. Maybe 15 - 20 %.
He irons his own clothes, mop the floor & ad hoc tougher tasks like clean windows. Cook one meal once a week. On the account he brings home the bacon, cannot bully him too much :lol:

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:46:54 GMT

sleepy — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:46:54 GMT

foreverj:
would like to share something i realised from seeing a colleague who came back to work after her children are all grown up to 20s. at age 50, she finished a master's degree and worked for a while in the dept i wk. unfortunately, i c that she can't really mix with the rest of us cos we r like 20s to early 30s. seeing her i realised by the time i want to go back to full-time job when my dd all grown up, my peers all senior management already. but i m only qualified to work under them and my supposedly peers would be my dd's age or slightly older. i told myself i dun want to b like her lor. so really gotta plan early as to wat i want for my own life.

I think it's very hard to rejoin workforce after such long break. Have to think of alternative career that are outside office environment.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:25:42 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:25:42 GMT

hi foreverj

Thanks for your sharing. The part about peers moving on did not cross my mind till you pointed it out. I guess every decision has its pros and cons. Really must think carefully before we make any decision.

I guess I will only be willing to quit my job, if I can be sure that I don’t ever have to work for the money again.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:09:18 GMT

foreverj — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:09:18 GMT

would like to share something i realised from seeing a colleague who came back to work after her children are all grown up to 20s. at age 50, she finished a master’s degree and worked for a while in the dept i wk. unfortunately, i c that she can’t really mix with the rest of us cos we r like 20s to early 30s. seeing her i realised by the time i want to go back to full-time job when my dd all grown up, my peers all senior management already. but i m only qualified to work under them and my supposedly peers would be my dd’s age or slightly older. i told myself i dun want to b like her lor. so really gotta plan early as to wat i want for my own life.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:34:10 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:34:10 GMT

I guess we have to compare the risk of not finding the right people to look after our kids and putting them in danger, with the risk of not having enough money after the savings run out. All the planning should be done before we even have kids. Those mommies who are not worried about money, most likely have husbands who have stable or high income

Actually if we don't mind any job, it should not be difficult to find, there are many job vacancies in the service sector.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:30:33 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:30:33 GMT

tamarind:
It is true that few people can work to save enough money for retirement before age 35, after which it is not safe to have babies any more. My SIL had her babies at age 38 and 39, but I don't know how much she has saved.

What I meant was to save enough money to last for about 10 years, after which the kids are old enough and mommy can go back to work.

Of course it depends on what kind of jobs the mommy is looking for. For those with engineering degrees, then we can forget about getting a job as a engineer at age 40. Other professions like teaching, secretary, accounts may be easier.

I won't feel comfortable quitting my job if I only have enough savings to last for 10 years. I will be worried that I can't find a job after my savings run out

That's just me. I saluate the SAHMs who are brave enough to take the risk.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:27:21 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:27:21 GMT

It is true that few people can work to save enough money for retirement before age 35, after which it is not safe to have babies any more. My SIL had her babies at age 38 and 39, but I don’t know how much she has saved.

What I meant was to save enough money to last for about 10 years, after which the kids are old enough and mommy can go back to work.

Of course it depends on what kind of jobs the mommy is looking for. For those with engineering degrees, then we can forget about getting a job as a engineer at age 40. Other professions like teaching, secretary, accounts may be easier.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:53:31 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:53:31 GMT

foreverj:
anyway, when the kids are grown up, dun we still want to keep ourselves relevant and useful? thats y my dh wants me to work, even part-time now also good. cos he worried when my dd grows up and has her own life, i wil be very lonely... i agree with him. maybe becos our current generation is generally more educated and has more options than our parents, we tend to like to see n think very far.

True that when our kids grow older, we will still want to keep ourselves occupied. But I don't think that working is the only option.

I guess it all boils down to our reason for working. For now, it's to give my kids a better standard of living. If I'm working for personal fulfillment, then I will be more than happy to continue for as long as I can work.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:28:56 GMT

foreverj — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:28:56 GMT

anyway, when the kids are grown up, dun we still want to keep ourselves relevant and useful? thats y my dh wants me to work, even part-time now also good. cos he worried when my dd grows up and has her own life, i wil be very lonely... i agree with him. maybe becos our current generation is generally more educated and has more options than our parents, we tend to like to see n think very far.

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:15:36 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:15:36 GMT

foreverj:
yup, for my case, we didn't plan for a kid. so it happened when i was stil fairly young. not possible to have earned enough money for retirement...

Even now I have not earned enuff for retirement. Maybe another 10-15 years :xedfingers:

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:58:58 GMT

foreverj — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:58:58 GMT

yup, for my case, we didn’t plan for a kid. so it happened when i was stil fairly young. not possible to have earned enough money for retirement…

Reply to Working Parents - How much quality time do you get weekdays? on Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:43:17 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:43:17 GMT

tamarind:
foreverj:
hehe thanks

actually looking at the mummies share their thoughts of switching to part-time work when the kids go to p1 set me thinking. i think its good for my dd to come home to her mummy after school when she reach pri school. so i have to start planning how i can achieve that, eg. by running a home-based business or something. i have 3 years to do something abt it.

another way is to find a full-time job n put her in a good student care. during holidays stil got someone to care for her, but i can try to reserve my leave for her holidays :love:
Yes as mommies we really need to plan far in advance. I heard of mommies who save up enough money to \"retire\" once they have babies, so they can remain financially independent. I should have done so too.

I wish I had done so too. But I guess not every job will allow one to retire so young, no matter how hard you save.