<![CDATA[School Refusal]]>A little background.


Dd is turning 3 next week and has been attending pre-nursery with a church starting this January. This is the nearest church that I can find but require her to take the school bus.

She had been attending 2 hourly playgroup since she was 22 months old but she is really shy and the playgroup has been very flexible and my maid used to sit throught the 2 hour sessions with her. Only towards the end of last year, then did my maid \"escape\" from the class.

Dd started the pre-nursery class well and also the school bus taking. There was some tears and crying but things worked out fine. Then she started to refuse to wear her school uniform to school and will wear home clothes to school. Recently, the teacher highlighted the issue and we started packing the school uniform and the teacher will most of the time helped her to change in school.

Recently, things have turned for the worse and Dd is refusing to go to school. There must be crying every morning and yday and today, she cried all the way to school. :oops:

We are not sure about what made her dislike school. She will openly tell us that she doesnt like her school uniform and also dont want to go to school. However, she cannot tell us what is it that make her dislike school. I have called the school this morning and am waiting for her teacher to call me back.

I am at a loss now. I am not sure if this will trigger her hatred for school in the future. I am even thinking if I should switch her to a nearer school where my mum or helper can walk her to school and fetch her than to take school bus. Then again, I really hope that she will grow up in a Christian environment.

Anybody experienced such situation before and how to improve?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/21889/school-refusalRSS for NodeWed, 23 Sep 2026 12:52:33 GMTThu, 05 May 2011 04:39:27 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Wed, 01 Jun 2011 04:29:28 GMT]]>Hi ZuEN


Has it occured to you that maybe it’s the teachers that she doesn’t like? I just heard from a childcare teacher friend that at the Montessori childcare centre that she used to work in, the teachers actually beat the students and that’s why some of the students refuse to step into the centre in the morning once they see the particular teacher. But the parents taught that the child’s crying is just normal and let them continue with the school. This friend of mine was so upset with the school that she left. I encourage her to complain to MCYS so that they will investigate, to ‘save’ those poor children from further harm.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/434494https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/434494Wed, 01 Jun 2011 04:29:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Thu, 12 May 2011 10:34:13 GMT]]>No tantrum at all for Dd for the past few days. Why?


Monday:
School holiday

Tuesday:
I ask her to go to school to tell her teacher that mummy is going to school on Wed to celebrate her bday. No tears at all.

Wednesday:
I made her take the school bus but promised that I will turn up in school. She cried while she boarded the bus but was very much alright when I saw her in school. I tot she would insist on leaving when I had to leave after the celebration but she gladly stayed on in school until the end of the day and took the bus home.

Today:
The teachers are bringing them on an excursion. We told her about it and she was so cooperative and even willing to put on her school skirt. No tears too!

There is no school tomorrow.

So she confused me even more. Why does she refuse school lah? :faint:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/420289https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/420289Thu, 12 May 2011 10:34:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Mon, 09 May 2011 06:39:15 GMT]]>ZuEn,

Some kids just need a very long time to be confident enough to sit in a class alone. I have heard of kids crying for half a year to one year. Many parents just bear with it. My girl’s separation anxiety is a lot worst than your girl.

Personally I learned my lesson with my older girl, and for my younger boy, I sent him to pre-school when he was slightly older, and he was absolutely fine.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417216https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417216Mon, 09 May 2011 06:39:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Mon, 09 May 2011 06:36:24 GMT]]>Tamarind,

No need to ask her. I double, triple sure that her answer will be \"yes\". I had been signing up for enrichment classes and she wants me to sit in with her. Otherwise, she will rather forsake the class.
Sadly, this is a pre-nursery class and parent/ guardian is definitely not allowed. And it seems that she is never ready. My helper sat in with her for almost a year in her previous playgroup and she still cries when my helper escape. I supposed she has to start learning somewhere? We are trying to assure her, reminding her about the good things in school and I hope that things will improve.
We will know tomorrow. :xedfingers:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417213https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417213Mon, 09 May 2011 06:36:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Mon, 09 May 2011 06:25:16 GMT]]>ZuEn,

It may be that she likes school, but she is not confident to be there alone. Try asking her, if mommy or the maid stays with you throughout school, would you like to go to school ? If she happily says yes, that means it is all due to separation anxiety.

Of course the school may not allow it. But at least you know the real reason.

Personally I prefer to look for schools which are not that strict about disallowing parents to sit in with the child, especially since the child is only 3 years old.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417204https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/417204Mon, 09 May 2011 06:25:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Mon, 09 May 2011 00:41:15 GMT]]>Tamarind,

Haiz, how I wish that my girl will love going school too.
It is good that she goes to school too or end up watching too much TV at home.
I have asked her if she wants to change school, which she says "no". In fact, I have call up 3 CCs that a stone throw away from my place. If need be, might switch her to one of them for half day session so that my mum will walk her to school.
When we ask her over the weekend, she says that she likes her friends and teachers. I thought it is such a waste to change her after all the settling down. Spoke to the principal again and was assured that Dd hushed quickly even if she was crying when she arrives in school and she participates in the activities in school.
School starts again tomorrow. Time to pull hair again.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/416896https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/416896Mon, 09 May 2011 00:41:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 13:02:47 GMT]]>ZuEn,

My girl loves going to school since N1, even though I pulled her out of playgroup when she was 2+ years old. Kids at that age will not remember what happened, there is no need to worry about nurturing hatred of school. In fact, we should worry about the constant fear and unhappiness that she experiences in school if she is not ready to be alone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/415269https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/415269Fri, 06 May 2011 13:02:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 09:17:56 GMT]]>I understand your situation. I was in this kind of dilemma. In the end, I sort of ‘force’ my boy to attend sch, whether he wants or not. His not wanting to go to sch now is the result. I would think that a church kindergarten may not be for your dd. Try searching for a smaller group school with low teacher children ratio. Find out more from the sch teacher what is going on in the sch.


Some kids, if u persist on, they will learn that they have to go sch, whether they want or not, and they will not resist anymore but for some kids, they will end up hating going to sch. Either way, you will not get a kid that enjoy going to sch. A much effort is needed to reverse that.

Maybe buds can advise u more? Her kids enjoyyyyy going to sch!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/415096https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/415096Fri, 06 May 2011 09:17:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 02:25:05 GMT]]>tamarind,

I am going down to school next Wed for her bday celebration. Maybe can work out with the teacher to let her continue with her home clothes and dont even try to change her.

smurf,
We too wonder if she’s ready for school. She’s really shy and usually clamped up in strangers’ presence (especially adults). But we thought should be OK since things started out fine. I dont think there are occasions that she was eager to go to school but she didnt resist strongly too. It is only recently that she started refusing.
We are more worried that if we allowed her to stop school, she wouldnt want to start again and it is seriously not easy to squeeze into popular schools in the later years. And of course, we are not sure if we are helping her to nuture her hatred for schools now.
More importantly, I have a number 2 at home and my mum who is their main caregiver, needs her to be in school to retain some sanity. Lol.

I am seriously not sure how to find out the source which makes her refuse school - school uniform? the school bus driver? the teachers in school? school bullies?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414541https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414541Fri, 06 May 2011 02:25:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 02:16:19 GMT]]>

deminc:
ZuEn:

This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-\"

All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.

She is ONLY three. She doesn't even know when her birthday is, how can she make a promise? If you must have her in the school, then just be reassuring towards her and don't take things to heart.

Maybe \"promises\" is too much a word lah.
We asked her if she will go to school and she said \"yes\".
She even tell my mum \"cannot dont go to school\".
Then stage her drama mama I-don't-want-school this morning.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414528https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414528Fri, 06 May 2011 02:16:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 01:58:26 GMT]]>Honestly I dont understand what is the big fuss about wearing uniform. If a child do not wants to wear, why force her? If a school cares for the child well being, they shouldn’t make a big fuss out of the uniform.


If after stop wearing uniform doesn’t work, it may be because she is not ready to go school. But, you mentioned that she was doing fine in a playgroup? I think a school setting may be a bit overwhelming for a little gal. After all, a playgroup and a 'normal kindergarten is very different. I would think this time, she may need a lot of time to setting down.
In any case, don’t let her hates going to school. My boy doesn’t want to go sch, in the past and present. when it comes to holiday, he cheers. This is something u have to avoid. Tackle this problem now, otherwise you have more problems later on.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414505https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414505Fri, 06 May 2011 01:58:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 01:16:50 GMT]]>

ZuEn:
Hmmm... she has been wearing her home clothes to school, just that the teachers may help her to change. The principal said that she will ask the teacher not to force her if she doesnt want to change.


The pricipal also feedback that she is ok upon arriving in school and doesnt cry in school. It is only in the morning when we need to pack her for school. Last night, we kept telling her that we will pack her uniform in her bag but it is Ok if she doesnt want to change and she can tell the teacher that she doesnt want to if she really dont want. She was OK and kept telling us that she doesnt like her uniform and she dont like the teacher to change for her. Then again, we cannot really tell if this is the source or she's saying what she said bcos of what we said.

This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-\"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.
Then suddenly tell us that she is scared of the bus driver. -.o\"
Not sure if we should believe her since she has never complain about the bus ride. My mum had to send her to school this morning.
We didn't let the teacher change my girl, I thought that would be embarrassing for her. We just asked her everyday whether she wanted to wear it, before we brought her to school. If she did not want to, we didn't try to persuade her. One day she just said yes.

I think it is important not to make a big fuss over the matter. We all thought that it was no big deal whether she wanted to wear the uniform or not, since she was only 3 years old. I find that kids tend to resist much more if we fuss over the matter.

My girl also used to have very serious separation anxiety when she was 2 years old. She behaved worst than your daughter. When she woke up, the first thing she said was she did not want to go to playgroup (2 hours only but no adults accompanying). She started to cry when we prepared to bring her to school. She kept crying like this for a couple of months, then I decided to stop sending her to playgroup, and waited till she was over 3 years old before we tried again.

I think that some young kids just may not be ready to attend classes on their own, it will be better if we wait until they are slightly older before sending them to classes.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414441https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414441Fri, 06 May 2011 01:16:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 00:34:26 GMT]]>

ZuEn:
This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-\"

All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.
She is ONLY three. She doesn't even know when her birthday is, how can she make a promise? If you must have her in the school, then just be reassuring towards her and don't take things to heart.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414389https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414389Fri, 06 May 2011 00:34:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Fri, 06 May 2011 00:26:53 GMT]]>Hmmm… she has been wearing her home clothes to school, just that the teachers may help her to change. The principal said that she will ask the teacher not to force her if she doesnt want to change.


The pricipal also feedback that she is ok upon arriving in school and doesnt cry in school. It is only in the morning when we need to pack her for school. Last night, we kept telling her that we will pack her uniform in her bag but it is Ok if she doesnt want to change and she can tell the teacher that she doesnt want to if she really dont want. She was OK and kept telling us that she doesnt like her uniform and she dont like the teacher to change for her. Then again, we cannot really tell if this is the source or she’s saying what she said bcos of what we said.

This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.
Then suddenly tell us that she is scared of the bus driver. -.o"
Not sure if we should believe her since she has never complain about the bus ride. My mum had to send her to school this morning.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414382https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414382Fri, 06 May 2011 00:26:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Thu, 05 May 2011 23:56:09 GMT]]>ZuEn,

My girl also refused to wear the uniform when she attended a new playgroup at 3 years old. She took a few months to adapt to the playgroup, and when she finally decided to wear the uniform, every one in her class cheered.

Like smurf said, just let her be. Some kids do take a long time to adapt to a new environment.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414363https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/414363Thu, 05 May 2011 23:56:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Thu, 05 May 2011 09:27:05 GMT]]>That means she doesn’t cry if she is wearing her own clothes right? In that case, I would think just let her be. No point forcing her to wear and defeat the purpose of going school.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413942https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413942Thu, 05 May 2011 09:27:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Thu, 05 May 2011 09:06:08 GMT]]>The playgroup does not focus on higher level learning.

So no choice and has to move. Then again, I wanted her to attend a church school and signed her up for the nearest one, which is still far away and I am starting to regret my choice. Not sure if taking school bus adds on to her dislike for school but she has never once complained about the bus journey.

Just spoken to the principal and we both suspect that it is the uniform.
She related that there was an occasion was teased bcos she was not in her school uniform and appeared embarassed. The principal said that she will ask the teacher to handle the issue with more care. Asked us to continue to pack her uniform in her bag. The teacher will ask her but not force her if she doesnt want to change into her uniform.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413929https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413929Thu, 05 May 2011 09:06:08 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to School Refusal on Thu, 05 May 2011 06:23:42 GMT]]>Any reason why u change sch? If she is doing well in the playgroup, why change?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413678https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/413678Thu, 05 May 2011 06:23:42 GMT