dramamama70:

cwc - good to hear things are getting better for you!!


I have two MILs (FIL and MIL #1 divorced and FIL remarried to MIL #2). The politics between the two give me headache. And there are groups in the family who support MIL #1 or MIL #2. I am Switzerland. I am friendly to everybody and keep my mouth shut if I hear anything bad about either of them. Don't want to get caught in the crossfire!!

dramamama70:

Re Maid and MIL - based on my own experience, sometimes the maid needs to be encouraged. We ourselves sometimes find it hard to please MILs and I think maids might have a tougher time so a word of encouragement every now and then might be needed.
Jia you cwc!

kiddo:

cwc ........ need to salute you ...how do you do that ...

living in such a condition :salute: :hi5:
take heart the good karma will come back to you in many fold ..
jia yu :snuggles: jia yu :snuggles:

concern2:

What would you do if you are offered a waive of entire hospital bill, but your love one is already dead?

hquek:

well, even if you dragged the matter longer, it doesn't mean that the truth will come to light ...

concern2:

But then again, I was surprised the son only said he was \"不高兴” in the initial interview.. I would have used stronger words!

cwc:

Oppsgal:

Seems like lots of stories on MIL and DIL...


Then how? Don't stay together? How come no stories on SIL and FIL?

Not that dun, just that typically MIL are more difficult & likes to interfere into the son's family, FIL are quieter and tend to hands-off. I had some problem when FIL too when he was mobile...

I am asthmatic, my daughter too but FIL was selfish & insisted on smoking at home, light up a cigarette every 0.5 - 1 hour loh, end up DD was coughing perpetually. When we started hiding his cigarette, he would go downstairs pick up leftovers :stupid: FIL also spit out of windows despite putting tissue, dustbin all next to him.....kept using his legs to grind whatever food particles he dropped on the floor. He was also very impatient and uncooperative. Would not wait for his urine to finish n start walking out dripping all over the floor till his room. Then would sit around a few places with his wet shorts....imagine how many times I need to wipe clean & mop a day!!!! When he had to poo, must wait until last min so end up cannot make it & stained his brief or he get off before he finished. Dunno he cannot clean properly or just being impatient and dirty, sometimes smearing on the tap, basin, door, towel n even walls :mad: When we discovered the mess & tried to get him to wash up, he refused n struggled with MIL. I was shouting like mad woman so often !!! With no maid, dreaded his presence. Later, FIL diagnosed with mild dementia & stopped work, so placed him in eldercare (8am - 4pm). A few months later, he was chased out cos' uncooperative. Eventually hired a maid as the last resort before nursing home. All these while, MIL already a problem, but still bearable. Slowly FIL got frail so a lot less problematic, but MIL & maid issues also started....& MIL and DIL (aka me) also having more issues.......

It's like one lead to another no ending..........no peace......... Frankly, if you are not in the shoes....it's hard to understand the kind of frustration. Living together and visiting is a totally different scenario, it's simply not the same.

For me, if I'm healthy, dun mind living longer....but if I'm sickly or immobile, I'll rather go earlier. I have witnessed my own grandfather who lived past 90. Despite being taken care by the uncle & wife, each time I visit him, he would tear telling me or anyone his wish to go - no friends left, weak and can't move far, in constant pain, can't see/hear/eat properly. I think it's a torture.....u can call me heartless, but I think it's better to die earlier than suffer like this and that would be what I would wish for myself next time.

sakura_2009:

starlight1968sg:

Eventually we will all grow old, fall sick and die.

That's true, although the question here is how the person dies when the person grows old. I know of friends (single) who went to special temples in Japan to pray for 'good death' (好死), hoping that when they grow old, they can die an 'easy' death, and not be tortured by some sickness or disease that goes on for years...or worse still, be sent to nursing homes and suffer years of loneliness before their time is up.

This topic is kind of morbid but the reality is there will be many elderly folks around in the next 20-30 years, and that means the probability of ending up in a nursing home is high, be it those with family members or those who are single. I really hope the government ramp up their efforts for elderly care in this area - more 'quality' nursing homes, day care centres for the elderly, more elderly-friendly facilities etc...Just had a casual chat with my foreign colleagues over lunch - most commented that Singapore is a good place to work but not a good place to grow old or retire... :sad:

Oppsgal:

Seems like lots of stories on MIL and DIL...


Then how? Don't stay together? How come no stories on SIL and FIL?

concern2:

cwc, you will have good karma. Really, no bluff. I have seen it happen to a couple of my family members who have taken on similar responsibilities. It is a tough job, and is a test of endurance (忍), more than anything else. Hang in there...

sakura_2009:

starlight1968sg:

Eventually we will all grow old, fall sick and die.

That's true, although the question here is how the person dies when the person grows old. I know of friends (single) who went to special temples in Japan to pray for 'good death' (好死), hoping that when they grow old, they can die an 'easy' death, and not be tortured by some sickness or disease that goes on for years...or worse still, be sent to nursing homes and suffer years of loneliness before their time is up.

This topic is kind of morbid but the reality is there will be many elderly folks around in the next 20-30 years, and that means the probability of ending up in a nursing home is high, be it those with family members or those who are single. I really hope the government ramp up their efforts for elderly care in this area - more 'quality' nursing homes, day care centres for the elderly, more elderly-friendly facilities etc...Just had a casual chat with my foreign colleagues over lunch - most commented that Singapore is a good place to work but not a good place to grow old or retire... :sad:

starlight1968sg:

Eventually we will all grow old, fall sick and die.

sall:

It's very easy to point fingers at dil whenever things go wrong. I know a lady whose mil almost drove her crazy. The mil walks around naked after shower, than took the nescafe and pour all over the bed, then dil got to clean up the mess, change the bedsheet, and then when she's not looking, mil again took another container and pour all over the clean bedsheet. and the list goes on. Finally, they sent her to nursing home. If not, this dil will really go crazy. They don't have a maid and the poor dil has to do all the cleaning and everything.