Throwing Tantrum

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:05:41 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:05:41 GMT

thanks for all the suggestions, from home downstairs to school, he had been asking me to hug him and he hugs my leg! that i can’t move without really pulling apart from him forcefully…and if i tried to leave, he would become hysterical and show a "shock" face that i will be become scared (which i really am, thought he almost at the verge of breakdown). And then he vomit almost instantly…omg…

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:05:10 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:05:10 GMT

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:04:45 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:04:45 GMT

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:04:25 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:04:25 GMT

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:43:08 GMT

ammonite — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:43:08 GMT

If he was fine in the past, something must have happened. It may not be a big thing per se, but his perception of it may be different. Sometimes kids cannot say it, but they can draw it out, or indicate it in their play. You can also borrow books from the library on school anxieties,or bullying etc and read with him. This can help him open up on any unhappiness.

You can do this with him at night or over the weekend. But in the daytime,since you have to go to work, as Funz says, just go.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:16:30 GMT

Funz — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:16:30 GMT

lchunleo:
i am in the same shoes, you are not alone. my boy had been trying to perform delay tactics by asking me to hug him or make him stop crying when going to school. He persisted to cry and refuse to go into school despite having given the hugs and reassurance and everything. he would cry so hard sometimes that he vommitted in the school and i had to bring him back home to change and go into school again. And this behaviour had been persisted for weeks...and caused me to late for work as i can spend max of 1 hour in the school. The whole episode typically end in two ways:

1) distracted by stickers given by teachers (but seem no use now)
2) vomit and i have to bring to home to change..

lecture him and he promised not to do so, but behaviour repeat again..when it is coming to an end?? He doesn't do that in the past but how come start all these nonsense??

run out of ideas...vexed but can't do anything... :mad:

I am assuming that you kid is still a preschooler. My suggestion to you, drop your kid and go. Let the teachers handle his crying. Pack a change of clothes for the teachers to change him should he vomit.

As to why could be a number of possibilities. Was there a change of routine, be it home or school. Did he miss school due to illness? Was here a change in teacher? Was he punished or reprimanded for some mischief?

You might think that you are helping to calm him down by staying longer but you are in fact prolonging his tantrums and anxiety. Assure him that you love him, you will be back to pick him up later and go. Do not leave frustrated. When you are there to pick him up, hug him and assure him again that you love him.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:00:13 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 08:00:13 GMT

i am in the same shoes, you are not alone. my boy had been trying to perform delay tactics by asking me to hug him or make him stop crying when going to school. He persisted to cry and refuse to go into school despite having given the hugs and reassurance and everything. he would cry so hard sometimes that he vommitted in the school and i had to bring him back home to change and go into school again. And this behaviour had been persisted for weeks...and caused me to late for work as i can spend max of 1 hour in the school. The whole episode typically end in two ways:

1) distracted by stickers given by teachers (but seem no use now)
2) vomit and i have to bring to home to change..

lecture him and he promised not to do so, but behaviour repeat again..when it is coming to an end?? He doesn't do that in the past but how come start all these nonsense??

run out of ideas...vexed but can't do anything... :mad:

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 01 Aug 2013 07:58:45 GMT

lchunleo — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 07:58:45 GMT

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Thu, 18 Jul 2013 15:17:23 GMT

sunshine8 — Thu, 18 Jul 2013 15:17:23 GMT

Hi Sweet Joy & Funz,

Thanks for your sharing. Will put in more efforts to understand my gal bettter.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Wed, 17 Jul 2013 07:50:57 GMT

Funz — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 07:50:57 GMT

Oh yes, there was a time when I thought DD was intent on driving us mad. Totally disagreeable. Challenging everything along the way. Crying excessively. She was like that little girl with a curl in the rhyme, when she’s good, she’s very very good. When she’s bad, she was horrid.

You mentioned her crying a lot but you did not share about how you and your husband handled her crying or her tantrums. As for the toys, stop buying her whatever you think is attractive. Make the buying and giving of toys to her a purpose. Like for her birthday, children’s day, x’mas or when you feel that she has been particularly deserving. Involve her in the decision making since she seems to be a girl with a mind of her own.

Disciplining does not mean caning or hitting. She is 4yrs old already. She needs to learn or make the effort to communicate her unhappiness with words rather than with tears and tantrums.

I am not saying that this is a method that will work but I did this with DD when she was in that phase. On a calm day, I spoke to her. Told her that she is no longer a little baby. She can speak, so all these crying should go away. And yes, I know there are times when she cannot control and the tears just come, so let us pick a nice area where she can go to until she is ready to talk. And she picked an area and she was allowed to bring some stuff to put in that area. We call that her crying corner. So whenever she starts her crying we will remind her to go to her crying corner. We will of course go to her every 5mins or so to ask if she is ready to talk. If she is still crying, we leave her be. No further attention is given to her until she is ready to talk to us.

Another thing that I find helped was talking to DD about the milestones that she has made since she was a baby while looking through baby pictures and her old ‘handiwork’. It helped her feel proud about the things that she can do and I will start telling her about how at her age, she should also be able to understand certain things and keep to certain routine. And after talking to her about routine and all, we asked her if she thinks she can do it.

It does not change things overnight and certain things need to be revisited again and again. But things do get better. So hang in there.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Wed, 17 Jul 2013 04:19:01 GMT

Sweet Joy — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 04:19:01 GMT

sunshine8:
Hi fellow mummies & daddies,

Need some advice here. My gal, 4yo, cries a lot and can be a little stubborn. She has a 1+yo brother and she just changed childcare this month. For instance:
1. at her recent bday party in school, she cried throughout the bday song singing, despite all of us telling her not the cry. Despite me talking her pink bags are for gals, she deliberately took the first pink one and gave to a boy. The change came after 2 bags.
2. 90% of the days that we drop her off in childcare or pick her up from childcare, she would cry. For the former, it's better as teachers could help to talk to her, but for the latter, it can last 30min.
3. at home, she fusses for nothing. In the morning when she wakes up, she can whine and refuses milk, or cries and refuses to brush her teeth. at night, she whines and refuses to sleep, saying that she still wants to play.

The above are just some egs only. As she's on full day childcare and we are both working, we barely interacts with her for 4-5h per day. Yet these crying and tantrums are taking away precious time from us. Sometimes she refuses to answer us honestly the cause of her crying. I'm uncertain if it's due to sibling rivalry (cos sometimes she says she wants to be a baby and imitates her brother a lot) or because we didn't discipline her well (we do not cane her, seldom hit her nowadays after arrival of her bro in case she thinks we dislike her) or she's too spoilt (she has lots of toys but she doesn't cherish them) or she's just trying to drive us insane...

Please help. Similar things occur at her previous childcare too. I see other kids behaving so well. Why isn't she? The daily x times crying/ tantrum throwing episodes are just testing our limits.

Advice are greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot!

Your girl needs to know you care. She is acting up to get attention. All this can be trying, especially when you are tired after work. Take care of yourself, so that you will be able to shower your love and care. Pick her up and give her a hug when she acts up. All the best!

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Wed, 17 Jul 2013 03:47:42 GMT

sunshine8 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 03:47:42 GMT

Thanks Gift from Heaven.

I must admit I’m not someone with lots of patience. I’ll try out the tips today. Usually when teachers see me going to pick her up, they’ll inform her and she’ll start crying. I’ll give her some time to wrap up today. Usually I just say let’s go and take the bag.

I still have not gotten an answer about the birthday celebration from her. The thing we do not like is she likes to say throw away the new things that we bought for her without her presence. Does she merely wants to be in control?

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Wed, 17 Jul 2013 02:54:58 GMT

Gifts from Heaven — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 02:54:58 GMT

sunshine8:
Hi fellow mummies & daddies,

Need some advice here. My gal, 4yo, cries a lot and can be a little stubborn. She has a 1+yo brother and she just changed childcare this month. For instance:
1. at her recent bday party in school, she cried throughout the bday song singing, despite all of us telling her not the cry. Despite me talking her pink bags are for gals, she deliberately took the first pink one and gave to a boy. The change came after 2 bags.
2. 90% of the days that we drop her off in childcare or pick her up from childcare, she would cry. For the former, it's better as teachers could help to talk to her, but for the latter, it can last 30min.
3. at home, she fusses for nothing. In the morning when she wakes up, she can whine and refuses milk, or cries and refuses to brush her teeth. at night, she whines and refuses to sleep, saying that she still wants to play.

The above are just some egs only. As she's on full day childcare and we are both working, we barely interacts with her for 4-5h per day. Yet these crying and tantrums are taking away precious time from us. Sometimes she refuses to answer us honestly the cause of her crying. I'm uncertain if it's due to sibling rivalry (cos sometimes she says she wants to be a baby and imitates her brother a lot) or because we didn't discipline her well (we do not cane her, seldom hit her nowadays after arrival of her bro in case she thinks we dislike her) or she's too spoilt (she has lots of toys but she doesn't cherish them) or she's just trying to drive us insane...

Please help. Similar things occur at her previous childcare too. I see other kids behaving so well. Why isn't she? The daily x times crying/ tantrum throwing episodes are just testing our limits.

Advice are greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot!

Hi sunshine8,
Have you been spending quality individual time with your gal, without the presence of your 1 YO? Some of the scenarios mentioned sounded like sibling rivalry cases to me.
For scenario 1, hv you find out why she cry? Is it something she don't like/ don't want to do and you insisted to do? Like for my boy, he don't like to have candles on his cake 'cos he's afraid of the bright light (he has light sensitivity), so we will just tell the teacher to skip lighting the candles.
For scenario 2, when going childcare, crying could b due to separation anxiety or fear of someone in the centre. If you have observed that teachers are ok and can settle her nicely, then just need to bear with it for a while and keep 'psycho-ing' her. Get help from the teacher too. Give her some time to adjust since it is a new environment to her. For leaving, is it 'cos she is still playing and you got her out of the centre, disrupting her play? Give her some time to wrap up her play. I usually show my boy the clock and tell him when the long hand is at which number, we will be leaving. And I will give reminders at regular intervals.
Same for scenario 3, show her the clock or have a timer. Cut her some slack.

Your gal is definitely not here to drive you insane. Just be more patient with her, play with her more and give her more individal attention. That should improve your situation. Hope this helps.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Wed, 17 Jul 2013 00:56:37 GMT

sunshine8 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 00:56:37 GMT

Hi fellow mummies & daddies,

Need some advice here. My gal, 4yo, cries a lot and can be a little stubborn. She has a 1+yo brother and she just changed childcare this month. For instance:
1. at her recent bday party in school, she cried throughout the bday song singing, despite all of us telling her not the cry. Despite me talking her pink bags are for gals, she deliberately took the first pink one and gave to a boy. The change came after 2 bags.
2. 90% of the days that we drop her off in childcare or pick her up from childcare, she would cry. For the former, it’s better as teachers could help to talk to her, but for the latter, it can last 30min.
3. at home, she fusses for nothing. In the morning when she wakes up, she can whine and refuses milk, or cries and refuses to brush her teeth. at night, she whines and refuses to sleep, saying that she still wants to play.

The above are just some egs only. As she’s on full day childcare and we are both working, we barely interacts with her for 4-5h per day. Yet these crying and tantrums are taking away precious time from us. Sometimes she refuses to answer us honestly the cause of her crying. I’m uncertain if it’s due to sibling rivalry (cos sometimes she says she wants to be a baby and imitates her brother a lot) or because we didn’t discipline her well (we do not cane her, seldom hit her nowadays after arrival of her bro in case she thinks we dislike her) or she’s too spoilt (she has lots of toys but she doesn’t cherish them) or she’s just trying to drive us insane…

Please help. Similar things occur at her previous childcare too. I see other kids behaving so well. Why isn’t she? The daily x times crying/ tantrum throwing episodes are just testing our limits.

Advice are greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot!

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Sun, 05 Jun 2011 04:07:03 GMT

smartmummy — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 04:07:03 GMT

Hi!

My son also used to ask like these questions like the glue insident.At first I got so angry and scold/beat him.Then I analyse and realize that when I talk to him I was so hurry (my tone was higher and my speach faster was make him angry) that I had lot of work to do.So after some incidents,I patiently ask him why you behave so bad and rude and I told him previously you so obedient boy whatever I said you listen.Then He slowly open his mouth and told me his father never plays with him as he always go out to study and work.After that I told to my husband please spend 10 mins to family time.I bought a game that can play family members together.cos of our time constraint affeted him.Another major thing learn from school friends.He use stupid and crazy often.I said I banned these words.cos my girl get so angry.He use these words to bully her.often they are fighting.Now reduced.He told me that he learnt to use these words at school cos he can defeat them.I bought a psycology book that chicken soup for kids soul.I borrowed two psycology books that are Supper nanny (programme in abc channel) and DK parenting book.Supper nanny guide how to handle a misbehave child.
It takes time,we have to choose time and place to talk.First satisfy his needs.Then he can listen to us.For me,the problem increase when I always used to talk in my mother tongue that I wanted him to speak in our mother tongue.cos he doesn’t like to speak and never speak at home.He mentioned that also he couldn’t understand the long sentences.Now I talk in both languages.Good Luck!

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Sun, 05 Jun 2011 01:22:10 GMT

cnimed — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 01:22:10 GMT

smurf:
I tried to stop his favorites, but he will say I hate him. Even though after that I told him it's not. It's his behavior. Haiz...sometimes he is so nice, but sometimes...sigh...

No offence, but to be honest, sounds like he how to handle you better than you know how to handle him...

From your description, I feel your child is a very normal youngster, same age as mine. Mine went through a similar phase last year, complete with the \"you hate me!\" - which honestly incensed me more than made me feel uncertain. (I told him unequivocally that he has no right to say that to me after I have been his main caregiver since birth.) But you have not yet established clearly the ground rules and lines of acceptability. After establishing them, you need to reinforce them consistently, and not expect him to toe the line immediately e.g after a few days forget liao - that is normal! If your child is the kind that will not take things lying down and as you say, very prideful, you may want to consider if you need to model the ability to apologise. To be honest, I myself was very bad at it, and I realised I need to show him that I can apologise before he will start to think that he can to without losing face.

You may need to do both hard and soft ways - \"lao hu fa wei\" - followed up by constant reinforcements of your expectations AND how to meet them - e.g. replacement phrases, anticipation of meltdowns etc. At the same time, praise appropriately, and speak to his love language. You will not see results immediately, but gradually things will shift and the incidents will become less frequent. Sometimes I really blow my top and after some reflection, if I think I overdid it, I will apologise for shouting and tell them I still need to work on my anger management. Other times, I will sit and stare at my kids pointedly while obviously doing my 10 breaths to cool down in front of them. It works. This year my son wrote me a letter of apology of his own accord stating that he is sorry for all the \"bad things\" he had done, quarrelling with his brother, and that he will try his best to help out around the house. :love: So take heart! The day will come!

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:59:19 GMT

jedamum — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:59:19 GMT

Dear smurf,

Just wanna ask you something: do you think that (1) your boy really has temper management issues or do you think that (2) you have not yet found a technique that can make communications between you and your boy better (aka parenting techniques)?
If (1), then you should really try to seek help professionally before your boy gets older. Because once you believe it’s (1), any parenting techniques that you intend to use or had used or is using now, you will secondguess its effectiveness because back in your mind, you may already have this thought… ‘my boy has temper management issues’.
If it is (2), then, do not give up! There may be suitable books available in the library if you have the time to go through them and pick out which best suits your needs. Pick something between ‘anger management’ and ‘connecting with your child’. You cannot help him learn to manage his tempers if you cannot connect with him in the first place.
How is your husband’s relationship with your boy?
How is the relationship between your boy and his siblings?
How is the relationship between your boy and his grandparents?
Do you think that your boy respects you? If no, why? What qualities do you think you have that deserves your boy’s respect? Does your boy know about these qualities? Many a times, children take their parents for granted, especially SAHMs. They think that their mother only knows how to clean the house and cook. And nag. And nag. And punish. And time-out. Is your husband doing anything to help build a positive image of you in your children’s eyes/hearts?
Personally, I feel that if you can get your boy to treat you with better respect (ie the less shouting part), you will have a better time helping him as he will be more open to communicate with you.
JMHO.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:35:04 GMT

smurf — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:35:04 GMT

I tried to stop his favorites, but he will say I hate him. Even though after that I told him it’s not. It’s his behavior. Haiz…sometimes he is so nice, but sometimes…sigh…

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:58:11 GMT

Angelight — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:58:11 GMT

Smurf, I'm a mother too, I can empathise with you. :hugs:

since your boy is already 7 yo, I would strongly advise you to bring him see a counsellor. Since you have tried everything and none works, let a professional take over. All the best!

smurf:
Hi Angel,

My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.

Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong!

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:16:02 GMT

Oppsgal — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:16:02 GMT

smurf:
Hi Angel,

My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.

Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong!

Time out will work for younger child, but definitely not for older kid. Because even if u ignore him or her, they will find other things to do. They dun need so much attention as the younger ones.

The thing about him is, he doesn't think first before shouting. He doesn't wait first before talking. He just blast, after that when he think it over, he knows he is wrong, but he will not apologize, I think partly is because of pride. I told him, if he is angry,dun shout, count to 5 or 10. But every time, he forgets.

Cut off his pocket money, cut off his tv show and go to sleep early.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:13:49 GMT

Oppsgal — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:13:49 GMT

WCW:
poppy15:
dun throw it back. throw it another direction & ask \" anymore to throw?... throw more & you will have no more. i'm not going to buy for you anymore if u dont know how to control \"

sometimes i do this : if DD or DS throws something at me in a fit of anger, even that item doesnt hit me, i will quietly pick it up & threw it into the rubbish chute, rubbish chute ar, not waste paper basket

then i will give them a wide eye look, hands on my hips, daring them to throw more.

after 2 or 3 times, they eventually learn mummy's not easy to fight with :imcool:
wow fierce mommy. i also scare :scared:

then wasted the toy. haha... should ask the gurang guni man to pick them up before you throw. :rotflmao:

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:47:18 GMT

smurf — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:47:18 GMT

About the throwing of toys…hmm, if I throw away toys, he will cry very super loud and after that, he will ignore me. But after few days, he will forget about the incident, and then the saga will repeat again.

Actually, some of the methods work, but only for a short period of time, maybe just for a day, then after that, it’s back to square one again.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:42:42 GMT

smurf — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:42:42 GMT

Hi Angel,

My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.

Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong!

Time out will work for younger child, but definitely not for older kid. Because even if u ignore him or her, they will find other things to do. They dun need so much attention as the younger ones.

The thing about him is, he doesn't think first before shouting. He doesn't wait first before talking. He just blast, after that when he think it over, he knows he is wrong, but he will not apologize, I think partly is because of pride. I told him, if he is angry,dun shout, count to 5 or 10. But every time, he forgets.

Reply to Throwing Tantrum on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:13:40 GMT

Angelight — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:13:40 GMT

Smurf, I happened to chance on your post and thot I would share here.

I don’t know how old your son is, but have you tried ‘time-out’ or even ignore him when he threw his tantrums at you so as to let him know bad behavior will not be paid attention to?

After he has calmed down, then try talking or reasoning with him. If all else fails, maybe it’s best you bring him to a child counsellor who can assess his temperament and solutions to manage his anger issue.

It’s better to nick the problem in the bud when the child is younger. It’d be harder to counsel and change the behavior of the child when he grows older. Hope my suggestion helps.