'Mum, can you buy me ... '

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 10:31:52 GMT

tankee — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 10:31:52 GMT

Whatever practise we choose to adopt, must make sure grandparents are in agreement or they will spoilt everything.

And IMO, it is ok to surprise our child with some "wants" occasionally, but never at the point of request. Afterall, we parents also indugle in our wants once in a while.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 06:54:54 GMT

LOLMum — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 06:54:54 GMT

providing needs is essential but also needs provided should be of quality too if circumstances allow.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 06:48:05 GMT

Funz — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 06:48:05 GMT

MMM:
Funz:
Just had a thought, if we keep only to the lowest level of satisfying only needs, then where is the drive to go beyond and strive for more.

For us, we will provide the \"needs\" but for the wants, they will have to strive to achieve that.

Yah that is why I said satisfy that 'want' once in a while but with conditions in place. It should not be a blanket 'No' for 'wants'. The 'needs' have to be met, yes, but it is the 'wants' that will drive people to achieve more. I am of the mind that if possible, kids should not have to work for their 'needs', we as parents should take care of that. And we can use their 'wants' to push them that 1 or 2 step further.

Of course, then, there is the need to also identify, what are positive and constructive 'wants' and what is not.

:roll: So many 'needs' and 'wants' in one passage until I oso kinda blur oredi.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:28:11 GMT

MMM — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:28:11 GMT

Funz:
Just had a thought, if we keep only to the lowest level of satisfying only needs, then where is the drive to go beyond and strive for more.

For us, we will provide the \"needs\" but for the wants, they will have to strive to achieve that.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:24:46 GMT

MMM — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:24:46 GMT

LOLMum:
but i think buying branded stuff be it clothes or toys or gadgets is not wrong either. it is a matter of lifestyle and affordability and not overdoing it.

Actually depends on where you shop.... we buy branded clothes and bags for the kids, etc... but that is simply because we shop overseas while on business trips or sometimes we do online shopping, it is so much cheaper than shopping in the malls in Singapore. Most of the time, these \"branded\" stuff in US are priced like the average goods in Singapore. Or is Singapore stuff getting too expensive :?

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:21:56 GMT

hapydino — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:21:56 GMT

tried the \"no $\" on my N2 and she said 'use the card, put in, tee tee tee and $ come out'.. so now is 'never bring card and $, if u wan u have to stay here to work for the uncle/auntie'.. :rotflmao:

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 03:47:23 GMT

LOLMum — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 03:47:23 GMT

before we go out, my kids would ask if they can bring their $$$ to buy things.

luckily for me, my kids dont throw themselves onto the floor and make a scene and neither do they sulk or whatsoever if deny a stuff. both are able to negotiate and decide if the stuff is worthy of a purchase.

but i think buying branded stuff be it clothes or toys or gadgets is not wrong either. it is a matter of lifestyle and affordability and not overdoing it.

on a couple of occassions, i saw the maid picking up the brawling kid and got punched and kicked while the parents just continued with their shopping.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:55:10 GMT

Funz — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:55:10 GMT

Yes it is good to identify what is needs and what is wants but once in a while, satisfy that want (with caveate :evil: ) to motivate the child.

Just had a thought, if we keep only to the lowest level of satisfying only needs, then where is the drive to go beyond and strive for more.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:54:29 GMT

MMM — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:54:29 GMT

I think all these start from young.

I recalled how my mum would tell me that she won’t buy something for me because she didn’t bring enough money so we will come back next time. I forgot about it the next time.

But with credit cards nowadays, it’s probably not a good excuse to give the kids anymore.

Before I got married or had kids… I cannot "tolerate" kids who throw tantrum in the mall just because the parents didn’t give in to their demands. I told myself that I do not want to be in such situation and will never give in.

So since young, I always tell my kids that I would not give in to their tantrum and at the same time rationalise their "demand" as they are get older. They learn to play by my rule in the mall so fortunately, there are no tantrums to face. But i feel alot is about setting the right expectations and showing through consistent actions that tantrum will not be tolerated.

Reply to 'Mum, can you buy me ... ' on Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:39:58 GMT

jedamum — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:39:58 GMT

my kids are allowed to ask me to buy stuff for them during shopping.

but they have also learned

1) to accept ‘No’ as the answer
2) that mum/dad’s decision is final
3) negotiate/substantiate, but never demand
4) tantrum will strip them of their next visit to the store
5) for my P3 - that he can return to the store for our next trip and if he still wants that item
a) to ask again/convince us
b) bring his own money

we don’t have a blanket ‘No’ policy because at one point, the son just refused to leave the house to follow me shopping because ‘no purpose’ he said.