<![CDATA[Love or responsibility]]>After married for 10 yrs, i am sure all sparks would have died down for most of us.how do we create or find back that kind of feeling while we were still dating ?


how do we know if we still love our other half or we stay together out of responsibility.

is there is \"test\" , questionairs or method for us to do to see if we still love them?
:?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/25915/love-or-responsibilityRSS for NodeFri, 16 Oct 2026 04:08:07 GMTThu, 15 Sep 2011 02:19:52 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Mon, 24 Dec 2012 03:55:23 GMT]]>

TeachingMyToddlers.com:

In regards to love in a marriage, I really liked the book \"The Five Love Languages\" by Gary Chapman. You can take a quiz and find find out what language you and your spouse speak (I bet there's a quiz online somewhere if you look). We went to this author's seminar years ago and it was very worthwhile. I was initially disappointed to learn my hubby's primary and secondary languages were polar opposites of my own because those are NOT the languages I naturally speak. But they are his, and that is how he best receives affection, so it's good to know.
I tend to be pretty sceptical about such things, but I admit the 5 love languages has been pretty useful. The trick is to keep remembering to deliver on it!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/923000https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/923000Mon, 24 Dec 2012 03:55:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Mon, 24 Dec 2012 02:17:59 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
Do remember that when men say they are being objective, women may feel they are unsympathetic (speaking as a woman), and she may need more time and distance to calm down.

Ha Ha!

How true!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/922949https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/922949Mon, 24 Dec 2012 02:17:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 04:43:19 GMT]]>maybe your wife does not see you in the same light? Does she think you are fair? Perhaps you need to work on your communication with her. If she cares enough, she should not let this get into her and between you two (perhaps she is too distracted or stressed out and therefore this is where you can play a bigger part to help out in the household etc)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921681https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921681Fri, 21 Dec 2012 04:43:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 02:06:48 GMT]]>We’re not staying with parents. But used to go over daily for meals. That’s when problem comes in. On the hindsight, should have kept a distance. Now that the damage is already done, wounds are not easy to heal. Especially for wife.


I believe I’m reasonably objective already. I’m trying to mediate between both sides but to no avail. I love her & my family so I’m trying to do what’s best for all. But she appeared to be focusing on the negativity & refuse to yield. Going crazy if things don’t improve. Need to see a shrink sooner or later.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921582https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921582Fri, 21 Dec 2012 02:06:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Thu, 20 Dec 2012 06:18:55 GMT]]>there is neverendless conflict that might happen between in-laws and wife but as the middleman, pls try to manage this by always being fair and objective and not out of sense of filial piety or otherwise

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921206https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921206Thu, 20 Dec 2012 06:18:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Thu, 20 Dec 2012 06:12:32 GMT]]>

karu:
I believe I do love her after much pondering. The problem is that she seems to be too overwhelmed by resentment for my parents at the moment. Really dunno what to do now...

Living together with your parents? Then perhaps consider the option of buying/renting another house near your parents. Live separately to cool the heat. At least you retain your marriage and still close enough to your parents to help them run errands & visit frequently

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921198https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/921198Thu, 20 Dec 2012 06:12:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 07:37:49 GMT]]>

happy to be mum:
karu:

I digging out this old thread cos I've been asking myself this question lately as well. We've got 3 beautiful kids. But they can be can be very annoying at times. To the point that they are driving us nuts.


I see in many threads that couple must find time for ourselves to keep the love & fire going. But we really have no time for that since the birth of our baby early this year. To make things worse, our relationship has been strained with our disagreement with my parents. DW has been dwelling on the issue for the past 3 months & we often break into fights as she thinks I'm on their side. Guess I failed to convince her with my desire to work on reconcillation & her dwelling on the fact that she was being told off in the ugly melt-down. She even thought about ending the marriage so she can cease having connection with parents. I really hope that those were use words of anger & she didn't meant to end our marriage. To me that is not an option as we are responsible for the well-being of our children & we must keep the family together. However, the countless blickering we had made me wonder if we're together out of reponsibility for our children or out of the love that brought us together in the first place?


hi karu

do you still love your wife? If you still love her, you will try ways to solve the current problems. Have a good heart to heart talk with your wife. It is sad if the reason is because of in-laws problems. If the love is strong, both of you will stay united.

I believe I do love her after much pondering. The problem is that she seems to be too overwhelmed by resentment for my parents at the moment. Really dunno what to do now...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919891https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919891Tue, 18 Dec 2012 07:37:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 07:10:50 GMT]]>

karu:
I digging out this old thread cos I've been asking myself this question lately as well. We've got 3 beautiful kids. But they can be can be very annoying at times. To the point that they are driving us nuts.


I see in many threads that couple must find time for ourselves to keep the love & fire going. But we really have no time for that since the birth of our baby early this year. To make things worse, our relationship has been strained with our disagreement with my parents. DW has been dwelling on the issue for the past 3 months & we often break into fights as she thinks I'm on their side. Guess I failed to convince her with my desire to work on reconcillation & her dwelling on the fact that she was being told off in the ugly melt-down. She even thought about ending the marriage so she can cease having connection with parents. I really hope that those were use words of anger & she didn't meant to end our marriage. To me that is not an option as we are responsible for the well-being of our children & we must keep the family together. However, the countless blickering we had made me wonder if we're together out of reponsibility for our children or out of the love that brought us together in the first place?

hi karu

do you still love your wife? If you still love her, you will try ways to solve the current problems. Have a good heart to heart talk with your wife. It is sad if the reason is because of in-laws problems. If the love is strong, both of you will stay united.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919873https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919873Tue, 18 Dec 2012 07:10:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Mon, 17 Dec 2012 14:55:52 GMT]]>

autumnbronze:
Funz:

Our 11th anniversary is coming up. Next week actually. Over the years, our relationship has also evolved.


It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:

Oh Funz, I simply luuuurrrrve your metaphorical description :love:

:ugogirl:


Me too, Like the way you describe it. :imcool:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919647https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919647Mon, 17 Dec 2012 14:55:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Mon, 17 Dec 2012 07:40:41 GMT]]>I digging out this old thread cos I’ve been asking myself this question lately as well. We’ve got 3 beautiful kids. But they can be can be very annoying at times. To the point that they are driving us nuts.


I see in many threads that couple must find time for ourselves to keep the love & fire going. But we really have no time for that since the birth of our baby early this year. To make things worse, our relationship has been strained with our disagreement with my parents. DW has been dwelling on the issue for the past 3 months & we often break into fights as she thinks I’m on their side. Guess I failed to convince her with my desire to work on reconcillation & her dwelling on the fact that she was being told off in the ugly melt-down. She even thought about ending the marriage so she can cease having connection with parents. I really hope that those were use words of anger & she didn’t meant to end our marriage. To me that is not an option as we are responsible for the well-being of our children & we must keep the family together. However, the countless blickering we had made me wonder if we’re together out of reponsibility for our children or out of the love that brought us together in the first place?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919494https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/919494Mon, 17 Dec 2012 07:40:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:49:11 GMT]]>

Funz:
Chenonceau:


(6) deep knowledge of the other's pressure buttons (DON'T PRESS)

Don't press ah?

Sometimes I will purposely press to get a reaction. :evil:

:rotflmao: OK I can be a bit :siao:

Well you know what they say about make up :censored:

:siam:

:rotflmao: Notti notti

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586971https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586971Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:49:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:03:55 GMT]]>

gaffy:
Funz:

It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:


:hi5: Same! Then there were times when i got so mad with DH that I felt like smothering the fire! But it wouldn't die! Eternal flame... :love:


wau! :evil: enternal flame leh! 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586919https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586919Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:03:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:01:59 GMT]]>

Funz:
Our 11th anniversary is coming up. Next week actually. Over the years, our relationship has also evolved.


It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:

very funny! :love:

i am looking forwards to this type of fire with DH too

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586917https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586917Fri, 16 Sep 2011 07:01:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:56:28 GMT]]>

happy to be mum:
it is love...definitely!


if there is no love, you will not be bother about responsibility. one of my gf had left her marriage of 8 years when her son was six months old cause there is no longer love in the relationship. If she think of responsibilty, she will not walk out of the marriage and son.

DH & I often will go out for movies or drinks together, just couple times after being together for 16 yrs, we still hold hands. That is definitely love that hold us together cause to me I believe without love, there is nothing.
yup, when there is no love, there will be nothing
DH and i still behave like we were dating back in 97'
i still have the urge to see and be with him every now and then
but sometime this man really gets on my nerve! :stompfeet:
we try to accomodate to each other short-comings
and also, i am learning how to close one eyes
perhaps i am an insecure and pessimistic person, i always have the thought that he will leave me when i am fat and old
after all, men are rather visual animals and tend to go for younger babes...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586909https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586909Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:56:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:50:30 GMT]]>

autumnbronze:
chloecube:



:shock: 21yrs! congrats!

Thanks chloecube :hugs:

We were teen sweethearts 😉


i see, so sweet

i've got 2 frds who started dating when they were in sec 3 till now
married with 2 kids
we were always teasing them how does it feel to see each other \"grow\" up and then grow old
whahha 😂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586902https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586902Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:50:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:49:04 GMT]]>

Chenonceau:

(6) deep knowledge of the other's pressure buttons (DON'T PRESS)
Don't press ah?

Sometimes I will purposely press to get a reaction. :evil:

:rotflmao: OK I can be a bit :siao:

Well you know what they say about make up :censored:

:siam:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586830https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586830Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:49:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:41:26 GMT]]>

3Boys:
autumnbronze:


Errrrrrrrrr, perhaps it's because practice makes perfect :evil: 😉 😉

Use it or lose it, my dear.... :evil:


:rotflmao:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586823https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586823Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:41:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:50:31 GMT]]>

Funz:
It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:

:hi5: Same! Then there were times when i got so mad with DH that I felt like smothering the fire! But it wouldn't die! Eternal flame... :love:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586798https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586798Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:50:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:41:53 GMT]]>

Funz:
Our 11th anniversary is coming up. Next week actually. Over the years, our relationship has also evolved.


It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:
Oh Funz, I simply luuuurrrrve your metaphorical description :love:

:ugogirl:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586795https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586795Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:41:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:07:47 GMT]]>

autumnbronze:

Errrrrrrrrr, perhaps it's because practice makes perfect :evil: 😉 😉
Use it or lose it, my dear.... :evil:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586769https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586769Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:07:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:07:37 GMT]]>Our 11th anniversary is coming up. Next week actually. Over the years, our relationship has also evolved.


It started out with a tiny spark that grew and burned and at one time it was as volatile as a bonfire and now I will say it is a steady glow, the perfect type of fire of for a bbq. :rotflmao:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586768https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586768Fri, 16 Sep 2011 04:07:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:26:35 GMT]]>

3Boys:
chloecube:

After married for 10 yrs, i am sure all sparks would have died down for most of us.


Ummm....not necessarily.

Put your spouse ahead of everything else, including kids, including work (but excepting God!).

I actually have more fun together with my wife after 10+ years of marriage and 3 kids, than we had at the beginning....

......honestly :evil:


Errrrrrrrrr, perhaps it's because practice makes perfect :evil: 😉 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586713https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586713Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:26:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:24:52 GMT]]>it is love…definitely!


if there is no love, you will not be bother about responsibility. one of my gf had left her marriage of 8 years when her son was six months old cause there is no longer love in the relationship. If she think of responsibilty, she will not walk out of the marriage and son.

DH & I often will go out for movies or drinks together, just couple times after being together for 16 yrs, we still hold hands. That is definitely love that hold us together cause to me I believe without love, there is nothing.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586710https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586710Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:24:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Love or responsibility on Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:21:22 GMT]]>

Chenonceau:

It's a warm and comfortable feeling. Not the hot and exciting sort.
Warm and comfortable good....

Hot and exciting.....also good 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586706https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/586706Fri, 16 Sep 2011 03:21:22 GMT