markfch:

Funz:

I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

I think I understand your feeling. If it were my ds, I will be upset too. As parents, we all want to protect our children and don't like it if we think they're being taken advantage of.

I recently went for a self-improvement course that taught me that when we get angry or stress, our body will generate chemicals which are toxic to our body. That's why stressed people fall sick easily. In the long run, these toxics will cause our body to fall sick and maybe even suffer from serious illnesses. In the meantime, the 'perpetrators' of our misery don't even know the irritation they caused us. So unfair right?

Your dd is so sweet and forgiving. I mean if she gets vindictive and starts cursing L, I think you'll be more worried. Just take it that L is an inconsiderate person who's (fortunately) not going to be your dd's classmate anymore :rahrah: and stop ruminating about it.

At least we can rant our problems here and it has proven to be quite therapeutic for me.

Funz:

Yah, my heart ached for DD when I saw all her effort destroyed. But I am also cheered by her bouncing right back into action instead of being defeated. I am sure she will thoroughly enjoy the party especially since the whole class knew she was the one who made the pinata and then they saw how it was destroyed and were disappointed and now that DD has repaired it, plus those yummy cookies that she is bringing, I reckon she will be getting quite a fair bit of attention today.

Chenonceau:

:stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet: :stompfeet:
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I feel mad just READING your account!! :mad:

My DD too used to be... no... IS still very forgiving and non skeptical. I also, like you, let it go because I want to keep her soul beautiful. BUT, it's hard for Mommy to forgive even though we might find it easy to forgive transgressions against ourselves... and give others the benefit of the doubt.

When it's me, it ok. When it's DD, it's hard for me to say ok.

Busymom:

:hugs: to your DD! She is so sweet. :love:

But just curious, why did L have to bring the pinata back home on Mon?

Well, if I were you, I would also be very glad that L is not going to be in the same class as your DD.

Funz:

I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Funz:

DD, came home fuming mad again on Tues. The class was going to have a party and DD's group including her frenemy L, volunteered to make a pinata for the party. The kids tried without success to make the pinata in school last week. DD volunteered to complete the pinata at home over the weekend and she spent the whole weekend painstakingly cooking the starch and layering the newspapers, drying it and decorating it. She brought the finished product to school on Monday to show her friends and all of them were full of praise for DD. L said she will bring the pinata home and then bring it back again on Thursday.


On Tuesday, L passed DD the pinata. It was destroyed. L claimed that her older sis saw the pinata and said it was very ugly and destroyed it. DD spent the evening trying to salvage what was left of the pinata. She said the whole class was looking forward to having a pinata for the party so she has to try to patch it back.

I was surprised that she did not dissolve into tears and end up sulking. There was actually no tears at all, a bit of fuming and feet stomping but what I saw was a determination not to let the class down. I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Oh well, in any case, seeing her like that, I baked a batch of choc chip cookies for her to bring to the party. And though a bit petty of me, I am glad L will not be in the same class as DD next year.

Funz:

DD, came home fuming mad again on Tues. The class was going to have a party and DD's group including her frenemy L, volunteered to make a pinata for the party. The kids tried without success to make the pinata in school last week. DD volunteered to complete the pinata at home over the weekend and she spent the whole weekend painstakingly cooking the starch and layering the newspapers, drying it and decorating it. She brought the finished product to school on Monday to show her friends and all of them were full of praise for DD. L said she will bring the pinata home and then bring it back again on Thursday.


On Tuesday, L passed DD the pinata. It was destroyed. L claimed that her older sis saw the pinata and said it was very ugly and destroyed it. DD spent the evening trying to salvage what was left of the pinata. She said the whole class was looking forward to having a pinata for the party so she has to try to patch it back.

I was surprised that she did not dissolve into tears and end up sulking. There was actually no tears at all, a bit of fuming and feet stomping but what I saw was a determination not to let the class down. I'm pretty proud of her for that. But also pretty irritated with her cos she still defended L. Saying it was not L's fault, it was L's sister who destroyed the pinata. Ok, might be true and think I can learn to be more forgiving and less skeptical like DD.

Oh well, in any case, seeing her like that, I baked a batch of choc chip cookies for her to bring to the party. And though a bit petty of me, I am glad L will not be in the same class as DD next year.

Sun_2010:

busymom, that was a touching read.


markfch, while this thread started off with one issue, it has moved on to give many useful suggestions and experiences. May I suggest to change the heading to \"Raising Resilient Children\" or some such thing. Just a suggestion

Busymom:

So, markfch, you are quite a good daddy! Maybe you should consider writing a book...

Busymom:

Busymom:

[quote=\"markfch\"]

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

Funz:

Markfch, I am a mama bear whereas you are a teddy bear. Haha. I'm definitely fiercer.

That sissy label cured him huh? Too bad it cannot be applied to DD. Well she hardly rolls her eyes at me anymore. So I guess our deal worked out. More in my favour then hers cos I still nag at her.

Busymom:

markfch:

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

kekeke.. I know where you are coming from, especially about good comment motivates and do agree with you on that. But that would contradict myself in front of DD, when I told her she shouldn't buy friendship with gifts.

Ok, baking the cookies is also a bit of a bribe, but at least we are doing it for the whole class, not just TM.

Funz:

Yah :hugs: to you too.

Problem with DD is she still wants to be friend with this girl. Told her choice is hers and she knows what L is like so DD will just have to grow thicker skin and let those hurtful remarks just slide off her.

Busymom:

Funz:

[quote=\"Busymom\"]
Just today, the two met again in an external music class. They are usually not in the same class, but there was a group practice today. TM's sister (in the same primary school and at least 2-3 years older than the 2 girls) who was also there, apparently came to DD and said to her that she is the most stupid girl in the world. According to DD, TM did tell her a few days ago that her sister commented that DD is the most stupid girl in the world. DD doesn't know what was the incident that could have caused the sisters to make that sort of remark about her.

Oh boy! Deja vu. DD too had a similar encounter with her frenemy's older sister some time back. Out of the blue when the group of girls including L were playing, the older sis of L came up to DD and told her L will not be her friend as she is an awful person and a lousy friend and told DD to go away. When confronted like that by an older girl, DD was basically stunned. So she left the group and went to the library. Luckily for DD a few of the girls from that group joined her and that sort of cushioned the rejection.

markfch:

Funz:

The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.

Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.


I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call him

He said, \"No!\"

insider:

markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?

Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.

Sun_2010:

markfch:

[quote=\"Busymom\"]
2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD

Any advice on which course of action I should take?

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

markfch:

Busymom:

2. I will get to meet TM's mother in a couple of days at the upcoming meet-the-parents session in school. Should I have a word with her about her two DD

Any advice on which course of action I should take?

Just thinking out of the box here. What about buying TM a gift and praising her in front of her mum? If you praise high enough, you can be sure it'll reach TM's ears.

For one, it tells TM that you know her mum. Two, nothing motivates like a good comment. Three, a little 'bribery' can do wonders, keke. Four, it's less confrontational.

markfch:

Chenonceau:

Kekekekeke!! I made fun of my DD at the rolling eyes stage. I told her that her eye balls will fall and roll on the floor, and quite away. A few times, I bent down and picked up her eyeballs. I also rolled my eyes at her to irritate her.


Then we talked.

This is funny and very creative. Gets everyone in the right mood for discussion and compromise. Next time I will adapt your method to handle ds's other idiosyncrasies. They will appear, it's just a matter of time.

markfch:

Funz:

DD did this eye-rolling thing with me when she was in P1 as well. It is one thing when a teenager does this to you but a 7yr old...hmm. Well to me it is a sign of disrespect and I had to nip it in the bud. Both her behaviour and what I did that triggered it.

You have this problem too? I think ds picked this bad habit up from the older kids in school. Between K2 and P1, for better or worse, he has lost a lot of innocence.

Funz:

The temptation to smack her at on the head to stop this behaviour is strong, oh yes, very strong.

Whoa you're fiercer than me. I was only tempted to slap the butt. Sometimes I think I've too much patience for ds.

Funz:

But yup, you're right, not gonna help. So sat her down immediately and told her I do not like that kind of response, it is rude and I expect better of her. I admitted that I should not have been talking over her and, well, essentially nagging, and we made a deal. She cannot roll her eyes at me or anyone for that matter and if she finds me nagging, she has to come up to me and tell me she gets what I am saying and to trust that she will act on what I was nagging about.

I also told ds it's rude to do that, especially to your parents. DS is reading this as I type. He says that it's not rude - this rolling eyes - to small children, it's just funny. I told him someone commented that this action is very sissy. If he does it again, that's what I'll call him

He said, \"No!\"

insider:

markfch, I seldom see boys roll eyes coz its a 'sissy' behaviour. Your boy mixes with many girls and picked it up from them or learned from our hopeless local drama?

Just let him read your post, insider. I think fear of being called sissy may have killed that habit of his. Thanks .... no need bear hug or death grip, haha.

Chenonceau:

Yuppy!! All the best!! Whatever it is you decide, go for it gal!!

LOLMum:

:ugogirl: all the best to your talk with TM's mum.


hope she is receptive to feedback and discussion and not be on the defensive and attack mode.