<![CDATA[Adversity in Life]]>Just some random musings:


I think as parents, everyone wants their child to grow up in the best possible environment. This includes the providence of adequate food and shelter, preventing them from harm, but as they grow older, their locus of control increases - and the parents' influence over what happens to them decreases accordingly. The question is, to what extent do we protect our children from harm, and vice versa, do what extent do we allow our children to go out into the stormy and ever turbulent world known as reality?

Everyone wants their children to have the best life, even if it means sacrificing everything. From the indonesian tsunami to the szechuan quake, parents have proved countless times their willingness to sacrifice even their own lives to ensure that their children survives - but how often have we heard the saying (although not exactly relevant) that 'to love someone is to set them free'?

Adversity in life is as inevitable as life and death itself. Instead of trying to prevent adversity, how do we educate our children to approach, and even embrace, adversity so that they become stronger emotionally and psychologically?

Sorry for the wordy post :oops: 对不起! すみません！

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/2846/adversity-in-lifeRSS for NodeSun, 17 May 2026 02:57:34 GMTThu, 23 Apr 2009 06:58:04 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 06:59:28 GMT]]>Maybe boys and girls see different things. About the teenage boys being impressed by the violence and gore, I really am not surprised.


(I base this observation on my experience working with teens for a number of years.)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30776https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30776Wed, 27 May 2009 06:59:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 06:52:18 GMT]]>Actually I think teens would love the violence in the show and the true meaning of that story might be too subtle for them to truly grasp.


When my brothers saw it, they were impressed with the blood and multilation of the body parts.

My compilation didn’t have the full archive of Miyazaki Hayao’s works. Difficult to find them in the market.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30775https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30775Wed, 27 May 2009 06:52:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 06:43:41 GMT]]>Ah, that one is called Princess Mononoke or Mononoke-hime. Yes, it is unsuitable for young children but teens can watch it and hopefully get the meaning behind it. It also has an environmental message as well. For younger kids, you can let them watch Nausicaa, Valley of the Wind for the environmental message. My DD loves it.


ADD: To "teach" adversity in young kids, can try "Kiki’s Delivery Service". It’s a bout a 12yo girl who’s a witch and part of her coming-of-age rite is to leave her family and find a town on her own to live in and earn a living using her talent, which she has to yet to discover. She learns to be strong and independent through the obstacles she faces and makes friends along the way.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30772https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30772Wed, 27 May 2009 06:43:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 05:18:04 GMT]]>

sashimi:
(But choose carefully, a few are scary or even downright violent).

幽灵公主is the one I find really scary, but it's a very good anime where he drew about how anger/revengefulness can be so self-tormenting that they turn into 'monsters'.

Wa, talk about 宮崎 駿 got alot of things to say.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30742https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30742Wed, 27 May 2009 05:18:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 04:56:40 GMT]]>

mincy:
Is Grave of the Fireflies the Japanese Anime by Gong Qi Jun? Think it is probably more suitable for older kids as it deal with the hush realities of war. It is very sad ...I 😢 and felt really sad for a number of days after that.

Yes, Miyazaki Hayao is the Japanese pronunciation (宮崎 駿) - the grandmaster of Japanese animation. He generally avoids using any digital means to create his films, prefering the traditional hand-drawn processes. And he is the sort who would animate every little thing, like how the winds blow upon the grasses and leaves.

His films can touch all ages, some are deceptively simple, some thinly veil the horrible truths of humanity in them (eg. war). Many are able to draw tears. While Grave of the Fireflies is heartbreaking, films like Totoro and even Howl's Moving Castle will bring you tears of joy. My daughter loves his films dearly (but she is still not allowed to watch Grave of the Fireflies, like me).

Coming back to the topic, his films do indeed deal with adversity in life, esp. for the child protagonists (often girls with uncommon strength).

From being separated from parents (Spirited Away) to pleading help for family (Totoro) to war, to over-coming low self-esteem (Howl's Moving Castle), these are very wholesome entertainment for children. (But choose carefully, a few are scary or even downright violent).

Adults should watch along and gradually explain to the kids what the stories teach. I'm sure you'll learn something along the way as well. 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30737https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30737Wed, 27 May 2009 04:56:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 04:22:01 GMT]]>Some times I feel Jap Anime have greater "depth" than the usual disney stuff. Did not watch Ponyo but love Spirited Away’ and ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ waiting till my boi is older before I introduce him to those… some of the scenes are kinda scary I think.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30729https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30729Wed, 27 May 2009 04:22:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 04:16:01 GMT]]>

mincy:
Is Grave of the Fireflies the Japanese Anime by Gong Qi Jun? Think it is probably more suitable for older kids as it deal with the hush realities of war. It is very sad ...I and felt really sad for a number of days after that.



Yup. Has his whole compilation.
That one touched me so much that I started crying when they were moved to the cave. By the time the show's over, my eyes were swollen.

His older works beat his most recent ones like Ponyo, didn't really like that movie. I watched 'Spirited Away' and 'Howl's Moving Castle' too. Nice!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30728https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30728Wed, 27 May 2009 04:16:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 03:40:27 GMT]]>Is Grave of the Fireflies the Japanese Anime by Gong Qi Jun? Think it is probably more suitable for older kids as it deal with the hush realities of war. It is very sad ...I 😢 and felt really sad for a number of days after that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30716https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30716Wed, 27 May 2009 03:40:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Wed, 27 May 2009 03:29:50 GMT]]>

sashimi:
(However, I still refuse to watch Grave of the Fireflies, too sad.)

Watched that only twice and refused to watch it again.

It's really tragic and it touched me so emotionally that I can't stop crying.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30714https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30714Wed, 27 May 2009 03:29:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 11:50:41 GMT]]>I think it really depends on the values inculcate since young. Learning how to be independent do not have to equate distance from family.


Many ang mo families have a close relationship (call and visit frequently, take care of each other, choose to live close to each other ) and many asian family can be quite disconnected and distant too. Perhaps we can absorb the positive side in training our young to be independent yet still incalcate filial piety and family values in them.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30153https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30153Fri, 22 May 2009 11:50:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 10:15:59 GMT]]>

mincy:
Many of my ang mo classmates start working for their pocket money from their early teens ...distribute news papers, baby sitting.
ya...but they also move far away from their parents after they hit 18yrs old, seldom visit and gave no allowance (even if it's token).
It's a bit of different culture and family values. IMO.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30151https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30151Fri, 22 May 2009 10:15:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 09:41:07 GMT]]>

mckenzy:
take away their allowance

hee actually, I think that might be a good way to practise real world skills at a certain age. Many of my ang mo classmates start working for their pocket money from their early teens ...distribute news papers, baby sitting.

having such skills built independence but I think dealing with adversity like death, illness, war are more difficult. Can't think of how we prepare for that other than instilling a positive outlook and spirit of perseverance in them

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30147https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30147Fri, 22 May 2009 09:41:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 09:21:04 GMT]]>

clarabella:
ks2me:

[quote=\"clarabella\"]
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

Er, yes... but that's not all they are selling... :shock:[/quote] :!: Oh, then you gotta educate me...cos I am now clueless..

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30145https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30145Fri, 22 May 2009 09:21:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 09:20:22 GMT]]>

sashimi:
ks2me:

[quote=\"clarabella\"]
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:[/quote]Ya boy...no demand...cannot supply..

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30144https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30144Fri, 22 May 2009 09:20:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 08:29:41 GMT]]>

ks2me:
clarabella:


On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

Er, yes... but that's not all they are selling... :shock:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30134https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30134Fri, 22 May 2009 08:29:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 08:27:43 GMT]]>

ks2me:
clarabella:


On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30133https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30133Fri, 22 May 2009 08:27:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 08:17:45 GMT]]>

clarabella:

On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30127https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30127Fri, 22 May 2009 08:17:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 08:11:28 GMT]]>[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/teaching-children-handle-adversity-life.]


I think there are two ways to build a child's - a person's - capacity to handle adversity in life. Both deal with the creation of personal understanding. One must understand adversity in order to be able to deal with it.

One way is the really bad way - personal suffering. How to understand hunger and poverty? Experience it yourself. How to understand the disabled? Lose an arm yourself. How to understand death? Lose a loved one yourself.

The other way is much more desirable, but it escapes many. It's called empathy. Many people today can't handle adversity in life because, quite simply, they never cared about it before. They never thought about it. They couldn't care less if others suffered. So when they themselves suffer... they have no understanding of it at all, including how to get over it.

Empathy is about engaging one's emotional core, to be able to feel the pain of others. Sounds easy, but simple truth is very few people have good EQ.

How does one \"train\" empathy? Actually, the resources available are plentiful. The trick is to find the right one that will \"break\" your child.

What are these resources? Could be a sad story book, a movie with a sad scene, an entire tragic film, etc.

For me, the first time I broke down and cried in empathy was when I read a particular novel when I was age 12. One of the heroes died a tragic death.

For my daughter, she was 5 when she first saw Totoro (Miyazaki's film) where the elder sister breaks down in tears when she thinks her mother is going to die. Somewhat to my surprise, my girl spontaneously burst into tears during this scene.

I was actually glad something had touched her empathic core. This is important.


Many people today still think that mass media entainment, including movies, books, TV shows, are just that - entertainment. But some people know that they can be very moving. While many stories are fictional, the important thing is that they can touch people emotionally. This is valuable life experience without having to suffer yourself. Incidentally, this is also one of the values of studying literature in school, in case anyone ever wondered.

So, I would say - as soon as it's appropriate, let your child watch/read some of these. Some, like Totoro, look like harmless cartoons but in fact are incredible works of art on many levels. (However, I still refuse to watch Grave of the Fireflies, too sad.) It will teach them both the good and the tragic bits of life.

These are much better alternatives than showing your child useless scenes of violence, war, disease, politicking on the news. These will just desensitize them, and tell them that the world is a mess not worth living in.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30123https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30123Fri, 22 May 2009 08:11:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 07:51:52 GMT]]>

mckenzy:
take away their allowance


:rotflmao:
Yes, this will definitely force them to wake up in a hurry.
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30117https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30117Fri, 22 May 2009 07:51:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 07:17:14 GMT]]>

mincy:
Question is how to equip them to be strong in the face of adversity?

to avoid shielding the kids from the real world perhaps?
i do heard of parents not wanting the kid to find out that they had lost their jobs or going through hard times. i personally feel that sharing such with the kids and showing to them how the parent themselves brave through such hardships will have some positive impact on the kid.
jmho.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30103https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30103Fri, 22 May 2009 07:17:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Fri, 22 May 2009 05:47:10 GMT]]>take away their allowance

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30071https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/30071Fri, 22 May 2009 05:47:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Adversity in Life on Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:29:03 GMT]]>it is true indeed… children who are too protected do no understand how hard life is… and eventually parents can’t really protect their children forever. Question is how to equip them to be strong in the face of adversity?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25672https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/25672Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:29:03 GMT