Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 06:12:11 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 06:12:11 GMT

FQW:
Busymom:

Told her that until she learns to take care of her books, she could not bring those new or thick books to school. Fortunately, we have quite a bit of second-hand books for her to bring to school.

Maybe you could try it out with your DS?
Many of the books ds brings to sch are from the library. He's reading well and I won't want to do anything to discourage him. Fortunately the lost book counter remains at 4, currently. He managed to recover 2 of them from sch's GO.

I guess the penalty of making him pay for lost books out of his own pocket money is painful enough to remind him to be careful. :evil:

So do I make mine pay for turning her books into kiam chye? :scratchhead:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 06:07:44 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 06:07:44 GMT

N3SKiasu:
FQW:
My P2 boy has lost 4 storybooks in school this year alone. All these books were what I carefully selected for him from Popular/amazon.

I was exemplarily patient the first time this happened - just reminding ds to be careful next time; went ballistic the second time (which happened the very next day :stompfeet: ). The third time, I made him pay for the lost book by deducting $1 from his daily allowance until I recovered the cost.

The fourth time happened yesterday. You know, when you're really disgusted with someone, you don't even want to look them in the face. I'm disgusted. :mad:

Like most parents, I think that I've made sacrifices for my child. Darn! I've made lots of sacrifices. I deserved better. :sad:
I fully feel your last phase: \"I have made lots of sacrifices, I deserved better\"
There was a time when I have similar thoughts, but when time passes, I have a clearer picture.
When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:\"wow, it's a big sacrifice!\". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we \"sacrifice\" something and he will be better.
Instead of thinking it as a sacrifice, I focus on how to help him further and it actually released me from feeling lousy and feel better at times.
This is my personal opinion and I hope it can help you feel better

Btw, my DS lost books countless times, he ever lost school library books that I have to buy back books worth $40 to return to school, another time he lost a NLB book and I have paid $50 plus. I was rather mad at first but I settled it calmly eventually. He was only P2 then. To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it. He usually forgets homework, even if he rushed to finish homework till late night, he will forget to hand up next day! I have to keep on reminding him. For water bottles, I have since given him mineral water bottles instead as he has lost numerous of them including some good ones. He has to learn that he has to build up the trust first if he wants to resume the benefits. There are lots of things happened due to his character. I have accepted that all these are just part of them.
I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum !

I also don't allow DD to bring NLB books to school. But she will borrow books from her school library all the time. First time she lost the school library book, we paid the penalty for her, emphasizing that if she does it again, it would have to come out from her own pocket.

Soon enough, she lost her school library books again. This time, it was 3 books in total. :stompfeet: Troubled the teacher to check with the classmates, but no one saw the books and no one borrowed from her. Eventually, I went through that day's events with her and speculated that she might have placed the books in her calligraphy bag in school. Still, she would keep forgetting to check that bag in school, even though the bag was just at the back of the classroom. Only 1 week later when she was once again going to have her calligraphy lesson did she finally locate the library books. They were indeed in her calligraphy bag!

Some kind of attitudes! :rant: :stupid: :stompfeet:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:55:10 GMT

iRabbit — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:55:10 GMT

Busymom:

Told her that until she learns to take care of her books, she could not bring those new or thick books to school. Fortunately, we have quite a bit of second-hand books for her to bring to school.

Maybe you could try it out with your DS?

Many of the books ds brings to sch are from the library. He's reading well and I won't want to do anything to discourage him. Fortunately the lost book counter remains at 4, currently. He managed to recover 2 of them from sch's GO.

I guess the penalty of making him pay for lost books out of his own pocket money is painful enough to remind him to be careful. :evil:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:48:24 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:48:24 GMT

MMM:
Busymom:
[quote=\"cherrygal\"]You are not alone... I just exploded yesterday and today...

I explode almost on a daily basis... :lightrod:

:hi5: Having a peaceful day is a bonus.

Recently, I told the kids that.... make me angry some more, I will find an overseas assignment and leave all of you behind together with daddy.... Maybe it's tipping point for me already...[/quote] :hugs:

It's not easy to manage three... I can already imagine what it's gonna be like... :frustrated:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:40:28 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:40:28 GMT

2ppaamm:
FQW:
2ppaamm,

Don't mind me saying this, your story made me laugh. Your boy's problems made mine seemed insignificant, almost trivial. If my son manages to lose his tees or shoes, I would have ....... I think I would be so stressed I go see the psychiatrist. :yikes:

It goes without saying that it's not about the money. My anguish is that ds didn't correct his flaw despite past experiences - he's losing books at a rate of once every week since term starts. Surprisingly, dw who's usually more particular about all things financial, seems to take it quite well. Maybe sensing my anger, she decides to give ds a break.

So yesterday straight after roller blading, ds washed up and went to bed - Time out! Actually I only found out about the missing book late at night; otherwise ds won't even have chance to roller blade.

You have a lot of patience. If I had to wait till ds reaches teenage before this issue is corrected, I think I'll die of heart attack. :faint:
We have to remember our kids are all different. Everyone has their good and bad points. My son took a long time to learn these things, but he was very good at other things other parents would die to have.

Same for your little boy. He may be forgetful, but is a good reader, and probably that's where his attention is. Cut him (and yourself) some slack. In a few years, you will all laugh about it. Yep, when I was going through it, it was like my heartbeat very fast everyday... and I wonder what would go wrong/missing next. Even the expert told me she pities me. Every mother of an executive function deficiency child has a really hard time throughout their childhood, but things will iron out by 17 years old. Don't think your kid has any big problem. Just a little attention to these things that do not matter.

Have fun! I'm sure he'll be just fine. Patience, yes, patience is all we need. Tell me about it.

Hi 2ppaamm,

Thanks for sharing your story. Now keeping my fingers crossed that my DD will outgrow her forgetfulness sooner rather than later.

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:40:24 GMT

MMM — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:40:24 GMT

Busymom:
cherrygal:
You are not alone... I just exploded yesterday and today...

I explode almost on a daily basis... :lightrod:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:35:29 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:35:29 GMT

cherrygal:
You are not alone... I just exploded yesterday and today...

I explode almost on a daily basis... :lightrod:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:31:55 GMT

Busymom — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:31:55 GMT

FQW:
My P2 boy has lost 4 storybooks in school this year alone. All these books were what I carefully selected for him from Popular/amazon.

I was exemplarily patient the first time this happened - just reminding ds to be careful next time; went ballistic the second time (which happened the very next day :stompfeet: ). The third time, I made him pay for the lost book by deducting $1 from his daily allowance until I recovered the cost.

The fourth time happened yesterday. You know, when you're really disgusted with someone, you don't even want to look them in the face. I'm disgusted. :mad:

Like most parents, I think that I've made sacrifices for my child. Darn! I've made lots of sacrifices. I deserved better. :sad:

Mine lost 3 erasers (brand new ones) in the first 3 weeks of school this year. First one lasted 1 week while the second and third were both less than 1 week. :mad: Beats me that after reminding, threatening, scolding repeatedly, not only was there no improvement, it actually got worse? Ended up giving her an old eraser and that one lasted longer than its predecessors, but still suffered the same fate nonetheless.

To me, it boils down to her attitudes and this irks me even more. :pokeeye:

Anyway, from the day she started her primary school, I have diligently labelled her every single belonging (socks and shoes included). I also don't allow her to bring books that are new to school. A few had come back like \"salted vegetables\" with covers torn or folded. Told her that until she learns to take care of her books, she could not bring those new or thick books to school. Fortunately, we have quite a bit of second-hand books for her to bring to school.

Maybe you could try it out with your DS?

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:33:03 GMT

ahkeong — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:33:03 GMT

Emelyn:

same same la.
When they are not together, they keep asking for the other person.
When they are together, all hell break loose !!

anything u have tried so far?

for me, nothing much.. except separate them to play with their own toys cos both have their own sets..

for awhile its fine.. den one of them will go over and disturb, and its usually the younger who is the provoker..

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:28:32 GMT

Emelyn — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:28:32 GMT

ahkeong:
Emelyn:

same same here.
I also want to know if there is a way.....
lol separate them by a gate????

i notice when one of them is alone, they are super angels
but once together, they start comparing who is the bigger devil..
oh gosh..

same same la.
When they are not together, they keep asking for the other person.
When they are together, all hell break loose !!

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:24:11 GMT

ahkeong — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:24:11 GMT

Emelyn:

same same here.
I also want to know if there is a way.....

lol separate them by a gate????

i notice when one of them is alone, they are super angels
but once together, they start comparing who is the bigger devil..
oh gosh..

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:11:59 GMT

Emelyn — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:11:59 GMT

ahkeong:
gosh.. my son is really very sweet when he is behaving

problem is, when he is with his brother.. they create havoc!!!
is there a way we can have them together but at the same time behave?

same same here.
I also want to know if there is a way.....

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 04:11:45 GMT

ahkeong — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 04:11:45 GMT

gosh… my son is really very sweet when he is behaving

problem is, when he is with his brother… they create havoc!!!
is there a way we can have them together but at the same time behave?

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:54:22 GMT

linden2000 — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:54:22 GMT

2ppaamm:
I think your little one sounds like my DS2, who is now 12. Really loves to read, and books are always in his hands. Hm... he needs to learn how to meet the expectations in schools, because teachers don't like that. So I'd make sure he knows the rules:

1. No reading at any dinning table
2. When I say stop reading, it means stop reading, no such thing as reading till the end of the page etc (because in school, the teachers expect that)
3. Don't read in the car
4. Train him to look out for good lighting before he reads. For his eyes' sake.
5. No reading in the middle of the night, or wake up to read.
6. Keep books away from him during birthday parties.
7. Talk to people, not to books. Engage in conversations.

Reading is a fantastic habit, but for DS2, I feel that he is just too engrossed and he reads 80 novels in a month. His eyesight is the poorest in the family, he is myopic at 300 degrees. He slouches and reads the whole day, which is bad for his posture, so he must now read only on certain chairs, and upright. He now has a Kindle, that Kindle becomes his best friend and never leaves his hands.

He also does two sports, training 6 times a week in total, of 2 hours each.

And yes, he has to pick up after himself, do the dishes, wipe the table, hang up his towels, put clothes into the laundry and pack his room and bed everyday. These are minimum we should expect of our kids.

Too much of a good thing (reading), and I don't want it to turn bad. I guess as a parent, we want them to have a balanced and healthy life.

My son's very similar. We also enforce similar rules at home because we feel that he's too preoccupied with reading. Used to find him exhausted in the mornings and later discover books hidden under pillow (waking up in the middle of the night to read). Had his FT calling to tell me that he was caught reading storybooks during lessons. When he was younger, had various people telling me he may be ADHD but to me, never thought so because he can be hunched over his books for hours at a time. And yes, he has bad eyesight. Have given up buying books for him unless they are those that he will re-read many times. Otherwise he just finishes reading the book in a few hours and it's money down the drain. He's also banned from bringing books when we go out because otherwise he will be reading in the car, on the escalator, in the lift and 'blur' his way around because his mind's still on the book. For him, we also feel it's too much of a good thing.

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:35:11 GMT

Nebbermind — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:35:11 GMT

I'm glad I WAS far from a perfect kid.

When my kids act badly or fall short of our expectations, I always reflect on my own childhood days and ask myself \"Wasn't I also like that?\"

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:10:57 GMT

bebe — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:10:57 GMT

dd2 lost the right side of her ballet shoes once..and it drove me mad? I kept asking her, how can u lose a shoe??? And she kept telling me she put them in her bag after her dance lesson.. :skeptical:

She has lost her bus pass once...almost lost it again last month but subsequently found it a week later...and this time I keep the pass at home. She also lost her waterbottles and lunch boxes countless time..and almost lost her watches thrice!!

After every blow up, I will get upset, not over the misplaced items. But her attitudes..she took them so lightly and easily..dh said she is just trying to put up a strong front..n she knew I will be mad anyway..so no point crying over spilled milk..I said she is just simply irresponsible. Dh reminded me that I shd actually learn from her..to take thing easy and not so uptight abt everything! It was never her intention to misplace the items in the first place mad:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Wed, 15 Feb 2012 23:52:35 GMT

Canvas — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 23:52:35 GMT

Snow Crystal:
ahkeong:
i explode almost on a daily basis..

bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall
really is losing my patience..
The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

Totally agree especially when I have 2 autistic nephews. Watching how worried their parents are reminds me to look past little flaws in my children. I mean, I am not zen most of the time. My blood boils each time I see my son's worksheets all crumpled up like salted vegetables, books all dog-eared etc yet he is a sweet boy who helps me heaps with caring for his sister and I guess I rather he has crumpled worksheets than getting overly neat and pretty, like a girl. *cough*

I also go ballistic because my 2yo DD doesn't sleep much. And she still scream the building down when I leave her in school for 3 hours, even after 1.5 months. She is like her father, always active and needs little sleep. Even when she does, she wakes up like 4 times a night. That said, I haven't slept much since she was born. BUT she's healthy and learns things fast so I try to keep my cool.

Was reminded by a friend that it is a privilege to be able to stay at home with the children. Indeed. When I was working, I was always wishing I was at home instead. Now that I am at my \"dream job\", looking after 2 healthy kids, I really shouldn't complain at all.

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:39:05 GMT

ahkeong — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:39:05 GMT

Snow Crystal:

The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

i am really trying hard to think positively abt them too

given the kinda temper i have, previously would be worse..
the 2 boys are simply making us very tired with their energy..

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:34:49 GMT

Snow Crystal — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:34:49 GMT

ahkeong:
i explode almost on a daily basis..

bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall
really is losing my patience..

The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:13:08 GMT

ahkeong — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:13:08 GMT

i explode almost on a daily basis…

bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall

really is losing my patience…

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Sun, 12 Feb 2012 03:11:59 GMT

smurf — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 03:11:59 GMT

I think it has something to do with the child character lah, not whether he started music or anything that required to sit still for 30 mins or so...

when i give ds1 his favorite 'toy', he can play for hours sitting...if book happens to be his favorite 'toy', i think he will sit still reading for hrs too...:)

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:43:50 GMT

iRabbit — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:43:50 GMT

smurf:
ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it...gives him his favorite books, don't want to read. haha...

A lot has been said about the correlation between music and reading. For my ds, I strongly suspect that his early training in learning to play the piano - he started before 4 - conditioned him to sit still and focus on the task at hand. It's definitely not easy learning something requiring multi-tasking, more so for a child.

So I'm grateful that ds has the patience to sit still and read a book. I just have to keep repeating this pt in my internal dialogue and I won't be angry with him anymore.

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:27:06 GMT

iRabbit — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:27:06 GMT

2ppaamm,

Mine definitely doesn't read 80 books a month. :yikes: Less than 20 in fact.
Thankfully some were Chinese books. His tuition ctr has a library with a good selection of boy's books and he picked one titled Eragon yesterday which has got to be thicker than any book I've ever read in my life. :evil:

You are right when you mentioned that I have a small problem. I've friends whose kids are adverse to reading and it gives them headache. So putting things into perspective, I'm consoled.

Btw, my ds is also myopic at 100+ degrees. So now besides the weekly swimming sessions, we also try to make it a point to have weekly roller blading sessions and he signed up for track & field as CCA too. Hopefully all these will allow him to train his eye muscles to look far and stabilize his condition. Better late than never. :xedfingers:

Reply to Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child? on Sun, 12 Feb 2012 01:02:13 GMT

smurf — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 01:02:13 GMT

ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it…gives him his favorite books, don’t want to read. haha…