Where to seek Marital Help

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 15 May 2023 07:35:54 GMT

Guilty as Charged — Mon, 15 May 2023 07:35:54 GMT

Am grateful for all the reply and constructive comments. I don’t think I deserve your kind words and truth be told the reason I choose this forum to confess my wrong doing is because I know majority of the members here are women and married. I know very well Women hate betrayal and I am prepared to receive the strongest condemnation from the member at large.

Dear @phtthp, Thank you for the PM. I will keep it handy.
Dear @lee_yl, You are so right, men like me has no reason to commit adultery and yet put the blame on communication breakdown with family members. Is just my innate desire to cheat. I am shameless to the core.

Just an update on my situation. Over the weekend I have help up with the house chore. Other than my elder son is barely talking to me (more on texting even though both of us is at home). I tried to struck conversation over family dinner and plan for a holiday outing. Seem positive so far. To be continued…

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 15 May 2023 06:34:58 GMT

phtthp — Mon, 15 May 2023 06:34:58 GMT

Hi Guilty as charged,

I have sent u a private message.
Click on your , to read the message.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 15 May 2023 04:43:20 GMT

lee_yl — Mon, 15 May 2023 04:43:20 GMT

You cannot communicate with your wife (and kids) but can communicate with another woman outside? So you found a soulmate ya? Then why when the divorcee gave you an ultimatum to leave your wife to be with her, you panicked and quickly called off the affair? Men always need to think of 101 reasons to justify why they have affairs.

It seems that you just wanted to have a quick fling with the divorcee and since day 1, it‘s never your intention to divorce your wife for that divorcee. You want to play with fire, then be prepared to get burnt.

Once trust is lost, it will take a very long time to build it back. When you tell your wife you need to stay back in office for work, will your wife imagine you are with another woman? It’s so painful for both of you. If you want her to forgive you, then be prepared the road ahead is going to be rocky. You just have to be patient, show your sincerity and set aside your ego/pride to get back with your wife again.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 15 May 2023 01:07:36 GMT

MrsKiasu — Mon, 15 May 2023 01:07:36 GMT

maybe just try to be nice to them…out from your heart without any expectation. Give each other time to accept?

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sun, 14 May 2023 16:50:31 GMT

Liew Nga Wing — Sun, 14 May 2023 16:50:31 GMT

Guilty as Charged\" post_id=\"2108359\" time=\"1683855163\" user_id=\"201641:[quote=\"Guilty as Charged\" post_id=2108359 time=1683855163 user_id=201641]

I have myself to blame…………..[/quote]

昨日的因，今日的果，
今日的因，明天的果.

From what you have written, it seems you have never treat your family members well before then how could you expect them to have a good term with you now?

别人口中的我，很多时候就是真实的我. If your family members all claimed that you are a selfish and irresponsible father, that means you are. If you were them, how you would going to do with this selfish father?

If they want to having their life without you, what you could do? Let them go as they have the right to choose whom they want to stay with. If you are really want the family members to be happy, please respect their will. Thinking from their angle not on your angle. 有时候，打烂了关系，需要很长时间来修补，也可能永远也不可能回复. Respect their decision and let them know you are regretted for your wrong doing in the past.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sun, 14 May 2023 15:25:10 GMT

manorway — Sun, 14 May 2023 15:25:10 GMT

Guilty as charged, I read your whole post and I must admit I find it very hard to say anything to console you.

Trust must be earned and you MUST accept that it will take time. If you want your family to forgive you, you have to earn their trust and respect. However hard it is to swallow your pride, you just have to.

Otherwise, accept that you go through the divorce and go live alone.

If your spouse can forgive you once for the affair, do not take it for granted. Cherish the chance and be the best husband you can be, the way your spouse wants you to be. She deserves that and it is the way you redeem yourself.

If all these are too hard for you to bear, get yourself some counselling. Go alone first. See how you feel after a session, then consider couple counselling. But I think you need to work on yourself too. You cannot change others, but you have the power to change yourself.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Fri, 12 May 2023 01:32:43 GMT

Guilty as Charged — Fri, 12 May 2023 01:32:43 GMT

Apologize in advance for the lengthy post. As I’m new here and can’t create a new thread so am using the quick reply. I need a place to rant my sorrow before I really lost my sanity or fall into depression. Please read it with a pinch of salt and I welcome all criticism.

Been married for 26 yrs. Have 3 kids of which 2 are working adult and the youngest is in Sec 4. A bit character intro of myself, I am a very private person who usually keep things to myself and very unsociable to a point that I dislike to communicate with people unless necessary. I must admit the downfall for me was the result of my behavior be it in working setting or at home. I am just that socially awkward.

I don’t talk much at home either, if I do, only to my wife and possibly zero interaction with my children. My eldest son resents me the most due to my traditional parenting method where once think that father possesses the highest authority and the way of educating the kid was by scolding and physical punishment. Well, as you have suspected, my eldest son didn’t take it too well and has not spoken to me for more than a decade. It was fine by me then coz I still think that he should give me the respect I deserve as a father no matter what was the outcome. Apparently, I was never be so wrong, the method my parents used on me can never be replicated on the children nowadays. My ego and dignity have the best of me. I admitted it was a wrong approached but damage has been done.

On the other hand, my wife is an excellent mother who take care of the family well and has been nothing but very caring towards me. I have never need to worry about the house chores as she has managed it very well. Other than contributing financially to the family, I have never help out in the house work and basically hide myself in the room. I will only appear again to the public eye for meal. Even when the whole family was dining together, I Just can’t bring myself to interact with them as they give me an impression, they are hostile and no whatever respect towards me. Truth be told, they were so used to my behavior to the extent that when they will go tour or any outing in that respect, they will go without me. Even they did invite me, I will not go. This is how socially awkward I am and always in an angry mode.

Having thinking that the family was against me and resenting me. I become more hateful towards them not realising that I am actually the root cause of everything. Being very left out and dying to find solace cum recognition, I did the unforgivable mistake. In year 2021, I have an affair with a divorcee for a period of 9 month. Eventually I called it off as she gives me an ultimatum to leave my wife to be with her. To say the least I left her immediately as my wife did nothing wrong and the last thing I want is to hurt her. Little did I know, I hurt the divorcee equally much. Well, Karma knows how to attack at the right time. Even after several month of not contacting the divorcee, eventually my wife still found out the affair and you guess it, all hell broke loose.

Long story short, I must say during the initial stage she was very insisting of divorcing me and I was kicked out of the house and had to stay with my brother for almost a week. During the week I had apologized profusely and finally they have granted an audience with me to talk things out. As what I had suspected, everyone in the family was very hostile and had said things such as how a selfish husband and irresponsible father I am.

What really pains me is that all my 3 kids had painted me as an unapproachable, selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive father I am. The daughter I dotes the most told me the most hurtful things I can ever imagine. My wife cried and shouted at me for being unappreciative for the thing she did for me and always have to endure my mental torture plus many others. I froze out and at that very moment, I really think divorce is the best way out as all of them want me out of their life. However, having no place to go and their offer of the divorce was unacceptable. I asked for their pardon and promise to change. As a very proud person, it is very hard for me to swallow my pride which I did.

Things become normal for us again. I tried helping out in house chores and more communication with my children. Other than my elder son who still harbor hatred towards me, the relationship with my other 2 kids had improved or so I think.

In April 2023, another disagreement broke out with my wife on some trivial matters. My usual tactic to evade argument is to give silence treatment. Little did I know, my wife did not take it lightly and gang up with the children against me. This time round, the wife wanted a separation and my eldest son, seizing the best opportunity wanted me out of the house again echoed by the rest of the family.

Feeling devastated and helpless, let alone no dignity and pride. I once again apologise and promise to mend my mistake. There is a saying, one can forgive but hard to forget. They will never ever able to really forget and forgive me. Even though life is back to normal again, we can never be able to be a real family again. I will need a contingency plan for myself, I am too sick for the threatening not knowing when I will be thrown out of the house again and the only thing I have left is my barely standing pride.

I have myself to blame……………

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Tue, 09 May 2023 17:08:02 GMT

oregene — Tue, 09 May 2023 17:08:02 GMT

I agree, but in the end, the couple themselves have to take that first step and be willing to go for counselling. Some may see it as a stigma and not want to go for it. And it is pointless if only one party wants to accept help. I do know of some who do not believe that their personal affair should be made public. They feel that it should be handled within just the 2 of them…

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sat, 01 Apr 2023 05:05:17 GMT

jacongeller21 — Sat, 01 Apr 2023 05:05:17 GMT

Simply put, I speak my mind. There are a variety of ways in which people can assist couples in their marriage. Couples counseling, couples retreats, and self-help books and websites are all resources available to them. Couples who want to work through their problems together should also work on their communication and problem-solving abilities. Friends and family members should be consulted as well, as they may have useful insights or suggestions to offer. In the end, it’s up to the couple to figure out how to fix their relationship and take the necessary steps.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 17 Oct 2022 07:59:08 GMT

Bluewale — Mon, 17 Oct 2022 07:59:08 GMT

Marriage counselling is a kind of psychotherapy that helps resolve conflicts between couples and improves their relationship. It is often offered by family and marriage therapists to enable a couple to make decisions about rebuilding their relationship or going their own separate ways.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Tue, 01 Dec 2020 07:29:37 GMT

Vanz — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 07:29:37 GMT

True, Professionals can sometimes help especially when you can’t think clearly while in the situation…

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Thu, 27 Aug 2020 01:34:43 GMT

oh Siong — Thu, 27 Aug 2020 01:34:43 GMT

there are many places that offer marital/couple counselling

i believe, sometimes when individuals are caught in such a toxic relationship, they might have blind side to what they are trying to deal with. Hence, can always consult a professional, to hear how they assess your situation.

For me, actually, i tend to be straight forward, and tell my clients the painful truth
1) you come alone and want to rescue the relationship, u are going to suffer alone in the relationship
2) even if your partner comes with you, if i see no avenue for progress, i will tell you so…

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Mon, 10 Aug 2020 13:09:09 GMT

Tar50 — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 13:09:09 GMT

so gald i found this community… will inform my friend who is facing similar difficulty

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Tue, 30 Jun 2020 05:23:26 GMT

Sheena8 — Tue, 30 Jun 2020 05:23:26 GMT

oh Siong\" post_id=\"1976214\" time=\"1589618188\" user_id=\"185560:[quote=\"oh Siong\" post_id=1976214 time=1589618188 user_id=185560]
general rule,i guess both parties need to be comitted to work out the r/s, before any work can be done.[/quote]

Yup, should be the general rule! No agreement from both parties will just complicate things

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sat, 16 May 2020 08:36:28 GMT

oh Siong — Sat, 16 May 2020 08:36:28 GMT

general rule,i guess both parties need to be comitted to work out the r/s, before any work can be done.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Wed, 13 May 2020 07:01:53 GMT

dannyc — Wed, 13 May 2020 07:01:53 GMT

Always best to ask for Professional help when things get worst before it’s too late, regrets are always at the end

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Wed, 15 Apr 2020 16:32:15 GMT

kukladolly — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 16:32:15 GMT

I understand that hiking can be difficult due to beliefs. or if the husband is too angry. but still I always try to find an opportunity to go to a psychologist.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sat, 08 Feb 2020 03:12:04 GMT

cse1217 — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 03:12:04 GMT

You can check out Care Corner https://www.carecorner.org.sg/family-service-centre

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Wed, 15 Jan 2020 02:22:46 GMT

foodandflights — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 02:22:46 GMT

counsellor

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Wed, 27 Nov 2019 01:31:32 GMT

Joeyist — Wed, 27 Nov 2019 01:31:32 GMT

Nice to hear that!

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Wed, 05 Jun 2019 02:38:48 GMT

BranT — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 02:38:48 GMT

mum422\" post_id=\"1791843\" time=\"1502020384\" user_id=\"159624:

maylim1980:
do these centres charge for their services?
the ones under MCYS are not AFAIK. you can also go MCYS's website to seek the approved institutions

This is so helpful. Thanks for the information. I have a friend looking for centres that does not charge or at least lesser charge. Will check this out.

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sat, 13 Oct 2018 05:20:43 GMT

kayquio — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 05:20:43 GMT

Thanks Reflecjoy. Will read it later!

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Tue, 14 Aug 2018 10:22:09 GMT

tanleeandchoo — Tue, 14 Aug 2018 10:22:09 GMT

tankee:
Source : The Sunday Times 4 March 2012

Retrouvaille Singapore

TEL : 6749 8861
URL : http://helpourmarriage.sg

this programme to help couples struggling with troubled marriage is Catholic in origin, but it is open to non-Catholic couples as well.

Care Corner Counselling Centre

TEL : 6353 1180
URL : http://carecorner.org.sg/cccc.html

Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre

TEL : 6788 8220
URL : http://www.emcc.org.sg

Focus On The Family Singapore

TEL : 6336 1444
URL : http://www.family.org.sg

Reach Counselling

TEL : 6252 2566
URL : http://www.reach.org.sg

Thanks to provide such information, I have one another
TEL : 6535 6077
URL : https://www.tanleeandchoo.com.sg/

Reply to Where to seek Marital Help on Sun, 06 Aug 2017 11:53:04 GMT

mum422 — Sun, 06 Aug 2017 11:53:04 GMT

maylim1980:
do these centres charge for their services?

the ones under MCYS are not AFAIK. you can also go MCYS's website to seek the approved institutions