<![CDATA[Why do they want to know?]]>Hi! We are relatively new to Singapore and need your help please.


We send our children to neighbourhood schools. My sencond son sat for PSLE last year and my agony has started since then. Wherever I go, people ask me which sec sch he goes to. Whoever rememberes him being p6 last year would ask the question without fail. Some mums from my other child's school would ask it as well, even though she only has a girl, hasn't met my son, or doesn't know his name. If I play dumb, some mums go extra mile to get the info through teachers, my children or friends. 😓

Why do they want to know? Is it so important to know the school name? For your info, he is not a top scholar and couldn't get to his dream school. Every time I am asked the question, the memory of his devastated look and teary eyes on the result day comes back to me.

Do you think people would ask me the question
1. to judge his academic standing
2. to just satisfy their curiosity
3. as greetings
4. to look for a future son-in-law
5. none of the above

Do you have any advices on how to deal with the question or on frame of mind? I get used to the questions such as; condo or HDB, numbers of bedrooms, own or rent, etc., yet this question of his school bleeds my heart. Am I narcissistic? Please help!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/33075/why-do-they-want-to-knowRSS for NodeSat, 18 Apr 2026 09:27:29 GMTSun, 11 Mar 2012 16:46:41 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 09:07:03 GMT]]>

firefly38:

Once I took the lift with a neighbor.. He was in his swimming trunk (only), dripping wet all over.. I asked \"Just came from the pool?\", and he answered politely \"Yes\".. Then there was silence in the air.. I broke the uncomfortable silence and asked \"Forgot your towel?\", and he answered politely again \"Yes\". Then the lift reached the floor on which I stayed, and I scurried off, feeling really silly!!! :siao:
Firefly, I hope you are NOT staying on the 38th floor :evil: haha.
So embarrassing and don't know where NOT to look 😉
But more embarrassing for him cos the neighbour has seen him almost in the buff.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731181https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731181Mon, 19 Mar 2012 09:07:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:55:02 GMT]]><iframe width=\"420\" height=\"315\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/CuKqQ6plZ_I\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen></iframe>

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731177https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731177Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:55:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:06:46 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
Thank you all for your valuable input!


Now that I have a bit better understanding of the pesky mums, I think I can handle their curiosity better. It was like the scales fell off from my eyes.

I will also remember where we stand in Singapore (I must say that our kids are not even in your league, though). 😓

When the things get tougher again, I know where to visit! 😉
:thankyou:

yup we are a friendly bunch, and not all are really kiasu (some of us masquarade as such just to fit in hah!)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731142https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731142Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:06:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 07:56:23 GMT]]>

sall:
verykiasu2010:

[quote=\"UncleLim\"]

The next time you two are trapped in the same elevator, tell him you really like the design of his swimming trunks. :evil: :evil:

but but please don't mention about his beer belly ..... :evil: :evil: :evil:

Maybe he has six packs :drool: . Then just admire, don't have to say anything.[/quote] :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
you guys are as good as a stand-up comedy ~

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731130https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731130Mon, 19 Mar 2012 07:56:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 07:41:26 GMT]]>

verykiasu2010:
UncleLim:



The next time you two are trapped in the same elevator, tell him you really like the design of his swimming trunks. :evil: :evil:

but but please don't mention about his beer belly ..... :evil: :evil: :evil:

Maybe he has six packs :drool: . Then just admire, don't have to say anything.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731125https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731125Mon, 19 Mar 2012 07:41:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:50:13 GMT]]>

UncleLim:
firefly38:

[quote=\"pacetone\"]Like most parents have already told you, they're trying to make small talk and really no harm. My next door neighbour loves to ask me questions, \"going out?\", where to?,etc...... and most of the time, I'll say, yes.... and walk very fast to avoid answering more.


Once I took the lift with a neighbor.. He was in his swimming trunk (only), dripping wet all over.. I asked \"Just came from the pool?\", and he answered politely \"Yes\".. Then there was silence in the air.. I broke the uncomfortable silence and asked \"Forgot your towel?\", and he answered politely again \"Yes\". Then the lift reached the floor on which I stayed, and I scurried off, feeling really silly!!! :siao:

The next time you two are trapped in the same elevator, tell him you really like the design of his swimming trunks. :evil: :evil:[/quote]but but please don't mention about his beer belly ..... :evil: :evil: :evil:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731100https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731100Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:50:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:45:22 GMT]]>

firefly38:
pacetone:

Like most parents have already told you, they're trying to make small talk and really no harm. My next door neighbour loves to ask me questions, \"going out?\", where to?,etc...... and most of the time, I'll say, yes.... and walk very fast to avoid answering more.


Once I took the lift with a neighbor.. He was in his swimming trunk (only), dripping wet all over.. I asked \"Just came from the pool?\", and he answered politely \"Yes\".. Then there was silence in the air.. I broke the uncomfortable silence and asked \"Forgot your towel?\", and he answered politely again \"Yes\". Then the lift reached the floor on which I stayed, and I scurried off, feeling really silly!!! :siao:

The next time you two are trapped in the same elevator, tell him you really like the design of his swimming trunks. :evil: :evil:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731094https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/731094Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:45:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Thu, 15 Mar 2012 07:58:53 GMT]]>Thank you all for your valuable input!


Now that I have a bit better understanding of the pesky mums, I think I can handle their curiosity better. It was like the scales fell off from my eyes.

I will also remember where we stand in Singapore (I must say that our kids are not even in your league, though). 😓

When the things get tougher again, I know where to visit! 😉
:thankyou:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729618https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729618Thu, 15 Mar 2012 07:58:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:32:53 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
concern2:


Maybe the parents who persisted to know want to compare how they fair against a foreigner - since our leader(s) think we aren't competent enough so need to attract foreign students to 'boost' our standards? So naturally, you became the target of their comparison and curiosity. \"Hey, I beat that foreigner!\" - or something like that. Anyway, this is just my speculation.

Wow, it is an eye-opening perspective!

I must post a sign saying that OUR SONS ARE NOT YOUR THREATS. WE WILL BE LONG GONE BEFORE COMPETING WITH YOUR CHILDREN FOR A UNI SEAT.
:celebrate:

😄

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729200https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729200Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:32:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:20:53 GMT]]>

Funz:
Some of the questions I encountered from strangers that leave me totally befuddled.


DD was about 8-9mths old. Dressed in a pink dress with a pretty pink clip holding those sparse few strands of hair. This lady came up and asked \"boy ah? how big?\" I told her umm girl. She said \"no lah look like boy leh, not much hair hor.\"

Another incident, was with both my kiddos and DH was beside me. A middle aged woman said to me, \"aiyoh, mixed blood kids ah, soooo good looking.\" I told her no, not mixed blood, Chinese, Singaporean. She say cannot be lah, hair brown brown, eyes so big, so fair summore, must be mixed blood. DH cannot tahan, told her aunty, my kids, I'm chinese, very sure. She looked at DH then at me, then say \"heheh look like mummy hor.\"
I can not stop laughing while reading your post.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729189https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729189Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:20:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Wed, 14 Mar 2012 05:58:07 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
concern2:


Maybe the parents who persisted to know want to compare how they fair against a foreigner - since our leader(s) think we aren't competent enough so need to attract foreign students to 'boost' our standards? So naturally, you became the target of their comparison and curiosity. \"Hey, I beat that foreigner!\" - or something like that. Anyway, this is just my speculation.

Wow, it is an eye-opening perspective!

I must post a sign saying that OUR SONS ARE NOT YOUR THREATS. WE WILL BE LONG GONE BEFORE COMPETING WITH YOUR CHILDREN FOR A UNI SEAT.
:celebrate:

It isn't really the fight for a Uni Seat - it is the fight for everything because resources are getting more scarce than ever. That's what kiasu is about - afraid of losing. :celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729125https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729125Wed, 14 Mar 2012 05:58:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Wed, 14 Mar 2012 04:29:57 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
For those who want to hear the word \"shadenfreude\", here is the link.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NUQ_oa3JSU


🕺
Right now you are down and out...

and feeling really crappy....

when I see how sad you are....

it kinda makes me HAPPY :siam:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729083https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729083Wed, 14 Mar 2012 04:29:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Wed, 14 Mar 2012 03:38:47 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:


Hum… I can’t tell if a person is from Singapore or not. I know that there are many PRs from Malaysia, China or other countries. Would you care to elaborate in the realm of political correctness? What is your definition of a typical Singaporean? Can anyone out there help?
If he complains about the govt, 90% chance is a singaporean.. :evil: :evil:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729060https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/729060Wed, 14 Mar 2012 03:38:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:57:51 GMT]]>For those who want to hear the word \"shadenfreude\", here is the link.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NUQ_oa3JSU


🕺

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728891https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728891Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:57:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:46:05 GMT]]>

verykiasu2010:
property value = no, and no need, pricing info are available from URA, be it rental or purchased


CPF = No. It is rude to ask someone's CPF .... really, very rude

taboo -- not many people like to talk about death

private stuff with not so close friends ? No, and depends on your own boundary of being \"private\"
Come to think of it, nobody has ever asked me about my educational background and most of the questions received were somewhat related to kids and prices.
Kids’ test results and school choice - can
Parents’ academic background – cannot
How much? – can
CPF/Assets– cannot

Good to know that people do draw a line rather than firing any questions as they please.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728884https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728884Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:46:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:49:25 GMT]]>

concern2:

Maybe the parents who persisted to know want to compare how they fair against a foreigner - since our leader(s) think we aren't competent enough so need to attract foreign students to 'boost' our standards? So naturally, you became the target of their comparison and curiosity. \"Hey, I beat that foreigner!\" - or something like that. Anyway, this is just my speculation.
Wow, it is an eye-opening perspective!

I must post a sign saying that OUR SONS ARE NOT YOUR THREATS. WE WILL BE LONG GONE BEFORE COMPETING WITH YOUR CHILDREN FOR A UNI SEAT.
:celebrate:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728868https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728868Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:49:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:24:41 GMT]]>Hi Becontented,


Hum… I can’t tell if a person is from Singapore or not. I know that there are many PRs from Malaysia, China or other countries. Would you care to elaborate in the realm of political correctness? What is your definition of a typical Singaporean? Can anyone out there help?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728861https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728861Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:24:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:13:18 GMT]]>

FQW:
jtoh:

[quote=\"babyblissnz\"]That was the reason I started this topic - to find out why they cared so much. I guess I can smell some sort of schadenfreude? Any other interpretation?


BTW, I do my best not to stand out and never brag about anything really; scratch that, ahem, I mean I don't have anything to brag about.

I've learnt a new word too - schadenfreude. 🙂 Your friends were overly curious I have to say. Maybe all three are in the same gossip club? Take heart. Not all parents are like that. 🙂

Hey babyblissnz, are you related to this guy called 3Boys? How come your England so cheem? I catch no ball leh. 😂[/quote] :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I also needed to check up on that word. BTW, how do you pronounce it?

Anyway, babyblissnz, its really nice to hear from a non-Singaporean here in KSP. I normally refrain from asking other parents about children's results, and when I get asked, I'd say, \"OK lah, can get by!\" Even amongst parents whom I know well, I'll just ask,\"Your kids ok in school?\" rather than zooming straight to results.

Maybe the parents who persisted to know want to compare how they fair against a foreigner - since our leader(s) think we aren't competent enough so need to attract foreign students to 'boost' our standards? So naturally, you became the target of their comparison and curiosity. \"Hey, I beat that foreigner!\" - or something like that. Anyway, this is just my speculation.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728857https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728857Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:13:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 11:41:29 GMT]]>Babyblissnz,

Maybe you should turn around and ask those people the same questions back and find out where are they from 😉 Like what Funz mentioned......maybe they are not Singaporeans.....

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728842https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728842Tue, 13 Mar 2012 11:41:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:20:39 GMT]]>property value = no, and no need, pricing info are available from URA, be it rental or purchased


CPF = No. It is rude to ask someone’s CPF … really, very rude

taboo – not many people like to talk about death

private stuff with not so close friends ? No, and depends on your own boundary of being "private"

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728772https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728772Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:20:39 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:16:15 GMT]]>OK, let’s get back to the original topic of “Why do they want to know?”


I’m hearing from you guys that it is
1.\tOut of harmless curiosity
2.\tJust small talk to break the silence/kill the time
3.\tBecause we are not locals (Foreigners are pandas in a cage?)
4.\tBecause some mums are kay poh, not kiasu

Some of you mentioned that those persistent mums are rare case. I agree. The people I hang around are more sensible. The pesky ones are relative strangers that I don’t even know their names! Maybe they can be bold in their pursuit because of this?

I’m gathering that people here are honest about their true feeling - they cannot suppress their curiosity. They are also so friendly that they cannot bear the silence in the elevator or at school canteen. Am I on the right track so far?

One last thing, help me understand your personal boundary better...
1) Do you talk your property value or CPF among friends? How about among strangers?
2) Do you have any taboo topics?
3) Do you share private stuff with not so close friends?

Apologies if I bore you…but I must know! 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728765https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728765Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:16:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:13:13 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
Nebbermind:

er, so, babyblissnz, what's your son's t-score and which secondary school is he in!??

:cheeky: :peekaboo:


(nice pat on your shoulder)
Oh, Nebbermind, aiya... donno lah... don care lah... why you ask so much?

oh, you passed your test !

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728760https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728760Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:13:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:12:38 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
Hi FQW,


What does \"kay-kay\" mean? Couldn't google it.
pretend

act blurr

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728759https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728759Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:12:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Why do they want to know? on Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:11:12 GMT]]>

babyblissnz:
Nebbermind:

er, so, babyblissnz, what's your son's t-score and which secondary school is he in!??

:cheeky: :peekaboo:


(nice pat on your shoulder)
Oh, Nebbermind, aiya... donno lah... don care lah... why you ask so much?

:congrats:

You have successfully graduated from the immersion programme for new expats!! :salute:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728755https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/728755Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:11:12 GMT