Bully in Student Care Centre

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Wed, 06 Jun 2012 12:12:57 GMT

hquek — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 12:12:57 GMT

Interesting thing with kids is that there is no ‘overnight’ hatred. If only adults generally can be so forgiving…world peas. Thanks for the update, glad your child is thriving now.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Wed, 06 Jun 2012 04:18:50 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 04:18:50 GMT

3 months passed…my son is looking forward to go back to his childcare centre.

To recall 3 months ago:

My husband & I did go to the centre and waited for the boy. He came with his father. Both parents shook hand. My husband explained the situation to the boy’s father. The boy’s father claimed he is not sure what actually happened. He told us he is waiting for the Principle to investigate. FYI, his son immediately started to cry infront of us.
Frankly speaking, I was not happy. My husband and I head straight to the police station with my son. The police advised us to talk to the Principle directly and show her the rules and regulations letter she gave to us, asked her how she is going to act on it.
When my husband was talking to the police. The boy’s mother finally gave me a call on the mobile and claimed she has reprimanded her son but she is so sure the item my son took does not belong to her son. When I told her I am in the police station now to make report. Her tone changed and hanged up my call.
To cut the story short, the Principle told us they have the CCTV installed. They found the boy pulled my son one corner. My son did hand over the money to him. Principle scolded the boy and warned him. The boy did write a apology letter to my son.
Guess what, my son wrote something back on the same letter:" I am sorry too for making u cry." He meant the day when my husband & I went to centre that morning. I explained to my son:" It is no fault of his. The boy cried because he knew what he did is wrong."
Now, they are good friends. I believe this boy has changed from bad to good.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Tue, 03 Apr 2012 07:23:58 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 07:23:58 GMT

cherrygal:
Hi

How much is the Soul Kids course?

S$399 - My son's mentor is Deborah Thurley. It was held for 4 days consecutive Saturday from 9:30 to 12. Parents will be invited to sit in on the last day.

They do offer half price to those who are interested to go for 2nd time. Different mentor and different audience.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Tue, 03 Apr 2012 07:04:20 GMT

cherrygal — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 07:04:20 GMT

Hi

How much is the Soul Kids course?

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Tue, 03 Apr 2012 06:47:39 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 06:47:39 GMT

Two days ago, the vice principal had told me finally he admitted he is the one who not only extorted the money and told a awful lie.

Apparently, the centre did install a CCTV. They saw my son and the bully were standing at one corner. I believe the bully knew there is a camera watching them so he must have thought standing at one corner he would not be caught.
I did question the Vice Principal is the school going to ask the bully’s parents to withdraw their son out from the centre. They said no and have no intention to do it. I was shocked and asked her way why the centre has given a letter to each parents to acknowledge on the school rules and regulations to sign then. If they are not going to comply it, the letter is served as a waste paper. I also voiced out I pay equally same amount of school fees and why my son has to suffered through this kind of terror from this bully. Why is the school again and again protected this bully? Her replied was if we school forsake this boy he will be worst. We should give him a chance and guide him along the way. Her replied struck me on the spot. If today my son is a bully, would I still hope the school give another chance to my son?
I sighed and asked her a question back. Where is my son interests lies now? How much more should he be bullied or to what extend the school would not tolerate this bully’s action? Their solution: To keep a look out for my son and avoid the bully to have body or eye contact with my son. Is this a best solution?
My husband had already sent an email directly to the Principal requesting to meet up session with her on 13th April.

To be continued

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Thu, 29 Mar 2012 08:06:03 GMT

Gems — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 08:06:03 GMT

There are so many bullies in school but teachers and principals always feel that the victims should be strong, be able to ward off the bullies, etc. Actually the ones who need help are the bullies. T :mad: hey need someone to \"wake\" them up.

My kids were bullied in school before too. All feedback to teachers are futile. When they see me, they will avoid and ignore my kids too. It is like we are the trouble makers. :rant:

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Mon, 26 Mar 2012 02:41:21 GMT

AC_Power — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 02:41:21 GMT

The bully’s parents should learn something about the law.

If their boy is being instigated into extorting others, he is as guilty as well. Stop painting him as an innocent angel.

If he can’t be disciplined at this age, he will be out of parental control in his teen.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 15:18:25 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 15:18:25 GMT

To all mummies,

I need to share something with you. Just 1 month ago, I went to this Soul Kids website. They have activities for kids too. I signed up for my son. I was not totally convinced if my son would benefit by going 4 consecutive classes on Saturday for the month of Feb.

I spoke to the parents and a few of them gave me positive feedbacks. They told me by attending this course will not academically helped your kids but it will helped your kid be more confident and bravely face negative situation.

I was half hearted to sign him on because partly the course fee does not come cheap. In the end, we went ahead. After the last session, all parents are told to come for 1 hour session. Believe me, I learned something from there. I did tell the mentor my son is facing being bullied issue. She advised me all the positive possibilities and told me I have to slowly explained to my son what I will be doing or done for him.

Just recently, my son has taken his mini tests in school. As usual, we told him do not rush and please check his tests paper before submission. Previously, his reply would be: "am sure I will have mistake." But after attending the course, his scored better than what we had expected. And this time round my son told me he will do better for the next tests. I am happy to see him facing challenges with positive attitudes.

As for myself, if is not because of this mentor I will not brave enough to tackled this bullied issue. I gussed I would withdraw my son out from this centre immediately.

If you have the spare money and time, please sign up your kids to this course. You and your kids would experience a different kinds of valuable life lesson that you cannot learn from school.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:28:16 GMT

Dino_Mummy — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:28:16 GMT

Hi MMM,

I see now.

Your son seems rather ‘steady’ as he is able to handle the ‘ah bengs’. Perhaps it is more of his well-mannerism not to squabble with the xiao ren. He retaliates but stopped when being provoked further. I think he is actually quite mature as he knows it is pointless circle if he retaliate again.

I think you can rest your mind; but it is good you lend a listening ear and i love it when he ‘complains’ to you - so sweet, i find. A son at P4 still talks xin shi to mummy - i hope mine does the same in future (for a life time! aahha… i am greedy!). Btw, my only 5-years old.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:14:04 GMT

MMM — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:14:04 GMT

Dino_Mummy:
MMM,

On the other P4 boy's intended bullying on your son (trying to destroy the mouthpiece, verbal abuse, etc), did you speak to your son to voice out to the instructor?

It is fine to leave it to him to handle but i feel since we cannot always be around, would it be good to at least have a teacher aware of certain happenings? I don't know your son so i am not sure if he is generally shy and quiet and gets pushed around? From your description, it seems your dd comes to his rescue at times and your son is not very defensive on his own?

Anyway, i hope it will work out well for him.

Hi Dino_Mummy,

No, my ds is not the shy and quiet type. He is a class monitor and has to handle the \"ah beng\" in his class. His class teacher will also send him chasing other \"ah beng\" who distracted the 'ah bengs\" in his class during lessons when he walked pass. So from that perspective, he is no pushover.

Maybe \"ah beng\" are easier to handle than \"xiao ren\" As it is more straightforward. Eg. during today's training, he told me that the irritating boy played he wrong note and he said it's my ds. My ds said's it's him in retaliation and he kicked my ds's feet. So it's this kind of pushing the blame and xiao dong zhou that gets on his nerve.

Trying not to be a auntie bully. Imagine next time when the kid become adult, he will always remember me. But the treatment for kids with xiao ren attribute is :heresmyfish:

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:48:41 GMT

Dino_Mummy — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:48:41 GMT

MinXin Mama,

I am glad you went to the police.
Even if the bully’s mum hung up on you, they got the message now - especially the bully (from what you described).

I am sure your boy will feel happy that his parents do listen and believe - which is more important.

MMM,

On the other P4 boy’s intended bullying on your son (trying to destroy the mouthpiece, verbal abuse, etc), did you speak to your son to voice out to the instructor?

It is fine to leave it to him to handle but i feel since we cannot always be around, would it be good to at least have a teacher aware of certain happenings? I don’t know your son so i am not sure if he is generally shy and quiet and gets pushed around? From your description, it seems your dd comes to his rescue at times and your son is not very defensive on his own?

Anyway, i hope it will work out well for him.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:16:45 GMT

auntieM — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:16:45 GMT

Bullying comes in different 'forms', and luckily my DS is dealing with it ok..

Like MMM, I didn't want to be the auntie bully so I just 'ren'
For more than two years since P1, my boy is the bully's target. Unfortunately, they attend the same enrichment class out of school so really double dose..
He will tell my DS stuffs like.. \"Be careful when you go dowm the step because I will be behind you...\" and say other mean stuff when my DS does better than him. Classic is he will hurt someone and immediately wail so loud and scream his apology.. Smart kid really..

Paiseh to hijack thread for ranting.. :oops:

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:21:36 GMT

LOLMum — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:21:36 GMT

From the many posts in k s p, 99% of parents are reasonable, not afraid to admit their child has done the wrong thing.

But we tend to not encounter parents who are reasonable people like in k s p. These pp really need to come on board and get educated…

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:04:35 GMT

MMM — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:04:35 GMT

Funz:
Since your DS is already in P4, talk to him and ask him how he feels about all these incidents. Is he very affected by it? Have all these incidences affected his performance in his CCA or how he feels about his CCA?

If your DS brushes it aside, then let it be. They may come home and rant but that does not mean they want us to intervene. They just want someone to vent to.

DD has a frenemy last year which I think I shared in another thread. She will at times come home with tears of frustrations over what this girl has done. And at that time, I wanted to tell the girl off or even talk to the girl's parents about her behaviour as well. We as parents want to fight our kids' battles for them but more often then not, it might be better to give them moral support and a shoulder to cry on if need be instead of settling their problems for them.

Thanks Funz. Yes, I agree that we need to give them moral support and sometimes we just got to step back though we really wanted to give the other child a piece of our mind. To me, it's also a learning process of how to handle challenging people that they meet in life.

My ds hopes that the months quickly pass by so that the P6 boy will no longer be their section leader. Meanwhile for the other P4 boy, he will come home after each band practise to complain about that boy and the acts that he did that day eg. pushing him, telling lies to instructor, etc.... However, he will have to continue to face this boy since they are both P4 and potentially vying for the leader position one day.

Frankly, I just hope that his potential will not be clouded by such issues so that he will continue to have that passion for his CCA and do well. I heard very good feedback from his instructor on him being one of his best P4's, etc... and was thinking of getting a personal instructor for him. This act itself will probably brew another storm for the other kids. But I wanted him to get some grading to increase his chance. Was hoping that he will become the section leader one day as intend to use this CCA for DSA.

Not easy being a mum...

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:36:36 GMT

LOLMum — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:36:36 GMT

auntieM:
Agree with the rest, do not let the matter rest and listen to your child. There must be parents in the centre that are affected too..

My DS have to tolerate the same bully since P1 and then he moved on to other victims. Unfortunately, DS school's after school care tolerates his nonsense. Among parents we know this bully has some behaviour issues, but the 'elite' parents just does not want their kid 'branded'.. :mad:

:mad:

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:30:52 GMT

Funz — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:30:52 GMT

Since your DS is already in P4, talk to him and ask him how he feels about all these incidents. Is he very affected by it? Have all these incidences affected his performance in his CCA or how he feels about his CCA?

If your DS brushes it aside, then let it be. They may come home and rant but that does not mean they want us to intervene. They just want someone to vent to.

DD has a frenemy last year which I think I shared in another thread. She will at times come home with tears of frustrations over what this girl has done. And at that time, I wanted to tell the girl off or even talk to the girl’s parents about her behaviour as well. We as parents want to fight our kids’ battles for them but more often then not, it might be better to give them moral support and a shoulder to cry on if need be instead of settling their problems for them.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:01:12 GMT

MMM — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 07:01:12 GMT

I wanted to hear from other parents what actions you would take if you know there are some \"xiao ren\" around your kids. It's some form of bully as well though not as physical but it's like smearing your reputation.

My ds joins a particular CCA. There is another boy from another class in the same CCA. When he sees my ds got promoted to a new instrument, he also demanded that from the instructor. There was once when I was in school to fetch him, this boy ran up to my ds and said \"XX, I wish you bad luck\". I told my ds to ignore him as there is a word call retribution.

Recently, it was worst as they are preparing for SYF, this boy dropped rice on the floor in the tuckshop, when the instructor questioned, he said it's my ds. :mad: But my dd can attest that it's not my ds who did it as he didn't eat the rice at all. Also when my ds had a new mouthpiece (we bought it for him), this boy tried to snatch from him and attempt to drop it to cause dents when he heard from a alumni member that ds had the best mouthpiece and asked where he got it. But fortunately, he didn't manage. There were just too many actions from this particular boy that makes me feel that if this is someone whom i know at work, it is definitely a \"xiao ren\". I personally found such behaviour very detestable. Or rather this boy would grow up to be a typical \"xiao ren\". I also felt that maybe some of these happen out of jealousy.

Then, there is another boy who is like the section leader. He is P6 while my ds is P4. It appeared that he don't really like my ds because my ds does not \"obey\" him. He would punish him for no valid reasons. There was once, he \"took\" my ds's watch and refused to return. It was upon my dd's intervention as she witnessed his act that he did it. Also it appear that the instructor asked ds to play some of the parts this P6 was supposed to do in SYF as he couldn't do well. So again, I wonder if it is out of jealousy. I told my ds if this P6 continues like that, tell this P6 boy outright that as a leader, he better behave like one, otherwise he will tell the instructor about it. So he better buck up. I was willing to support him on this. Ds is a monitor and we would always tell him, as a monitor, he better behave like one and he cannot abuse his position.

Frankly, I was wondering what I should do. I left it to him since he is old enough to handle. Ds is quite a big sized boy too so physically I am not worried people will bully him. It might be a good exposure to learn how to handle such situation. But I thought of talking to the instructor about it but will he think it's wierd to come from me. Looking for the right time. I also thought of going up to the boy and give him a piece of my mind. But that would make me a auntie bully. It sort of bothers me as I want the best for ds of course.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:28:21 GMT

Nebbermind — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:28:21 GMT

child is bullied coz 妈妈 is 名星 or because his name is 名星?? :?

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:24:53 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:24:53 GMT

hquek:
名星妈妈:
I am truly disappointed when the bully mother told me it is another boy might instigate her son to do it. I nearly fainted.

Your son (P4) had extorted money from my son is a true fact. Be it or not, he had taken the money.

The bully definitely know this is wrong but he still act on it. Whether he understand the meaning of the word \"extortion\" is another different thing.

I might be kicking a big fuss but I sincerely feel that I should protect the rest of the kids in the centre, just in case next time it will be their turn.
Um, ah long runners also demand money on behalf of other pp - they also will get punished. Fact of the matter is that her son behaved in a threatening manner that caused fear in your boy - and that should not be condoned.

Very glad that you took up the cudgels for your child. Even if the bully was let off scot free, I don't think he will dare come near your boy again; and also, I'm sure your boy will know that his mum will be there to support and help him.

btw, curious how the other mum react when she heard you were in the police station?

The bully mum give me the impression since I have done it. There is nothing much to say to me. She hung up my call.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:12:01 GMT

kittybank — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 06:12:01 GMT

My 3 kids had their fair share of being bullied. After a while we learnt the hard truth that complaining to higher authority and expect them to act in a fair and prompt manner is simply, fruitless. I guess the wisest move is to transfer yr child out 明星妈妈。

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:41:07 GMT

Joule — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:41:07 GMT

maybe the bully is also being bullied by others as well

there ARE cases of teenage gangsters forcing younger kids to extort money for them

so minxinmama, do your best! maybe this boy also is an unwilling victim

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:38:02 GMT

hquek — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:38:02 GMT

名星妈妈:
I am truly disappointed when the bully mother told me it is another boy might instigate her son to do it. I nearly fainted.

Your son (P4) had extorted money from my son is a true fact. Be it or not, he had taken the money.

The bully definitely know this is wrong but he still act on it. Whether he understand the meaning of the word \"extortion\" is another different thing.

I might be kicking a big fuss but I sincerely feel that I should protect the rest of the kids in the centre, just in case next time it will be their turn.

Um, ah long runners also demand money on behalf of other pp - they also will get punished. Fact of the matter is that her son behaved in a threatening manner that caused fear in your boy - and that should not be condoned.

Very glad that you took up the cudgels for your child. Even if the bully was let off scot free, I don't think he will dare come near your boy again; and also, I'm sure your boy will know that his mum will be there to support and help him.

btw, curious how the other mum react when she heard you were in the police station?

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:33:24 GMT

.08977.08977.08977.08977 — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:33:24 GMT

I am truly disappointed when the bully mother told me it is another boy might instigate her son to do it. I nearly fainted.

Your son (P4) had extorted money from my son is a true fact. Be it or not, he had taken the money.

The bully definitely know this is wrong but he still act on it. Whether he understand the meaning of the word "extortion" is another different thing.

I might be kicking a big fuss but I sincerely feel that I should protect the rest of the kids in the centre, just in case next time it will be their turn.

Reply to Bully in Student Care Centre on Fri, 23 Mar 2012 04:36:45 GMT

Joule — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 04:36:45 GMT

Hi minxinmama

don’t let up! need to keep pressure on.

Bullies must know that it is WRONG to do so.