Dreamaurora:

Every man who marries will entertain thoughts of straying with another woman, and yes, I am speaking from experience as a married man. So why I do not do it?


Because I cherish all the memories I have with my wife, good or bad. She is the one who stick with me through all the difficult times and we share happy moments together. All I wish is to make my wife happy and that is all that matters and she feels the same way too. And I want to continue to make memories together with her. When I do things, it is no longer about me, but it is also about her.

I think the problem with a lot of married couples nowadays is that they approach marriage with self-serving mindsets i.e. what can i get from this marriage. Unfortunately though, the dynamics of the relationship does change after marriage and when some needs are no longer met, the temptation is strong to 'outsource'.

It is unfortunate if your spouse succumbs to this temptation and I fully agree that this can forever damage the relationship. That is why I think before marrying, all issues have to be thrased out first, and preferably go for a marriage prep course. To be honest, I myself am not sure if I can remain married to my wife if she cheats on me. I would be able to forgive her, but most likely I would not be able to trust her anymore. And being in a marriage where you can't trust your partner is very miserable.

sleepy:

It's very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

sleepy:

It's very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

raytan30:

Hi Be contented


quite simple. i believe in marriage the couple must grow together.. it's not just physical intimacy, but also financial, emotional intimacy.

When i first started out biz my wife very supportive which i am still appreciative for. when biz pick up she say she going to quit her job because now biz doing ok.
I was quite sad because i needed to know;

1. we can be independent
in case i bankrupt or biz fail i need to know we can work together and she can also stand on her own. LKY was right in saying he knew if anything happen to him he needed to know the wife still can continue with the family.
in this case once she see things ok she straight away switch off.

2. money issues
ie in my previous post i staying with in laws so quite stressed by the bloody hell BIL who always no money. then i end up paying for a lot of stuff. I don't need anyone to contribute any money really. but just that not to take me for granted.


3. maturity
to me this is the underlying factor of every problem.
i felt after we got married i had to settle insurance, holidays, everything else. she doesn't do anything and feels it's a pride that her husband does everything. i take it as a compliment but also i do wish she was more involved and understands all these things that i plan.
I wished for that we would get involved to work together in most things.

anyway nowadays I kua pua liao.. we still go out on dinner dates , watch movies and go holidays.. which i never thought i would be able to do.


For the positive part...
1. at least we still can talk
2.she's smart and knows what i am talking about
3.we appreciate the same things.
4. and most really very super duper sibeh maximum overload important reason i patched up with her becuase i knew if i go bankrupt or if the world were to end only she would love me.


at the end of the day as long as she don't gamble away money, rack up credit card bills, go out with other guys and takes care of our son then ok lor.
I just take it that this is my cup... though it feels like a d-cup. lol.

i hope that answers the question..

raytan30:

it is possible to salvage the marriage.. i am a good example.


I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again... which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she's been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.

raytan30:

it is possible to salvage the marriage.. i am a good example.


I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again... which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she's been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.

cfan:

There are two primary choices in life:

To accept conditions as they exist, or
accept the responsibility for changing them
- Denis Waitley

Cannot turn back the clock, only can look forward, decide what is more important, especially when there are kids involved.

We cannot control what has happened, we cannot predict what will happened, we can only do our best to deal with it and focus on the more important things in life.
Life is too short to be unhappy. If whatever had happened, had happened.

Hope this helps.

Fireflyserene:

How to salvage marriage n is it impossible if partner strays or having extra marital affair??