zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063842\" time=\"1649341126\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063842 time=1649341126 user_id=53606]
If she insists not to write down the hw (like my boy), but her memory is not completely reliable (like my boy), one quick solution is to get her to empty her schoolbag in front of the parents when she gets home…

It is at this point that the sight of X worksheet or Y form triggers my boy’s memory and he places the sheet onto the “homework” pile (which is then sorted and prioritised in step 2).[/quote]

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2063264\" time=\"1648773030\" user_id=\"28674:

Sounds like executive function issues. Many people have such issues, but the degree of severity varies. My older girl (who has learning issues) has very poor executive function. All the things mentioned will help, but a child with executive function will need help to actually DO them. And just telling them a few times won't be a long-term solution. You have to remind them frequently. It doesn't come naturally to them, and this is something that will be with them all their lives. Those who are not so bad may be able to apply these strategies through life without much help, but some will always need help of some kind, whether it's a sibling, spouse, colleague, boss (if sympathetic), to help them set up the system. It will get better as they get older and learn to apply the strategies in more contexts, but the habits won't come as easily for them.

In the longer term, the person should choose a job where executive function matters less.

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2063248\" time=\"1648767674\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2063248 time=1648767674 user_id=58173]
Perhaps at P5, the increased workload may overwhelm some kids .. is there a significant difference or too much for her to do?

Conditioning takes place in about 28 days.. so suggest, for your friend to guide her child for a longer period of time to achieve desired effectiveness.[/quote]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063246\" time=\"1648762184\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063246 time=1648762184 user_id=53606]
Hi, you may want to look into whether she could be having executive functioning issues. Here’s an article below (plenty of other articles if u research more):

https://www.understood.org/en/articles/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-child-with-executive-functioning-issues

But before u worry too much…my boy at P5 last year had similar complaints, especially as homework load at P5 starts to get very heavy. Nagging did not work…teaching strategies did not work…what worked in the end for him? I sat down and *showed* him, every single tedious step, then made him *do* every single tedious step right in front of me. Every day after that for couple of weeks, I sat down and watched him do the steps. Just eye power, even if my hands or mouth itched to “help”. Some kids have been trained by parents since P1 with this tight structure; I had not done so & therefore he needed to be highly guided.

Some tools would be useful, eg. A different coloured pen/highlighter for each subject. A labelled coloured folder to slot in each subject’s worksheets (therr are tons in P5). No more kiam chye this way.

Now, more or less (!) we have gotten to the stage where I can say “any homework today? Please get it done now.” And I dont micromanage any more.

I do random spot checks on his work and his bag (to see how tidy it is). Of course praise if found to be good. If not there yet, then guide again.

If there are other warning signs, then by all means look into executive function disorder.[/quote]

SG_KP1\" post_id=\"2063361\" time=\"1648823251\" user_id=\"188234:

Worth reading. With the caveat that every kid is different and acknowledging a) some need more help than others and b) there is not a universal age/time to hand over the keys, I think the intrinsically motivated ones will find their way (even if it's not the same path/way we'd advise). Not easy to watch them \"screw something up\" but if the risk of mistake is low they will learn more this way than having us tell them everything.

https://www.schoolbag.edu.sg/story/what-happened-when-i-stopped-nagging-my-kids

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2063359\" time=\"1648821061\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2063359 time=1648821061 user_id=58173]
Yes, now you are active on this forum and probably outside at work or leisure as well. I believe the kids will also grow and learn to speak well, they just don’t have the tools now to negotiate the “bends” in life.[/quote]

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2063347\" time=\"1648811670\" user_id=\"43981:

I think people do change over time and can change alot. I used to be so timid pray teacher don't call my name when in school..with so much patience when first came out to work..about 10yrs later I myself also surprised with the change going in me.

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2063344\" time=\"1648806117\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2063344 time=1648806117 user_id=58173]
I’m sure as you age you are more willing to be called out, as in it isn’t entirely a bad thing. Same be for the kids .. For kids, it is their defense mechanism ig..[/quote]

Imp75\" post_id=\"2063335\" time=\"1648799471\" user_id=\"2358:

Exactly my girls faces are very thin, super scared being called out.......I look at me and hubs then l realised ok its hereditary to a large extent......

Zeal mummy\" post_id=\"2063323\" time=\"1648792248\" user_id=\"58173:[quote=\"Zeal mummy\" post_id=2063323 time=1648792248 user_id=58173]
Two of my children are like yours.. they finish their tasks and are well loved by teachers. Not scared of teachers but they don’t like to be reprimanded.. esp not in class.

One of them will test the boundaries everyday, tells me she remembers the homework so didn’t need to write down etc.. then says this work is only due 3 days later.. ig, different kids bring different joy, they are unique.[/quote]

Imp75\" post_id=\"2063271\" time=\"1648774834\" user_id=\"2358:

I don't hv such issues and since young, I don't need to check hw (maybe its not impt to me or I simply had no time being a FTWM back then). Also main reason is that my girls are damn scared of teachers and super compliant/remain in tchr goodbooks so I guess they are more afraid of not doing hw than the risk of forgetting them.

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063266\" time=\"1648773980\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063266 time=1648773980 user_id=53606]

“I have 4 pieces of hw today. Subject 1: do this worksheet. Subject 2: do that worksheet. Subject 3: learn Spelling. Subject 4: get parent’s signature on this test. Here, sign first and 4 will be done…

Now I need to prioritise the remainder cos not enough hours after tuition today…subject 1 teacher will scold me loudly for 10 min if I dont do…I can bear it lah, shift to lower priority…subject 2 teacher will have a nuclear explosion, then kill me and bury my body…better do this one first! Subject 3 teacher is Mr Nice Guy…i will negotiate for extension of 1 more day…”
[/quote]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063266\" time=\"1648773980\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063266 time=1648773980 user_id=53606]

Now I need to prioritise the remainder cos not enough hours after tuition today…subject 1 teacher will scold me loudly for 10 min if I dont do…I can bear it lah, shift to lower priority…subject 2 teacher will have a nuclear explosion, then kill me and bury my body…better do this one first! Subject 3 teacher is Mr Nice Guy…i will negotiate for extension of 1 more day…”

I did not insist he write down a list and tick off as he went…not sure whether Sec 1 with 8 subjects will die or not…[/quote]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063266\" time=\"1648773980\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063266 time=1648773980 user_id=53606]
For my DS’ case, I “eliminated” executive function disorder because (while he refused to write down the homework list in his notebook) he could remember all the tasks in his memory, and would verbally brief me after school:

“I have 4 pieces of hw today. Subject 1: do this worksheet. Subject 2: do that worksheet. Subject 3: learn Spelling. Subject 4: get parent’s signature on this test. Here, sign first and 4 will be done…

Now I need to prioritise the remainder cos not enough hours after tuition today…subject 1 teacher will scold me loudly for 10 min if I dont do…I can bear it lah, shift to lower priority…subject 2 teacher will have a nuclear explosion, then kill me and bury my body…better do this one first! Subject 3 teacher is Mr Nice Guy…i will negotiate for extension of 1 more day…”

I did not insist he write down a list and tick off as he went…not sure whether Sec 1 with 8 subjects will die or not…[/quote]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063266\" time=\"1648773980\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063266 time=1648773980 user_id=53606]
Hi slmkhoo, does having a visual chart with the structured steps help her? I heard some parents use that.

Also, does she have problems planning/organising in her mind/thoughts? Or just when carrying out the tasks? Just curious about that.[/quote]

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2063266\" time=\"1648773980\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2063266 time=1648773980 user_id=53606]
...
For my DS’ case, I “eliminated” executive function disorder because (while he refused to write down the homework list in his notebook) he could remember all the tasks in his memory, and would verbally brief me after school:
...[/quote]

Imp75\" post_id=\"2063271\" time=\"1648774834\" user_id=\"2358:

I don't hv such issues and since young, I don't need to check hw (maybe its not impt to me or I simply had no time being a FTWM back then). Also main reason is that my girls are damn scared of teachers and super compliant/remain in tchr goodbooks so I guess they are more afraid of not doing hw than the risk of forgetting them.