<![CDATA[Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers..]]>Hi all,


I am the father of a P5 girl. She is a happy child and maintains a close relationship with me and my wife.

However, at the start of this year, she started having bedwetting problems. At first, she wet the bed around once a week. However, it gradually became worse and eventually she wet the bed every day.

She is quite troubled and embarrassed because of this. I did some research and put it down to the stress in school. She is a deep sleeper and often can not wake up to go to the bathroom. At first, we tried to limit what she drinks before her bedtime at 10 but it didn't work. Then, we brought her to pediatrician for check-up and doctor say that its due to stress and will stop after a while. This was in early Feb. We asked her if she was having any trouble in school (bullies etc) but she say no. We consulted her teacher and teacher also say that DD is very happy in school. However, her condition seem to be worsening even further. During the June holidays she often seem to be rushing to the toilet very urgently. Luckily, she did not have any day 'accidents' yet.

Wife and I have been giving her moral support to try to lift her spirits. However, the wetting continued. It has become quite taxing for the 3 of us but we always emphasize that it is not her fault. Some time back my wife decided to put her back in pull-ups for night time so that we do not have to change the sheets every day. DD was shocked at first but relented after some convincing. However, the Goodnites (pull-up for bedwetting children) absorbtion was extremely poor and leaked very often, so we bought her small size adult diaper instead. At first, DD put the diapers on herself, but did not know how to put it on properly and it ends up opening when she sleeps, causing it to leak, so now my wife insists that she puts it on for her. At times, when she works late or is overseas, I will put the diaper on for her. To be honest, I was worried about DD's feelings when I diaper her, but surprisingly she is okay with it.

Wife and I are very worried that we might end up having to put her in diapers during the day too because her wetting condition seems to be worsening. It is an extremely drastic measure, especially school is starting soon. At least daughter does not have too much emotional distress because of this.

Any parent with similar experience out there? Have any advice for us? Thanks!

Cheers, HiDaddy 😄

Edit..

Her wetting turned out to be a psychological issue. Nothing big, just a phase that will pass with time.

Thanks

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/37035/help-my-11-yo-daughter-back-in-diapersRSS for NodeSat, 18 Apr 2026 13:10:08 GMTFri, 22 Jun 2012 05:28:01 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Thu, 26 Sep 2013 06:59:43 GMT]]>hows your DD now

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1103854https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1103854Thu, 26 Sep 2013 06:59:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Wed, 02 Jan 2013 10:08:21 GMT]]>

ammonite:
As a mother, I find this very strange. Maybe you can get a trusted female friend or relative to talk to her, or tell the psychologist to speak to her. I find it hard to believe that a psychologist would not point out the unusual dynamics if he or she should know of it.


By the way, psychiatrist or psychologist? Psychiatrists give out medication. Psychologists are more counseling and behavioral therapy. In my humble opinion as a layman and an outsider, I think you need a psychologist. If there is no improvement, I will change the psychologist to a more proactive one, especially with the gender tension and my spouse is not stepping up, putting me in a compromising position that does not help my child. at this sensitive age, you should also take steps to protect yourself from any unfounded accusations.

Sorry if I offend, but better be safe than sorry.... :imsorry:
ngl2010:
Hi. I think your daughter should learn how to check and handle her diapers. She should not depend on you as her daddy. When we (mothers here at KSP) were around her age, we had to learn handling our sanitary napkins for our period. It sure is different but she should start learning otherwise when will she learn? There will be mistakes but we have to learn from mistake.

My son is 11 years old and he is already shy going naked around me.

You are a wonderful father but you must let your daughter handle her diapers herself. I remember my late father said something that he should not have said about sexuality when I was 11 - 12 years old. He did not violate me but the bad impression (I only understood the meaning of what he said years later) etched in my mind until now.
Precisely, I'm worried about her mental development. I cannot possibly handle such a sensitive issue for her. I have decide to let her manage her diapers on her own. I feel that is the only option, and I'll see what happens from here. Thanks for the advice 🙂

Also, psychologist, not psychiatrist. Sorry for the dumb mistake. The psychologist was refered to me by a close friend.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928122https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928122Wed, 02 Jan 2013 10:08:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:39:20 GMT]]>Hi. I think your daughter should learn how to check and handle her diapers. She should not depend on you as her daddy. When we (mothers here at KSP) were around her age, we had to learn handling our sanitary napkins for our period. It sure is different but she should start learning otherwise when will she learn? There will be mistakes but we have to learn from mistake.


My son is 11 years old and he is already shy going naked around me.

You are a wonderful father but you must let your daughter handle her diapers herself. I remember my late father said something that he should not have said about sexuality when I was 11 - 12 years old. He did not violate me but the bad impression (I only understood the meaning of what he said years later) etched in my mind until now.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928102https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928102Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:39:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:36:16 GMT]]>As a mother, I find this very strange. Maybe you can get a trusted female friend or relative to talk to her, or tell the psychologist to speak to her. I find it hard to believe that a psychologist would not point out the unusual dynamics if he or she should know of it.


By the way, psychiatrist or psychologist? Psychiatrists give out medication. Psychologists are more counseling and behavioral therapy. In my humble opinion as a layman and an outsider, I think you need a psychologist. If there is no improvement, I will change the psychologist to a more proactive one, especially with the gender tension and my spouse is not stepping up, putting me in a compromising position that does not help my child. at this sensitive age, you should also take steps to protect yourself from any unfounded accusations.

Sorry if I offend, but better be safe than sorry.... :imsorry:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928097https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928097Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:36:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Wed, 02 Jan 2013 07:20:37 GMT]]>Until now my daughter is still in diapers. The psychiatrist is monitoring the situation regularly and has said that its normal. Nevertheless I still tend to be worried, but her emotional well being seem to have improved.


I’m dissappointed with my wife though. I have discussed with her that our daughter is growing and that she needs to be more involve in looking after her, yet many times she just leave the checking and handling of the diapers to me.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/927990https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/927990Wed, 02 Jan 2013 07:20:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 02:19:36 GMT]]>

HiDaddy:
Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter's diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got 'phobia'.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate.. I want honest opinion. Thank you!
I myself would also think that it is rather inappropriate for you to do the task. I agreed with other mummies here that perhaps you could try to teach her how to put on the diapers herself.

Btw, I have been following this thread and I really think that you are a wonderful daddy. A 48hr daddy and your girl is fortunate to have you around. Sorry for being blunt, but maybe you can have a talk with your DW and brainstorm other options to help her instead. Maybe your DW should travel lesser and spend more time with her? I guess, this is what your DD wants, to have more quality time with her mummy. This is a very crucial age for our kids, am a mummy myself, I will forsake anything for the wellbeing of children.

Just my two cents worth. Hope I didnt offend you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/837635https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/837635Thu, 30 Aug 2012 02:19:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Tue, 28 Aug 2012 03:09:20 GMT]]>

HiDaddy:
Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter's diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got 'phobia'.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate.. I want honest opinion. Thank you!

You are indeed a great father who tries all ways to help your DD. But I also feel that it's inappropriate for you to do it for her at this age. Your DD , with your encouragement, can try to slowly rid herself of this phobia. Maybe when she understands that daddy can't help too much at this stage that she'll try to do it.

Also, fyi, I do remember myself bedwetting when I was about 10 or 11. :oops: I did not feel good then, wondering what was wrong and reprimanding myself for causing so much trouble to my mum. But my mum did not bother too much about it other than airing the mattress (or maybe during those days, they are too busy making ends meet to care), and it just went away.

Hope my case will help you stay encouraged the problem will not be here to stay.But of course the communication betw your DD and DW is still vital. 😄

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/835245https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/835245Tue, 28 Aug 2012 03:09:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Mon, 27 Aug 2012 07:27:05 GMT]]>I personally feel uncomfortable for you to change diaper for your girl as what you said she is reaching puberty. You wife should guide your girl how to wear and let her try. She will be better in handling after a few mishap, just like if she is having menstration in future, it is impossible for you to put pad for her right?


I hope and pray that your girl condition is getting better now.

I don't know whether it is workable. But I am thinking how about putting those \"heavy duties\" pad for your girl. Those \"thin\" and comfortable type, maybe like those for night use pad. :roll: I feel it should be cheaper than diaper. :oops: :oops:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/834439https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/834439Mon, 27 Aug 2012 07:27:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Mon, 27 Aug 2012 06:26:56 GMT]]>Personally, I don’t think it is appropriate. She is fully capable of managing it herself, if not then she should learn.


I am also not sure if having your wife or yourself continuing to help her is a good idea. Since her issue is more psychological, would the parents’ helping her in this case prolong her desire to be "babied"?

Again, this is my personal view : If I am in your shoes now, I would work to wean her off my help, and instead lead her to manage it on her on.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/834333https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/834333Mon, 27 Aug 2012 06:26:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sat, 25 Aug 2012 16:12:35 GMT]]>Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter’s diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got ‘phobia’.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate… I want honest opinion. Thank you!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/833007https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/833007Sat, 25 Aug 2012 16:12:35 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 12 Aug 2012 06:05:59 GMT]]>It may be ok for home use I guess. I’ve tried the various types when my children were young, including those supposed to be super-absorbent 7 layer cloth, antibacterial, and yes, we’ve also used the bamboo fabric type before. To be honest, it depends on the child’s body shape and amount of pee. Three kids (one of them my nephew), three different results. And they will all smell after a few hours. It could be due to our hot humid weather. In a colder climate it won’t smell as much.


But then it was still very new in the market. The kind that is available now may be better?? If you do use cloth diapers for her, have you consider the daily washing and managing of that and how she may feel about that? Is she going to do the washing herself (which may add to her humiliation (I apologise if this is an inappropriate word!)), or if you are going to rinse it for her (which may add to her embarrassment?).

I think Okosbaba’s idea of buying from overseas is not a bad one actually (though pretty bulky to carry over). You need it to be absorbent as well to prevent skin discomfort.

I’m sorry if I said anything inappropriate. This is a pretty delicate situation for a father to handle, kudos to you for stepping up!

I have had a thought at the back of my mind ever since I saw your post some time ago. I will pm you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819497https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819497Sun, 12 Aug 2012 06:05:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:43:33 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Please don't. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (*kids can be very cruel*). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.
Thanks for bringing up that point. Our daughter's emotional well being is our top priority. As you have mentioned, it could be best to stick with disposables for school. The worrying thing is that these diapers keep leaking, so we are looking for more effective alternatives.

What about for home use? I discovered that there are some new type of cloth with bamboo inside that have antibacterial properties that is more comfortable to the skin and can contain smell quite well. Also extremely absorbent and can save quite a sum of money in the long run. Would you recommend it?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819492https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819492Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:43:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:25:34 GMT]]>When my son was little I ended up buying Huggies nappys across the causeway in tesco Malaysia … He has super sensitive skin and would develop a rash if left in nappies for longer than 20 mins after it was urinated on… I found Huggies quiet absorbent and reasonably cheaper in Malaysia … Also if your wife travels say Thailand nappies super cheap there too compared to Singapore … Good luck !


Also I just remembered a conversation a while ago with a neighbor. She has a bedridden disabled child has a government grant to have nappies subsidies adult diapers … So the wholeseller for tena lady delivers to her house directly and the government helps to pay some portion of the cost…
You might need to go thru a poly clinic plus a psychologist letter but maybe worth a try ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819485https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819485Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:25:34 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:08:07 GMT]]>Please don’t. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (kids can be very cruel). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819481https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819481Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:08:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 12 Aug 2012 04:10:38 GMT]]>Cloth diaper seems to be a viable option to save cost. I think online would be the best place to search for them, right? Got any brand to recommend?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819464https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/819464Sun, 12 Aug 2012 04:10:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Thu, 09 Aug 2012 12:02:28 GMT]]>Have no personal experience on this.


Extrapolating from baby diaper experiences, can you purchase adult washable cloth diapers? They are usually shaped like underwear so she can change them herself at school.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/817742https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/817742Thu, 09 Aug 2012 12:02:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Wed, 08 Aug 2012 07:11:00 GMT]]>Hi guys, I need your advice on this issue.


My DD is in diapers full-time now. However, it costs quite a bit to buy them, especially the pull-up diapers that she wear for daytime, as these are a lot more expensive than the usual tape-on type because they cost more and are less absorbent. My wife and I are thinking of keeping her in tape-on diapers for daytime as well, instead of the pull-ups so that we can cut cost and save a lot of money. Maybe the only exception is on days when she have PE in school, as the diaper would be very bulky under her shorts.

However, we feel that some minor problems could arise. First, the tape-on diapers is a lot less discreet than the pull-up. Also she would require somebody to change her diaper as she don’t know how to do so herself. Therefore there could be issues when she needs to be change in school, but the diaper should be able to last the whole school day as it is very absorbent. So I need your advice. DD most probably won’t mind either way as she is very obedient, but we will ask her for thoughts as well.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/816643https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/816643Wed, 08 Aug 2012 07:11:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 08:35:15 GMT]]>

MOTY:
Thank you for updating.


Don't human beings sometimes have the strangest coping mechanism?

Your daughter sounds like a thoughful, considerate and guai girl. She regressed subconciously as she did not want to verbally impose demands on you and you wife in a difficult situation (mummy overseas frequently). Hopefully with patience, encouraging her to express her needs and emotions, as well as a lot of tender loving care, she will regain her equilibirum.

There's a book call the \"5 love languages of children\", a version of the popular 5 love languages, which may be a good read.
(disclaimer: i have never read it myself.)
I agree with you. Wife and I feel very lucky to have such a good daughter. We are trying our best to give her emotional support. She has always been a positive child, and even with this issue she is still looking at the bright side. Although her mother's job requirement means that she is overseas often, she still make it a point to talk to her. So as long as she is healthy and happy, I'm contented. 😄

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814145https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814145Sun, 05 Aug 2012 08:35:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 02:47:52 GMT]]>Thank you for updating.


Don’t human beings sometimes have the strangest coping mechanism?

Your daughter sounds like a thoughful, considerate and guai girl. She regressed subconciously as she did not want to verbally impose demands on you and you wife in a difficult situation (mummy overseas frequently). Hopefully with patience, encouraging her to express her needs and emotions, as well as a lot of tender loving care, she will regain her equilibirum.

There’s a book call the "5 love languages of children", a version of the popular 5 love languages, which may be a good read.
(disclaimer: i have never read it myself.)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/813987https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/813987Sun, 05 Aug 2012 02:47:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sat, 04 Aug 2012 11:26:28 GMT]]>Hi guys, brought daughter to psychologist a few days back. Took some time because it was fully booked.


The results were quite interesting. I had left my daughter with the psychologist in private during the session so I did not actually know how it went. The psychologist diagnosis is that she is subconsciously wetting herself due to mental development issue. Apparently her mental development was too fast for her age hence she mature a bit too quickly when she was young. The wetting is partly because she ‘want to be small’ again, and also because she want parental attention as her mother tends to go overseas often.

The psychologist say that while this is quite a rare situation, it has not been unheard of and is not one that have adverse effects. He mention that this is a phase that she is going through, but when her incontinence will recover depends on her emotions. He actually recommended keeping my daughter in diapers for the moment as it does not negatively affect her emotion and could actually benefit her by allowing her to revisit the feeling of ‘being small’. My first thought was that it would affect her mental development, but he said that it is highly unlikely. As for toilet training, he advised against doing so as her toilet training memory was merely ‘block’ away and forcing her could only bring undue strain. He also recommended more communication with her, especially with her mother.

I am quite surprised by what the psychologist have conclude, but he said that there is nothing to worry about. I guess the mind is complicated. My daughter is in diapers for the time being, since the psychologist said that there will be no problem, and her control has not improved. We are most relieved that it is not a dangerous condition, but then again we are unsure on when this phase will end.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/813794https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/813794Sat, 04 Aug 2012 11:26:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sat, 28 Jul 2012 11:03:57 GMT]]>Good news to know she checked out physically. i was concern because tumour and other conditions can sometimes present in a similar way.


Hope you will be able to sort it out soon.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807583https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807583Sat, 28 Jul 2012 11:03:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sat, 28 Jul 2012 08:06:09 GMT]]>Could be subconscious stress due to PSLE ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807498https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807498Sat, 28 Jul 2012 08:06:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Sat, 28 Jul 2012 07:41:32 GMT]]>Hi guys, wife brought my daughter to the urologist a few days back and result just came out. Urologist conclude that there is nothing wrong with her physical conditions.


We will try and get her to a child psychologist to find the cause of her wetting. For now, she is still taking the Chinese tonics as we hope it will improve over time. She is still having accident quite frequently, even though wife and I keep reminding her to go toilet.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807490https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/807490Sat, 28 Jul 2012 07:41:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers.. on Fri, 27 Jul 2012 04:51:52 GMT]]>My P6 boy still wet his bed occasionally. We have to put 2 layers of mattress protector on top of his mattress.Weather is too hot to use plastic sheet. I don’t think the problem is caused by stress. Have to get treatment from a specialist. Time being, no water after dinner, visit toilet before bed & wake her up once at night to visit the toilet. All the best!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/806733https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/806733Fri, 27 Jul 2012 04:51:52 GMT