Ran1977:

:goodpost:

sembgal:

Children can behave differently with different caregivers. Children know who they can bully and who they have to listen to. Parents have to lay the ground rules and not blame the grandparents. Talk about filial piety. Parents have to teach the child to respect the grandparents. Would you want your future grandchildren to misbehave and beat the grandparents in public just like how your children treat their grandparents now? I believe all children can behave well and show respect if they are taught how to by their parents.

ftwmum:

Imami, Phobia and Lynn


Exactly lor..
My son can bian lian once he reaches my mother's home (right when the lift door opens at her floor!!!)
haizz
recently another big episode about him not obeying her... haizzz so stress to receive call from my mother at work...

My mother will be \"shocked\" whenever she sees my boy behaving betta when he is with us.

ftwmum:

Imami:

I have never thought of this until I read it somewhere. And actually, the whole thing is something like this – You must love the child in order to discipline him/her. The child must know that you love him/her, before the child would allowed to be disciplined.


For my child, he got the most scoldings/smackings from me. No matter how bad it was, he would always cry for forgiveness or do something to show that he wants to re-establish the loving relationship between us. If another person raised his/her voice at him, he would turn defiant and run back to me. Be it the father, the god parents, the grandparents, the teachers – all the same, he doesn’t really listen to them. So in the end, the mother (that’s me) always need to meet the teachers so that they could feedback on his misbehaviour. However, the good thing is – because he listens to me unconditionally, I could just spend some time explaining what went wrong/is unacceptable. As soon as he understands, I hardly receive the same complaint from the teachers again.

I feel that children are like big sheets of blank canvas. There is no border, no lines. They don’t know what is the expected behaviour or the dos and donts until the parents set the rules/guidelines. As soon as they reach the maturity to reason, they would understand.

When I realise my child is getting out of hand for prolonged period(e.g. consecutive days of getting into trouble, not cooperative etc), I would think about what transpired the past few days – had I been too harsh on him? Has he been sleeping enough? Are there new happenings/change in routine? Is he learning some new skills? All these could turn my child into the little monster. Just a little change from me/for him is enough to bring him back to the little angel that he is. If I have been too harsh on him, I would hug him a little more often and tell him I love him. Little children may get defiant when they thought they are not loved anymore.

He could be frustrated at learning a new skills. Recently, my child is put on some accelerated learning programme. He was struggling but insisted on continuing the programme. To help him to cope, I spoke to the teacher in charge, ran through the worksheets given, spoke to my child after each lesson to understand the demand and content of that lesson. Then I try to find similar exercises so that I could sit them through with my child to see how he is performing. I hope my child feels comforted that I am with him when he is doing his worksheets.

Every night at bed time, my child and me would have a heart to heart talk. About 5 minutes. One of the most significant talk we had happened a few nights ago.
Me: hmm…. BB (my child’s nick name) must have dislike mummy a lot
BB: Noooooooooo! I love mummy! I love mummy the most!
Me: BB cannot be loving mummy the most…. Cannot be.
BB: why not?
Me: BB doesn’t listen to mummy anymore and loves to make mummy angry
BB: --------------------
My child kept quiet for a few seconds before he mumbled: BB doesn’t know how to be good boy anymore…. BB doesn’t want mummy to be angry but BB doesn’t know how…

That moment I knew, my child has ‘grown up’. He has reached the stage where he can understand and reason. So I took the opportunity to explain certain instances in which he could have done better and we ended the night with a hug. A few days have passed. My child is a lot less grumpy and demanding. He would sit quietly and wait for me when I said I needed sometime to wash the dishes before I could attend to his questions.

Hi Imami
:goodpost:

I agree with what you have said.
I will try the conversation bit with my DS and see if he
can be sensible enough to get the idea! keke :scratchhead:
:scratchhead:
he is not very dong shi yet so might just give me the blank face? hahaha
he loves to be mummy and daddy's little boy

Btw how old is your DS aka BB?

Imami:

I have never thought of this until I read it somewhere. And actually, the whole thing is something like this – You must love the child in order to discipline him/her. The child must know that you love him/her, before the child would allowed to be disciplined.


For my child, he got the most scoldings/smackings from me. No matter how bad it was, he would always cry for forgiveness or do something to show that he wants to re-establish the loving relationship between us. If another person raised his/her voice at him, he would turn defiant and run back to me. Be it the father, the god parents, the grandparents, the teachers – all the same, he doesn’t really listen to them. So in the end, the mother (that’s me) always need to meet the teachers so that they could feedback on his misbehaviour. However, the good thing is – because he listens to me unconditionally, I could just spend some time explaining what went wrong/is unacceptable. As soon as he understands, I hardly receive the same complaint from the teachers again.

I feel that children are like big sheets of blank canvas. There is no border, no lines. They don’t know what is the expected behaviour or the dos and donts until the parents set the rules/guidelines. As soon as they reach the maturity to reason, they would understand.

When I realise my child is getting out of hand for prolonged period(e.g. consecutive days of getting into trouble, not cooperative etc), I would think about what transpired the past few days – had I been too harsh on him? Has he been sleeping enough? Are there new happenings/change in routine? Is he learning some new skills? All these could turn my child into the little monster. Just a little change from me/for him is enough to bring him back to the little angel that he is. If I have been too harsh on him, I would hug him a little more often and tell him I love him. Little children may get defiant when they thought they are not loved anymore.

He could be frustrated at learning a new skills. Recently, my child is put on some accelerated learning programme. He was struggling but insisted on continuing the programme. To help him to cope, I spoke to the teacher in charge, ran through the worksheets given, spoke to my child after each lesson to understand the demand and content of that lesson. Then I try to find similar exercises so that I could sit them through with my child to see how he is performing. I hope my child feels comforted that I am with him when he is doing his worksheets.

Every night at bed time, my child and me would have a heart to heart talk. About 5 minutes. One of the most significant talk we had happened a few nights ago.
Me: hmm…. BB (my child’s nick name) must have dislike mummy a lot
BB: Noooooooooo! I love mummy! I love mummy the most!
Me: BB cannot be loving mummy the most…. Cannot be.
BB: why not?
Me: BB doesn’t listen to mummy anymore and loves to make mummy angry
BB: --------------------
My child kept quiet for a few seconds before he mumbled: BB doesn’t know how to be good boy anymore…. BB doesn’t want mummy to be angry but BB doesn’t know how…

That moment I knew, my child has ‘grown up’. He has reached the stage where he can understand and reason. So I took the opportunity to explain certain instances in which he could have done better and we ended the night with a hug. A few days have passed. My child is a lot less grumpy and demanding. He would sit quietly and wait for me when I said I needed sometime to wash the dishes before I could attend to his questions.

cherrygal:

Simply put, kids get up to nonsense when they are bored. He's bored at your mom's house coz they prob just let him do as he pleases... no structured activities. I would go with the childcare coz there are trained educators there. If my mom or MIL took care of my kids, they will end up watching TV/ play computer games or horse around the whole day. A fun childhood? Maybe. But your mom is already giving up due to her age. Give her a break and send him to childcare.

clioclio:

its been a while since anyone posted!


Before my No. 3 was born i was also a FTWM and my MIL looks after my kids (2 and 4 then) ...can't stand how she spoils them rotten and allows them to walk all over her. When we discipline the kids she accuses us of ill treating them or make excuses for them. My hubby wanted to send the kids to full time CC a few times and almost got disowned!

Decided that there is no way mil will change so decided to stop work and look after the kids full time myself (with a maid of course)...feel that my kids r more well behaved and disciplined. There is no way i will pick up after them or allow them to reject what's on the menu for lunch! (thats just one eg!)

Anyway, since not working is not the option for u, another suggestion i can offer is to pack your child's afternoons with programmes. All yr mum need to do is to be the 'coordinator' , bring your kid from one place to another...It doesn have to be academic programmes---gym, art, music, etc...

That was one of my 'solution' when i was working and cannot bear to know tt my children are probably bullying and tearing the house down, watching TV for hours without supervision etc.
i know some pple will say that packing the day with programme will stifle their childhood etc..but i rather have my child do something meaningful than to be up to tricks.

My no. 2 then was too young but i enrolled my older one into Music and phonics. That takes up 2 days of 5 days. Then maybe can enroll into swimming class?

Imami:

PhoBIA:

Children are really smart and not that naive at all. That's why it's important for everyone in the family to speak the same language when it comes to displining them.

When they are reprimanded/punished for a mistake, no one in the family should appeal for them.

难咯！ whenever I started reprimanding my child, all the grandparents chip in to help. Sometimes I got so frustrated that I ended up :rant: my parents too :rotflmao:

Imami:

PhoBIA:

Children are really smart and not that naive at all. That's why it's important for everyone in the family to speak the same language when it comes to displining them.

When they are reprimanded/punished for a mistake, no one in the family should appeal for them.

难咯！ whenever I started reprimanding my child, all the grandparents chip in to help. Sometimes I got so frustrated that I ended up :rant: my parents too :rotflmao:

PhoBIA:

Children are really smart and not that naive at all. That's why it's important for everyone in the family to speak the same language when it comes to displining them.

When they are reprimanded/punished for a mistake, no one in the family should appeal for them.