ammonite:

Radie88:

My son is 3 years old and attending the pre-school. I’m beginning to feel sad and worried because he tend to hurt his classmates to be able to start a play. My son is physically active he loves to play soccer ball, roam around the park, hide and seek and cuddling, but he grow up with no playmates of his age…so I’m thinking if this has impact. I’m thinking what ways I need to do in order discipline him… My little boy is sweet and eager to learn but.. I don’t want him hurting other kids…and I don’t want him to be labeled as bully later on and I'm afraid that his school might oust him due to his behavior....

Hi Radie,

Your son just need more guidance and consistent reinforcement. My son had a classmate just like that in Nusery. The boy would scratch my son when my son didn't want to play with him(because he would shout into my son's ears). He also tried to put pencils into my son's ears. I had met the mother just once at the start of the school year and she had said then that her son was very naughty, and had trouble in childcare.

But I didn't see a naughty child, to be honest. I saw a very clueless child who wanted friends but did not know how to express that appropriately and has not been taught the social strategies. He was clingy and frightened in a new setting but his mother kept brushing him off.

Your son is much more fortunate in that you took note, see the best in him, and are trying to help him.

Maybe you can consider the following:

- speech development. Is it on track? Can he express himself adequately with words? Children who can't tend to hit out instead.

- has he been taught how to invite others to play? You can practice with him what to do and what to say. Then go to the playground and practice together, you modeling for him initially and giving him verbal cues. Bring toys that can be shared, or things like bubble wands. This always get a lot of kids coming up!

- also teach him it's okay if some kids don't want to play with him. Faced with rejection, he can look for other kids or do something on his own.

- adjusting force. Get him to squeeze your hand or hit your hand, and calibrate the force with words. Gentle, okay, too hard! Just three grades, any more is too confusing. This gives him an idea of how to adjust his touch when dealing with peers, instead of adults. If he has been playing a lot with adults, he is probably used to using a lot of force.

- work with the teachers to let them know what you are doing. Ask them to help you pinpoint at which point he actually start hitting, and if he's really hitting. When he is rejected? When others come too near? To get other kids' attention? Once you have the information, you can give him better strategies.

- when he improves his strategies, praise him. Eg you are good at making friends! You know how to be gentle!

Radie88:

My son is 3 years old and attending the pre-school. I’m beginning to feel sad and worried because he tend to hurt his classmates to be able to start a play. My son is physically active he loves to play soccer ball, roam around the park, hide and seek and cuddling, but he grow up with no playmates of his age…so I’m thinking if this has impact. I’m thinking what ways I need to do in order discipline him… My little boy is sweet and eager to learn but.. I don’t want him hurting other kids…and I don’t want him to be labeled as bully later on and I'm afraid that his school might oust him due to his behavior....