<![CDATA[Should I Let Her Go?]]>My current helper has been with me for about 8 months. She is Fillippino from the semi-rural area. Fantastic at household chores and is (most importantly) honest. My place has never been cleaner (less cockroaches & lizards) compared to my last 3 helpers (who extend their contract at least once before going home).


My dilemma is that
(1) she cant cook well, my teenager refuse to eat anything she cooks coz she can’t seem to replicate the recipes I taught her
(2) can be quite forgetful
(3) sometimes communication problems, don’t understand what she is talking about and vice versa.

As such, i have to mediate and explain to the children on her actions/ inactions based on where she comes from. I have gotten angry with her because of communication and forgetting stuff and I have given up asking her to cook. The fact that she can’t seem to learn how to cook bothers me, as we tend to eat out more often now.
I am reluctant to ask her to leave (or find another employer) because I know she is here to earn a living and she has 2 kids to feed at home and a loan to pay off because of a failed business. I have never had to ask a helper to leave before.

I am also considering other options of
(1) hire part-time cleaner to come to the house 1-2 times a week,
(2) get another helper (transfer)

I am still unsure. Should I just let her serve out her 2 years? Or just let her go end of the year and opt for either option (1) or (2) when she leaves? Sigh…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/38817/should-i-let-her-goRSS for NodeSat, 20 Jun 2026 02:05:38 GMTSun, 05 Aug 2012 04:54:55 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 28 Aug 2012 09:13:59 GMT]]>I’ve bought some cookbooks from ‘Popular’, there is for Philipines and Indonesia maids, translation and Chinese…this was about 5 years ago, I don’t know if they still have them. It’s a Hong Kong publisher, so the dishes are more Hong Kong style/taste home cooked food. I have several of them.


I’m begining to think that sometimes the maid just test boundaries to see how low standards or how liberal they can be with us, that we will give in to…, else act gila crazy, forgetful etc. to get transfered.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/835735https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/835735Tue, 28 Aug 2012 09:13:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:07:46 GMT]]>Hi Trina, Some maids take longer time to train, especially those without experience. You mentioned that her heart is not on the task. Could it due to she is new & she misses her family? Communication is very important. Have a good talk with her. Let her understand your position & find out her concern. By nagging or scolding the maid will not solve the problems. Treat her well so that she will take good care of your kids.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818554https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818554Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:07:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Fri, 10 Aug 2012 11:55:18 GMT]]>

lowfatlatte:
Lynn2010:

There's another one:

http://www.fast.org.sg/index.php/trainees/join-our-courses

Thank you for the link Lynn. I will look into getting her to attend the courses.

I think your maid is a good helper in a way & honest helper is hard to come by. Are you able to cope if you get a part time cleaner instead of a full time maid? I agree with Lynn, giving her time off to upgrade her self is a good solution. Nagging & scolding the maid will not solve the problems. Sign her up for a cookery class & English conversation class will help.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818552https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818552Fri, 10 Aug 2012 11:55:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Fri, 10 Aug 2012 11:10:09 GMT]]>Hi Lowfatlatte,

My opinion is having honest maid is very impt above all else.
Mine very efficient in tasks, cooking skills improve, but also good at lying and denying. It’s tiring to live with someone dishonest. Cooking skills can b trained.

Jus my 2cts.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818527https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/818527Fri, 10 Aug 2012 11:10:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 09:00:53 GMT]]>That’s very kind of you to think about her circumstances.


From first hand experience, the most important thing to look for in a maid is honesty. I have a maid who lies and she makes me so mad!

You might want to consider sending her for cooking lessons and english classes if you intend to hire her for a long time. That said, it’s ridiculous how maid agencies are these days. They just bring in anyone who’s anyone without bothering to assess how suitable they are to work as maids!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815787https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815787Tue, 07 Aug 2012 09:00:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 06:56:54 GMT]]>

Trina:
....Her heart is really not on her tasks and she can't focus or want to learn. But she is honest and doesn't talk back hence I am still hanging onto her.

Trina, you hit the nail on the head. No heart. Im hanging on to mine coz she is honest (which is a very very valuable characteristic) and don't show face when scolded...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815650https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815650Tue, 07 Aug 2012 06:56:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:51:51 GMT]]>lowfatlatte


When I read your post, I was thinking that I could be the one writing it! I am experiencing exactly the same thing with my maid!!

Have my maid for 4 months, mainly to look after the baby. Like you say, mine can't cook and is extremely forgetful. It's very frustrating as I am a FTWM and there's so many things to do without having to constantly checking on her and nagging her to get things done. I have written procedural manual, step-by-step guides, cue cards reminders, checklist etc etc. There's improvement but she still forgets....Her heart is really not on her tasks and she can't focus or want to learn. But she is honest and doesn't talk back hence I am still hanging onto her.
However I don't know how long this can go on without losing my sanity. After 4 months, she still can't cook a decent bowl of porridge for my baby. We use a slow cooker so it's basically throwing everything into it. Somehow it will ends up too diluted or concentrated, depending on how much water she puts in. Every weekend is a marathon for me, with marketing, cooking, supervising the cleaning, coaching my older one, rushing for classes. Last sunday I took out the iron to ensure that my new clothes don't get burnt and my older girl asked why I employ a maid when I have to do the chores myself. i really couldn't answer her.... :stupid:

We are in the same boat so I totally know how you feel. Unfortunately having a maid is a necessary evil...at else for now...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815584https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815584Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:51:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:26:52 GMT]]>Thanks lowfatlatte and PhoBIA for advice. Honestly, am very afraid each time I have to change maid cos I had 2 encounters with maids who showed symptoms of unsound mind after arriving to Singapore. My experience with transfer maids had not been good too - agency not honest with reason for the transfer. But I guess, what’s new.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815559https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815559Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:26:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:13:13 GMT]]>

Coolkidsrock2:
Hi lowfatlatte, I'm new here and not sure of the protocol for posting. I do need a maid who is able to perform housekeeping well. Cooking is not a priority for me. As my existing maid is leaving next week and the passport of the new maid is not ready, perhaps you may wish to transfer her to me, temporarily, while you try out option 1? I have tried option 1 myself previously and it can be quite tough on a permanent basis so you may wish to try before giving up maid for good. Apologise if this seem rude or opportunistic.

Transferring of maid is not so easy....
You need to buy the insurance, pay for transfer of employer....etc. lots of paper work. You may want to get from a transfer maid from a trusted agency. Slightly better control. In case things don't work out, can throw back to the agency.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815543https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815543Tue, 07 Aug 2012 05:13:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Tue, 07 Aug 2012 04:12:32 GMT]]>Thank you for all you inputs.


I am holding her till October as I have no time to train a new one till then. There were on 2 occasions when I get so angry that I would pinch her. I feel really bad for that. That was initially when she was 4-5 months-old. I had NEVER done that to my 3 previous helpers who served be between 2-6 years each. I am running on a Windows 8 schedule but she is only running on 386... :rotflmao:

One of the concerns of my sister and my 13-yr-old is that I have a blood mole in my brain and they are afraid that it would \"burst\" if i got angry/upset too often. I know i have probably given her a lot of chances, just 1 more i guess and i'll send her to a proper cooking course and see how it goes...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815450https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815450Tue, 07 Aug 2012 04:12:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Mon, 06 Aug 2012 14:02:24 GMT]]>Hi lowfatlatte, I’m new here and not sure of the protocol for posting. I do need a maid who is able to perform housekeeping well. Cooking is not a priority for me. As my existing maid is leaving next week and the passport of the new maid is not ready, perhaps you may wish to transfer her to me, temporarily, while you try out option 1? I have tried option 1 myself previously and it can be quite tough on a permanent basis so you may wish to try before giving up maid for good. Apologise if this seem rude or opportunistic.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815041https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/815041Mon, 06 Aug 2012 14:02:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 11:54:54 GMT]]>

PhoBIA:
lowfatlatte:



I am also considering other options of
(1) hire part-time cleaner to come to the house 1-2 times a week,

If your children are big, go for option 1. Since the helper can't cook, why do you need her anyway? Those that really want to learn would have learnt by 6 months....
I may sound harsh but I have had really bad experience with maids even when I treated them very nicely.

Yes. I agree. If they really keen to learn they will but it seems that if yr children doesn't want to eat what she cook then she has one chore less to do so there's no incentive for her to improve. On the other hand, one thing less to do since they would rather eat out.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814225https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814225Sun, 05 Aug 2012 11:54:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:58:25 GMT]]>

lowfatlatte:


I am also considering other options of
(1) hire part-time cleaner to come to the house 1-2 times a week,
If your children are big, go for option 1. Since the helper can't cook, why do you need her anyway? Those that really want to learn would have learnt by 6 months....
I may sound harsh but I have had really bad experience with maids even when I treated them very nicely.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814191https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814191Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:58:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:52:42 GMT]]>Try letting her cook really simple stuff. Fried rice, steam minced pork, fried egg, steam tofu, vege fried w garlic?


If she can’t handle even something so simple…I don’t know what to say…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814190https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814190Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:52:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:31:49 GMT]]>You can also look into community club’s cooking classes, so that it is closer to home

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814181https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814181Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:31:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:12:20 GMT]]>

Lynn2010:
There's another one:

http://www.fast.org.sg/index.php/trainees/join-our-courses
Thank you for the link Lynn. I will look into getting her to attend the courses.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814171https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814171Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:12:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Should I Let Her Go? on Sun, 05 Aug 2012 08:06:17 GMT]]>You say she cannot replicate. Did you write down when you show her? Also, tell her that you like her but she needs to learn how to cook well otherwise you may have to send her back (hopefully she will pay more attention)


I remember sending my maid to some kind of cooking class organise specially for phil maids. Cost around $40 (some years back) for a year. Has to pay a few dollars of ingredients fees, \"uniform\" and apron i think. In all, not expensive, if i remember correctly, it's alternate Sundays. The centre, non-for-profit, call Balayan or something at Pasir Panjang??

There's another one:
http://www.fast.org.sg/index.php/trainees/join-our-courses

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814128https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/814128Sun, 05 Aug 2012 08:06:17 GMT