sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 09:19:00 GMT

Glacier — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 09:19:00 GMT

slmkhoo, appreciate your advice…hb too engrossed w work neglect me. ima let nature take its course

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 07:51:04 GMT

Glacier — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 07:51:04 GMT

i hold myself back from new friends and activities becos i dont wan to embarass myself. i bore people and get bored easy. hb don want to go out w me during wkend now. Im at a lost.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:54:14 GMT

auntieM — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:54:14 GMT

Thanks for sharing ladies.. ...

My husband has been around longer this time round and I'm. :razz:
Exam round the corner and all he wants to do is 'kaikai'...my DH I mean.. :faint:

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:47:41 GMT

ammonite — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:47:41 GMT

simkhoo, you truly are a wise woman. I always enjoy reading your posts because they are always so sensible and full of practical advice.

Glacier,
it sounds as if you do not have kids at home. If so, you don't even need to be tied to the house. There's also the upside of freedom and independence. You can do or not do the housework, no one will complain. If you don't feel like cooking you can meet up with a friend or relative for movie or go for a fun exercise class. Take up a pole dancing class! Besides hobbies like crafting, gardening, keeping fishes, there are also volunteer work of different kinds.

It's not good to be alone at home for too long a period, especially if you are more introverted and feeling lonely. Over time it becomes more difficult to step out on your own so you really need to push yourself and set yourself little targets.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:30:58 GMT

terry — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 06:30:58 GMT

U can oso do some volunteer work eg.in ur church if u belong to 1.

Life will be mre meaningful if u can help others in some ways.

Do u hv kids? Life wun be boring with kids. :boogie:
Tiring yes, stressful yes..but sure not boring.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Tue, 09 Oct 2012 05:00:30 GMT

Glacier — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 05:00:30 GMT

slmkhoo & ammonite, thanks for your words of encouragment. I will try to widen my circle of friends and join new groups of interest although I am shy among guys.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Mon, 08 Oct 2012 03:14:38 GMT

ammonite — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 03:14:38 GMT

Glacier:
All are positive note. My hb needs to travel for work often. I feel so lonely. I have no social life, my life is routine. He becomes very boring. My feelings fade. I keep wondering how you gals do well without your hb around? How do you manage to be positive and keep the flames burning?

All these can happen even if husband is around but working long hours, or lost in social media/ computer all the time. It's up to you to make your life more fulfilling and positive. Pick up a new hobby, make new friends etc. Don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring or beep.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Sun, 07 Oct 2012 13:22:49 GMT

Glacier — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 13:22:49 GMT

All are positive note. My hb needs to travel for work often. I feel so lonely. I have no social life, my life is routine. He becomes very boring. My feelings fade. I keep wondering how you gals do well without your hb around? How do you manage to be positive and keep the flames burning?

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 20 Sep 2012 09:02:18 GMT

Blessed Homemaker — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 09:02:18 GMT

And I agree with some of the mothers here, when hubby is away, I get to bring the kids out to places that he doesn't wish to go :evil:

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:58:22 GMT

Blessed Homemaker — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:58:22 GMT

I’m a sahm with 3 kids + a dog with no helper.

My hubby’s in the regional team so he is required to travel. Duration is usually 1 - 2 weeks. I used to travel during my working days so I can adjust quite well with his traveling. The only thing is, I was initially quite stressed up with all the housework chores. Hubby sweeps and mops the floor daily, the dog is also his job. When he’s away, I have to take on these addition roles in addition to my own routine (marketing, cook and wash, laundry). I sleep 4 hours daily when he travels.

My house is in such a mess that I do not welcome visitors. Many people tell me, it is okay as my kids are young (4-10). Just need to grit my teeth for another few years and life will be better.

I guess alot of things depends on your own mindset. If you expect everything to be in order, then you’ll prob be killing yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometime when I’m lazy or too busy, I just skip prepare meals and pack from outside.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Fri, 14 Sep 2012 14:30:14 GMT

terry — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 14:30:14 GMT

Once u get used to hb not around, can actually be quite enjoyable!

I can plan wat i wanna do with the kids, where i wanna go. Own time, own target. Dun need to ‘consider’ if the activities will be boring for my hb. Eg. I bring kids to the library. My hb is not a book person. I can bring my kids out to eat mac’s evday!

But make sure u communicate with him evday. Facetime or skype with the kids to keep hb grounded. I post on our FB stuff i do with the kids so he can connect with us in one way. Kinda act as a reminder he has a family cos temptations do exist overseas.

When he comes back, treat him well, maybe cooking his fave food or make time for couple time. Make sure the family and hse is well taken care off, so he can focus fully on his career. I always tell my hb im thankful for his support for me to quit my job, allowing me to enjoy my kids.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Sat, 08 Sep 2012 16:45:52 GMT

dearzen — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 16:45:52 GMT

Hi,

My hb flies so often that I’m used to him not around. I manage most stuff myself. At times I wish he flies cos if he’s at hm, he will always bug my kids to go & sleep. Kept telling them time to sleep. Late already… Etc. to be honest, I’m not quite happy about it. I always tell my hb to spend more time wif his kids to bond, to interact.

Up to this date, I can still trust him. Lol…

My hands r full with my kids at hm. I will be a Mummy, an entertainer who plays with them, a story teller, a chef, a maid. So, how to be free? Guess "busy" is a word commonly frequently used by SAHMs.

I enjoy being able to be there for my kids, it is like 24/7 standby mode. No joke! But I enjoy being there for them, laugh/cry/play/teach! Though at times, they drive me crazy. Lol…

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Fri, 31 Aug 2012 06:38:08 GMT

cherrygal — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 06:38:08 GMT

LOLMum:

One of the advantages is I got to make my own decision for all issues.

Yes, it is much easier to manage as a lone parent (when hubby is not home) if you like making decisions for the family. Wear the pants, so they say! But I know of women who must check with their hubby over everything so these women have it worse when put into such a situation.

I also have a friend whose hubby is a pilot. She still works full-time, has a maid and 2 kids. She depends very much on her MIL who lives nearby. Besides the usual challenges mentioned above, she has the added burden of maintaining her appearance coz her hubby is always surrounded by good-looking people.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:08:36 GMT

twinkletoes — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:08:36 GMT

Ditto what most have said here. DH has taken on a new job which requires a bit of traveling but it hasn’t kicked off yet. We lived overseas and with his old job, he traveled 2-5 days per month. Sometimes a week. That went on for over 5 years. I found it quite lonely in the evenings (we share parenting duties) and even harder to cope on weekends with 2 kids. I could just about manage a trip to the supermarket and that was it. But it is an integral part of his career and that is the reason I am a SAHM.

Traveling for work is similar to working long hours. It takes its toll on both partners but you must make the effort to reconnect. DH called in the evenings to chat with us. Even if it was for 5 mins, it meant something. I trust him 100% & vice versa. We are each other’s best friends. The downside is when the travelling drags on, you feel like a single parent and there are days when the going gets tough. And being sick is not an option but it does happen! Having said that, I also look forward to evenings without him to watch chick flicks on dvds, read and catch up on my personal stuff.

Tbh, I find housework most challenging so that is still work in progress. We went from having a full-time helper, to a part-timer and now, it’s down to me! I used to be able to multi-task at work but it doesn’t seem to work at home, lol! My kids are still young but they’re independent so that helps a bit. HTH x

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 05:26:58 GMT

LOLMum — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 05:26:58 GMT

Sahm (especially those who are maidless n hubby always not around) cannot afford to get sick.

I got food poisoning once n luckily I have siblings to take care of my 2 kids.

Once, I got to send ds to a&e in the middle of the nite (spent a few hrs there) n left my older child alone at home.

One of the advantages is I got to make my own decision for all issues.
Disadvantage is got to get used to living with Hin when he is back.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:55:47 GMT

straffan23 — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:55:47 GMT

JTS: I find that the most important thing about being a SAHM is to remember these:

1. You are a SAHM - not necessarily the mom, maid, cook, babysitter, wife, etc all put together. Prioritise where possible, outsource where possible. Need to find a balance.

2. Maintain meaningful personal life with friends, ex-colleagues, etc. Do things you never got to do when working - pick up that long neglected project, hobby, interest, etc. Social wellbeing is important.

3. You are still your husband’s wife, friend and lover; hence the importance of 1 & 2 so that you are not dependent on your husband’s time and attention; and you have interesting and varied topics for conversation as a couple, something outside the expected topics like children and all children-related matters.

I share these based on some recent chats with a guy friend, whose wife is a SAHM. He worries how his wife became anti-social, drives the children mad (then complain to him no end!!), and whatever spare time is always spent watching TV dramas, cleaning, cleaning, complaining, complaining…

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:39:55 GMT

decollette — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:39:55 GMT

slmkhoo:
My 2 girls are now teens and my husband has stopped travelling much, but from about the time they were in kindy till last year, he was travelling about a week each month or two. That's not a lot compared to some, I know, but because we live overseas and don't have family support, it could be a bit trying.

When they were smaller (up to mid-Pr), I had a daily helper (Mon-Fri). Our arrangement was that when my husband was away, she would be available for evenings and weekends if need be. I very rarely had to ask her to come, but it was good to know that I had some backup. Chores have never really been an issue when I had the helper, and after we stopped having one, I just spread out the chores through the week and got the girls to help more. In any case, my husband doesn't do that much housework so I'm used to doing most of it myself anyway. It's good to be self-reliant, and my husband was happy that he didn't have to worry too much about us when he was away.

I'm quite happy to read and sew, and would be occupied with kids when they were home from school. If I felt the need to talk to an adult, I had friends I could meet for lunch/tea etc, and if my husband was away over a weekend, we would go to someone's house and hang out for a few hours.

I have been a SAHM so long I can't remember the transition from working to SAHM.

I was also thinking about getting a helper, but a part time one to do the major cleaning, but I will see how it goes. Its rewarding being a sahm.. i was for some time when my son was born till he goes to half day care. But we have to keep ourselves occupied too doing the things we enjoy.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:35:22 GMT

decollette — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:35:22 GMT

Imami:
decollette:
Hi any sahms here with hubby often traveling for work? /outstationed?

I could find myself in that situation soon so I hope to get some views on this?
-How often does your hubby travel for work and whats the frequency that you find acceptable?
- How do you cope daily with the chores and caring for a young child/ or few children?
- What do you do to alleviate feelings of loneliness/boredom with being apart from your partner and being a stay at home mum?
- If you were previously working, what are the things to expect physically or emotionally when switching to being stay at home mum in this kinda situation?
Anything other things you would like to share here please do.. thanks in advance!
Er... I ftwm but hubby travels often for work. Can chip in?

Hello there imami!

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:33:49 GMT

decollette — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 04:33:49 GMT

Thanks cherrygal, that was very helpful.

I do trust my husband, just dreading the weekends without him when we get family time together.

I used to fly, so Im pretty independant, or so I would like to think.. haha.

And yeah I have one kid who is in half day childcare, so I have time for a breather.. and my mum who is retired who can help out at times when i need to meet friends for a cuppa or ktv.
Actually Im now working part time mornings in office environment, which is good for me.. for the adult interaction etc.. but of cos u know how kids need to be away from childcare due to sickness, childcare closures and my leave alone cant possibly be sufficient.Also, will be comfortable with hubby's income to do away with the part time income.. so i guess i will be sahm soon.

Would be grateful if I can get to know some mummies to meet up for playdates, chit chat sessions etc.. I have an only child and its a little lonely to bring him to waterplay parks alone, which he enjoys!

cherrygal:
I have friends who have husbands who either travel frequently (1 week per month) or are stationed overseas (2 years, returning once in 4 months or so).

What I learnt from the wives...

Marriage and trust must be strong. When alone, don't think of nonsense. Remember, he took the job for the greater good - more money for the family. It was a decision shared and accepted by both. If you cannot accept the job nature, you have the right to tell him to find another job. It is a joint decision.

Get a domestic helper and build a strong network of support. Send kids to childcare to get some breathing space. This is the only way you won't feel \"abandoned\" and end up resentful. This also allows you to meet up with friends and ex-colleagues when you need some grown up communication.

Have a fixed time for skype or phone communication with hubs every day.

I assume hubby is earning more due to this change so please spend on yourself and the children. Make yourself happy.

With regards to boredom, I doubt you will have any time left if you are looking after the kids yourself. For quiet nights, arm yourself with dramas or pick up a hobby like sewing.

For the last point abt switching to being sahm, I experienced that first-hand. Actually, as long as money is no issue, there's no change in lifestyle. In fact, I felt much better doing just the motherly duties and not having to worry about work or bosses. I also enjoy the free time when kids are in school and I go out almost every day. I could be watching a movie alone, shopping for shoes or just grocery shopping. All during non-peak hours!

OK, have fun, worry less.

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:51:39 GMT

Imami — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:51:39 GMT

decollette:
Hi any sahms here with hubby often traveling for work? /outstationed?

I could find myself in that situation soon so I hope to get some views on this?
-How often does your hubby travel for work and whats the frequency that you find acceptable?
- How do you cope daily with the chores and caring for a young child/ or few children?
- What do you do to alleviate feelings of loneliness/boredom with being apart from your partner and being a stay at home mum?
- If you were previously working, what are the things to expect physically or emotionally when switching to being stay at home mum in this kinda situation?
Anything other things you would like to share here please do.. thanks in advance!

Er... I ftwm but hubby travels often for work. Can chip in?

Reply to sahms with hubby often traveling for work on Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:48:57 GMT

cherrygal — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:48:57 GMT

I have friends who have husbands who either travel frequently (1 week per month) or are stationed overseas (2 years, returning once in 4 months or so).

What I learnt from the wives…

Marriage and trust must be strong. When alone, don’t think of nonsense. Remember, he took the job for the greater good - more money for the family. It was a decision shared and accepted by both. If you cannot accept the job nature, you have the right to tell him to find another job. It is a joint decision.

Get a domestic helper and build a strong network of support. Send kids to childcare to get some breathing space. This is the only way you won’t feel "abandoned" and end up resentful. This also allows you to meet up with friends and ex-colleagues when you need some grown up communication.

Have a fixed time for skype or phone communication with hubs every day.

I assume hubby is earning more due to this change so please spend on yourself and the children. Make yourself happy.

With regards to boredom, I doubt you will have any time left if you are looking after the kids yourself. For quiet nights, arm yourself with dramas or pick up a hobby like sewing.

For the last point abt switching to being sahm, I experienced that first-hand. Actually, as long as money is no issue, there’s no change in lifestyle. In fact, I felt much better doing just the motherly duties and not having to worry about work or bosses. I also enjoy the free time when kids are in school and I go out almost every day. I could be watching a movie alone, shopping for shoes or just grocery shopping. All during non-peak hours!

OK, have fun, worry less.