<![CDATA[at wits end]]>Hello. I have been a frequent reader of the threads in this forum but i have not been giving any feedback, but rather just reading the posts.


However, just yesterday something came up and I’m at wits end about how to deal with it, so i was hoping other parents could advise me on how to deal with the matter.

Basically, yesterday evening i received a backdated letter from my 14 year old daughter’s school in the mailbox, telling me that before the one week school holidays, my daughter was caught in MacDonalds with two of her classmates in the morning instead of being in school for the second time this year, and because of that, she was required to do school service in school from 9am-12pm everyday because of truancy.

My daughter had initially told me that she had remedial and extra lessons everyday during that time frame, which was why she had to go to school everyday.

So naturally, i questioned her about the letter and she admitted to me that she was truant from school at the end of last month.

The first time she did that in March, I had warned her that I will be grounding her for two months if she did it again, so she dared not tell me that she had committed the same offence again.

Another shocking fact which transpired when i questioned her yesterday was that after she was caught by a member of the General Office and led back to school, she had, earlier in the year, "updated" my handphone number to her best friend’s sister’s handphone number, so that any calls from school will be answered by her best friend’s sister, rather than me.

Thus, when her school called me to tell me about her truancy, they were actually speaking to her friend’s sister that night, and this was not the first time they had made a phone call to complain about her to me.

The previous times I had never received any letter from school because she had intercepted the letters in the post and forged my signature on them as they contained the school’s letterhead. This time, however, her form teacher told me that the general office had run of envelopes with the school’s letterhead, and had used an ordinary white envelope. If they hadn’t done so, my daughter would have kept on deceiving me, and I will have never found out about this.

Naturally, I have grounded her, as I had promised her, but instead of just taking away the usual priviledges, I also confiscated her iphone and made her go to the office to sign a sheet of paper each time she reached and left school.

However, I think that this is not enough, and I warned her that there was more to come when I have more time. I stopped caning her when she started primary 3, but I was wondering whether this will be an appropriate time to re-introduce it just to remind her that she is still under my control and has rules and obligations to obey.

Do other parents on the forum have any advice on how they might possibly deal with such a matter?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/40448/at-wits-endRSS for NodeTue, 23 Jun 2026 15:18:01 GMTTue, 11 Sep 2012 09:12:16 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:34:22 GMT]]>Myebelle, I get what you are saying. Which is why a ksp said we shd not define our kids by the three digits (psle score). Life is much much more than academic pursuit. There are a lot of things which one doesn’t learn from books. Eg EQ and the sense of humor.


Indeed, when I look at the people around me, I think to myself - oh, it would be so shallow of me to gauge them by the academics. no doubt, most of the highly educated folks may be of a higher calibre but then, the folks who make me laugh often are the chicken rice hawkers, the car/aircon mechanics who speaks no word of English. I knew these people well enough to know that they didn’t have much education but it didn’t change the fact that their are witty in their little ways.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868849https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868849Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:34:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:19:33 GMT]]>After reading so many posts from many mothers who have experienced some form of rebellion from their children, or who have done it before themselves, you kinda have to wonder .....


If Singapore wasn't so academically driven, and that our kids know that a piece of paper isn't the definition of success, that they have choices to take other paths if their interest and passion so directs them, would we be so stressed as parents? Would the kids rebel as much if there is a corner they can turn instead of a straight path they are told to go down?

I mean I know that Singapore has 'developed' in some ways to accommodate arts .... but admittedly, it is still a very paper/degree-driven society. A child's success or failure is kind of decided if they are exceptional at school or not, not just average but has to be way above average, perhaps so the schools can boast of their PSLE results? Of course, I'm not saying our kids should just stop studying and do whatever they like, but I really think it is not the end of the world if after lots of consideration and discussion and careful exploration of all options, there are other choices they can make, and still make the best of themselves. The education system is rather pigeon-holed, it somewhat dictates many things for all of us, kids and parents. It'll be amazing if they actually find out, that outside that pigeon hole, or perhaps at the other end if you survive it, there's a very big world out there with limitless boundaries.

Just sayin'. :scared: :scared:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868837https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868837Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:19:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 04 Oct 2012 18:01:28 GMT]]>I think when we were 14 yrs old, we were all rebellious in one form or another. It’s all part of growing up.


I agree with some of the comments here that the moral issues of intercepting school mail and switching the numbers should be dealt with. however, we all remember that when we were teens, scoldings frm our parents would not help… will just make us more rebellious.

Maybe you can speak to her as an adult and tell her that you are so heartbroken that she didn’t trust u enough to share her feelings. I remember when I was young, my Mum was the one who do the corporal punishment style, but my father was the one who will look at me in disappointment, and I would feel very very guilty. so perhaps the ‘guilt trip’ may work better with your girl!

all the best. please share with us what happen eventually.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868759https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868759Thu, 04 Oct 2012 18:01:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:04:41 GMT]]>I understand how you felt as DD started intercepting communication from school when she was in p2. She even removed teacher’s remarks on her work and was not doing her homework. As the year progressed, grades started sliding. I put her under the school’s councillor but it was not useful as the councillor was inexperienced and DD ran rings round her and teachers. Was a FTWM then putting in in exess of 60 hours per week so it was difficult to closely monitor her. DH worked even longer hours.


Some of the things we did over the past few years were:
- informed the form teacher at the start of each school year to be firm with her (I feel that the older teachers who emphasized more on discipline are able to bring out the better side of her, even she admitted that)
- give her work that is more challenging to bring to school and to seek school’s/teacher’s cooperation to allow her to work on once she completes the work allocated in class (this cuts down on disruptive behaviour)
- sends her for tuition classes even though she does not need it (positive influence of friends)
- participate in school’s initiative to mentor weaker students (sense of achievement)
- train for long distance swimming (wear her out physically so that she will sleep more and less time for mischief)
- manage her TV and books exposure (accelerate her maturation process so that she is more able rationalise the consequences of her actions)
- spend more time with her to seek to understand her as well as to read between the lines of what she is saying

Thankfully, she came to in time for PSLE but it had been a long journey of heartache and grief as we clawed our way up, point by point. There is no one solution, try different ways to reach out and I guess the most important thing is to listen and try to hear her. Punishing or judging will only push her further away. Have faith and am sure it will work out. We are all here with you in this journey.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868748https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868748Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:04:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 04 Oct 2012 10:56:13 GMT]]>

terry:
If it makes any1 feel better, i oso play truant in sec sch. But i din really hv bad intentions lah..


Just cant wakeup in time,so late to sch. (i take public bus abt 45mins journey). But by the time reach sch, they alrdy singing national anthem..so i tot y embarass myself right? Smmore, sure the discipline master will c me walking across the field. Cannot siam.

So i just went to nearby mac's for breakfast. After assembly then sneak into the sch.
Tat was in sec 2 or 3.


Haha, exactly same situation for me in JC. I even had 'breakfast buddies' with me - those perpetually late-comers. Also 45min to 1hr bus ride every morning, some mornings it is so crowded, I had to stand the whole way on the bus.

Growing up, I too was a seriously problematic kid (actually, even now I still have issues and act out hehe..not perfect). Like Imami's parents, I had a pretty cool mom (single parent).

In Primary 6, I was involved in a 'gang' fight. Went home with cuts and bruises. In Secondary 4, I shoplifted (yeah, both crucial years). Between teenage angst and fooled with the mindset of the invincibility of the youth, I stole from a department store and ended up in a police station. I spent 10-12 hrs there, reading books I borrowed from the library that day (the officers didn't put me in a cell with other criminals, thankfully..they put me in a chair in a corner).

I was in EM1 in Pri sch and then went to a very good secondary school. Somehow, I did relatively well in O levels and went to one of the top 5 JCs despite the dramas at every stage of my education. Then I went to NTU and graduated with a degree (Hons).

I'm not blowing my own horn here..I'm just sharing my own experience because I'm sure your girl will turn out fine. Don't have to be at your wits' end. Being a rebel doesn't mean he or she will fail in life. The parents need to be cool enough to let the kid understand what 'work hard, play hard' means, and letting them know that their life is theirs to live out. They need to be responsible for their own actions.

It wasn't that I was 'unchallenged' by academics, I acted out because I couldn't see what I was studying for. I didn't see the point of being excellent in studies, even if I could. At that point, I only wanted to get by each day happy. Happy WAS defined as acting spontaneously, so long as my wants are gratified, who cares whether I do well in school or not? I lived in the moment, living each day as if it was my last. If I wanted to read (ok, I enjoy reading and writing so maybe that helped me not fail), I will read whether or not it's lesson time. If I read till my eyes are tired, I will find a way to get out of class to sleep in the dance studio or other empty rooms in school. Studies didn't rank too high to me at that time, since studying is for long-term benefits and I'm not thinking long-term. I even mapped out my 'worse-case scenario' future - \"work in Macdonalds lor\".

Getting to Uni was the crucial part since I was already in JC by then (waste time if go Poly after), so that's when my mom decided to 'wake me up'. She said, \"Whatever you do, get to local Uni and graduate. That's all I want from you, and all I can afford too.\" So my goal was set, it became clear for me what I needed to achieve (at least in the short term at JC2). And things changed from there on, in terms of my attitude towards studies. Everything else didn't change, I was still a wild child..but with a purpose that reined me in.

All parents can do is guide and advise..especially for bright kids with a wild streak during adolescent, the tighter your control, the more they will find ways of rebelling behind your back and it gets tougher and tougher to find out. My mom was truly cool..she even brought me to my first clubbing session while I was still underaged, at a super popular club then, Centro..haha, she managed to get me and my friends in by assuring the bouncers that I'm here with mom, so she will be responsible for everything that happens! Had my mom been a control freak..I'm absolutely sure, given my nature and mindset at that time, I'd have veered off into the 'dark side'.

Good luck with your girl! She's a bright kid, she'll come around. And to all parents dealing with adolescents, try to remember what you did/ was thinking about in your teenage years..might help you understand your child better.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868446https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/868446Thu, 04 Oct 2012 10:56:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Tue, 02 Oct 2012 10:31:17 GMT]]>:goodpost: :goodpost: :goodpost:


Everything you said was absolutely spot on. 🙂 🙂

Although I must add, the longer and rougher path, may not have been desirable (by most people), but it still add lots of life experiences to the person. Sometimes I think that for some children, we have to let them make their own mistakes. Like you said, we just have to be there and watch and observe from a distance. So long as we keep reminding them, letting them know that we love them and are always there for them. At the end of the day, if/when they hit a brick wall, they know where else they can turn. All is not lost.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866413https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866413Tue, 02 Oct 2012 10:31:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Mon, 01 Oct 2012 07:47:45 GMT]]>

sparks:
Caning at this age is a definite no no. There will be undesirable outcomes, IMO. They are almost an adult already.

Imami:

Now that I am a parent, I always remind myself to trust my kid. I tell you, there are many many times when I \"don't trust him\". Eg that he could walk himself, that he could help himself with the drink etc... I always want to \"help\" (interfere la) but I managed to stop myself most of the time. But then hor, inside me I am like \"haiyo.... U can or not.....\" :rotflmao:

I just had a row with my 14-yr old dd yesterday. My dd has been asking me to trust her to know what to do with her studies (Her teacher just had a private talk with her becos of her CA results). I have been trying very hard to trust her on that. However, when I keep seeing her checking on her hp & computer constantly, instead concentrating on studying, I really feel the urge to discipline her. I am also at wits end. How do you balance giving them the space & trust that they need, whilst ensuring their self-esteem/self-belief is not hurt in the process??

Hello Sparks. I hope you are feeling better today. It must be very upset for both your dd and you. Whenever I have an argument with my mom, it feels like a double-edged sword jab into both my mom and me at the same time. Believe me, it hurt as bad for your dd as it has done for you.

In terms of motherhood journey, I am sure you have covered more grounds since my child is still a preschooler. Hence, I may not be of much help but here’s what I would like to share:

Some ideas for you to share with your dd:
Trust needs to be earned. For your dd to gain your trust, she needs to earn it. She has to understand that people can form an opinion about things just by seeing things from the surface (e.g. seeing her checking her phone & computer = not studying as hard) and that people’s impression of things may not change as fast as the change itself (i.e. even if she stops checking her phone, your trust for her may not be as immediate).

The process of earning trust is long and tedious. It is like scaling a mountain with a steep gradient. Behind the every step gained forward, one puts in considerable effort against gravity . When a mistake is made (i.e. losing trust), one tumbles backwards and have to start all over again. The second attempt will be even harder than the first. Because one no longer starts at the original point, instead the starting point is much further away. the starting point is further away now because she needs to gain back the trust that she has lost earlier. So the idea is, never lose the trust gained. Sometimes whatever is lost can never be gained back again.

Other than trust, which may not be regained, time is another element which may not be regained after losing them. She needs to understand that the time spent on checking handphone and computer can never be regained again. To illustrate the passing of time, I used the “sand hourglass” to explain to my child the concept of how time waits for no man. He is only four so I needed something to help him visualise. You can bring your dd to seaside and casually bring up the subject of tides (since tides is another one who waits for no man). This learning point can be cleverly camouflaged as part of a lovely Sunday late afternoon family activity. The more innocently the ‘lesson’ seem, the more receptive your dd is. if you use the ‘preaching’ method “daughter, u cannot always waste time on checking phones”, she will just shut you off.

If she is receptive to a heart to heart talk, do share with her your fear and worry as a parent. It is not just her studies that you are worrying about. Share with her about a parent’s role – to guide, to shape, to nurture, to lead his/her children. It is very natural for parents to try to shield their kids from potential pitfall. She needs to understand that it is not just her and her academic results, it is also about you as a parent having a natural reflex to nag/make things right. You both are not at the different ends of a tug of war. If anything, you would always be behind her in every struggle or in front of her in every danger, as long as she allows/needs you.

Empower her to hold herself responsibility over her future. Eventually, she needs to recognise that she is the owner of her future and that she has sole responsibility over it. You can show her the way, but she has to walk through it. Academic pursuit may not guarantee a good life but without it, in Singapore context, it surely would mean a rougher journey. If there is an easier path to walk, why go the tough way?

A gentle reminder – don’t talk down to her. Treat her as an equal or the president’s daughter (hahahaha). Don’t belittle her view, no matter how childish they sound (she is only 14 afterall). If you sense yourself losing control, I recommend you use this line “but mummy loves you, you know. I just find it very hard to ….” and cry a bit. If it works on grown up men (our husbands), it will work on a teenage girl 

Some ideas for you to think about:
Your dd is at the stage where autonomy is very important. Other trusting her, you need to trust yourself (that you have guided and taught your child well all this while, that this is just a pasting phase for your dd and you). if she is scaling a mountain, I would describe your part as flying a kite. Don’t pull the string too hard, it will break. Always keep it in sight but watch from a distance. Tug just a little, if it is flying too far.

Recognise that she would need time and space in her academic pursuit. She would not just have to battle against time, you or herself, she would also need to resist ‘temptation’ from friends and the computer. Understand that ‘seeing is not believing’. You may caught her checking her phone, try to take it as ‘that is the only time’. Give her some time to ‘quit’ the phone/computer.



I honestly did not think my parents were that sophisticated or ‘brave’ to let me fail but hey, all was not lost. If not for failing 6 subjects in sec 2 SA2, I probably would not turn up good O levels result subsequently and emerged wiser as a person and as a parent. But of cos, why go the long and hard way if there is a smoother one? I type as my thoughts flow so the above may not be as organise as it should be. Still, I hope it gives you some ideas to work around.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/865051https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/865051Mon, 01 Oct 2012 07:47:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Mon, 01 Oct 2012 05:32:38 GMT]]>Caning at this age is a definite no no. There will be undesirable outcomes, IMO. They are almost an adult already.

Imami:
Now that I am a parent, I always remind myself to trust my kid. I tell you, there are many many times when I \"don't trust him\". Eg that he could walk himself, that he could help himself with the drink etc... I always want to \"help\" (interfere la) but I managed to stop myself most of the time. But then hor, inside me I am like \"haiyo.... U can or not.....\" :rotflmao:
I just had a row with my 14-yr old dd yesterday. My dd has been asking me to trust her to know what to do with her studies (Her teacher just had a private talk with her becos of her CA results). I have been trying very hard to trust her on that. However, when I keep seeing her checking on her hp & computer constantly, instead concentrating on studying, I really feel the urge to discipline her. I am also at wits end. How do you balance giving them the space & trust that they need, whilst ensuring their self-esteem/self-belief is not hurt in the process??

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/864877https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/864877Mon, 01 Oct 2012 05:32:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:14:56 GMT]]>If it makes any1 feel better, i oso play truant in sec sch. But i din really hv bad intentions lah…


Just cant wakeup in time,so late to sch. (i take public bus abt 45mins journey). But by the time reach sch, they alrdy singing national anthem…so i tot y embarass myself right? Smmore, sure the discipline master will c me walking across the field. Cannot siam.

So i just went to nearby mac’s for breakfast. After assembly then sneak into the sch.
Tat was in sec 2 or 3.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/863496https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/863496Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:14:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 23:06:14 GMT]]>😉 Mychildren- I was a delinquent for about 2-3 years.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848413https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848413Thu, 13 Sep 2012 23:06:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 15:09:30 GMT]]>

Imami:
ksi:

[quote=\"Imami\"]Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


Maybe you can advise her how you turn around so that she can see if it works on her girl?

:scared: huh.....?

How I turn around? Like I said, my parents didn't make any changes to my life after learning that I skipped school. But because of what they said, I felt like I had some foolish decisions/ideas (yes indeed, now that I looked back) and that I should strive to keep myself in school.

Since I had already written this much, I might as well finish my story- I managed to pull through sec 1 with reasonably good grades (it was a breeze) but I flunked my sec 2 very badly. My father, upon seeing my report book, asked me,\"what's your plan?\"

I replied: stay in school. You told me that.
Father: how to stay in school like that (with this kind of grades)?
Me: I will study hard.
Father: ok.

The following week, my father bought me a writing table (prior to that, I did my homework on a small coffee table nex to the sofa). I felt very loved and supported... Really. Knowing that my parents loved me was enough for me not to break their hearts or defy their wishes.

My story probably can't help the thread starter much since my grades were horrible but her daughter was within top 3. But perhaps the same kind of understanding, magnanimity and patience can be given to the young girl?

I marveled at my parents' coolness and trust in me. As a parent, I am not sure if I can also be that \"zai\" when it comes to my own kid.[/quote]Wow, Imami, thank you for sharing your story, never know you play truant in your younger days.
I was running here & there so now then chance upon your story here. 😉

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848327https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848327Thu, 13 Sep 2012 15:09:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:55:04 GMT]]>

Mawar:
Imami, thanks for sharing. I also pray that I will be 'zai' when faced with curve balls. For me, because of what I have gone through, I become more uptight because of my own fear of failure.


Maybe some kids need their own space to find themselves. They need to experience the lows before they realize that they could be at a better place. Hopefully they will meet someone to point them in the right direction.
most welcome mawar. Don't know what sort of \"failure\" you are referring to but do \"move forward\". We get better with experience and age, the same may not happen again. :hugs:

Yes, absolutely agree with your last para.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848266https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848266Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:55:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:50:32 GMT]]>

Sun_2010:
ammonite:

[quote=\"Imami\"]Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


I loved your sharing!!!! It's exactly what I needed to be reminded of! May I be as \"zai\" as your parents when the situation calls for it!!


I too tot exactly the same thing.

Your parents wisdom and faith in you is so amazing. This is a lesson for me to keep in mind - to look beyound the current act into the future , and above all continue to shower the same love on the child. That is unconditional love :love:[/quote]Thank you Sun. Yes, I think so too - the faith my parents had in me. Wisdom ar? Hahahha I very bad, I think actually they dunno what to do. I think they just \"show hand\" and hope for the best.

Other than faith and love, a child also needs space. I think \"space\" is something that most parents give the least. As parents, we feel that we will always know better (than the children), we can have access to their deepest thoughts etc. To us, our children will always be little, always need us. But actually, they may have grown and surpassed our expectation. They may be capable of making the right Decisions.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848262https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848262Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:50:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:43:28 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Imami:

Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


I loved your sharing!!!! It's exactly what I needed to be reminded of! May I be as \"zai\" as your parents when the situation calls for it!!

Thank you. Glad I wrote. Actually I was in two minds then, to write or not. Because I felt I was not helping at all but I had this strong urge to post - to share my story from the perspective of somebody's child. As parents, sometimes we dunno what's in our children's mind. Smetimes we wish we can read our children's mind (ok, at least I do). Growing up is such a tedious journey which gets very very lonely sometimes. If only we can understand from a child's perspective, we can be better parents.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848258https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848258Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:43:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:38:49 GMT]]>

concern2:
Imami:



I marveled at my parents' coolness and trust in me. As a parent, I am not sure if I can also be that \"zai\" when it comes to my own kid.

Imami, thanks for sharing your true story. I've been touched by the way your parents dealt with your situation. I feel the same way as you in your last sentence.

Most welcome. Yes, I was also very touched and this remained one of those moments I will always remembered. Frankly, had they did things the usual way (curfew, no pocket money, watched me like a hawk etc), I believed I would just continue to mess up myself.

Now that I am a parent, I always remind myself to trust my kid. I tell you, there are many many times when I \"don't trust him\". Eg that he could walk himself, that he could help himself with the drink etc... I always want to \"help\" (interfere la) but I managed to stop myself most of the time. But then hor, inside me I am like \"haiyo.... U can or not.....\" :rotflmao:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848253https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848253Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:38:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 02:26:07 GMT]]>Imami, thanks for sharing. I also pray that I will be ‘zai’ when faced with curve balls. For me, because of what I have gone through, I become more uptight because of my own fear of failure.


Maybe some kids need their own space to find themselves. They need to experience the lows before they realize that they could be at a better place. Hopefully they will meet someone to point them in the right direction.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847675https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847675Thu, 13 Sep 2012 02:26:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 02:12:24 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Imami:

Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


I loved your sharing!!!! It's exactly what I needed to be reminded of! May I be as \"zai\" as your parents when the situation calls for it!!


I too tot exactly the same thing.

Your parents wisdom and faith in you is so amazing. This is a lesson for me to keep in mind - to look beyound the current act into the future , and above all continue to shower the same love on the child. That is unconditional love :love:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847652https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847652Thu, 13 Sep 2012 02:12:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:55:01 GMT]]>

Imami:
Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...

I loved your sharing!!!! It's exactly what I needed to be reminded of! May I be as \"zai\" as your parents when the situation calls for it!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847628https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847628Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:55:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:38:14 GMT]]>Yeah I am sure your story Imami will be of help to hungergames.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847599https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847599Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:38:14 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:16:05 GMT]]>

Imami:
ksi:

[quote=\"Imami\"]Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


Maybe you can advise her how you turn around so that she can see if it works on her girl?

:scared: huh.....?

How I turn around? Like I said, my parents didn't make any changes to my life after learning that I skipped school. But because of what they said, I felt like I had some foolish decisions/ideas (yes indeed, now that I looked back) and that I should strive to keep myself in school.

Since I had already written this much, I might as well finish my story- I managed to pull through sec 1 with reasonably good grades (it was a breeze) but I flunked my sec 2 very badly. My father, upon seeing my report book, asked me,\"what's your plan?\"

I replied: stay in school. You told me that.
Father: how to stay in school like that (with this kind of grades)?
Me: I will study hard.
Father: ok.

The following week, my father bought me a writing table (prior to that, I did my homework on a small coffee table nex to the sofa). I felt very loved and supported... Really. Knowing that my parents loved me was enough for me not to break their hearts or defy their wishes.

My story probably can't help the thread starter much since my grades were horrible but her daughter was within top 3. But perhaps the same kind of understanding, magnanimity and patience can be given to the young girl?

I marveled at my parents' coolness and trust in me. As a parent, I am not sure if I can also be that \"zai\" when it comes to my own kid.[/quote]Imami, thanks for sharing your true story. I've been touched by the way your parents dealt with your situation. I feel the same way as you in your last sentence.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847578https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847578Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:16:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 00:33:19 GMT]]>May be school counsellor can help :?:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847544https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847544Thu, 13 Sep 2012 00:33:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:20:13 GMT]]>Sometimes when you pull a rubber band too tight, it might snap. Your dd may be seeking your attention unknowingly. We may think our children has grown up but maybe deep down in her heart, she still wishes she hasn’t.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847440https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847440Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:20:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:09:33 GMT]]>

ksi:
Imami:

Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...


Maybe you can advise her how you turn around so that she can see if it works on her girl?

:scared: huh.....?

How I turn around? Like I said, my parents didn't make any changes to my life after learning that I skipped school. But because of what they said, I felt like I had some foolish decisions/ideas (yes indeed, now that I looked back) and that I should strive to keep myself in school.

Since I had already written this much, I might as well finish my story- I managed to pull through sec 1 with reasonably good grades (it was a breeze) but I flunked my sec 2 very badly. My father, upon seeing my report book, asked me,\"what's your plan?\"

I replied: stay in school. You told me that.
Father: how to stay in school like that (with this kind of grades)?
Me: I will study hard.
Father: ok.

The following week, my father bought me a writing table (prior to that, I did my homework on a small coffee table nex to the sofa). I felt very loved and supported... Really. Knowing that my parents loved me was enough for me not to break their hearts or defy their wishes.

My story probably can't help the thread starter much since my grades were horrible but her daughter was within top 3. But perhaps the same kind of understanding, magnanimity and patience can be given to the young girl?

I marveled at my parents' coolness and trust in me. As a parent, I am not sure if I can also be that \"zai\" when it comes to my own kid.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847437https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847437Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:09:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to at wits end on Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:48:42 GMT]]>

Imami:
Gosh... Not sure why am I writing about myself also!? But it was a little deja vu as I read thehungergames's posts...

Maybe you can advise her how you turn around so that she can see if it works on her girl?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847432https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847432Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:48:42 GMT