<![CDATA[How to discipline a 3yr old?]]>Hi,


Seeking help here…

I’ve a 3yo gal and a 6mth boy. Gal was behaving rather ok till when she was about 2+. However things really got out of hand when her brother was borned. At the most difficult time, she could be lying on the floor crying for an hour, putting fingers and all sorts of things into her mouth, deliberately pouring water from her water bottle onto the floor… Recently she whines for no apparent reason and demands this and that. Sometimes to curb the immediate situation, we gave in to her demands. Sometimes the crying scene stops but at other times, she rejects our giving in and demands more. Worse still she cries when she reaches her childcare and when she goes home. This makes it especially hard for my father in law who is helping to fetch her. She refuses to put on socks and shoes and demands to be carried. Yes, sometimes she throws her water bottle on the floor as well.

We are seriously losing our patience with her. We understand that it could be due to the division of attention between her and her brother but this is not a valid reason for such behaviour. We tried the hard and the soft. Giving in, 1-2-3, scolding included, except caning. But the next moment she would have forgotten. Childcare teachers said we had spoilt her because according to them she was behaving very well inside the childcare in our absence. Well, spoiling her is not my intention, I had thought I wanted to make up for the time that I’m not with her when I pamper her with toys for instance or when I refused to be always harsh on her. I definitely didn’t want to spoil her. I would like her to be independent.

Help! Do any fellow parents experience this? How can we resolve this? Also, very importantly, will this be a passing phase?

Thanks.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/40522/how-to-discipline-a-3yr-oldRSS for NodeSat, 02 May 2026 00:52:04 GMTThu, 13 Sep 2012 03:42:16 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 04 Oct 2012 04:51:40 GMT]]>She felt little unsecured about herself..But as far as time passes she will be alright just make sure that she would get proper attention and love,She is probably thinking that because of her brother she is left alone and that is what the main issue lies...

http://www.zippd.com.au

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/867981https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/867981Thu, 04 Oct 2012 04:51:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:17:44 GMT]]>Dear mummies,


Thanks for all the insightful sharings. Am trying to apply them.
By the way, how to teach kids not to take forever to do things? For instance, my girl can take 15min to walk to bathroom to brush teeth.

Thanks for any advices in advance.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866926https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866926Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:17:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Tue, 02 Oct 2012 11:17:58 GMT]]>I agree with all the above posts.


When my kids were younger, they used to do that too. I admit that I’m one strict mom. I will not tolerate bad behaviour form my kids.

In saying that, kids at that age only know how to show their displeasure by crying, throwing tantrums, screaming, whining etc. More often than not, they are dissatisfied that things have changed, eg mom/dad is attending to a sibling, or you changed your point of attention (from playing with her to cooking dinner). Whatever the reason, you cannot afford to drop what you are doing to tend to her tantrum/whining. Like cherrygal said, continue doing what you are doing. She has to learn that her tantrums will not be rewarded by your attention. She has to learn to cope with being by herself. And to reward her for coping well, you will in turn spend special time with her, and that she has your undivided attention (i.e. no baby bro/sis). It can be going to the playground, reading a book, playing a game, baking, etc.

Likewise, if she throws a tantrum in public, do not try and hush her because she might make a bigger scene. Stand back and watch, go to the nearest bench, sit down and watch. If she throws her bottle, leave it and walk. People will stare, there’s no way around it, you just have to suck it up. There’s no point hushing her in order to save face and then deal with her differently at home. Children need boundaries in order to know what they can or can’t do. And these boundaries need to be consistent, you cannot have one set of boundaries at home, and a different set in public. So sit back and watch, when she is done (and she will eventually), go to her hold her hand, get her to pick up her bottle and walk away from the scene.

This is a phase. She is going thru some changes in her life (having a new sibling) and learning how to cope. Be patient without giving in. Be firm but loving. It may get worse before it gets better because she may continue to push your limit/boundary. Stand firm of the boundary you have set, and both hubby and you must be consistent. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

All the best.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866436https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/866436Tue, 02 Oct 2012 11:17:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Mon, 17 Sep 2012 06:47:24 GMT]]>

hquek:
oh no! by asking her not to go near didi, I think you are reinforcing that he's more precious leh.


Don't tell her that you will only love good girls...tell her you love her no matter what, but you dun like bad behaviour (so she knows it's not directed at her, but only at her behaviour).

btw, I have 2 boys. And yes, the older one will always feel that didi gets the lesser beating, didi gets more love. And yes, even after 5 years, he may still ask for what the smaller one has. Such will always happen.

I have to look into myself and my actions constantly to see if my actions are consistent with my speech - ie that I love my older one as much as the younger one.
this is so true... though being a little clumsy, the elder should be able to touch newborn so long as u r there to look after.... physical touch can bring bonding closer!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/850912https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/850912Mon, 17 Sep 2012 06:47:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:52:55 GMT]]>I did let my daughter touch and even hold the little one as much as she wanted to; until of course, the little one got too big and strong for her! We have various photos on how she would lie down face to face with the baby and admire him (and he'd actually smile back!). She complained about how the brother's legs are always \"crooked\" (bow-shapped), and wanted to pull it straight. :rotflmao: So I taught her where she she hold and how to pull gently. 😉 Of course, she always wanted to count those little toes and smell that little feet. Once she somehow managed to get into the cot and started patting the little one saying \"Shh... don't cry, don't cry, jie jie is here\". :yikes: :yikes: I swallowed my screams and thanked her profusely but told her otherwise next time just pat from outside the cot will do. Some minor accidents here and there, but all minor because under my eagle eyes! Instead of saying cannot do, show them how it can be done the right way.


🕺 I recall how I used to tell DD things like \"shall I go and BF the baby? Then when he sleeps we can play? Go out, etc\". The result is that they are 5 and 2 now... Everytime I ask the little one... shall we punish jie jie? put her in naughty corner? etc? He will say, NO. KENOT! Of of course, it is their given right to wack each other. But otherwise the two of them are super loyal to each other! I am sure they will gang up against me very soon. Once we were watching a school performance and DD was standing in front. The little one went to her and hugged her from behind. Then held hands and watch together... awwwww...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848490https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848490Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:52:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:48:43 GMT]]>I told my older boy to be gentle (positive) instead of telling him not to touch / hit (negative) his baby sis.


When the older boy started playing with all the baby toys, I just asked him if he liked such toys for Christmas and he immediately dropped them… hehehe

They fight over things all the time but it melts my heart to watch them playing the keyboard together - ds tinkering on the keys and dd singing her heart out with the microphone. awwww…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848259https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848259Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:48:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:45:45 GMT]]>oh no! by asking her not to go near didi, I think you are reinforcing that he’s more precious leh.


Don’t tell her that you will only love good girls…tell her you love her no matter what, but you dun like bad behaviour (so she knows it’s not directed at her, but only at her behaviour).

btw, I have 2 boys. And yes, the older one will always feel that didi gets the lesser beating, didi gets more love. And yes, even after 5 years, he may still ask for what the smaller one has. Such will always happen.

I have to look into myself and my actions constantly to see if my actions are consistent with my speech - ie that I love my older one as much as the younger one.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848151https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848151Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:45:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:34:40 GMT]]>Dear fellow mummies and daddies,


Thanks so much for your valuable advice.

Physical contact: My gal can be quite clumsy at times so when she’s near her brother, we ask her to don’t accidentally hit her brother. Is that ok?

Comparing love: My gal has a few classmates who are in similar situation. So I do not know if any of them would tell her that we love her brother more. Then again, they all look so well behave to me, going to school without crying and going home fine too… Really can’t phantom why she’s behaving like that.

3yr old baby: Oh yes, sometimes she wants to be carried horizontally like her brother, previously she wants to be burped like him too. She likes to say she is the smaller baby and her younger brother is the big baby…

Currently to ensure she doesn’t feel neglected, we’ve went to the extend that one of us would keep her company (when she is awake and at home) about 90% of the time. Sometimes if baby brother didn’t cry very loudly, we even choose to ignore him just so that our gal would no think that we focus too much on the brother. Is this fair/reasonable? Having done all these, sometimes she still misbehaves and drives us almost mad. Perhaps I assume too much, I thought she is old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong. That is something wrong on my part.

Is it ok to say things like "Mummy only loves good gals. If you are naughty, mummy will not love you?"
Also is it ok for her to choose things? I have two mats for them while bathing. Sometimes when she saw me putting one on the floor during her bathtime, she would whine and demanded for the other. Oh my god! Why??

Are these really normal for kids? (No wonder birth rate is so low!)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848141https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848141Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:34:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:10:23 GMT]]>

cherrygal:
It's also the terrible 2s and 3s phase. My 3yo (youngest) sometimes acts up even when all attention is on her. Testing water and they want to see your reaction to their naughty actions. Try to avoid giving her the \"show\" she wants to see. Don't react. I use the James Dobson method where you don't pay her any attention when she is misbehaving. Just go about your usual routine and pretend you can't hear her. Just let her vent all she wants.


I did that with my 3yo. She started bawling on the floor when she couldn't get something, I let her vent then 2 mins later, I asked her if she was done. She nodded her head and I wiped her tears and hugged her.

Dobson says that you let the kid vent, but within sight, and you check if the kid's done after a few minutes here and there. If the kid still doesn't want to stop, just continue with your work and check again later.
:goodpost:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848115https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848115Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:10:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:35:22 GMT]]>if you are able, spend sometime just with her alone - could be going downstairs to run an errand, or just walk in the park. This could make her feel really special and that she’s not forgotten.


And whenever anyone dare say that we love the smaller one more than the elder one, I will immediately rebut. Also, I will reiterate to the older one that he will always be the most special in that he was the firstborn; something no other child can replace.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848078https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848078Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:35:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:26:31 GMT]]>All it takes is just for someone to say "oh your mummy n daddy loves your younger brother/sister more" to undo all the good you have done.


So make sure no one else says such stuff be it jokingly or otherwise.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848071https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848071Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:26:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:18:15 GMT]]>My DD was about 3 as well when DS was born. Lots of tantrums and screaming. Sometimes, I think she's downright unreasonable. When all else fails and I simply refuse to shout at her. Shouting invites more shouting! So, here's some of my tricks that got her thinking!


DD: I dun want to eat dinner!!\" :mad:
me: OK. Toss the entire bowl into the bin. :imcool:

DD: Throw toys, water bottle, etc on the floor.
Me: OK. I help you. (throws it into the bin). I have even toss things down the rubbish chute! Those drawings, paintings, crayons, etc! :boogie:

As for the DS - instead of saying he's MY baby... I package it as HER BROTHER. So it's hers to love, to take care, to help, etc.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848012https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/848012Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:18:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:40:27 GMT]]>It’s also the terrible 2s and 3s phase. My 3yo (youngest) sometimes acts up even when all attention is on her. Testing water and they want to see your reaction to their naughty actions. Try to avoid giving her the "show" she wants to see. Don’t react. I use the James Dobson method where you don’t pay her any attention when she is misbehaving. Just go about your usual routine and pretend you can’t hear her. Just let her vent all she wants.


I did that with my 3yo. She started bawling on the floor when she couldn’t get something, I let her vent then 2 mins later, I asked her if she was done. She nodded her head and I wiped her tears and hugged her.

Dobson says that you let the kid vent, but within sight, and you check if the kid’s done after a few minutes here and there. If the kid still doesn’t want to stop, just continue with your work and check again later.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847987https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847987Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:40:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:40:45 GMT]]>

ammonite:
Yes, agree that how u communicate with the child is important. House rules should stay the same, try not to change her routine too much and do not link everything to the little brother - eg can't go to the playground because of didi, you have to go to school because of didi, you have to be quiet because of didi etc etc.


You can rephrase everything as either how lucky she is - that she can talk, run, eat different food, jump, have friends etc - and how understanding and helpful she is when she is quiet during nap times, when she dresses herself etc.

Look through her baby photos with her and exclaimed over how small she was, and how big she is now. It may also be helpful to share with her your own experiences with your siblings growing up.

One parent can take her out for special outings once a week. You can also plan new things to show her, celebrating the fact that she is older and bigger. There will be adjustments along the way as the younger one becomes more mobile and start invading her space. You have to help her manage her frustrations and create positive feelings and experiences.

cant agree more.... sounds like very experienced mum... i still hv long way to learn...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847929https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847929Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:40:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:40:06 GMT]]>u can also try to let them have some physical contact, like ur dd holding milk bottle for him, hugging him together, or read them stories together… try looking for stories talking about brotherhood, like 3 little pigs… very useful…!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847928https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847928Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:40:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:19:55 GMT]]>Yes, agree that how u communicate with the child is important. House rules should stay the same, try not to change her routine too much and do not link everything to the little brother - eg can’t go to the playground because of didi, you have to go to school because of didi, you have to be quiet because of didi etc etc.


You can rephrase everything as either how lucky she is - that she can talk, run, eat different food, jump, have friends etc - and how understanding and helpful she is when she is quiet during nap times, when she dresses herself etc.

Look through her baby photos with her and exclaimed over how small she was, and how big she is now. It may also be helpful to share with her your own experiences with your siblings growing up.

One parent can take her out for special outings once a week. You can also plan new things to show her, celebrating the fact that she is older and bigger. There will be adjustments along the way as the younger one becomes more mobile and start invading her space. You have to help her manage her frustrations and create positive feelings and experiences.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847902https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847902Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:19:55 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:04:29 GMT]]>tell her that bro grows up to play together with her, and will share things with her… etc


dun let her have the feeling that bro is snatching everything from her… my ds didn have the same kind of feeling when my 3rd child was born, so i guess, its all about the communication u have with her to make her understand…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847890https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847890Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:04:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to How to discipline a 3yr old? on Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:02:41 GMT]]>hi sunshine8,


i experience similarly when i was having my 2nd, my dd. my ds was also playing tantrums frequently… i think u need to talk to ur dd about the new born… make sure she loves him, not hate or jealous of him…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847888https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/847888Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:02:41 GMT