<![CDATA[Move in with MIL?]]>Recently me and DH are seriously considering if we should move in with his mother, for convenience. DH just change job and his office is just 3 bus stop away from his mother place. My office is not too far away. DD will be attending kiddy just downstairs from her grandmother flat. MIL stays in the west while we stay in northeast.


it's obvious that we should move back to the west but getting another place is out of question due to the high property price. we had considered renting but it seems silly in financial point of view as we had a place available foc to us.

but the idea of moving in with my mil is a bit :siao: . my relationship with my mil is peaceful on surface. but i cant stand her mannerism and she cant stand my. very often i will complain to my dh about his mother, my way to release my frustration toward mil.

should i give up my freedom for convenience? but getting out of my house by 7am everyday, drive to west, and another trip back at night, reach hm ard 8pm can be quite tiring for us, esp for dd. she's getting alot less sleep now. :idea: anyone?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/46690/move-in-with-milRSS for NodeSun, 19 Apr 2026 09:59:59 GMTMon, 03 Dec 2012 02:47:02 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sun, 09 Jun 2013 07:36:36 GMT]]>

Curry:
Lol mommies who anti the idea of staying with mils and all other complains...i wonder how would you guys react if your dil / sil comments the same thing about you lol =P

Maybe should start another topic 'Moving in with daughter/son-in-law?' in order to be fair to Mil...... 😂 😂 :lol:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1016767https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1016767Sun, 09 Jun 2013 07:36:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sun, 09 Jun 2013 05:35:04 GMT]]>Lol mommies who anti the idea of staying with mils and all other complains…i wonder how would you guys react if your dil / sil comments the same thing about you lol =P

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1016749https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1016749Sun, 09 Jun 2013 05:35:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sun, 26 May 2013 06:19:43 GMT]]>

Coolkidsrock2:
Triple storey house? Not sure about your mil but for mine, I think the bigger the house is, the more place there is for mil to hoard her things. (Good) maids are becoming increasingly harder to find, so less things and less cooking is the direction am taking.


For old folks, they will not be able to climb up the stairs so will need a granny room on the ground floor. We were looking at a 3-storey place and one of the reasons we gave up is that all the rooms are upstairs.
You can carve out a room downstairs or build a ground-floor extension if the floor plan allows. If there is enough space, anything is doable. For the sake of long term harmony don't give up! 🙂

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009812https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009812Sun, 26 May 2013 06:19:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sun, 26 May 2013 03:47:45 GMT]]>Triple storey house? Not sure about your mil but for mine, I think the bigger the house is, the more place there is for mil to hoard her things. (Good) maids are becoming increasingly harder to find, so less things and less cooking is the direction am taking.


For old folks, they will not be able to climb up the stairs so will need a granny room on the ground floor. We were looking at a 3-storey place and one of the reasons we gave up is that all the rooms are upstairs.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009764https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009764Sun, 26 May 2013 03:47:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sat, 25 May 2013 08:12:23 GMT]]>I super like the idea of dual key unit or double ( better still triple storey ) house with granny room downstairs! Just hope we can afford IF the need arises.


My problem is I can’t reject the idea of MIL staying with us, if unmarried SILs don’t want her to stay with them, especially if she is in poor health. If I refuse, then DH will also not agree to my mum staying with us if she is in poor health and my unmarried sibling is no longer living / working in Singapore.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009539https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1009539Sat, 25 May 2013 08:12:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Fri, 17 May 2013 13:23:42 GMT]]>i’ll nvr stay wf my inlaws coz she likes to eavesdrop.


the most irritating is my MIL is very busybody.She always calls up my DH to find out this n that.

I get very frustrated if i happen to find out from their maid or relative,that my MIL reveals our personal stuff to them.

Then,i’ll scold my DH for being so busybody.My DH said he has no choice but to tell her since she keeps asking.Yet,he got so angry wf me when he knows i share my prob wf my close frds but not wf him.

Come on,he devotes all his times to fulfill his mum’s endless attn,where got time for me?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1005496https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1005496Fri, 17 May 2013 13:23:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Fri, 17 May 2013 11:26:20 GMT]]>

ngl2010:
Coolkidsrock2:

Agree with nightlone, please don't. If push come to shove, then ammonite's idea of a dual key unit is the best. It is not easy living together and very often, they do not understand that different households have different mistresses and each mistress run it differently. Her authority in someone's house is less than in her own house. Even if her words are right, it does not mean it is appropriate if it is not her house.


This will create a lot of conflict. If you have a maid, it will create a situation of whose instruction should the maid listen to. Some men are clueless while some are more aware and by giving specific instruction to the maid to listen only to the wife, he had implicitly set the tone and direction of the household to his own mother.

Last time when MIL came to visit our house, she will throw away my kitchen utensils without my permission :mad: A house cannot have 2 mistresses lah.

I agree!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1005440https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1005440Fri, 17 May 2013 11:26:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 13 May 2013 10:22:37 GMT]]>

atrecord:
This is indeed not easy, and I'm glad i don't have a big problem with it as DW is quite easy-going, and my mother knows better than to upset the dynamics...


We had stayed together for 1-2 mth after we first got married when waiting for reno at our place. Then lived apart for 11.5 yr, but moved to a new place together when younger kid was going P1, so that it's easier for us as my mother will look after kids before/after school.

So far it's working ok. DW doesn't cook much and leave my mother to do so every day, and will only occasionally relieve or help my mother during weekends, which hopefully she will appreciate. But we know she appreciated learning how to use the new equipments in the kitchen (ovens, fryer, pan, etc.) that she had never used before, so it's good so far.

it's also good that my parents respect our privacy and don't disturb us when we go back to our room. Once my father couldn't get the TV to work (we have Starhub and Mio, and they didn't know how to switch) after I've gone to our room (we watch TV in the room before we sleep), and my hp ringed at 11+ pm. It was my father calling me to ask me for help with the TV!
You are quite lucky then 🙂
I stayed over with in-laws for 1.5 years when we were newly wed and waiting for our own house. A few years later, in-laws bunk over for ~4 months while waiting for their new house. About 4 years ago, in-laws rented out their house and has been staying with us since. Life became quite miserable for me. FIL was ok, MIL was quite a different story.....we had a lot of issues and I had to endure & endure. Hubby was sandwiched and it reached a point when we argued very often and I was full of resentment. The turning point came only when
1. I finally lost my temper and 'showed' face to MIL
2. Hubby after hearing many sob stories from his female colleagues about their relationship with MIL realised what I was going through and stood up for me on a few occasions. Of course he kena big time from MIL lah....cold treatment, tears and complaint to others that he treats me better than her etc etc.

Anyway, MIL began to mellow down after hubby began to stand up for me......things now are better.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002368https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002368Mon, 13 May 2013 10:22:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 13 May 2013 08:01:28 GMT]]>This is indeed not easy, and I’m glad i don’t have a big problem with it as DW is quite easy-going, and my mother knows better than to upset the dynamics…


We had stayed together for 1-2 mth after we first got married when waiting for reno at our place. Then lived apart for 11.5 yr, but moved to a new place together when younger kid was going P1, so that it’s easier for us as my mother will look after kids before/after school.

So far it’s working ok. DW doesn’t cook much and leave my mother to do so every day, and will only occasionally relieve or help my mother during weekends, which hopefully she will appreciate. But we know she appreciated learning how to use the new equipments in the kitchen (ovens, fryer, pan, etc.) that she had never used before, so it’s good so far.

it’s also good that my parents respect our privacy and don’t disturb us when we go back to our room. Once my father couldn’t get the TV to work (we have Starhub and Mio, and they didn’t know how to switch) after I’ve gone to our room (we watch TV in the room before we sleep), and my hp ringed at 11+ pm. It was my father calling me to ask me for help with the TV!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002224https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002224Mon, 13 May 2013 08:01:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 13 May 2013 05:10:28 GMT]]>

Coolkidsrock2:
You are right. Old people think that they still have the same authority in their children's homes. This often creates tension.


Different house, different mistress, different ways of doing things.
not only that,they oso disrespect ur privacy. my mil likes to gossip.Told my frd that she is channel 8 reporter,boardcast all our private lives to the other side(dh's sil n brother).Hv to hide my personal stuff b4 she comes....luckily now shifted away fr. her..... 😓

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002077https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002077Mon, 13 May 2013 05:10:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 13 May 2013 05:05:54 GMT]]>

ngl2010:

Last time when MIL came to visit our house, she will throw away my kitchen utensils without my permission :mad: A house cannot have 2 mistresses lah.
i encountered ur situation too.She searched my storeroom,took or threw away things without my permission.

Chinese sayings,\"one mountain cannot keep two tigeress.\"

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002072https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002072Mon, 13 May 2013 05:05:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 13 May 2013 04:54:36 GMT]]>You are right. Old people think that they still have the same authority in their children’s homes. This often creates tension.


Different house, different mistress, different ways of doing things.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002053https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1002053Mon, 13 May 2013 04:54:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sat, 11 May 2013 07:30:08 GMT]]>

Coolkidsrock2:
Agree with nightlone, please don't. If push come to shove, then ammonite's idea of a dual key unit is the best. It is not easy living together and very often, they do not understand that different households have different mistresses and each mistress run it differently. Her authority in someone's house is less than in her own house. Even if her words are right, it does not mean it is appropriate if it is not her house.


This will create a lot of conflict. If you have a maid, it will create a situation of whose instruction should the maid listen to. Some men are clueless while some are more aware and by giving specific instruction to the maid to listen only to the wife, he had implicitly set the tone and direction of the household to his own mother.
Last time when MIL came to visit our house, she will throw away my kitchen utensils without my permission :mad: A house cannot have 2 mistresses lah.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001297https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001297Sat, 11 May 2013 07:30:08 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sat, 11 May 2013 07:14:09 GMT]]>Agree with nightlone, please don’t. If push come to shove, then ammonite’s idea of a dual key unit is the best. It is not easy living together and very often, they do not understand that different households have different mistresses and each mistress run it differently. Her authority in someone’s house is less than in her own house. Even if her words are right, it does not mean it is appropriate if it is not her house.


This will create a lot of conflict. If you have a maid, it will create a situation of whose instruction should the maid listen to. Some men are clueless while some are more aware and by giving specific instruction to the maid to listen only to the wife, he had implicitly set the tone and direction of the household to his own mother.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001289https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001289Sat, 11 May 2013 07:14:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Sat, 11 May 2013 01:44:59 GMT]]>If possible, get a unit with a granny flat or double entry. This can help both parties live together with more autonomy on both sides. Your mum can have the key to your door and your mil can have her own door.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001178https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1001178Sat, 11 May 2013 01:44:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Fri, 10 May 2013 02:25:36 GMT]]>My advice is… Please don’t.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1000648https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1000648Fri, 10 May 2013 02:25:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Tue, 09 Apr 2013 16:44:34 GMT]]>I shudder at the thought of MIL staying with us... 😓 :nailbite: :scared:


The response to DH is that if MIL cannot stay with unmarried SILs, then she can move in with us, so that at least there's someone to look after her. However, it'll be better to move to a bigger home so that we each have our own space and hopefully less friction. MIL does not have the funds to contribute to a bigger home so in essence, she'll be moving in to our home ( provided we can afford to more to a bigger place ). Since it's my place, I do intend to do it up and run the household my way, MIL will probably interfere though.

The above also applies to my parents. My siblings live with them. If they need someone to look after them, and siblings cannot, then I would like them to stay with me.

Have to be fair.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/983154https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/983154Tue, 09 Apr 2013 16:44:34 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Tue, 09 Apr 2013 07:11:10 GMT]]>Living with MIL is never easy. When we sold our place before leaving for overseas, we moved in with MIL for a couple months. My relationship with her from the start has always been polite but uncomfortable to say the very least. At that time I’ve stopped working to care for the kids. Although I helped her in the kitchen and voluntered to help clean (she refused) daily, she was still unhappy. Unhappy that we go out, the way we raise the kids, that DH helps me hang our laundry out etc. So unhappy she was, she told everyone FIL, SIL, BILs and even her sisters and goodness who else except us. She even told us FIL wants to "talk" to us. When we saw him at the carpark that same time, he didnt tell us anything anway. To cut a long story short, we left Singapore. Best time ever for me. Now we going back home again, DH wants to move in to his parents house temporary as SIL and hubby moving out to their new place. Though I want to fix our relationship I know it would not be possible to be "good enough" to stay together in one house. I take comfort that MIL are usually not nice to DIL if they have their own daughter. I shudder at the thought, hopefully we’ll find a place before that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/982884https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/982884Tue, 09 Apr 2013 07:11:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 08 Apr 2013 02:45:45 GMT]]>If now I own 50% of the property and my mom cannot stay on short term… I don’t see how my mom can even visit if the ownership changes proportion… Already she purposely drops by - just to show who is the boss (and make my mom cook lunch for her).

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/981929https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/981929Mon, 08 Apr 2013 02:45:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:22:31 GMT]]>

straffan23:


In addition, my mom is also widowed and relationships with her DIL is not entirely rosy either. As it is, when my mom comes to stay with me, MIL will \"welcome\" her with \"Oh.. come again? This time stay how many days? When are you leaving?\" I cannot imagine my mom would even visit if I am living with MIL.
?

If you stand firm on not staying with your mil, your hubby might also object to your mum occasional stay over at your place.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/980958https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/980958Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:22:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:51:38 GMT]]>This is an issue that is becoming a constant discussion topic at home recently. MIL is widowed and lives in her private property with unmarried daughter. They have been a lot of quarelling of late, and SIL is playing that emotional blackmail thing with DH saying "She is your mother too! Why don’t you live with her?". It coincides with a period that DH has been so busy and barely have time for our children at all. So DH’s simplistic solution is that we should pool together our funds with MIL and upgrade to a bigger place and live together (and leave a ?? as to what will happen to the SIL - buy her own place? Stay in the current place?) And of course, I won’t have a say by then, because MIL would own the property, too.


MIL has always been those posessive type (she now lives oppositve my flat) and comes over up to 5 times a day. I cannot imagine living with her, and I am sure it would be a living hell for my husband if SIL decides to move in, too! She is many years older than DH and always talks down at him. DH is used to it and usually unaffected but even my DD would ask "Why is she talking to papa like he is a little boy?"… Surely I will scream at her for degrading DH in front of our children! And if SIL cannot live with MIL, what gives me the confident that I can live with MIL (or even SIL)?

In addition, my mom is also widowed and relationships with her DIL is not entirely rosy either. As it is, when my mom comes to stay with me, MIL will "welcome" her with "Oh… come again? This time stay how many days? When are you leaving?" I cannot imagine my mom would even visit if I am living with MIL.

Alas, my DH is the kind of son that in his eyes, MIL can do no wrong and do no harm. He doesn’t hear my concern and doesn’t believe it when I told him about how MIL treats me or my mom - up to a stage I don’t even mention it anymore because it just start the whole cold war about how "I am sure you misunderstood her… she is not like that… she is the most gentle, blah blah blah - sometimes she is just socially awkward (but the rest of the world must know and accept/forgive her)."

All this is causing a lot of sleepless nights for me, and because DH is so fixed on his ideals over MIL, sometimes I feel like telling him to move back with MIL and just leave me alone! He on the other hand feels that the idea will slowly sink in. Me on the other hand think that this is not a test-phase. Once move in cannot move out - not without, and not after a lot of cold wars, screaming, shouting, and wounded ego. On the other hand, it seems to cause relationship with DH to suffer.

How, how? Anyone with similar issues and have advice to share?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/980948https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/980948Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:51:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Wed, 02 Jan 2013 13:59:02 GMT]]>I think everyone will talk about everyone. Its just a matter of whether good or bad. My cousin in law is damn nice, as far as i know, nobody talks bad about her. But there are just some people out there who are bad enough to get gossiped about lol

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928276https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/928276Wed, 02 Jan 2013 13:59:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:39:20 GMT]]>

octoberbaby:
We say about our the other half family.


I wonder whether my own brother's wife that side talk about our family. Alamak. The wheel is round.
Indeed..... 😉

Apart from protecting the old folks, if oneself is not concerned about the inheritance then one shouldn't care what tricks others come up with.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/926608https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/926608Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:39:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Move in with MIL? on Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:27:50 GMT]]>We say about our the other half family.


I wonder whether my own brother’s wife that side talk about our family. Alamak. The wheel is round.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/926599https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/926599Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:27:50 GMT