ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2133706\" time=\"1715391471\" user_id=\"3:

I'm with you on this. It'd be kind of weird if kids have 2 surnames. Just think how THEIR children will feel when your children gets married. Maybe talk to your fiance and find out if there are any other issues surrounding this issue.

wanderlust.xling\" post_id=\"2133691\" time=\"1715335766\" user_id=\"204681:

I have the same issue here thinking whether to change to my fiancé's surname for my kids. My kids are agreeable to it. But my fiancé insisted that my surname has to also be included. Meaning both parent's surname are in the kids I/C. But I'm actually quite against it. I find that just by putting his surname is fine enough.

I guessed my point for changing surname is the same as one of the parents here who mentioned that school parent's consent, wedding invitation cards in future and even addressing the child's last name to the parent during parent's meeting in school. By changing surname can avoid such awkward incidents.

For context: My ex passed on more than 5 years ago and not in contact with that family side anymore.

candy_floss:

Thanks for the replies. My ex and I are not on talking terms cos I feel that he doesn't really care much about the well being of my kids. Like I've said, he only ask to see them once every 2-3 months or even longer. Like in 2013, he have not contacted my elder kid or reply any of her smses when my child wishes him Happy New Year till now. Neither did he mentioned anything about bringing them out.


I don't speak anything badly of my ex in fact, or rather I should say I dont even mentioned anything about him. The kids never bother either. We have been divorced for coming 4 years till date. During these few years, he did not bother about them or care for their well being. He doesn't even know which sec sch my elder one is in or ever attended a parents teacher meeting since the kids were born. When my kid was hospitalised a few years back due to fever, he didn't even pay a visit or reply my what's app to at least acknowledge the matter.

I understand that having both parents identity are important for the children, but I can't help questioning- if a father is not concerned or doesn't care much about the children, then what's the point of carrying on a surname that belongs to him ?

My fiance is ready to legally adopt them as his own and he doesn't want the kids to feel awkward when people start to question how come their surname is different from their daddy. My younger one keep asking if he can call him papa, can he be his papa every other day. I believe that he can feel the effort being put in, cos he will tuck my younger one to bed every night, bring him for enrichment lessons, coach him homework, prepare breakfast and play sports with him etc, something that his natural father never done for him before.

In fact, I felt very sad for my younger one sometimes.. I know deep inside him, he yearns for a daddy figure and that's why he is very close to my fiancé. He will hold his hands (instead of mine) and kiss him, and call him papa.. I am at a loss, not sure what I should do.

vinegar:

if the father shows no responsibility to the children well-being, i don't see the point of carrying of children his surnames.

pirate:

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

I note that you said that you are still not on talking terms with your ex. Are you sure this is not a reason for your ex being 'non-existent'?

I doubt that you will be terribly amused if he takes a more active interest and starts questioning every single decision you make regarding the children either. Will you be happy if he asks for visitation rights every weekend? Bear in mind that being 'existent' is not the same thing as being 'existent at your convenience'. Have you communicated all this to him? Do you tell your children that he is still their father and that he is in fact still providing for their maintenance despite not being physically present?

I think you should look really deep down inside yourself as to what the motive is to change the kids' surname. Are you really sure you are not doing this to spite him out of some unconscious resentment?

Would you like to tell your new husband to be that you will be doing the same thing to his children too if you get divorced again?

candy_floss:

Yep, I agree on the part that divorce shouldn't affect the relationship with the parent and child. But somehow I just feel that since their father is so non-existant, then what's the point of still holding on the surname ? For e.g, they only see him less than 5 times a year, never get involved in their upbringing, dont even know which sec sch my elder one goes to etc...


Sigh...

Nebbermind:

Divorce and remarrying is such common thing these days and so what is there to hide?

If people want to talk behind your back, they will...even more juicy if it appears that someone is trying to hide the facts.
Whatever happened between the adults should not change the relationship between the kids and the parents. The kids should still honour and respect both unless something terrible had happened.