buds:

When it comes to language and the ways of communication, there is never just one sure-fire way... a perfect way... regardless if one speaks to a child or a teen or an adult.

ChiefKiasu:

I agree. It's really how we say it, and not what we say.

Here's Miss Hattie, the orphanage director who always use \"we\".
Watch from 33 secs onwards.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hP-NaOmXXUI][/youtube]

insider:

buds:

This is a skill not everyone can master. :evil:

buddy,

we are not being trained for nothing...:evil:

Funz:

Just a little snippet of how the 'I', 'you' and 'we' was used with DD.


DD came home with a way below average result for one of her math tests.

Me: This wasn't what we are expecting is it?
DD (very miserably): No
Me: So what do you think went wrong?
DD (in a small voice): I am not sure.....
Me : Were a lot of marks lost due to carelessness?
DD (in an even smaller voice): some
Me : Were there questions that you were unable to solve?
DD (still hunched over) : yah, 2 of them.
(and she showed me the questions)
Me : Were you taught such sums in class?
DD (still not looking at me): Yes, but I did not really understand
Me : So what should we have done if we do not fully understand what was taught?
DD (peeking at me) : Ask teacher or ask you or daddy
Me : We have also spoken many times about your carelessness....
DD(sitting up more) : yes mummy, I was scribbling too much and could not read my own handwriting in this test so my answers were wrong though method was correct.
Me : so what should we do now?
DD(pulling her chair up to the table and grabbing a pencil): Can we go through those few sums? And after that, can we find more similar sums for me to try on my own?
Me : Ok. And what of your carelessness?
DD : It is work in progress mummy.
DD chanting : we shall not scribble, we shall not scribble, we will write neatly, we will write neatly......

A week later I got a watsapp from DD

DD : WE DID IT MUMMY!!!!
me : Huh? What did we do?
DD : I got 90/100 for this mock exam!
me : Woo hooo!!! So all your hard work paid off!!!
DD : Yup! (series of happy bouncing emoticons)
DD : muacks! Love you
Me : Love you more. (this is our usual sign off)

buds:

When it comes to language and the ways of communication, there is never just one sure-fire way... a perfect way... regardless if one speaks to a child or a teen or an adult.

buds:

A mom telling her child : You are in big trouble.
Same mom telling the same child : We are in big trouble.

1st stance the child is sure to bawl but in the second, the mom knows the kind of trouble but can mean that she understands that the child will need some assistance getting out of it even though if it means that the child will eventually have to get out of that trouble himself.

buds:

When it comes to language and the ways of communication, there is never just one sure-fire way... a perfect way... regardless if one speaks to a child or a teen or an adult.


The English Language itself on its own, is a complex language to comprehend. A word can be spelt exactly the same but pronounced differently by two different people. Like you may say toh-mah-toe but i say toh-may-toe. Different right? But both refer to the same thing. Hee.

A word as simple as \"you\" used in whatever context for whichever age can sound both inviting and condescending depending on the body language and the tone of the one who speaks it. Not so much of whether we should or should not use the word at all for people of different age groups.

Like say... if we are using these same words to the three age groups - child / teen / adult. Example oni hor.

Child : You want? :love: - The tone here will sound inviting/welcoming.
Child : You want? :evil: - The usage here can sound evil and leaning towards mean.
Child : You want? :roll: - The tone can sound somewhat sarcastic too.


Teen : You want? :skeptical: - The tone can sound judgmental.
Teen : You want? - This can lean towards mocking.
Teen : You want? :heresmyfish: - Teasing tone.


Adult : You want? - Sharing mood.
Adult : You want?! :yikes: - Think of this tone as when a friend shares abt wanting a 7th child cos she loves children.
Adult : You want...? :evil: - A demure yet sexy invitation. Nuff said.

The manner the words were expressed was the main factor as to the response it will receive.

Using \"we\" in sentences is definitely more inclusive.. more inviting.. more endearing so to speak, regardless of whom we are telling it to. Of course, the \"we\" can still come out strong and sharp if the speaker intended for the word to cut deep as well. I personally do not believe that \"we\" can no longer be appropriate for children of different ages. Perhaps the nature (way) and the environment a child is brought up also plays a part if one may likely find it unsuitable. I have friends and family whom to date, still use the word \"we\" and the telling part of their relationship can only be described as close knit and affectionate. Not to say that they don't use the word \"you\" at all, of course. LOL! Not possible definitely.

Likewise for the usage of \"we\", it can jolly well mean how you want it to be.

A supervisor : You are in big trouble.
Same supervisor : We are in big trouble.

1st one, the chap doing a blame game and the second is an acknowledgment that his subordinate is in big trouble but the assurance shows that he meant to either help to work things out or willing to lend an ear.

A mom telling her child : You are in big trouble.
Same mom telling the same child : We are in big trouble.

1st stance the child is sure to bawl but in the second, the mom knows the kind of trouble but can mean that she understands that the child will need some assistance getting out of it even though if it means that the child will eventually have to get out of that trouble himself.

There will be occasions where you wanna get things done. The usage of \"we\" and \"you\" will yield different responses as well. Just the other day, buds_hubs came home from work and was very sweet to offer his help in getting the boys to have their bath. So... this transpired when he was trying to get buds_chubs to have his shower.

Hubs : You. Shower.
Chubs : Nope. Not yet. (He meant not now.) :rotflmao:

Hubs was :frustrated: because it got chubs and him into a scream fest for awhile. So.....

I said : We shower?
Chubs : Okay mommy. Wets go! (He meant let's go.) :rotflmao:

That made hubs fume for awhile. As usual claiming chubs was becoming quite the brat and that I spoiled him. He :roll: his eyes at chubs teasingly much to the boy's delight. Seeing hubs still lazing around and seemingly like no longer wanting to have his bath after chubs was done, I scolded him.

Pointing to him. I said.

\"YOU!\" :mad:

\"Shower!\" :evil:
...

buds:

This is a skill not everyone can master. :evil:

buds:

Never was it ever implied that ownership of the work was anyway ours at all. :evil: *See words in blue..*

limlim:

I never use WE when it comes to homework, revision, keeping their desk clean etc..

I make it a point that it is THEIR responsibility.

Their test result, revision, homework, assignments, cleanup after a task etc.. It their own responsibility.

I am always there if they need me, but, as far as ownership is concerned, it is theirs, not mine. :evil:

And they have to answer for their own actions.

I make it very clear to them.

limlim:

buds:

[quote=\"Funz\"]

:rotflmao:

Think I have been speaking like that to kiddos for as long as they can remember they know what I am referring to when I use 'we'.

I must remember to try 'you'. Let me test it out. And see what kind of response I get from them.

...... and I thought I was the oddball. :please: Funz, we use the \"we\" too.

Perhaps... :idea: ... it might be something to do with the line we are in? I realize I use \"we\" a lot to garner the positive energies of the lil' ones to get not just the small things done, but the biggest of tasks. Everything is a \"together\" thing. Regardless even if I was working with only one or two lil cuties at a time... and regardless if I was only singing the song with them instead of walking the talk.

Jennifer:

Few days ago I came across this:


A man: You smell good today.

The woman: :rant: I smelled bad all this while? Only today I smelled nice :spank:

:rotflmao:

How should we give a compliment when someone smelled nice???

janet_lee88:

I can't possibly say 'are we expecting the cane?' :rotflmao:

With the kids, there is absolutely no need to be so tactful...if there is a need to use YOU, just use it.

They are the ones who have to sit for exams.
Homework belongs to them.
Caning is for them too.

Funz:

buds:

...... and I thought I was the oddball. :please: Funz, we use the \"we\" too.

Perhaps... :idea: ... it might be something to do with the line we are in? I realize I use \"we\" a lot to garner the positive energies of the lil' ones to get not just the small things done, but the biggest of tasks. Everything is a \"together\" thing. Regardless even if I was working with only one or two lil cuties at a time... and regardless if I was only singing the song with them instead of walking the talk.

Like, \"What shall we do next?\" or \"What do you think \"we\" can make from this?\"

One of the best ones I can remember will be those that go like this... \"Think we should do something about this room?\" Then, the lil ones automatically sing... \"Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up..\" Even the biggest of rooms get cleaned up. Neatly and very quickly too i must add.

Errrr just to highlight that Sec 2 is too late to implement this, even for the smallest of rooms. If your child falls in this age range, YOU have missed the boat my friend.

:snuggles: Finally! Another oddball like me.



Whatever methods we use, most importantly, the person whom we are trying to get the message to, gets what we are trying to tell them.

buds:

...... and I thought I was the oddball. :please: Funz, we use the \"we\" too.

Perhaps... :idea: ... it might be something to do with the line we are in? I realize I use \"we\" a lot to garner the positive energies of the lil' ones to get not just the small things done, but the biggest of tasks. Everything is a \"together\" thing. Regardless even if I was working with only one or two lil cuties at a time... and regardless if I was only singing the song with them instead of walking the talk.

Like, \"What shall we do next?\" or \"What do you think \"we\" can make from this?\"

One of the best ones I can remember will be those that go like this... \"Think we should do something about this room?\" Then, the lil ones automatically sing... \"Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up..\" Even the biggest of rooms get cleaned up. Neatly and very quickly too i must add.

Errrr just to highlight that Sec 2 is too late to implement this, even for the smallest of rooms. If your child falls in this age range, YOU have missed the boat my friend.

Funz:

limlim:

I never use WE when it comes to homework, revision, keeping their desk clean etc..

I make it a point that it is THEIR responsibility.

Their test result, revision, homework, assignments, cleanup after a task etc.. It their own responsibility.

I am always there if they need me, but, as far as ownership is concerned, it is theirs, not mine. :evil:

And they have to answer for their own actions.

I make it very clear to them.

That's my approach. May not work for others, just to share only.

Everyone have their own way of managing things and pattern of speech. . Communication is not just about the words spoken at that point in time. It invplves body language, tone, etc. In a family we may develop our own lingo that others may not fully understand nor able to effectively replicate as it is developed over time through spoken and unspoken words, conscious and sub-conscious actions.

I have a habit of using 'we' when following up on stuff with kiddos but that does not mean that I never use 'you' or 'yours'. 'We' is usually used as an opening. And if specifics need to be managed, it will be a different tone, different choice of words and different body language. Kiddos are well aware of what their responsibilities are. And so far no issues with them completing homework or chores. :xedfingers:

limlim:

buds:

[quote=\"Funz\"]

:rotflmao:

Think I have been speaking like that to kiddos for as long as they can remember they know what I am referring to when I use 'we'.

I must remember to try 'you'. Let me test it out. And see what kind of response I get from them.

...... and I thought I was the oddball. :please: Funz, we use the \"we\" too.

Perhaps... :idea: ... it might be something to do with the line we are in? I realize I use \"we\" a lot to garner the positive energies of the lil' ones to get not just the small things done, but the biggest of tasks. Everything is a \"together\" thing. Regardless even if I was working with only one or two lil cuties at a time... and regardless if I was only singing the song with them instead of walking the talk.

ChiefKiasu:

Funz:

http://i1131.photobucket.com/albums/m560/cylsfun/9a0fcf62-573b-48e8-a9b5-7ce6b2d70eb6_zpsa8653072.jpg?t=1367482113\">


Special delivery for Chief.

That looks more like a hollowed-out end of a banana

buds:

Funz:

:rotflmao:

Think I have been speaking like that to kiddos for as long as they can remember they know what I am referring to when I use 'we'.

I must remember to try 'you'. Let me test it out. And see what kind of response I get from them.

...... and I thought I was the oddball. :please: Funz, we use the \"we\" too.

Perhaps... :idea: ... it might be something to do with the line we are in? I realize I use \"we\" a lot to garner the positive energies of the lil' ones to get not just the small things done, but the biggest of tasks. Everything is a \"together\" thing. Regardless even if I was working with only one or two lil cuties at a time... and regardless if I was only singing the song with them instead of walking the talk.

ChiefKiasu:

Funz:

http://i1131.photobucket.com/albums/m560/cylsfun/9a0fcf62-573b-48e8-a9b5-7ce6b2d70eb6_zpsa8653072.jpg?t=1367482113\">


Special delivery for Chief.

That looks more like a hollowed-out end of a banana