Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Tue, 02 Jul 2013 00:52:11 GMT

mwchua — Tue, 02 Jul 2013 00:52:11 GMT

I had a talk with my new maid. She also showed me her gear again and strike the understanding that she will only pray at night after all required work is done.

She is my 3rd maid in 10 years and frankly, with her just being 1 week with us, we are still trying to establish trust. Hence my reaction is stronger. If it is my former maid whom has been with us for 5 years praying, I guess I would not even question about it.

Really hoping that she can be my last maid, looking forward to being able either work-from-home or find more meaningful permanent part-time morning work. Now that my girl is in upper primary, she also need more guidance in both school work and personal development.

Thanks to all of you for your kind advice :thankyou:

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 17:01:48 GMT

insider — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 17:01:48 GMT

Funz:

Personally, I think if the maid is one who is pious enough to pray, chances are they are more decent. But their practises should not interfere with their ability to perform their chores to our satisfaction.

My maid prays 5 times a day, complete gear on her special praying mat.

She fasts annually too.

I allow her to do that coz those don't really interfere with her work.

My kids know how to leave her alone when she is praying (she prays in my daughter's room).

Overall, I am quite a religious person and so I know how it is like if one is religious.

I have the same opinion as Funz that \"one who is pious enough to pray, chances are they are more decent\" and so I sort of praised her piety.

She has been working for me for coming 9 years and she ever said one of the key reasons she has never considered leaving me is because I allow her to pray. She also told me her mum told her the same thing that \"your boss is so understanding and so you should not change employer unless she doesn't need you anymore.\"

Well...

PS:

She does cook pork dishes but all at home are very 'civilised' to use only common spoons in each dish so as not to 'contaminate' non-pork dishes. My 10 years old is the 'policeman' in this matter, that he will sound alarm if any of us ever 'cross spoon' among pork-non-pork dishes accidentally to render a certain non-pork dish inedible for my maid anymore.

I just find it is a good training ground for kids to learn how to accommodate people with differences and respect such differences instead of perhaps keep thinking about 'Me, Me, Me'...

PS2:
My second thought about my maid's praying is actually her praying is good for my house as a whole coz her prayers will include the house to be safe from evils, etc and so I should be thankful to her...

PS3:
My maid and I exchange religion knowledge at times and of course, there are many similarities between Islam and Buddhism and so we cherish/celebrate all these similarities instead of focusing on differences...

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 06:06:14 GMT

Funz — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 06:06:14 GMT

If you talk to her and get her to show your DD and your mum the gear that she wears and why she needs to pray I think that should eliminate the shock factor.

Personally, I think if the maid is one who is pious enough to pray, chances are they are more decent. But their practises should not interfere with their ability to perform their chores to our satisfaction.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 05:59:58 GMT

mwchua — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 05:59:58 GMT

I have no issue with praying, but not with the head-to-toe gear.

My fault at this, as I only remember the handphone & off-day requirement, but so far none of the maid mentioned on praying, so I overlooked to highlight this as a "No".

Let’s see how she reacts after I talk to her tonight.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 05:51:47 GMT

hquek — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 05:51:47 GMT

actually quite true. I can’t remember what happened in my story except that the maid I mentioned didn’t last long. Seem like she took advantage of the 5 times a day prayer to go napping (alternate mode of prayer?). Really quite strange becos that family also got not much to do, dunno why need so much sleep.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:43:54 GMT

homeworkmummy — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:43:54 GMT

I do not allow maid to pray or fast in my house, they have to agree to this before I employ them, so far, all my maids are fine without praying and fasting.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:19:41 GMT

boney — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:19:41 GMT

mwchua:
Hi,

Wish to seek your advice. I just got a new Indonesian Muslim maid, she previously worked in Saudi.

I just realized that she had been praying every night (bumped into it last night), don’t know if she prays at other times too. I have no major issue with her praying, but when she prays she is in the full head-to-toe gear, with only eyes visible.

The maid now sleeps in the 3rd bedroom, which is meant to be bedroom for my girl. Just that instead of letting my girl sleeps with the maid, I now let her sleep with me. All my girl’s books/clothes are kept inside that room. I don’t want my girl or mother to get a fright if they see her praying in that gear.

Do you think it will be unreasonable for me to ask her not to wear that gear if she insists on praying? Anyone with similar experience? Sorry all my previous Indo maids don’t have this issue.

Thanks.

rgds,
ming

Problem is: 'I don’t want my girl or mother to get a fright if they see her praying in that gear.'

Therefore,

Solution is: Ask the maid to close (but not lock) the door and maybe put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door when she is praying so that your family members won't get a shock when they see her praying in that gear. Of course you don't tell the maid that lah! Just tell the maid that you prefer her to close the door cos this way she can concentrate better or your mom won't be calling her name from another room or something like that cos don't know she praying, just cock a reasonable story up.

Explain to your family members that when she closes the room door and puts a 'do not disturb' sign, she is praying and that they shouldn't be interrupting when she is praying. Tell them that she shouldn't take more than say 10 minutes so if your daughter wants to get her books/clothes, maybe can wait for 10 minutes? Also, ask your maid for her prayer times so that your family know that if they want anything in the room close to these times they can take it out first.

And then right, most important, make sure you emphasize to the maid cannot lock the room door. Close doesn't mean lock. You also don't want her to do funny things in the name of prayer when the door locked.

If really sometimes emergency need something in the room or her help, tell her your family will knock on the room door and she should remove her face mask/headscarf or even change back to normal clothes before opening the door lor.

Good maid will follow your instructions, including this one. Lousy maid won't follow your instructions, this one plus all other instructions. So if she is good maid, you want to keep her, you must achieve win-win. If lousy maid, bye bye liao lah.

If you can achieve win-win, your family not getting frightened by her and your maid gets her mental wellbeing by praying and feeling respected by her employer, why not? Unless is you not happy with her wearing the gear and wanna find excuse lor. Otherwise it's just mutual respect lah.

Keep us updated on what you did so that other families can use as a reference

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:06:04 GMT

nms1 — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:06:04 GMT

not on facebook:
hquek:
Curious follow on question. I had a friend whose ex-maid insisted on praying 5 times a day (behind locked doors). Is there any set timings that she must be praying? or don't care - so long as the work she needs to do is done?

I'm curious if there are any maids who insist on following this to the letter and how employers react.
Not sure why she has to pray behind locked doors. In any case, prayers usually don't take more than 5-10mins. Suggest you speak to a Muslim friend/colleague about this

Maybe she wants to lock the door so that no-one disturbs her. Would you want your employer or the children disturbing you when you were praying?

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:53:08 GMT

not on facebook — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:53:08 GMT

hquek:
Curious follow on question. I had a friend whose ex-maid insisted on praying 5 times a day (behind locked doors). Is there any set timings that she must be praying? or don't care - so long as the work she needs to do is done?

I'm curious if there are any maids who insist on following this to the letter and how employers react.

Not sure why she has to pray behind locked doors. In any case, prayers usually don't take more than 5-10mins. Suggest you speak to a Muslim friend/colleague about this

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:19:27 GMT

hquek — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:19:27 GMT

Curious follow on question. I had a friend whose ex-maid insisted on praying 5 times a day (behind locked doors). Is there any set timings that she must be praying? or don’t care - so long as the work she needs to do is done?

I’m curious if there are any maids who insist on following this to the letter and how employers react.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:16:03 GMT

nms1 — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:16:03 GMT

I agree with hquek, you cannot ask her to change her religious practice. Maybe agree with her the times that she will pray then instruct the rest of the family not to disturb her or go into the room. Explain to your daughter that this is an important time for your maid and you must give her privacy.

Reply to Not comfortable with maid praying in head-to-toe gear on Mon, 01 Jul 2013 02:26:21 GMT

hquek — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 02:26:21 GMT

eh, this is a religious thing so I would tread very carefully.

maybe it'll be a good time to educate your girl on the various types of garb (and also advise your mum beforehand).

I rather she wear a lot than wear very little in the house.