<![CDATA[Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA]]>

QCT:
How many of you will forgive your spouse in the sake of your children? Means, let it go and continue be with your spouse?

I will not. My children are big enough now. I cannot even tolerate the thought that my spouse could be unfaithful to me or have betrayed me.

After reading through the 11 pages of sharings here, i am already feeling the pain and sense of betrayal of the forumners here who are victims of their spouse's EMAs.

It is sad and depressing that after going through thick and thin for the past decades and building a family with the one you married, he chose to seek new romance/thrills/excitement with a much younger woman at a time when the wife is most vulnerable; menapausal, ageing.....
Men can easily start afresh with a much younger woman even in their 50s or 60s, especially with the availability and willingness of so many young China, Malaysian or Vietnamese women; those who came here to work, hoping to find a man to secure a better lifestyle. Men who work with these women and are in a position of authority over them are the most attractive targets for them. It takes a very dedicated and faithful man to stay loyal to his spouse when facing so many temptations thrown their way daily.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/59501/seeking-help-spouse-relationship-emaRSS for NodeTue, 05 May 2026 12:18:15 GMTSat, 21 Oct 2017 00:45:44 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Thu, 05 Oct 2017 03:30:51 GMT]]>How many of you will forgive your spouse in the sake of your children? Means, let it go and continue be with your spouse?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1806108https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1806108Thu, 05 Oct 2017 03:30:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 02 Sep 2015 03:20:23 GMT]]>

shiki05:
depressed_mum:

I have been married for 13 years and in the mist of divorce due to HB's adultery. I came to know his EMA last year and it has been a year and I am still not able to get over it. He has committed so many mistakes and yet in my heart I am still willingly to forgive him. I tried to communicate to him but he refused to mend his way and continue to hurt. He is now enjoying his vacation with his gf and I am suffering from depression. There have been a lot of negative thoughts from me recently......from ending my life or just missing but I have 2 kids to take care.


Pls, tell me what to do........

i think rather differently from the other members here. although im not telling you that you should berate yourself, but i feel that u should also be responsible for your husband's EMA. He probably does not feel happy in the marriage and hence he chose another woman who makes him happy.
Have u thought of why and how u did not make him happy? nobody is perfect, your husband and yourself included, but if u want your marriage, u should sacrifice to make your husband happy.

basically depends on how much u want to the marriage to work. if u feel that you are more important than your marriage, that your husband cannot do anything wrong to you then leave him. if u feel that the marriage is more important than yourself, then sacrifice yourself for the marriage.

I know women that are beautiful, slim, good temper, cares for husband and family but the husbands are still unfaithful. When the men were asked for the reasons they were unfaithful, they said they want variation. They even gave example like everyday eat expensive steak is also boring so must eat cheap food. Or, they gave excuse that men are naturally can't be faithful to a woman. What a rubbish! :mad:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1570853https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1570853Wed, 02 Sep 2015 03:20:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 02 Sep 2015 03:02:45 GMT]]>

depressed_mum:
I have been married for 13 years and in the mist of divorce due to HB's adultery. I came to know his EMA last year and it has been a year and I am still not able to get over it. He has committed so many mistakes and yet in my heart I am still willingly to forgive him. I tried to communicate to him but he refused to mend his way and continue to hurt. He is now enjoying his vacation with his gf and I am suffering from depression. There have been a lot of negative thoughts from me recently......from ending my life or just missing but I have 2 kids to take care.


Pls, tell me what to do........
i think rather differently from the other members here. although im not telling you that you should berate yourself, but i feel that u should also be responsible for your husband's EMA. He probably does not feel happy in the marriage and hence he chose another woman who makes him happy.
Have u thought of why and how u did not make him happy? nobody is perfect, your husband and yourself included, but if u want your marriage, u should sacrifice to make your husband happy.

basically depends on how much u want to the marriage to work. if u feel that you are more important than your marriage, that your husband cannot do anything wrong to you then leave him. if u feel that the marriage is more important than yourself, then sacrifice yourself for the marriage.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1570827https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1570827Wed, 02 Sep 2015 03:02:45 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Thu, 30 Jul 2015 17:38:06 GMT]]>sigh… the kind of guys i hate…


1) rapist/murderers/molesters
2) Daddies with EMA issues
3) Husband with EMA issues
4) BF/Fiance with EMA issues

So, as you can see, EMA is worse when you have kids… Not that i am encouraging EMAs, but if you really, really, really have to do it, make sure you dont have kids and pls make sure you dont make kids with the other lady… make it ONS…
and of coz make sure you use protection… ( you are still a bastard for doing this )

this kind of guys, who is a dad but EMA with other ladies, going on vacation or having another family without the wife consent, is just SICK and deserve to be eaten alive by lions…

Sorry for being brutal… i hate it!!

Anyways, for those affected ladies, all advices you get is to think for your kids… you dont deserve that jerk… pack up and leave… hopefully you find someone better… taking care and good luck!

Peace!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1550966https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1550966Thu, 30 Jul 2015 17:38:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 07:54:57 GMT]]>In my opinion, if you have decided to forgive your hubby then you got to try your best not to think too much about it. I believe it is not easy. Maybe try thinking that we are all human beings with feelings?


Human beings are susceptible to feelings. Not only men go for extramarital affairs, women also hor. If it’s a repeat behavior, then you got to think more seriously.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535407https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535407Wed, 08 Jul 2015 07:54:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 07:46:36 GMT]]>what if he repeat again in future , what should i do ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535402https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535402Wed, 08 Jul 2015 07:46:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 06:06:51 GMT]]>

mayarassemi:
What should I do ? What can I do to him ? I am actually 很辛苦啊!

Don't 憋在心里面, not good for your heart and soul, as well as your children.
Arrange for a couple time, heart to heart talk with him, but mentally be prepared for the worst (quarrel sure arise). Guys who 出轨will always push blame to the wife. However, if he's a responsible man, husband and a father, even you had neglected him, that's not a good excuse for his act lah, any of his family member can help you if the couple talk fail? Someone who's impartial, matured. If both of you want to stay as husband and wife, must talk it out and not let the case rest.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535359https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535359Wed, 08 Jul 2015 06:06:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:39:50 GMT]]>

janet88:
mayarassemi:

What should I do ? What can I do to him ? I am actually 很辛苦啊!


Sit down with him. Talk it out. What is the cause?
As a wife, you are directly affected. What does he plan to do about it?

If both of you are willing to make it work, then plan what each of you will do to make your relationship stronger. If he is not willing to try, then it will be harder to change things.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535266https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535266Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:39:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:28:15 GMT]]>

mayarassemi:
What should I do ? What can I do to him ? I am actually 很辛苦啊!

Sit down with him. Talk it out. What is the cause?
As a wife, you are directly affected. What does he plan to do about it?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535257https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535257Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:28:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:21:16 GMT]]>What should I do ? What can I do to him ? I am actually 很辛苦啊!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535251https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535251Wed, 08 Jul 2015 03:21:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 01:55:15 GMT]]>

lee_yl:
TheAnswer:

U r forgiving him that easily?


Ya lor?! :?

The husband screwed up...cannot possibly just move on like that.
Couples' therapy? Apology. It's hard on the wife.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535155https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535155Wed, 08 Jul 2015 01:55:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 01:44:05 GMT]]>

TheAnswer:
U r forgiving him that easily?

Ya lor?! :?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535139https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535139Wed, 08 Jul 2015 01:44:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 00:19:22 GMT]]>U r forgiving him that easily?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535069https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535069Wed, 08 Jul 2015 00:19:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 08 Jul 2015 00:10:52 GMT]]>Think i had pay more attention to kids than him lately, thank you for the advise , hope to get it over quick as i can’t concentrate on my work and my kids.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535063https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1535063Wed, 08 Jul 2015 00:10:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:01:36 GMT]]>Message him in the morning and before he sleep, if have children, FaceTime/Skype him every night, as a reminder to him that he has a family.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534840https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534840Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:01:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:59:26 GMT]]>

mayarassemi:
yes he did and he deleted the messages before I get to read. We quarrel , talk yet I am still angry and sad. What shd I do for his future oversea trip I just can't take it and will definitely become 热锅上的蚂蚁 over here with all the negative thinking and imagination . I will definately become mad .

Is time to reflect your relationship with your hubby. Are you not giving him enough attention?
Since he admitted, ask why he did that, doesn't he know that it will hurt you? Doesn't he know he may bring you or him Sexually Transmitted Diseases?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534838https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534838Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:59:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Tue, 07 Jul 2015 06:28:12 GMT]]>yes he did and he deleted the messages before I get to read. We quarrel , talk yet I am still angry and sad. What shd I do for his future oversea trip I just can’t take it and will definitely become 热锅上的蚂蚁 over here with all the negative thinking and imagination . I will definately become mad .

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534690https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534690Tue, 07 Jul 2015 06:28:12 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Tue, 07 Jul 2015 03:19:39 GMT]]>

mayarassemi:
M husband having sexual during oversea business trip i just can't get it over and felt so pain can advise me what shd i do ?

Did he admit it? Or just your women instinct? Maybe try to see this issue from a different angle.
任何问题都有解决的办法。因为人有着惊人的潜力，只要立志发挥它，就一定能渡过难关。 :xedfingers:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534536https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1534536Tue, 07 Jul 2015 03:19:39 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Mon, 06 Jul 2015 05:09:06 GMT]]>M husband having sexual during oversea business trip i just can’t get it over and felt so pain can advise me what shd i do ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1533968https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1533968Mon, 06 Jul 2015 05:09:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 20 May 2015 12:17:40 GMT]]>Yes, trust has to be earned over time (years) in EMA case. If the other party realised his/her folly and wiling to give marriage a second chance, it is important to build trust.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509978https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509978Wed, 20 May 2015 12:17:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 20 May 2015 08:58:26 GMT]]>

AdonciaTang:
Ikid:

[quote=\"depressed_mum\"]Hi,


I am back. My situation hasnt been improved and gone into a serious depression again. I got hold of their ugly pics of their batam trip, with obscene bed pictures. That slut is a mother of 3!!!! should I expose them???

1) Are you ready to let go? If you exposed him and he requested for a divorce, are you ready for it?
2) Do you think he's able to change his die-hard habits (EMA) after you exposed him?
3) Do you still love him after so much hurt he has caused to you?
4) Do you think after you have exposed him, he will feel guilty?

If this the same man who has been hurting you? Is it worth it having him in your life? When he's not having EMA, did he bring you happiness ? Why is he always 'looking out' for excitement, did you ever ask him? If you're willing to let go and move on, you may find your own happiness. Yes, you will be deeply hurt, but as long as he does not turn over a new leaf, you will never be happy. Trust is lost, 'the outside world' is always more exciting for him. Evaluating what you have done to him and how he's tearing you apart helps in deciding if you should let go. May God guide you in your wise decision. Seek your own happiness and not wait for it. If you're my child, I'll be sad to see that you're not happy in your marriage.

There is no point continuing if the trust is gone.[/quote]I believe trust can be earned if all condition and behavior over time is correct.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509901https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509901Wed, 20 May 2015 08:58:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 20 May 2015 08:55:57 GMT]]>

dolphinsiah:
Zoo79:

Women also EMA. Caught wife crossed the line with her colleague. Confronted and did not denied. Claim started recently and nothing physical between them. In fit of anger, I told her I went for commercial sex. She was disappointed but couldn't get angry as she was also in the wrong. Anyway,we had 2 young kids. 3yrs n 6yrs. We have been together for about 2 decades. Started when we were young. It was not a smooth relationship, we had our splits mostly due to her new found excitement in a new environment. We decided to try get back because of the children. It was easy. There was no trust anymore. There were times when i initiated to have some time during lunch or dinner to close our gap but none of the invitation got fulfill. I got dejected after numerous rejection. Felt she don't care about our relation and I got into withdrawal mode again.

There wasn't a clean break between her and her friend I feel. As I caught her using another chatting platform to talk. Confronted her and she got angry. Have I lost her? I hope not. Really need advise on how to savage our marriage.

Seek for Couple Counselling -hope this help you.

http://i62.tinypic.com/63y43m.jpg\">

家家有本难念的经 -Take Care

Thanks. Guess both parties have responsibilities when one stray. I believe I have failed as a husband and her friend for failing to recognize her needs. She currently involved in a stressful job which failure is not an option. Since we lost the connection over time, she turned to her colleague to relieve some of her work stress. Unknowingly, perhaps, they crossed the line. I'm not saying this is correct but hope she knows where the line is and not to crossed again. Someone told me , marriage is about how u control your eyes. Open one and close one, everything is good. We are still trying to mend by letting nature taking it own course. We love our kids and wouldn't want them to be hurt. Hope time will heal and mend.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509900https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509900Wed, 20 May 2015 08:55:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Seeking help! Spouse Relationship - EMA on Wed, 20 May 2015 04:18:06 GMT]]>

Ikid:
depressed_mum:

Hi,


I am back. My situation hasnt been improved and gone into a serious depression again. I got hold of their ugly pics of their batam trip, with obscene bed pictures. That slut is a mother of 3!!!! should I expose them???

1) Are you ready to let go? If you exposed him and he requested for a divorce, are you ready for it?
2) Do you think he's able to change his die-hard habits (EMA) after you exposed him?
3) Do you still love him after so much hurt he has caused to you?
4) Do you think after you have exposed him, he will feel guilty?

If this the same man who has been hurting you? Is it worth it having him in your life? When he's not having EMA, did he bring you happiness ? Why is he always 'looking out' for excitement, did you ever ask him? If you're willing to let go and move on, you may find your own happiness. Yes, you will be deeply hurt, but as long as he does not turn over a new leaf, you will never be happy. Trust is lost, 'the outside world' is always more exciting for him. Evaluating what you have done to him and how he's tearing you apart helps in deciding if you should let go. May God guide you in your wise decision. Seek your own happiness and not wait for it. If you're my child, I'll be sad to see that you're not happy in your marriage.

There is no point continuing if the trust is gone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509722https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1509722Wed, 20 May 2015 04:18:06 GMT