How to bring up ambitious children??

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:43:02 GMT

kaydenbrown — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:43:02 GMT

Wow. There seems to be some kind of impression that going overseas to study means a person is full of ambition.

Interesting… I find that the Asian perspective is still the same throughout all these years. There is always a notion that being associated with the west is always superior.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:28:23 GMT

UncleLim — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:28:23 GMT

Instead of the word "Ambition", can I use replace it with "Drive" ? I am not sure I want my kids to be ambitious, but I do hope they will develop a drive to succeed in anything they do, for monetary returns, or out of passion, or just for doing something because it is the right or noble thing to do.

I read a book last year written by a pastor who offered counseling to families fighting over inheritance. He said 9 out of 10 families fight over money when parents die and leave behind significant amounts of property and other valuables. Inevitably long time blood relations are severed by discontent and hatred arising from perceived unfairness in the will.

We may not have experienced much of that in our generation because many of our parents did not start out with much. But our children will inherit our flats, condos, cash reserves, businesses etc. And I feel we stand to destroy our children’s future if we let them know they will inherit a few million dollars worth (for some families), and they will proceed to enjoy life in a carefree way instead of working hard to support themselves.

After reading that book and thinking through a bit, I had a discussion after that with my children and told them specifically that I will leave most of our money to charities when we pass on. But we will help them put down the first payment for a flat when they each get married. Beyond that, their financial future lies in their own hands. I hope and pray that this decision will help them be self sufficient.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:40:31 GMT

kiasimom — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:40:31 GMT

daisyt:
I have heard similar case as tamarind has mentioned. This lady sold her house, in order to send her only child to Oxford to study law. Now, the child is 30+, is working in UK, seldome come back. This lady would sometimes fly to UK to visit her.

My BIL has stayed in USA since his UNI days and now he is still there! He doesn't want to come back to SG. So my MIL has to fly here and there all the time

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:41:57 GMT

daisyt — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:41:57 GMT

I have heard similar case as tamarind has mentioned. This lady sold her house, in order to send her only child to Oxford to study law. Now, the child is 30+, is working in UK, seldome come back. This lady would sometimes fly to UK to visit her.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:43:12 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:43:12 GMT

mummy of 2:

We need to ensure that our kids can earn anough to be finanically self-sufficient, unless you have loads of cash and don't mind providing for them forever.

I recently found out that my mother is going to send GPB 1000 pounds of her own hard earned money to UK to help out my brother and his daughter. I feel really sad for her because she has scrimped and saved all her life doing low paying jobs. But she loves her son and she really wants to help him. As a mother, she simply cannot just do nothing and watch them suffer.

My auntie has a few million dollars in her bank account. She sent all 3 kids to study in prestigious universities in USA. All the kids chose to stay in USA, and my auntie was left all alone in Singapore with a maid. My auntie had to pay for their apartments in USA, and she has to give them loads of cash whenever they come back to visit her.

Seeing their examples, I am telling my kids since they were able to communicate, that when mommy is old, I will not be able to work and I will not have any money. My kids must earn enough to support themselves, and they must feed me if I really run out of money
I am being honest, my own savings may not be sufficient to support myself for the rest of my life.

[quote]Agree no harm getting information from others which is not difficult with the vast amount of info available from the internet. Kids who are matured may have done more research than us before they plunge into a certain field. [/quote]It is not true that you can find any info from the internet. Scientists and doctors who have spent many years in research & development will not have the time or interest to write a blog or chat in forums like we do.

I have tried to find out how much a research scientist working in UK earns, but I still have not managed to find the answer. Actually what is more important is to find out how people feel after working in the same field for more than 20 years without any success, and whether these people still have any passion doing what they once used to love. This is something that is very personal and it is unlikely that people want to talk about it publicly in the internet.

I would advise young people to speak to real people, not just look for information in the internet.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:51:26 GMT

Herbie — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:51:26 GMT

i think teaching the kids to set goal help them to become ambitous…

For my daughter,when she was in P1 her school required them set goals and i can see that my daughter do try her very best to work towards the goal which she has set for herself…

And she became a Model Pupil in P1…

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:27:05 GMT

mummy of 2 — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:27:05 GMT

tamarind:
I don't mean actually pulling my kids in this direction or that. I mean simply telling them the truth and the harsh realities of life. When I was in studying, I used to think that earning $3000 a month will be enough. I realized how foolish I was when I started to have a family. I already have a blog in which I calculated how much is needed to support a family of 2 kids, and I intend to use this to teach my kids.

My girl loves arts and music and if she really wants to have a career in these fields when she grows up, I will not do anything to stop her, provided she understands fully about all the consequences and the things that she may have to give up. The fact is that not everyone will be successful, no matter how hard he/she tries.

I am not going to tell her that if she tries hard enough, she will be successful. But I do wish that she has a career doing something that she loves.

Also take note that young people who aspires to go into a certain career path, may not have complete understanding of what they are required to do in that career. For example, I used to think that being a doctor is a very noble job. I tried to encourage my girl to be a doctor. But then when I had to spend a lot of time in the hospital, and I had a chance to observe the way the doctors work, I found it so dreadful. I think I really should not be giving career advice about being doctors :oops:

It is best that they learn more from people who have been in that field for many years.

I can't agree more. If we are not in that field, we will not know the ins and outs of the job. We may think that it is good to encourage our kids to pursue their interest. It sounds like what a supportive parent should do. But we also have to be practical, as what may be interesting to study may not translate into a satisfying career. We need to ensure that our kids can earn anough to be finanically self-sufficient, unless you have loads of cash and don't mind providing for them forever.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:19:23 GMT

tamarind — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:19:23 GMT

Funz:

I see it differently, all the research that your bro has done must have been documented. He may not have discovered anything but his researches could pave the way for another to make the breakthrough. That in itself is an important contribution.

There can only be so many Einsteins or Picassos or Pavarottis or for that matter Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett or Bill Gates in this world, be it in the scientific, arts or business world.

If you have the potential, is it better to have tried and failed rather then to not try at all.

Believe me, his contribution when working in Singapore was not important. We simply don't have that kind of environment in advance research in Physics. Well I do hope that he can do something important in the future. But right now he is struggling to support his wife and kids.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:13:07 GMT

tamarind — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:13:07 GMT

I don't mean actually pulling my kids in this direction or that. I mean simply telling them the truth and the harsh realities of life. When I was in studying, I used to think that earning $3000 a month will be enough. I realized how foolish I was when I started to have a family. I already have a blog in which I calculated how much is needed to support a family of 2 kids, and I intend to use this to teach my kids.

My girl loves arts and music and if she really wants to have a career in these fields when she grows up, I will not do anything to stop her, provided she understands fully about all the consequences and the things that she may have to give up. The fact is that not everyone will be successful, no matter how hard he/she tries.

I am not going to tell her that if she tries hard enough, she will be successful. But I do wish that she has a career doing something that she loves.

Also take note that young people who aspires to go into a certain career path, may not have complete understanding of what they are required to do in that career. For example, I used to think that being a doctor is a very noble job. I tried to encourage my girl to be a doctor. But then when I had to spend a lot of time in the hospital, and I had a chance to observe the way the doctors work, I found it so dreadful. I think I really should not be giving career advice about being doctors :oops:

It is best that they learn more from people who have been in that field for many years.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:59:51 GMT

Funz — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:59:51 GMT

tamarind:
It is certainly good to have the aspiration to find a cure for cancer, and I sincerely hope that someone will succeed one day.

However, most people do not understand the difficulty to achieve these dreams. My brother has a PhD in Physics from the most prestigious university in UK. He has been doing scientific research for the past 15 years and he has not discovered anything new.

If my kids have such aspirations, I will tell them about my brother. I don't want them to regret when they are 40 years old and have a family to support.

I see it differently, all the research that your bro has done must have been documented. He may not have discovered anything but his researches could pave the way for another to make the breakthrough. That in itself is an important contribution.

There can only be so many Einsteins or Picassos or Pavarottis or for that matter Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett or Bill Gates in this world, be it in the scientific, arts or business world.

If you have the potential, is it better to have tried and failed rather then to not try at all.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:16:12 GMT

tamarind — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:16:12 GMT

It is certainly good to have the aspiration to find a cure for cancer, and I sincerely hope that someone will succeed one day.

However, most people do not understand the difficulty to achieve these dreams. My brother has a PhD in Physics from the most prestigious university in UK. He has been doing scientific research for the past 15 years and he has not discovered anything new.

If my kids have such aspirations, I will tell them about my brother. I don’t want them to regret when they are 40 years old and have a family to support.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:48:44 GMT

tamarind — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:48:44 GMT

[quote]
How to bring up ambitious children from a wealthy family?? how to make them study for themselves?? I used to do all these for myself when i was young because my parents were not rich..now i dunno how to make my children to be more ambitious and dun depends on the family?[/quote]Actually the original person who started this thread, was referring to money and materials. The kid needs to earn enough money to support himself first so that he does not depend on his family. That is the basic requirement. I think using the word \"ambitious\" is probably not quite appropriate.

I was actually very ambitious when I was young. I dreamed of inventing something that will change the world. When I grew up and started to work, I realized how difficult it was to do so. I did not managed to change the world. Instead, I spent most of my time earning a living and making sure that there is food on the table.

While it is good to have high and mighty ambitions like saving the world, etc, I would tell my kids that first and foremost, they must be able to earn enough money so that their parents and kids can live a comfortable life. I will also tell them to be realistic. Scientists doing research and development usually do not earn much, and they spend most of their time and effort in their research, often without much of a personal life, and neglecting their families.

I would teach them ways to help other people that are easily within their abilities. For example, giving free tuition to poor children, becoming a teacher who helps children to have a better future, etc.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:37:50 GMT

kiasimom — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:37:50 GMT

ks2me:
kiasimom:
How about goal setting for the child?

My children are taught goal setting since Pri 1.
It sounds like a healthy approach to work towards a goal.

Thanks. Indeed it is.
At least they know they have to work towards their goals.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:40:02 GMT

corneyAmber — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:40:02 GMT

kiasimom:
How about goal setting for the child?

My children are taught goal setting since Pri 1.

It sounds like a healthy approach to work towards a goal.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:13:29 GMT

kiasimom — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:13:29 GMT

How about goal setting for the child?

My children are taught goal setting since Pri 1.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:44:00 GMT

corneyAmber — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:44:00 GMT

sashimi:
mincy:
Personally, I read ambition is as a desire to achieve something, doesn't necessary have to be wealth or financial well being.

There is so much one can aspire to achieve other than wealth and career. e.g. finding a cure for cancer, inventing something to make life better for others, helping people with their health, finance, changing the world etc. etc.

In order to do any of the above, one have to gain knowledge and skills and therefore it is necessary to study and better oneself as money alone can not help one achieve such aspiration/ambition. So I suppose if one try to instil non money related ambition in the child, whether a family is wealthy or not will not be that relevant.
:goodpost: :goodpost: :rahrah: :rahrah:

I want to ring a very loud bell for mincy here, who seems to be the only one not focussing on material wealth.

Fellow parents, listen to ourselves... Ambition = material desires? Like this, we are perpetuating the poison of materialism, the mantra of capitalism, the cooking oil of kiasuism.

No no, I am not saying material needs are irrelevant, it is. But I think mincy makes a very important point. Ambition is also about knowledge. Very much about knowledge. Don't forget your kids' ambitions to learn.

Fact: Singaporeans and Singapore like to think we are \"No.1\" in everything, when in fact we are a microscopic spec on the globe, full of people who see the world through the wrong end of a telescope. Many of us are ignorant, dismissive, self-righteous, arrogant people who know precious little about the world. The fact that we are supposed to be a materially wealthy society makes it worse, because we park ourselves in our materialism and don't think there is any much more we need to do... or LEARN.

I tell you, this is why we are not an ambitious people. This is why inventions and advancements are made in other countries. This is why we send our best OVERSEAS to study. This is why we resort to hiring amgmos to be the bosses.

Regardless of the \"No.1\" propaganda you hear all the time, I would say, the best thing you can do to make your child ambitious is to see what is happening outside of Singapore.

And I'm not talking about typhoons, new shopping malls, stomp and other stupid nonsense from the idiot newspapers - I'm talking about the sort of thing mincy has mentioned - medical research into cancer, robotics, the plans to go to Mars, to build a space elevator, Web 3.0 and semantic technology, browser-based operating systems, wireless electricity, alternative energies, green cars, folding screens - go to TED.com and watch some videos to see what global experts in various fields are doing.

And you will seriously begin to see how small we are, how petty are our concerns, how irrelevant our daily news is. Humble ourselves, and inspire our kids. Ambition begins with knowing what we don't know.

I cannot help but feel that a wrong choice of word, \"ambition\" has been used in this discussion as it has a negative connotation of a fierce burning desire that will hurt eventually. Maybe that is just my perception.

I would like to think in terms of \"aspirations\" and \"dreams\" that is more inspiring.

If I replace the word in most of the discussion here, it sounds more palatable as I would not encourage ambitions but for aspirations and dreams, yes.

Here's a formal definition:
Ambition is an eagerness to acquire personal advantage, wealth, power, status or fame while aspiration is a gentle but firm determination to achieve something

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:58:58 GMT

en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:58:58 GMT

Majority of the parents who replied here are with kids so young. Some still grappling with learning. Ambition can be very high and lofty and for some others can be as practical as in study well to get a good job. What job? Never mind as long as you can support yourself and family. To get them to think beyond, the child must be very special.

I do have ambition when I was young. I want to be a stewardess cause I love to see the God's created world. To see ancient ruins, to see the natural wonders of the world, to see how wars, economy and politic ruins the lovely nature. It's just an ambition when young. Life changes unexpectedly. Never got to be a stewardess. Height does not meet minimum criteria

But I do agree on one thing. Ambition begins with knowing what we don't know. I still got to travel and see the world. Just not serving passenger but being served instead.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:53:11 GMT

schellen — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:53:11 GMT

tamarind:
My girl usually only asks for stickers when she finish a book (applies to only books of a few hundred pages long) My boy takes much longer.

I think many other kids do not understand the the value of money, I wonder why other parents don't think it is important to teach them.

Oh, stickers. She has tonnes of them, collecting dust. I don't reward her for reading. The reading itself is the reward, especially if it is a good book.

Yes, must teach the value of money, especially when DD seems inclined to spending whenever we go out. Could be because she has doting grandparents. Sigh....

And sashimi and DD are both Carpicorns, which I partially attribute their ambitious nature to. :politebleah:

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:29:47 GMT

sashimi — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:29:47 GMT

mincy:
Personally, I read ambition is as a desire to achieve something, doesn't necessary have to be wealth or financial well being.

There is so much one can aspire to achieve other than wealth and career. e.g. finding a cure for cancer, inventing something to make life better for others, helping people with their health, finance, changing the world etc. etc.

In order to do any of the above, one have to gain knowledge and skills and therefore it is necessary to study and better oneself as money alone can not help one achieve such aspiration/ambition. So I suppose if one try to instil non money related ambition in the child, whether a family is wealthy or not will not be that relevant.

:goodpost: :goodpost: :rahrah: :rahrah:

I want to ring a very loud bell for mincy here, who seems to be the only one not focussing on material wealth.

Fellow parents, listen to ourselves... Ambition = material desires? Like this, we are perpetuating the poison of materialism, the mantra of capitalism, the cooking oil of kiasuism.

No no, I am not saying material needs are irrelevant, it is. But I think mincy makes a very important point. Ambition is also about knowledge. Very much about knowledge. Don't forget your kids' ambitions to learn.

Fact: Singaporeans and Singapore like to think we are \"No.1\" in everything, when in fact we are a microscopic spec on the globe, full of people who see the world through the wrong end of a telescope. Many of us are ignorant, dismissive, self-righteous, arrogant people who know precious little about the world. The fact that we are supposed to be a materially wealthy society makes it worse, because we park ourselves in our materialism and don't think there is any much more we need to do... or LEARN.

I tell you, this is why we are not an ambitious people. This is why inventions and advancements are made in other countries. This is why we send our best OVERSEAS to study. This is why we resort to hiring amgmos to be the bosses.

Regardless of the \"No.1\" propaganda you hear all the time, I would say, the best thing you can do to make your child ambitious is to see what is happening outside of Singapore.

And I'm not talking about typhoons, new shopping malls, stomp and other stupid nonsense from the idiot newspapers - I'm talking about the sort of thing mincy has mentioned - medical research into cancer, robotics, the plans to go to Mars, to build a space elevator, Web 3.0 and semantic technology, browser-based operating systems, wireless electricity, alternative energies, green cars, folding screens - go to TED.com and watch some videos to see what global experts in various fields are doing.

And you will seriously begin to see how small we are, how petty are our concerns, how irrelevant our daily news is. Humble ourselves, and inspire our kids. Ambition begins with knowing what we don't know.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:43:10 GMT

buds — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:43:10 GMT

Emelyn:

We used to stay in a Semi-D. Kids used to think that we stay in Semi-D, therefore we are rich. But we always tell the kids that we are OK only, not rich.

Also, we described to them how hard we worked in order to buy that house.

Rich what.. :lol:
Kids are right... right?

But yes yes buds knows..
No big house without hard work. :celebrate:

mummy of 2 : My DDs say that too!

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:40:47 GMT

Emelyn — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:40:47 GMT

schellen:
I have to \"translate\" that into how many plates of rice she can buy at the sch canteen to help DD see it relatively.

Ha ha... I do that too !!

I translate it to the number of plates of Hor Fun that they can eat. My kids love Hor Fun....

We used to stay in a Semi-D. Kids used to think that we stay in Semi-D, therefore we are rich. But we always tell the kids that we are OK only, not rich.

Also, we described to them how hard we worked in order to buy that house.

Plus we also don't buy Prada, eat high class restaurant....DH likes to bring the kids to hawker centres to eat....So kids always think we very poor. Ha Ha.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:35:25 GMT

Emelyn — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:35:25 GMT

daisyt:
nkthen:
Remember that: Children learn from their parents.

If the parents are splurging like mad, their children will learn to splurge.

If the parents buys Prada, eats at high-class restaurant, their children will learn that this is the way to do so.

Likewise...

If the parent discuss with the children on spending money, the children will learn they cannot splurge money.

If the parent loves beaches instead of shopping malls, the children will love the nature and will not end up \"I go out with parents must buy things!\"
AGREE FULLY ! :celebrate:

I agree too !!!

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:24:00 GMT

tamarind — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:24:00 GMT

schellen:

I do that too! Except that sometimes, I have to \"translate\" that into how many plates of rice she can buy at the sch canteen to help DD see it relatively. Or I will \"convert\" the amount into the \"gold coins\" ($1) she likes to collect. For example, this toy will need XX number of gold coins. If she goes :!: , then my job is done. If I feel that I can afford it, and it is useful, and she deserves it, I may consider getting it for her.

About the book rewards...that one cannot lah. The rate at which DD reads will make me bankrupt. :faint:

My girl usually only asks for stickers when she finish a book (applies to only books of a few hundred pages long) My boy takes much longer.

I think many other kids do not understand the the value of money, I wonder why other parents don't think it is important to teach them.

Reply to How to bring up ambitious children?? on Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:20:59 GMT

mummy of 2 — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:20:59 GMT

DS1 has been saying he wants to live in condo. We tell him he has to work hard when he grows up, so he can afford one, for the whole family