insider:

Hi vinegar


many things that triggered such pain are mostly from our perceptions and I seldom get ‘deceived’ by perceptions) and so worry my writing will ‘trivilise’ it.

I know what u mean...but very hard to control my mind
The rest have said it that you have to learn to live for yourself as no one is more important than you.

Your next major move should be moving towards light and not to another dead corner.

yes, I noted it...discussing wf my mum.

She looks 残 – skinny and ‘dry’ – a look of no 福气 (I hope you are not looking like this!).

hmm...I hope I am skinny ...hv to admit... everyone asks me why I look so tired,almost everyone...even I sleep well at night, still look 四眼无神...I oso notice the boss n staff at Ya Kun stop calling me 美女, :oops:

PS:
You’ve forgotten my 驴子转磨 story? Now you are the 驴子 that keeps turning around the same spot and 一边不停的转，一边不停的怨.

I understand wat u mean....I know I've to do something...I will...


PS3:
You have to also consider your sexual life with your husband. If you keep don't want to 'give it' to him, then one day you cannot really fault him if he strays and if he really strays, then your hurt will be multiplied as compared to now...

no interest....he is \"duplication\" of my MIL...they look alike.

sleepy:

Mawar:

Sleepy, I will learn from you. Not the whole book but will take a few pages. :rotflmao:


Thanks!

Which page?

slmkhoo:

Funz:

The so be it lah. More free time for yourself then. If worry that they eat junk then control via pocket money. Hehe. Eating out not cheap so eventually they will have to come home for meals.

When my kids started getting fussy about food (toddler age), I told them very plainly that they had a choice at every meal - eat or don't eat. No offers of other food provided. They only refused one or 2 meals each before they realised I meant business. Even since, they have been pretty good about eating whatever appears on the table. I allow them to give feedback if they don't like anything, but they still have to eat it at that meal (or go hungry). I will take note for the future, although I reserve the right not to follow all suggestions.

Funz:

That is the thing. A lot of women when they become SAHM they seem to think they cannot demand certain things and must serve the husband from head to toe. Thing is, ladies, you are your own boss when you become SAHM, you decide what is to be done, when to do it and to what extent. You are the one who will decide whether you need additional manpower or not, and whether that manpower should come in the form of DH or DC or paid help. You run the household.

Totally agree with Funz here. I always emphasise that I stay at home to be first and foremost a 'Mum' - I stay home to bring up my kids and make sure they are safe and healthy. As my kids get older, part of my role is to make sure they know how to take care of themselves, cook bit, clean a home etc, and get more independent. I happen to do housework and cooking because I am on the spot and have the time to, and when I need help, the rest of the family is obliged to help. When I find that I am being taken for granted, I will make some comment early on and, so far, they are quite good at taking the hint. SAHM should not allow themselves to be regarded as everyone's servant.

vinegar:

i muz adopt ur methods.....sound very effective...but what if they find outside food taste beta than mine?

Mawar:

Sleepy, I will learn from you. Not the whole book but will take a few pages. :rotflmao:


Thanks!

Funz:

vinegar:

i muz adopt ur methods.....sound very effective...but what if they find outside food taste beta than mine?

The so be it lah. More free time for yourself then. If worry that they eat junk then control via pocket money. Hehe. Eating out not cheap so eventually they will have to come home for meals.

Funz:

vinegar:

when i was FTWM, i didn't cook/cut fruit/make drink for him.My R&R as SAHM expanded yet he is like...oh..u suppose to do so..that kinda attitude,don't know hw to describe

That is the thing. A lot of women when they become SAHM they seem to think they cannot demand certain things and must serve the husband from head to toe. Thing is, ladies, you are your own boss when you become SAHM, you decide what is to be done, when to do it and to what extent. You are the one who will decide whether you need additional manpower or not, and whether that manpower should come in the form of DH or DC or paid help. You run the household.

vinegar:

i muz adopt ur methods.....sound very effective...but what if they find outside food taste beta than mine?

vinegar:

when i was FTWM, i didn't cook/cut fruit/make drink for him.My R&R as SAHM expanded yet he is like...oh..u suppose to do so..that kinda attitude,don't know hw to describe

ammonite:

Vinegar, it is too soon. You are too deep in the emotional red, you need to give yourself more time to build up.


I agree one hand cannot clap. Just focus on yourself for now. As Buds said, she knew she was darn good. (yes, Buds, you are!!) That is exactly the spirit. Let the pain be your strength. If anyone treat you like dirt, just take it that they are the dirt beneath your feet - 视而不见。 别让他挡了你的阳光。

vinegar:

Mawar:

I agree. I have discovered along the way that acquiring material stuff did not bring comfort. Sometimes it brought stress. Take the time to discover what makes you happy. Do buy somethings and learn from mistakes along the way. At this juncture, don't make hasty decision on one big ticket item.

After being SAHM for a few years, many of us ignore and forget about ourselves. Always putting others before self, until one fine day, we wonder where did the gal go??

:goodpost: u always hit the jackpot.....

sleepy:

Agreed!

If kids criticised my cooking, I ask them to eat lunch in school. After being super bored with canteen food, my cooking taste yummy again. If complain about dinner, i offer them option to cook their own meals or eat bread as dinner for 1 week. That usually shut them up. Be grateful that I'm cooking healthy meal, no patience to entertain fussy demand. I'm mummy your highness, not the maid. No la, my kids still think I'm the best. I want to set their expectation right... which is don't expect too much from me :evil:

Same goes for hubby. Cannot bully me just because I'm not earning an income. I expect him to help out in house chores too. I can't and don't want to do EVERYTHING.

Mawar:

I agree. I have discovered along the way that acquiring material stuff did not bring comfort. Sometimes it brought stress. Take the time to discover what makes you happy. Do buy somethings and learn from mistakes along the way. At this juncture, don't make hasty decision on one big ticket item.

After being SAHM for a few years, many of us ignore and forget about ourselves. Always putting others before self, until one fine day, we wonder where did the gal go??

Imp75:

Because of all the horror mil stories, hubby and I make sure we avoid all potential conflicts by (1) don't kaypoh into each other family's affairs or give comments unnecessarily even if we don't agree with the method/beliefs (2) don't stay together if possible (3) don't be dependent on them.

Mawar:

slmkhoo:

When you want to treat yourself to something, it has to be something you will enjoy. If makeup and gadgets are not your thing, then do something else! I have very little interest in such things either. But what really makes me happy is an hour of peace and quiet (when kids were younger, 15 mins would do!) and a cup of tea. As long as I could have that once or twice a day, I was happy. So find your 'treat' even if it seems too inexpensive and normal to be a treat, and build that into your day.

I agree. I have discovered along the way that acquiring material stuff did not bring comfort. Sometimes it brought stress. Take the time to discover what makes you happy. Do buy somethings and learn from mistakes along the way. At this juncture, don't make hasty decision on one big ticket item.

After being SAHM for a few years, many of us ignore and forget about ourselves. Always putting others before self, until one fine day, we wonder where did the gal go??

slmkhoo:

vinegar:

hmm...that is my excuse...if no chance to use,why nid to buy? don't know,i always feel very guilty spending that $$ coz i am SAHM...with that $$ I spend on makeup,i exchange $$ wf Angry Bird toys or plant n zombie game for the kids or new sports shoes for them...:roll:


I am still using old nokia h/phone....no smart phone...am I really old-fashion?DH keeps asking me to change but I lazy....phobia to use new gadget

When you want to treat yourself to something, it has to be something you will enjoy. If makeup and gadgets are not your thing, then do something else! I have very little interest in such things either. But what really makes me happy is an hour of peace and quiet (when kids were younger, 15 mins would do!) and a cup of tea. As long as I could have that once or twice a day, I was happy. So find your 'treat' even if it seems too inexpensive and normal to be a treat, and build that into your day.

buds:

Believe me when i say, God knows how many times he left the exit door ajar and other times it was literally at \"door open\" sign. There were one too many reasons to leave. Way too many.